


Maybe the Snow Isn't That Bad After All....

by ghostelf



Category: Dadaroma, Jiluka, THE BLACK SWAN (Band)
Genre: Cute?, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Death, Romance, Superstition, Why?, i was bored, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 85,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostelf/pseuds/ghostelf
Summary: Takashi has loved Tomo for a while now but will Tomo ever return those feelings? Or will it be too late?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a work-in-progress and I have no idea what I'm writing. I'm going to try to keep it short and cute but we'll see.....  
> Obviously this a work of fiction. 
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry if it sucks. I'm doing my best.

 

Takashi was standing outside of a bar waiting for his friend Itsuki to show up. Normally Itsuki is always the one waiting for Takashi but not today. It kind of made Takashi worry a bit. He tried not to think about it since there was probably a logical explanation for why he's late.

 

_It's not like hes dead._

Takashi thought to himself as he looked down at his phone.

 

He sent Itsuki a few messages but there was no reply. It's not like Itsuki to forget about him. They talked earlier about meeting up and if Itsuki were to cancel he would've called him or something.

 

Takashi was getting colder and even more worried as more time passed by. He would've headed inside but he hated sitting in there alone.

 

Takashi began to shiver so he zipped up his jacket all the way and shoved his hands in his pockets.

 

Takashi was just about to call everyone in Itsuki's band when he suddenly saw Itsuki making his way towards him.

 

“You should've headed inside.” Itsuki said as he pulled Takashi into the bar.

 

“You know how much I hate being in here by myself. But you should've told me you were going to be late.” Takashi said as he sat at a corner booth with Itsuki sitting across from him.

 

“You should've told me you were arriving early.” Itsuki said taking off his coat.

 

Takashi left his on since he was still freezing.

 

The bar was a bit cool considering all the cold air that rushed in when someone opened the door.

 

“I arrived on time.” Takashi said.

 

“Which is a first.”

 

Takashi rolled his eyes but he was glad that Itsuki arrived. He was really worried.

 

“I was worried you know. I thought you died or something! I was seriously about to call everyone in your band. Which reminds me why didn't you answer my damn messages? I must've sent about a thousand!” Takashi said angrily.

 

All the worry and stress he caused him would've been avoided if he simply wrote him a small short message saying hes going to be late.

 

“My phone died, sorry. I was only fifteen minutes late. You're normally an hour late.” Itsuki said.

 

“Ummm, we're talking about you right now. You don't understand how stressed out I was.”

Itsuki shook his head, smiling slightly.

 

_Typical Takashi. Always worrying too much._

 

“I didn't mean to make you worry. I'll make is up to you, okay? Drinks are on me tonight.” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi smiled. Whatever small anger he felt completely dissipated.

 

“Okay, I forgive you. For now.” Takashi said.

 

“Okay. Stay here, I'm going to go get us some drinks. I'll be right back.

 

It didn't take long for Itsuki to come back with four beers.

 

“So, how's everything?” Itsuki asked Takashi.

 

“Crazy but really fun. What about you?”

 

“Same. We just got done with a small tour but I'm exhausted. However, I cant wait to get back on stage.”

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot you guys were touring around the same time as us.”

 

“Yeah, but I was a bit disappointed that we weren't in the same area at the same time. It's been a while since we've hung out.”

 

“I know. I really missed you.”

 

With Itsuki also being in a band its hard to spend time together. They both have hectic schedules which means very little free time but whatever time Takashi got with Itsuki, they did their best to catch up with current events.

 

“I missed you too but how's it going with you know who?”

 

Takashi sighed and slowly drank the remaining half of his beer.

 

The last time Takashi met with Itsuki he might have mentioned something about having some sort of feelings for a certain brown haired bassist.

 

“Things are a mess.” Takashi said after a while.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We've become distant and he's coming off cold.”

 

More colder than usual.

 

Takashi was used to Tomo being a bit cold but lately it's been something else. Sometimes he completely disregards Takashi which makes him feel like shit because all Takashi wanted to do is love the other man and have him love him back too.

 

_Is that too much to ask for?_

 

“What happened? Did you tell him?” Itsuki asked.

 

“No! Of course not and I'm glad that I didn't say anything. I don't want to mess up some more.”

 

“I doubt you did anything wrong.”

 

“Maybe I'm coming off to strong and he's starting to see that it's no longer a facade.”

 

Takashi was used to being all affectionate with Tomo making it seem like he liked him but it was only a front for the fans, but now. He wasn't sure anymore. He actually feels something for him. He has been for a while. Takashi has been overdoing it and maybe Tomo has started to realize that there's something more to it.

 

“He's weird so don't read into it too much. It's probably nothing.” Itsuki said.

 

He saw Takashi smile slightly which made him happy. He hated seeing his best friend look so down. He regrets not talking to Takashi sooner but it can't be helped with their schedules.

 

“You're probably right. I'm just scared he's going to find out and it's going to mess up everything.” Takashi said as he played with the hem of his coat.

 

Takashi couldn't afford to act selfishly. A lot was at stake like their friendship and band. Takashi couldn't live without either.

 

“You guys have been friends for a long time. I doubt anything bad would happen.” Itsuki said.

 

Itsuki was right about them being friends for a long time but Takashi still didn't know Tomo that well. Tomo is really unpredictable at times which makes Takashi feel link he has to go through a million hoops to keep up with him but Takashi would do whatever to be with the other man.

 

“I don't know but enough about me and my nonexistent love life. Tell me about your love life.” Takashi said.

 

“It's more nonexistent than yours.”

 

“Come on, don't be like that. Last time you told me you had your eye on someone but you didn't go too deep into it.” Takashi said as he leaned forward to face Itsuki.

 

Itsuki almost choked on his beer.

 

_Why was he so close?_

 

_When the hell did I ever say that?_

 

“What? I never said that!” Itsuki basically shouted.

 

Takashi's eyes wandered around the room.

 

_Hopefully no one is looking our way._

 

“Shh. You might've been a _little_ drunk when you mentioned it.” Takashi said once he realized that no one looked their way.

 

By a little, he meant _a lot_. Like a lot a lot. Itsuki was completely wasted and fell asleep before he could continue. Takashi tried to wake him up so he could continue but Itsuki wasn't having it.

 

“Wh-what? What did I say?!” Itsuki said a little too loud.

 

Takashi noticed a few heads turn and face their way.

 

Takashi giggled a bit.

 

He liked seeing Itsuki so flustered.

 

“Shhhh. Don't worry you didn't say anything too grave, but now I'm really curious after seeing you react like this.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki rolled his eyes but felt relived that he didn't mention too much to Takashi. He couldn't know.

 

“It's nothing but now I'm going to have to watch how much I drink.” Itsuki said.

 

“No, don't be such a killjoy. I don't want to be the only one who gets drunk.”

 

“Lat time I was drunk all by myself and I was completely vulnerable. Maybe now its your turn.”

 

“You already know who I like.”

 

“Yeah, but maybe you have some deep, dark secret that I don't know about.”

 

“If I do, you'll never find out. But enough talking and lets get to drinking!”

 

Itsuki smiled before he got up to go get more drinks.

 

If Takashi wanted to drink he was going to and Itsuki would happily comply and get him those drinks.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

Okay, maybe Itsuki shouldn't have given Takashi all those beers and shots. He forgot how much of a lightweight Takashi was.

 

Itsuki was currently carrying a sleeping Takashi to his apartment. He felt very light in his arms but he was glad that the bar was close to Takashi's place. He was also very glad that he didn't get completely wasted too because who knows where they would've ended up.

 

Itsuki opened Takashi's front door with the keys he found in Takashi's pocket. He headed into Takashi's small two room apartment.

 

He kicked off his shoes before fully entering the house.

 

He laid Takashi in his bed.

 

“Takashi, change out of those clothes.” Itsuki said as he tried to wake up Takashi.

 

Takashi simply groaned and continued to sleep.

 

“Come on, Takashi. You don't want to sleep in your comfy, clean bed with stinky beer clothes.” Itsuki said as he shook Takashi.

 

“You're so annoying. You can never let me sleep.” Takashi said annoyed as he stumbled out of bed and into his bathroom to change and pee.

 

Itsuki changed into the spare clothing he left at Takashi's. After all this isn't the first time he's spend the night.

 

As Itsuki began to gather a blanket and pillow so he could sleep in the other room, Takashi came out of the bathroom and laid back down in his bed.

 

“Sorry about the house being so cold, the heater isn't working.” Takashi mumbled.

 

“It's fine. I'm just going to go sleep in the other room. Night.”

 

“The other room doesn't have a heater and it gets awfully cold, so I'll share my bed.”

 

“I don't want to bother you. I'll be fine.”

 

“I don't want Jin or anyone else to yell at me because you got sick.” Takashi said as he yawned a little and made room for Itsuki to lay down next to him.

 

Takashi patted the empty spot beside him.

 

He was too tired to continue to talk.

 

Itsuki turned off the bedside lamp before he complied and laid down next to Takashi.

 

It was a bit weird physically sharing the same bed.

 

This was their first time ever sharing the same bed.

 

Itsuki laid there wide awake with Takashi by his side.

 

“Hey, Itsuki.” Takashi said before letting out a small yawn.

 

It was so cute Itsuki couldn't help but to smile.

 

“Yeah?” Itsuki said.

 

“Thanks for hanging out with me today. I. I was really lonely and sad.”

 

Itsuki turned to his side to face Takashi who had his eyes closed.

 

“Why were you sad?” Itsuki asked him.

 

“Tomo. He doesn't like me.”

 

“You don't know that.”

 

“He doesn't want to spend time with me anymore.”

 

“He's probably busy.”

 

“I'm probably too ugly for him.”

 

It hurt Itsuki to hear Takashi say such things about himself. Takashi was a beautiful person inside and out. He doesn't deserve to think so lowly of himself.

 

“You're beautiful, Takashi. Don't think any differently, okay?” Itsuki said.

 

“I love you.”

 

With that Itsuki heard small snores coming from Takashi which made Itsuki smile. It was cute but Itsuki felt bad for Takashi. He didn't like seeing that side of Takashi. It's not like him but it made him wonder if that's how Takashi truly feels.

 

"I love you too" Itsuki said before he closed his eyes to get some rest too.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Takashi and Itsuki were woken up by some ringing. It sounded like a bell.

 

Itsuki couldn't figure out what it was or where it was coming from.

 

Takashi on the other hand was annoyed by the sudden loud noise. His head was pounding and the ringing was just making things worse.

 

“Make it stop!” Takashi said as he threw a pillow over his face and tried to muffle out the sound.

 

Itsuki opened his eyes and realized it was the doorbell.

 

He groaned and got out of bed to open the door.

 

_Who could possibly be here at this time?_

 

_Wait. What time is it?_

 

_Was Takashi expecting someone today?_

 

Itsuki opened the door to see Tomo standing there.

 

Tomo looked surprised to see him there but Itsuki was just as surprised.

 

_What the hell is he doing here?_

 

_Did he come to get Takashi for some band related thing?_

 

_Did Takashi forget he had band practice or something?_

 

He was going to kill Takashi if he forgot but it's not like Takashi to forget something like that. The band meant everything to him and he wouldn't let down the rest of the members, very less his fans.

 

“Is Takashi here?” Tomo asked.

 

“Yeah, but he's sleeping.”

 

Tomo nodded slightly.

 

He knew he should've called or something, but he wasn't planning on showing up at Takashi's place. It was just more.... _convenient_.

 

“Well, can I come in?” Tomo asked.

 

Itsuki mentally slapped himself.

 

How rude of him.

 

But then he remembered what Takashi said last night and he didn't care whatsoever. If it were up to Itsuki he would've slammed the door and would've left Tomo out in the cold, but that would've made Takashi mad and he probably would end up lecturing him on manners.

 

“Sure. Why not.” Itsuki said as he moved to the side to let Tomo come in.

 

That's when he realized Tomo was holding a duffle bag.

 

Tomo sat on the couch as Itsuki locked the door.

 

_Okay. What the hell?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo looked at Itsuki who was wearing some pajamas. He looked like he just woke up judging by the way his hair was sticking up in random places

 

“Itsukiiiiii, come back.” Takashi whined.

 

_Oops._

 

Itsuki smiled slightly.

 

Tomo on the other hand had an emotionless expression.

 

“Takashi, you have company!” Itsuki yelled.

 

A tired Takashi got out of bed and made his way towards the living room.

 

He was surprised to see Tomo sitting on his couch.

 

He felt a bit insecure since he was sure he looked like a hot mess.

 

He mentally slapped himself for not looking in the mirror first before going out to see who it was.

 

_Is it too late to throw myself out a window?_

 

“Oh, hey.” Takashi said as he tried to remain calm and collected as Tomo looked directly at him.

 

“Hey. Uh, sorry for stopping by so unexpectedly but I really needed to talk to you.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi was nervous by the tone of Tomo's voice. It sounded really urgent which scared him.

 

_Did something bad happen?_

 

Takashi sat down on the opposite couch next to Itsuki.

 

Tomo looked at Itsuki for a bit then back to Takashi.

 

He didn't want to continue the conversation with Itsuki sitting there. It's not like it was something _really_ private but he just didn't want to mention it with Itsuki there since it really isn't any of his business. He just wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with Takashi about why he was here and what he needed from Takashi.

 

“Well, I'll let you guys talk. I'm going to go take a shower.” Itsuki said as he got up.

 

Tomo was glad that Itsuki took a hint. Maybe he was smart after all.

 

“You already know where everything is.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki nodded and shared a small look and smile with Takashi before walking away.

 

Tomo tried his best to not roll his eyes. Seeing this up-close made him want to die but not in a good way.

 

“So what's this about?” Takashi asked after sitting in silence for a while.

 

“I have to ask you a _huge_ favor.”

 

“What is it?” Takashi asked nervously.

 

_Why does this sound so bad?_

 

_Was is life or death?_

 

_It sounded like it was._

 

“I was wondering if I could stay here for a bit since they're fixing up my apartment.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi didn't realize he was holding in his breath until he sighed a sigh of relief.

 

“I just thought of you first since you live closer and I know you have a spare room, but if you can't that's fine.” Tomo said.

 

Tomo must've misinterpreted Takashi's sigh.

 

Takashi had no problem letting Tomo stay here for a while.

 

“No, you can stay here. It's fine. I just thought it was a matter of life or death.” Takashi said as he smiled slightly.

 

“What? Did I make it sound like that?”

 

“Yes! I was so scared. I thought something really bad happened. God, you scared the crap out of me.”

 

Tomo laughed a bit which made Takashi's heart flutter. He smiled.

 

“I'm sorry but I appreciate it.” Tomo said.

 

“Ah, don't worry about it. However, the other room gets really cold so I might have to go out and get a new heater,”

 

“Don't worry about it. I'll get it.”

 

“Okay, well, the other room is all yours then.”

 

Takashi was such a great person. He was happy that he let him stay with him. Tomo had no doubt that Takashi was going to let him stay.

 

“So, did you have a long night with Itsuki?” Tomo asked him.

 

Tomo wanted to know why Itsuki was there, but at the same time he didn't. Just in case he didn't like Takashi's answer.

 

“Yeah. I don't even know how we made it back here.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi had no recollection of what happened after his fourth beer. After all he was such a lightweight. Everything was a blur and it was giving him a headache trying to remember what happened. The only thing he knew was that he told Itsuki to stay with him. Only because the other room was cold.

 

“At least he didn't freeze to death in the other room or you would be dead right now if Jin found out.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

_That was true._

 

“Which is why he didn't stay in the other room. I was trying to prevent that. I don't want to face Jin's fury. He's scary enough already.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo was surprised to hear this.

 

Takashi and Itsuki actually slept in the same room.

 

_Interesting._

 

It made Tomo wonder if there was anything going on between them. It wasn't any of his business but he was.... intrigued. They always hang out, always touching, hugging, and sometimes Itsuki just hangs around in Takashi's place. He never thought much of it since he was sure they were just friends but he's seen the way Itsuki looks at Takashi with such admiration.

 

“How smart of you. Jin should know that Itsuki is in good hands with you.” Tomo said trying to sound as sincere as possible.

 

Takashi's face heated up slightly.

 

_Where is all of this coming from?_

Takashi thought to himself.

 

It wasn't like Tomo to compliment him.

 

Before Takashi could say anything else Itsuki returned.

 

He had on a new pain of clothes, wearing his glasses, no socks, and his hair was still really wet. His towel was still around his neck.

 

“You're going to get sick like that.” Takashi said as he took the towel from Itsuki's neck and put it over his hair where he gently ruffled his hair with the towel.

 

“Sorry, mother.” Itsuki said as he moved his head way from Takashi.

 

Itsuki tsked.

 

“Always treating me like a child.” Itsuki said.

 

“I don't need you getting sick because if you get sick and I end up catching it, I'm going to have to kill you.”

 

'And here I thought it was because you loved me.”

 

“Shut up.” Takashi said as he playfully pushed Itsuki.

 

Tomo unintentionally rolled his eyes.

 

He didn't mean to but he couldn't help it. He hated seeing this kind of stuff in front of him. They always did this.

 

“Well, I'm going to head to my temporary room. I owe you big time, Takashi.” Tomo said before standing up and grabbing his duffle bag from the floor.

 

“Don't worry about it.” Takashi said as Tomo made his way out of the living room.

 

Itsuki waited a bit to make sure Tomo made it into the other room before talking.

 

“What is he doing here?” Itsuki asked in a low voice but it was loud enough for Takashi to hear.

 

“He needed a place to stay since they're doing something to his apartment, so I let him stay here for a while.” Takashi said as he shrugged slightly.

 

“So,it's just going to be you two? Alone?”

 

“It's not like something's going to happen and I'm sure we're just going to be doing our own separate things.”

 

After all Takashi knew that Tomo was really independent and preferred to do things by himself. Takashi also didn't want to get in his way. When he does Tomo always yells at him and gets annoyed, bringing Takashi down. After all getting yelled at and getting him angry at him was no way to win his heart.

 

“Or you could end up bonding some more.” Itsuki said.

 

“Shut up. You're making me nervous now. Why do you have to put such things in my head?”

 

“Don't be a baby. I thought you liked him.”

 

Itsuki personally didn't want Tomo to stay, very less have them bond some more. After what Takashi said last night he didn't want him anywhere near Tomo. Tomo was having a negative effect on him but Itsuki didn't want Takashi to know how he really felt about Tomo. Itsuki wanted to be a supportive friend. He wanted Takashi to get whatever he wanted, even if that was Tomo. He just wanted him to be happy.

 

“Yeah, but the feeling isn't mutual.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki shrugged slightly.

 

He had no idea on how to rad Tomo so he had no clue what he felt. He was good at controlling his emotions.

 

“Anyways. How did we make it here?” Takashi asked changing the subject.

 

He didn't want to talk about Tomo anymore, especially since he could walk out of the room any minute and overhear them talking about him.

 

“While you were completely smashed, I was pretty sober.” Itsuki said.

 

“I didn't even drink that much.”

 

“Tequila isn't your friend and you're a lightweight.”

 

_Fucking tequila._

 

_Every fucking time._

 

“Did I act stupid?” Takashi asked.

 

“Just a little. You get really touchy and sentimental though.”

 

“Oh god, what did I do? What did I say?”

 

“That doesn't matter.”

 

“Itsuki, tell me. Don't be like this. God, I was probably a mess coming up the stairs.”

 

“I had to carry you all the way home.”

 

“No way!!”

 

“I'm serious.”

 

Takashi wanted to hide. He was embarrassed. He didn't think he got _that_ drunk. He's never been that drunk.

 

“I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.” Takashi said.

 

“Don't worry about it. You weren't heavy whatsoever. However it was nice not being the drunk one this time.”

 

“Did I say anything stupid? Embarrassing?”

 

“Hmm, maybe you confessed your undying love for me but like I said I'm not telling you since you didn't want to tell me what I said.”

 

“You're evil. You probably got me drunk on purpose.”

 

Itsuki scoffed.

 

“What? Me? I wouldn't do such a thing.” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi didn't know if he was being serious or joking.

 

“Shut up. I told you you didn't say anything too major. Did I say anything major?”

 

“I don't know what you consider major.”

 

“I didn't rant about you know who, did I?”

 

“Ummm, maybe a little.”

 

“Itsuki!”

 

“Honestly you covered multiple topics throughout the night. Who knew you talked so much.”

 

“It's official, I'm never drinking again. Very less with you.”

 

“But,Takashi, we're drinking buddies.”

 

Takashi rolled his eyes but he was smiling.

 

He enjoyed spending time with Itsuki. He felt so.... _free_ around him.

 

He doesn't know what he's going to do when Itsuki has to leave and it just ends up being Tomo and him alone. Maybe he could find a way to make Itsuki stay but that would be a bit selfish. Itsuki has his own life to live and he didn't want Itsuki to get tired of him. He liked their friendship so it would suck if they ended up parting ways.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Takashi was sitting on his couch with Itsuki watching a scary movie.

 

Itsuki was going to leave earlier since he didn't want to be much of a bother to Takashi but Takashi practically begged him to stay. Obviously when he “begged” it wasn't too obvious. Or maybe it was. It worked however.

 

But now it was just Itsuki and him since Tomo left a while ago.

 

Takashi made dinner for all three of them but Tomo left when Takashi was in the process of making it. He was a bit upset that Tomo didn't enjoy it with the rest of them but he made sure to save some for him for when he came back.

 

Takashi however was really glad that Itsuki enjoyed the dinner. Itsuki kept complimenting him on his cooking skills which made him feel better. He was really scared since this was the first time Itsuki ever tried his food. Takashi put his soul and love into the food so he was really happy that it was received well.

 

Takashi regretted letting Itsuki pick a movie for them to watch. It was too gory for Takashi's liking. With scary movies he gets scared quite quickly but this.... this was too much. It was so intense.

 

He had his hand covering his eyes since he could barely look at the screen in front of him. He kept his blanket hugged to his chest. At times he would peak through his fingers to see if it was safe and it would be..... for a few minutes then the intense gore would start again. He didn't know how Itsuki could sit through this.

 

Takashi looked at Itsuki to see him completely hypnotized by the screen in front of him and HE WAS SMILING!

 

_What a sadist._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

_How can you smile when someone is being tortured?_

 

_Why am I friends with a weirdo?_

 

_The fact that he's enjoying this a little too much scares me._

 

Itsuki made eye contact with Takashi and smiled some more.

 

Takashi was hidden underneath his purple blanket. Wrapped like a burrito.

 

“Are you cold?” Itsuki asked him.

 

It didn't feel cold to Itsuki but he didn't suffer from the cold as much as Takashi does. If there was a slight breeze Takashi would start with his shaking and chattering teeth.

 

Takashi shook his head no.

 

“Its too intense.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki chuckled a bit.

 

“What? Intense? Not even close, this is some weak stuff.” Itsuki said.

 

“Weak!?!?! This is the most intense thing I've ever seen!”

 

“That's because you watch weak, baby stuff.”

 

“I do not. You're just into some extreme, twisted stuff.”

 

“The more twisted, the more better.”

 

“You have problems.”

 

Itsuki shrugged but smiled.

 

“Maybe. Now stop being such a baby and watch the movie.” Itsuki said turning his attention back to the screen in front of him.

 

He tried to concentrate on what was happening but he could still feel Takashi's eyes on him.

 

Itsuki tried his best not to smile or laugh.

 

He might've purposely picked this movie since he knew how Takashi gets.

 

“I'm going to have nightmares. I don't want to watch it anymore.” Takashi said as he got closer to Itsuki to lay his head on Itsuki's arm so he could extend his legs on the couch. He didn't like how his feet were touching the floor. He was too paranoid right now. He felt like something could somehow touch his feet and pull him under the couch to a different dimension or something. Takashi wasn't going to take any chances.

 

Itsuki wrapped his arm around Takashi so they both could be a little more comfortable. Takashi held onto Itsuki's arm that was snaked around his stomach.

 

Even though Takashi was facing the TV he wasn't paying any attention.

 

He was thinking about Tomo.

 

_Where could he be?_

 

_It's getting late and he's not here._

 

Takashi knew he shouldn't be worried since Tomo's probably just hanging out with someone.

 

_But who?_

 

_Maybe he's just out having some quality time by himself._

 

After all Tomo wasn't as social as Takashi.

 

_Who know. He could be doing whatever right now._

 

Takashi was deep in his thoughts until Itsuki snapped him out of it.

 

“Takashi!” He said.

 

“Huh, what?”

 

“What's up with you?”

 

“Oh, nothing. I was just lost in my thoughts. As always.”

 

“For a second I thought you were actually watching the movie.”

 

“Hell no. I'm scared.”

 

“What were you thinking about?”

 

“Just random stuff.”

 

_Tomo._

 

“Seems serious.”

 

Takashi smiled slightly to not seem too serious.

 

“Its just band stuff.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki could tell Takashi was lying by the tone of his voice but he didn't want to push him to tell him the truth if he didn't want to. Itsuki has an idea on what Takashi could be thinking about right now. After all it's all Takashi ever thinks about.

 

Itsuki hated seeing Takashi look so down. He hated hearing Takashi mask the pain in his voice, Itsuki wanted to do whatever to bring back the Takashi he first knew. Not the Takashi who's blindly following Tomo around like a love sick puppy. There's more people out there who's better for Takashi than Tomo.

 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Okay. Good. Tomorrow we'll go do some fun stuff together.”

Takashi smiled brightly.

 

Itsuki smiled because that was the Takashi he knew. The Takashi that smiled brightly and always comes off as happy. The Takashi that was his best friend. The Takashi he liked.

 

“What are we going to do?” Takashi asked.

 

“It's a surprise.”

 

Itsuki wanted it to be a surprise but he also didn't know what he was going to do. Well, he knew of a few things they could do but Itsuki wanted Takashi to not think about Tomo the whole day he knew he had to keep him busy.

 

“Can I at least get one hint?” Takashi asked.

 

“It's going to be fun which is all you need to know. Think of it as a make up for all the neglecting I've done these past few days.”

 

“You know you can't help it. Neither of us can. You don't gave to make it up you me, you already did yesterday.” Takashi said as he gently squeezed Itsuki's arm.

 

“We're still going out tomorrow no matter what. So we better get to bed early.” Itsuki said as he turned his attention back to the movie to see the ending credits show up.

 

Well, they missed the ending of the movie which was the best part but he'll make Takashi watch the whole thing another day.

 

Itsuki turned off the TV as Takashi got off the couch and stretched a bit.

 

It felt good to stretch his limbs. He was really tired but he had a peaceful night. It's always peaceful with Itsuki around which is why Takashi liked spending so much time with him. They could stay in and do nothing but they would still have fun togeether.

 

“I gave Tomo the spare key so we don't have to worry about him, he might not even come back tonight.” Takashi said as he gathered his blanket.

 

Itsuki was making sure that everything was locked and began turning off the lights before they headed to Takashi's room.

 

Takashi headed into the bathroom to change into his pajamas as Itsuki quickly changed into some shorts. He didn't want to risk Takashi seeing him in his underwear so he literally changed as fast as the speed of light.

 

Itsuki went to his side of the bed and got under the covers as he patiently waited for Takashi to come out so he could turn off the lights.

 

It still felt weird to share the same bed as Takashi but he kept his distance. It was hard though since Takashi moves around a lot in his sleep. At times he would randomly feel Takashi's body pressed against his and he would have to push him away so things wouldn't get weird.

 

After what seemed like an eternity Takashi finally got out of the bathroom and laid down next to Itsuki.

 

Itsuki automatically turned off the lights, took off his glasses, and laid on his side facing the opposite direction from where Takashi was lying.

 

“Goodnight.” Itsuki said.

 

“Night.” Takashi said as he slightly yawned.

 

He was tired and knew it wouldn't take him long to fall asleep.

 

He was excited for tomorrow. He just wanted to have fun and forget about Tomo, even if it was only for a few hours. He just wanted his one-on-one time with Itsuki.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Takashi woke up the next morning really early. Last night he fell asleep kind of early but at random times he would wake up due to the nightmares he was having. He didn't want to wake up Itsuki even though it was all his fault.

 

Takashi was really tired but couldn't fall back asleep so he was sitting outside on his balcony with a spare blanket wrapped around him as he smoked a cigarette. At this time everything around him was quiet and calm.

 

Throughout the week he would escape to his balcony and just smoke. He didn't know whether it was the fresh air or the nicotine from his cigarette that helped him relax. Maybe it was both. Either way it helped him escape from things that were troubling him.

 

He heard his balcony door slide open.

 

He was surprised to see Tomo standing there in his clothes from yesterday.

 

_Did he not come back last night?_

 

_Did he just get here?_

 

_Was he just too lazy to take off his clothes?_

 

“Good morning.” Tomo said as he lit up his own cigarette.

 

“Morning.” Takashi said as he turned his attention back to the scene in front of him.

 

Since he lived all the way on the top floor of his apartment he could see the sky better. If he looked down, however, he could see the street and all the people who walk by. He preferred to see the sky. Especially when it would rise and set.

 

“What are you doing awake?” Tomo asked him after a while.

 

“Couldn't fall back asleep once I woke up. What about you?”

 

“That sucks. I had to catch the first train back since I lost track of time last night.”

 

_So he didn't come back last night._

 

_I wonder where he was._

 

_Was he with anyone?_

 

_What was he doing?_

 

_What were they doing?_

 

_Why does my heart hurt?_

 

“Why the first train?” Takashi asked.

 

“I just wanted to get here early so I could sleep in my bed that's free.”

 

“Oh. Well, if you happen to be hungry or whatever, I saved you some food from last night so help yourself. I think I'm going to try to get some sleep.” Takashi said as he got up with his blanket and headed back inside without hearing Tomo reply. That's if he even replied.

 

Takashi didn't know why he was suddenly acting like this.

 

Maybe he was too tired to deal with Tomo right now.

 

Takashi left the spare blanket on the couch as he headed to his room to sleep next to Itsuki.

 

Takashi curled up next to Itsuki who was really warm and looked peaceful. Takashi wanted to sleep as peaceful as Itsuki. From here it seemed like Itsuki had no problems in his life. He looked.... contempt. Takashi wanted to be like that. He wanted to look just as contempt. No. He wanted to feel just as contempt as Itsuki.

 

_Wait. Is Itsuki even contempt?_

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi never really asked Itsuki if anything was troubling him but it didn't seem like he had any problems. Even if he did, he doubt Itsuki would let him know. Itsuki is someone who doesn't like to worry others with his own personal problems.

 

Takashi felt like a bad friend because all he has done is talk about himself and talk about his dumb problems involving Tomo. All Itsuki has done is talk about Takashi and Takashi's problems involving Tomo.

 

Takashi really didn't deserve Itsuki's friendship. Takashi is selfish while Itsuki is the complete opposite. All he does is take Itsuki for granted while Itsuki spoils him too much.

 

No rest made him all sentimental but he didn't want to be as selfish anymore. He didn't want to take Itsuki for granted after all he has done for him. Takashi knew firsthand what it was like to put so much time and effort into someone, only for them to not pay any mind to you. Someone who only needs you when its convenient for them. Itsuki was a true friend to him and he wasn't doing the same. He wasn't treating him fairly.

 

“I promise I'll be a better friend.” Takashi said softly before he gave Itsuki a small kiss on his cheek. He snuggled up even closer to Itsuki, holding himself closer to him than ever.

 

He was grateful to have Itsuki.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

Itsuki rolled over only to wake up because he felt something stop him.

 

He looked to see Takashi pressed against him.

 

_What the hell?_

 

_Why is he so close?_

 

Itsuki slipped out of bed quietly and slowly so he wouldn't wake Takashi.

 

He put on his glasses and looked at the time.

 

10:56 am.

 

It's not that early but it's not that late. It's a great time for them to start their day. Itsuki already had parts of their day planned out and the rest he's simply going to improvise.

 

Itsuki was waiting for the coffee to stop brewing so he could bring Takashi a cup as he woke him up.

 

Today was Takashi's day. A day for him to get everything off his mind and by _everything_ he means Tomo. Tomo didn't deserve to be on Takashi's mind.

 

“Oh. You're still here.” Itsuki heard Tomo say as Itsuki grabbed some mugs.

 

Itsuki rolled his eyes.

 

“You're actually here, what a surprise.” Itsuki said as he poured the coffee into two mugs.

 

Tomo hasn't even been here for long and he's already annoying Itsuki. Itsuki never did anything wrong to Tomo so he never understood why he was so rude to him. Yet again Tomo was rude no matter what. He didn't know how anyone could support him. He didn't know how Takashi could handle him throughout all these years and be in the same band as him. From a distance Tomo _kinda_ seems nice and is.... at first but after a while that all changes. He just puts up a front while his fans are around.

 

Itsuki didn't pay much mind to Tomo as he left the kitchen with two mugs full of coffee.

 

It was too early for him to deal with Tomo.

 

Maybe Tomo needed some coffee and sleep to help him chill out.

 

Itsuki put the mugs full of coffee on the nightstand before he sat down on the bed to wake up Takashi. He didn't want to wake him up since he looked so peaceful but he needed to or they would end up leaving much later and wouldn't have enough time to do everything Itsuki planned.

 

“Takashi. Takashi, it's time to wake up.” Itsuki said he he slightly pushed Takashi who didn't even move.

 

_Looks like this is going to take forever._

Itsuki thought to himself.

 

# “Takashi. Takashi! Wake up!” Itsuki said a little louder as he shook Takashi.

  
  


“Leave me alone.” Takashi said as he pulled the covers over himself.

  
  


“Come on, Takashi, lets go out.” Itsuki said as he pulled the cover off of Takashi.

  
  


“If it's not a real date then I don't care.” Takashi said as he tried to pull the blanket out of Itsuki's hands but failed. Itsuki had a tight grip on them.

  
  


“Wow and here I was trying to give you a nice Takashi day.” Itsuki said.

  
  


“I was just joking.” Takashi said as he sat up and tried to smooth out his messy purple hair.

  
  


Itsuki smiled and handed Takashi a mug of coffee.

  
  


Takashi smiled and gladly took the mug.

  
  


He could get used to this.

  
  


“No one ever brings me coffee while I'm in bed.” Takashi said.

  
  


“Well, you do live alone so that would be highly impossible.”

  
  


He had a point.

  
  


“Why can't you just stay with me from now on?” Takashi asked.

  
  


“My significant other wouldn't appreciate me spending so much time here with you.”

  
  


Takashi laughed a bit.

  
  


“Itsuki, shut the hell up. What significant other? You're more single than I am.” Takashi said.

  
  


“That doesn't make any sense. You're single as fuck. I don't think anyone can get more single than you.”

  
  


Takashi scoffed before taking a sip of his coffee. It was still very hot.

  
  


“I'm not looking for a relationship right now, which is why I'm single, okay?” Takashi said.

  
  


“Which is why you've been single for the past I don't know how many years?”

  
  


Takashi shot a look at Itsuki.

  
  


_Is he serious right now?_

  
  


_Who does he think he is?_

  
  


_If he wants to go there, I'll go there._

  
  


If Takashi didn't have hot coffee in his hands right now, he would've hit Itsuki by now.

  
  


“Talk to me about relationships when you finally get into one.” Takashi said before taking a sip of his coffee.

  
  


Itsuki laughed.

  
  


“It's not funny. I'm seriously going to beat you up.” Takashi said which caused Itsuki to laugh some more.

  
  


“Shut up!” Takashi said as he tried to hold back his own laughter.

  
  


Itsuki's laugh was really contagious. His laugh was weird but cute in a way.

  
  


Eventually, Takashi couldn't hold it in anymore and he laughed too.

  
  


Itsuki laughed some more due to the way Takashi's laugh escaped his mouth. It was some weird, breathy, choking, snort sound. It was really weird.

  
  


Itsuki's sides hurt so much it was hard to breath.

  
  


It took Itsuki and Takashi a while to calm down but eventually they got there even though Itsuki would let out a small chuckle here and there as he remembered what Takashi said.

  
  


Just the thought of Takashi's small, weak self trying to fight him sent him over the edge. It was way too funny in his head.

  
  


“What are we doing today?” Takashi asked once they both calmed down.

  
  


Takashi was in a really good mood right now. He had a good laugh so he was feeling great.

  
  


“We're going to hang out.” Itsuki said.

  
  


_How vague._

  
  


“So secretive.” Takashi said.

  
  


“You'll see when we get there. That's if we ever get there.”

  
  


“What's that supposed to mean?”

  
  


Takashi drank some more of his coffee. It was a good temperature.

  
  


“You take forever so we might not even leave the house.” Itsuki said.

  
  


“Fine, I won't look nice then. I'm going to pick out random stuff and head out.”

  
  


“No! I was joking. Take all the time you want.”

  
  


Takashi smiled and finished his coffee.

  
  


Itsuki is going to regret saying that but Takashi wasn't going to take too long since he really wanted to see what Itsuki had planned. He was only going to take a _tad_ long.

  
  


“I'm going to go get ready then.” Takashi said as he gathered his clothes and a towel. He was going to get ready in the bathroom so Itsuki could use the room to get ready.

  
  


Itsuki smiled once he was alone in the room.

  
  


He was really excited to spend some quality time with Takashi. Of course yesterday he spent time with him but yesterday Takashi had Tomo on his mind. Itsuki was looking forward to keeping Tomo off of Takashi's mind. He also wanted to confess to Takashi but he wasn't sure if he should.

  
  


Itsuki didn't want to mess anything up with Takashi and he didn't know how Takashi felt. All he knew was how much Takashi is into Tomo. Itsuki knows he can't compete with Tomo but he could try. He could try to be a better companion for Takashi. He wanted to be a better companion. He could keep Tomo off of his mind. He wanted Takashi more than life itself.

  
  


Itsuki still wasn't 100% sure on confessing. If the timing felt right then he probably would. If it didn't feel right then Itsuki would put it off.... again.... for the millionth time.

  
  


Itsuki had been putting it off for a while now. He wasn't sure how long but it's been pretty long, maybe a year? Or three? Itsuki wasn't sure, it felt like decades to him. Of course Itsuki sees Takashi as a friend but he still feels something for the other man. He's okay with them being friends but he at least wants to try. He's only trying since it kinda feels like Takashi kinda likes him but Itsuki wasn't sure. If Takashi even in the slightest liked Itsuki, he was good at hiding it.

  
  


Itsuki didn't know how much longer he could hold in his feelings and it hurt him to see Takashi all over Tomo. All sad because of Tomo.

  
  


He just hopes that everything goes well. Especially if he decides to confess.

  
  


_Please, let him feel the same way if I do._

 


	5. Chapter 5

Itsuki and Takashi were at an arcade playing tons of games together since Itsuki's original plan didn't work out. Itsuki wanted to take Takashi to the zoo but it was colder than expected. However, he did plan on taking Takashi to the arcade since he knew how much Takashi liked to play games. He also liked seeing Takashi's competitive side. It was hot.

 

“I win! Again!” Takashi practically yelled as he had a little victory dance.

 

Itsuki may or may not have let him win but he smiled at the sight.

 

He was adorable in every way.

 

“Oh, it's getting late. We should start heading back.” Takashi said as he glanced down at his watch.

 

It was almost midnight.

Takashi was having so much fun he lost track of time. They literally spent the whole day at the arcade aside from the one cafe they went to earlier when they got hungry but after they ate they went straight back to the arcade since Itsuki wanted a “rematch” only for him to get his ass kicked _again_ by Takashi.

 

“Alright. Let's go.” Itsuki said as he locked arms with Takashi.

 

As they walked out the cold air hit them like a ton of bricks.

 

“Oh my god, it's so cold.” Takashi said as he pressed his body closer to Itsuki.

 

Itsuki's body was warm but the weather was harsh right now. He wished he brought a heavier jacket.

 

“Hold up. Here.” Itsuki said as he stopped and wrapped his scarf around Takashi before continuing to walk.

 

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

 

“Also, thank you for today. I had fun. Lots of fun.”

 

“Don't mention it. I had fun too.”

 

Itsuki wished that this day wouldn't end. Today it was just Takashi and him. He was sure that Tomo didn't even cross Takashi's mind.

As they waited at a crosswalk, Takashi began seeing something white fall down around him. He was confused to what it was but then he realized it was....

 

“Snow! It's snowing!” Takashi yelled.

 

For someone who wasn't a fan of the cold, Takashi liked snow.

 

_Who doesn't?_

 

Well, at first it's beautiful when it first falls but after a while you get tired of it and it becomes ugly once it's tainted with the real world. The once white and fluffy snow becomes black and slushy.

 

It was snowing pretty hard.

 

“We have to hurry and get home.” Itsuki said.

 

Thankfully, Takashi's place was only a few blocks away.

 

“We'll get there. Lets not rush.” Takashi said as he walked as slow as possible. He wanted to take in the scene.

 

Itsuki looked over at Takashi to see Takashi looking around everywhere, smiling. It warmed Itsuki's heart seeing Takashi look so happy.

 

Itsuki multi tasked as he looked at Takashi and paid attention to what was in front of him. They were the only people on the sidewalk but Itsuki didn't want to trip over a rock or walk into a tree or fire hydrant.

“What?” Takashi asked as he caught Itsuki staring at him.

 

Itsuki quickly looked away, paying attention to the street in front of him.

 

“What?” Itsuki asked acting completely oblivious even thought he was just caught red handed.

 

Takashi smiled a bit.

 

“You were staring at me.” Takashi said.

 

“I was looking at all snow piling up on your head.”

 

Takashi quickly tried to brush off whatever snow was on his head.

 

_Was it really a lot?_

 

Takashi got a bit self conscious. He wondered if he looked like an idiot.

 

“It was cute. Don't worry.: Itsuki said as he looked at Takashi once again as they stopped at a cross light.

 

_You're cute._

Itsuki thought.

 

Itsuki couldn't say words like that out loud even though he really wanted to. He had to be really careful around Takashi. Times like there are always eating at him. He doesn't know how much more he can take. He feels himself at the edge.

 

Something in him snapped.

 

_It's now or never._

“Hey, Takashi, I have something I need to tell you.” Itsuki said.

 

_There's no going back now._

Itsuki took in a deep breath and exhaled.

“What?” Takashi asked.

 

He was a bit nervous considering Itsuki's tone of voice. It sounded serious.

 

“I don't want you to hate me or have this ruin our friendship but I have to say it, it's killing me inside and I just can't keep the words inside any longer. I like you. I like you more than a friend.”

 

The words spilled out so fast from Itsuki's mouth that he wasn't sure if he even spoke an actual language.

 

He felt relieved though.

 

It felt good to finally say it.

 

Takashi was silent for a bit. Trying to gather what was just said. He was shocked. Never in a million years did he expect Itsuki to confess to him.

 

“What?” Takashi said.

 

He knew what was said but he couldn't believe it.

 

He needed to know that he heard correctly.

 

_Is this a dream?_

 

_Was today just a dream?_

 

_No day would be this great._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Itsuki was overflowing with confidence.

 

He held Takashi's face with both hands and kissed him.

 

Itsuki felt himself melt into Takashi's lips.

 

The real thing was better than what he imagined.

 

It took Takashi a few seconds to process what was happening but he found himself kissing Itsuki back.

 

Itsuki's mouth was hot and it sent straight fire to Takashi's stomach.

 

Takashi never experienced something like this.

 

_What's going on?_

Takashi asked himself.

 

Sure Takashi had thoughts about kissing Itsuki but he never thought it would actually happen. Even thought Takashi has a thing for Tomo, he had a thing for Itsuki too. Sure Tomo means a lot to him but it was never going to happen so why not Itsuki? He has always felt safe with Itsuki. He's always been comfortable around him and they have fun together.

 

“I like you.” Itsuki said as he pulled back from the intense kiss.

 

He didn't expect such a reaction from Takashi. He didn't expect himself to react like that. It was so hard for him to pull away but if he didn't... he didn't know what that could've led to....

 

“I. I like you too.” Takashi said breathless.

 

Itsuki felt relieved to hear that but he was surprised. He didn't think Takashi felt the same. He was really happy though. Today was a good day and he was going to remember it forever.

 

“Really? I would've never guessed.” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi smiled some more before he locked arms with Itsuki again and began pulling him so they could cross the street.

 

“I'm good at hiding how I really feel but I could say the same. I never got the vibe that you felt something for me.” Takashi said.

 

“What! No way! You're blind then. I make it so noticeable it's not even funny.”

 

“No, you don't! I always thought you were just really friendly.”

 

“What?! I've given off so many hints but you probably would've found out sooner if you got me to talk some more that day I got really drunk.”

 

“So your drunken confession about liking someone was about me?”

 

“Yeah....”

 

“Oh... huh. I always thought it was someone else but never mind.”

 

“Who did you think it was?”

 

Itsuki literally only had eyes for Takashi. He didn't care about anyone else.

 

“Makoto....” Takashi said in a low voice.

 

Itsuki burst out laughing,

 

_Makoto?_

 

_No way!_

 

“Shut up.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki was still laughing pretty hard.

 

Out of everyone in the world, he picked Makoto.

 

“What? How? Why did you think I liked Makoto?” Itsuki asked once he was able to calm down.

 

“I don't know. You're always hanging out and I mainly only see photos of you two so I thought you liked him.”

 

“Yeah, we hang out a lot, we're in the same band so we have to spend a lot of time together but I don't like him. Not like that.”

 

Everyone in The Black Swan is like a brother to Itsuki. He can't see himself in a romantic relationship with either of them. He doesn't see himself with anyone but Takashi which is pretty weird but he's never met someone like Takashi. Takashi has all of him.\

 

“He's the first one that came to mind and I also thought that it was some girl I've never met before.” Takashi said.

 

“The only guy and girl I like is you.”

 

“Shut up. I'm not a girl.” Takashi said as he playfully bumped into Itsuki.

 

“You make a pretty girl. You always look really beautiful when you have your costume on.”

 

Takashi's face heated up slightly.

 

“You make a pretty good female yourself.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki smiled slightly

 

_That was only a handful of times._

 

He couldn't pull off a dress as well as Takashi but he accepted the compliment.

 

Itsuki cleared his throat.

 

“So, Takashi, now that you know that I like you. Do you want to, I don;t know, go out?” Itsuki asked.

 

Itsuki was pretty nervous asking Takashi out but he's trying to act as calm as possible.

 

Takashi pretended to think about it for a long time even though his mind was already made up. He just liked how every second that passed without a reply Itsuki would get more nervous.

 

_Serves him right for laughing at me._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Eventually, he decided to stop torturing Itsuki.

 

“Okay.” Takashi said smiling.

 

Itsuki let out a sigh of relief.

 

“Why did it take you forever to reply? I was scared.”

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

“Good. I was hoping for that.” Takashi said.

 

“You're really mean. I'm here confessing and you're just messing with me.”

 

“You're mean for laughing at me but I forgive you.”

 

Itsuki scoffed.

 

“You forgive me?”

 

“Yes, I forgive you but are you sure about this?”

 

“Sure about what?”

 

“Wanting to date me. I come with a lot of baggage, you know.”

 

Takashi wanted to make sure that Itsuki knew what he was getting himself into. Not only was their life hectic, Takashi is also a mess.

 

“I want to be with you. I've known you for a while now and I'm pretty sure I can handle yo and everything that comes our way. It's not going to be easy considering out careers but we'll make it work. I'll make it work. So, are _you_ sure?” Itsuki asked him.

 

“I'll give it a try.”

 

Right then and there, Takashi knew he went pass the point of no return. Either things get even better between them or everything goes to shit. Takashi however was trying to be positive so things could only get better between them.

 

He wanted to give Itsuki a chance.

 

Itsuki smiled.

 

He was ecstatic.

 

“Alright. Cool.” Itsuki said trying to sound as calm as possible. Even though right now he wanted to jump and shout.

 

They made it back to Takashi's apartment.

 

But before they went in Itsuki pulled Takashi in for a kiss.

 

“What was that for?” Takashi asked once Itsuki pulled away from the sudden kiss.

 

It's not like Takashi didn't like it, he did. He was just caught off-guard. Even more off-guard. The whole walk back home has been surprising. He's still trying to wrap his head around everything.

 

“Just wanted to kiss my boyfriend once more before we go inside.” Itsuki said smiling before he opened the door for Takashi to walk in first.

 

Takashi smiled a bit brighter when the word 'boyfriend' came out of Itsuki's mouth. He liked the sound of it.

 

_Boyfriend._

 

_Itsuki's my boyfriend._

 

_I'm his boyfriend._

 

_We're boyfriends._

 

Never in a million years did Takashi think he'd be Itsuki's boyfriend.

 

Takashi walked inside and took off his coats and boots that were completely covered in snow.

 

Takashi heard noise coming from his kitchen.

 

He figured it had to be Tomo. Unless it was some burglar. Or even worse... a ghost.

 

_Okay. Maybe not a ghost._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi stepped into the kitchen to see Tomo putting away some dishes.

 

Takashi saw that Tomo was preoccupied so he figured this would be his chance to get revenge for the time Tomo scared him when he was concentrating so hard on some songs.

 

“Hey.” Tomo said without looking over at Takashi who was creeping his way towards him.

 

“Damn. How'd you know I was here?”

 

Takashi was sure that he was really quiet. He didn't even make any noise coming in.

 

Not only did Tomo see Takashi from the corner of his eye but the only reason he actually saw him was because in a weird way, he could kind of feel him. It sounds really weird but Tomo always knows when Takashi is around. He could just sense him. He wonders if its the same for Takashi. He highly doubts it though.

 

“You know you can't scare me.” Tomo said as he wiped his hands dry.

 

He turned to face Takashi. His cheeks and nose were really red.

 

_Must be really cold out._

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo went out earlier for about an hour but it wasn't that cold. After that he spent the whole day here. It was quiet and a bit lonely but he had to deal with it. Takashi was out and Tomo was fine being by himself.

 

“One day I will.” Takashi said.

 

“We'll see about that but the food that you saved me was really good.”

 

Takashi smiled a huge smile.

 

It really was. It was the best thing Tomo has eaten in a very long time. However, Takashi saved him way too much food. It was enough to feed about four people. Tomo still ate it all though, he was starving and it was rude not to. He was sure that Takashi put a lot of effort and time into it. He was a bit mad at himself for skipping dinner yesterday. He would've definitely praised Takashi yesterday if he was there. However, he was sure that Itsuki did exactly just that.

 

_Speaking of Itsuki... where is he?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

_Wait. I don't care._

 

“Really? I did my best.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi was really glad that Tomo also liked his food. After all he put a lot of love into it for both Tomo and Itsuki.

 

Tomo smiled.

 

He wasn't surprised hearing this. It was just what he expected. It was a typical Takashi response. Takashi always does his best no matter what the task is.

 

“I wouldn't mind if you made me more food in the future.” Tomo said.

 

“If you're actually here then you can eat whatever I make.” Takashi said before walking out of the kitchen to go to his room.

 

Itsuki was already in the room, laying on the bed.

 

His room was surprisingly warm. Considering the snow outside, he expected his room to feel like Antarctica.

 

In the corner of his room he found the source behind his warm room. A heater.

 

_Where did this come from?_

 

Takashi has never seen this heater before. It's not his and he definitely didn't buy it.

 

“Where did you find it?” Itsuki asked Takashi.

 

“What?”

 

“The heater. Where did you find it?”

 

“I didn't find it. I've never seen it before.”

 

“Oh, huh. That's weird.”

 

“You didn't do this, right?”

 

“No.”

 

_So if it wasn't Itsuki and it wasn't me, then maybe.... No._

 

T _omo wouldn't have done this...._

 

_But if he did, he at least deserves a thank you._

 

“Come to bed.” Itsuki said.

 

“I'm going to smoke a quick cigarette then I'll come to bed, okay?” Takashi said before he gave Itsuki a quick kiss and headed out the room.

 

Takashi put on the coat he was wearing earlier and headed out onto his balcony where Tomo already was. He was smoking a cigarette.

 

Takashi lit one of his own.

 

It was very cold out and the snow hasn't stopped. In fact, it's snowing even harder.

 

“I didn't know it was snowing until I cam out here.” Tomo said.

 

“On my way home it started to snow.” Takashi said as he remembered everything that came with the snow, like Itsuki's confession.

 

“It's getting pretty bad. I wonder how much snow is going to fall.” Tomo said.

 

“At least we're not going to die from the coldness if we end up getting snowed in for a few days.”

 

Tomo wouldn't mind being snowed in for a few days with Takashi. He was used to him but being snowed in for a few days with Itsuki... now that's a true nightmare

 

_What did I do to deserve this?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Takashi was waiting for Tomo to say something but he didn't.

 

Takashi was trying to be subtle but obviously that wasn't working. Not that he was surprised. Tomo is more of a straightforward type of man, even if Tomo himself wasn't as straightforward.

 

“The heater. Was that you?” Takashi asked.

 

“Yeah, it was really cold.”

 

Tomo didn't want to get sick. Very less get Takashi sick. They had a lot coming up, they can't afford to get sick now.

 

So it was him.

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“Thanks.” Takashi said before he finished his cigarette.

 

The whole time Takashi was out here with him, Tomo has been staring out at the scene in front of him as Takashi spent his whole time watching Tomo. Watching his every move. Every facial expression. Watching his lips as he talked.

 

_Stop being creepy._

 

Takashi looked down at the balcony floor. Due to the neighbor upstairs' balcony no snow was accumulated. Just near the railing where some snow managed to get into. Tomo was leaning on the railing so he had some snow in his hair.

 

“You're doing a lot for me so it was basically a token of my appreciation, so don't thank me.” Tomo said.

 

“Even if you don't want me to, I will. So thank you once again.”

 

With that being said Takashi headed back inside.

 

Moments like these made Takashi forget all about Tomo's mean and distant self. Today, Tomo was the nice Tomo Takashi fell for. The Tomo Takashi really cares for. The Tomo he misses.

 

Tomo didn't want Takashi to thank him. Even though Takashi probably doesn't know it, he's being doing a lot for Tomo. He's always done a lot for Tomo without expecting anything in return. Takashi deserves a thanks but the words hardly ever left Tomo's mouth. Giving things was the only way Tomo knew how to say 'thank you for everything you do. I really appreciate it. Also, sorry for always being an ass to you even thought I don't mean to'.

 

Tomo knows when he hurts Takashi. He never means to but he can't apologize or tell him that it's unintentional. Even though he knows he has hurt him, he could just act like he didn't. If he apologized then he would be acknowledging that he knows he has hurt him. It was unfair. It was fucked up. Tomo was fucked up. Tomo would rather hurt Takashi than hurt himself..... Hurt himself some more. Tomo hated himself. No. He loathed himself. He wasn't a good person and he hates how Takashi thinks he is.

 

He hates Takashi. He hates how Takashi sees the good in every person. He hates how kind Takashi is. He hates how unselfish he is. He hates how Takashi outs everyone else first, always putting himself second. He hates how he lets every person walk all over him. Always saying 'yes' to everything. He hates how he knows that someone is taking advantage and he lets them. He hates how Takashi was used to being treated like shit. He hates how how strong he is. Even if he is hurting or suffering he never showed it, he simply smiles and continues forward. He hates how everyone likes Takashi. He hates how despite every attempt at pushing Takashi away and always treating him like hes nothing, Takashi is always there for him, waiting on him hand and feet. Takashi would never hate him and he hated that. Tomo was sure that Takashi didn't know hate. But what Tomo hates the most about Takashi is that behind all this hate there's love.

 

Tomo loves Takashi. Everything Tomo hates about Takashi, he loves. He loves how Takashi sees the good in people. He loves his kindness. He loves how unselfish he is. He loves how hardworking he is. He loves how he does everything without complaining, always smiling, and doing his best. He loves how strong he is. He loves knowing that Takashi is there for him, even if he doesn't deserve him. He loves that everyone sees Takashi for the good person that he is and they like him for that. He loves how no matter what Tomo does to him, Takashi couldn't hate him. Tomo wouldn't be able to live with himself if he knew that Takashi hated him. Takashi is too good for hate. Such a lovely soul like his shouldn't be tainted by someone like Tomo. But what Tomo loves the most about Takashi is that Takashi showed him love. Even if he couldn't show it, he can feel it inside him like a raging fire.

 

Takashi is too good for someone like Tomo and what's sad is that Takashi doesn't even know it. Tomo is a disaster. It hurts Tomo to know that he's not good enough for Takashi. Even though it hurts, he knows its for the best. He knew from the beginning that it would never be but he just had to be selfish and had to start that friendship with Takashi. Before he knew it, he was in too deep. He's still too selfish because five years later, they're still here. Takashi, still the same man he met five years ago. Tomo, on the other hand, changed. A lot and not for the best. He was struggling. Suffering. Lost. Who knew that one person could bring so much to him yet take so much.

 

He doesn't regret falling for Takashi, after all this is all his fault. He knew he wasn't capable of fully showing affection towards someone else when he barely likes himself. Yet, he let himself slip. He slipped and fell hard. Hard in love. He wasn't going to intervene with Takashi's life anymore. Takashi deserved someone but Tomo has always stood in the way but finally a few months ago he decided that it was unfair to Takashi. He put him through a lot and he's about to put him through some more as he tries to distant himself some more. But Tomo was ready. Ready to endure the pain of letting Takashi out of his grip some more. It's probably going to hurt Takashi but it's not going to hurt as much as it's going to hurt Tomo. Tomo's already hurting but he can handle more pain. It's going to sting for Takashi, but only for a bit. Takashi has all these friends that will help him forget. Tomo, however, has no one else. He's sure he's going to be hated some more but that's okay. He never really cared about anyone else, not as much as he cares for Takashi.

 

“I'm sorry.” Tomo said softly as he looked up at the sky.

 

He felt his eyes water.

 

_I must've spaced out too much and forgot to blink. The cold air also must've dried them out._

 

He forgot that it was snowing.

 

_I've always hated the snow._

 

_Nothing good ever comes with the snow._

 

Tomo headed inside, locking the sliding door behind him.

 

_Let the pain begin._

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Takashi felt pain shooting up his arm which caused him to wake up. He tried to turn over to see what was causing his arm to hurt but that only made his neck hurt.

 

_What the hell?_

Takashi thought to himself.

 

He had his arm stuck under Itsuki's arm as Itsuki's other arm was wrapped around him.

 

“Oww.” Takashi said softly as he slowly pulled out his arm from under Itsuki's pillow.

 

He wondered if Itsuki was also going to wake up uncomfortable.

 

Takashi was surprised by the way he woke up. Normally at night he twists and turns but not last night. He remembers being in that position as he talked to Itsuki last night, He must've fallen asleep as they were talking.

 

Takashi got out of bed carefully. Trying not to wake Itsuki as he removed himself from his arms.

 

Itsuki lightly stirred but didn't wake up.

 

Takashi let out a sigh of relief before heading to his bathroom to do his business and brush his teeth before he starts on breakfast.

 

As Takashi was heading out to his kitchen he took a quick peek of the living room, No one was there so he assumed Tomo was still in his bed sleeping.

 

He headed out to his balcony. Surprised by all the snow that has

accumulated.

 

He forgot that it was snowing.

 

It snowed a lot. Everything was just white, There weren't any visible paths and it looked like they were going to be stuck here all day. Who knew how long it would take to get rid of all this snow. There was probably around five feet of snow give or take.

 

Takashi headed back inside shivering. The air was much cooler but the snow was beautiful. It was still fresh, looked crisp and untouched. Just the way he liked the snow.

 

Takashi put on a new pot of coffee as he started making breakfast. He was going to do something simple like pancakes and eggs.

 

He was lost in his thoughts thinking about the conversation he had with Itsuki last night.

 

_Takashi took a quick shower before laying down next to Itsuki. Itsuki's hair was still a bit damp, indicating that he too had taken a shower._

 

_Takashi cuddled up next to Itsuki, laying his head on his chest._

 

_He was struggling to find the words he wanted to say. He didn't know how Itsuki was going to react to what he was going to ask from him. He needed to be really careful. He couldn't fuck up in the first few hours of their relationship._

 

_Takashi was really nervous. There were butterflies erupting in his stomach. It was so uncomfortable._

 

_Itsuki planted kisses on Takashi's damp purple hair._

 

“ _Hey, Itsuki. I need to ask something from you.” Takashi said._

 

“ _I'm listening.” Itsuki said before he continued to kiss Takashi's hair. It smelled like honey._

 

“ _I want to keep out relationship low key.” Takashi said._

 

_Takashi no longer felt Itsuki's mouth on his hair._

 

_Takashi was getting even more nervous._

 

_Did it come out wrong?_

 

_Was it too harsh?_

 

_He felt Itsuki's arm tighten around him, pulling him closer to him, his head still on his chest._

 

_Itsuki kisses Takashi's hair once more._

 

“ _Okay.” Itsuki said._

 

_Itsuki didn't want to push Takashi. He was contempt with knowing that Takashi was his. No one needed to know right now. Sure he would've loved to tell everyone in his band and be able to hold and kiss Takashi in public and in front of their friends. He wanted them to know that Takashi was his and only his._

 

_One day though._

 

_Takashi felt relieved that Itsuki agreed._

 

“ _But....” Takashi's voice trailed off._

 

“ _But what?”_

 

“ _I want to keep it low key here, in front of Tomo. I don't want to make him uncomfortable.”_

 

_It was understandable to Itsuki but out of all people, he wanted to be able to let Tomo know that Takashi was his. Finally his despite knowing Takashi's feelings towards Tomo._

 

“ _In front of him?” Itsuki said._

 

“ _Like if he's in the room, no kissing or any PDA stuff. Act as if we're still just friends.”_

 

_Itsuki smiled slightly._

 

“ _If I remember correctly, in our friendship there was a lot of PDA.” Itsuki said._

 

_Takashi laid on his stomach so he could see Itsuki better._

 

“ _There were a few hugs here and there but there was no kissing.” Takashi said._

 

“ _Mmmm, I don't think I can do that now that I've had a taste of you. I need more.”_

 

_Takashi giggled a bit._

 

_He's so lame but that was kind of hot._

_Takashi thought to himself._

 

_Itsuki himself chuckled a bit before kissing Takashi._

 

_Takashi's mouth was hot and minty._

 

_His lips felt good against Itsuki's._

 

“ _I'm being serious.” Takashi said as he pulled away from Itsuki's lips and playfully hit his chest._

 

“ _Fine. I'll do it for you. I promise.” Itsuki said._

 

_Takashi smiled and gave him a quick kiss._

 

“ _It's only for a bit. I promise.” Takashi said._

 

_Takashi didn't think that Tomo would mind that he was dating. He just didn't want him to feel uncomfortable now that he was staying with Takashi. He didn't want him to feel like he was walking on thin ice around them or that he was interfering. Not that he would be._

 

Takashi broke out of his trance once he felt a pair of arms around him. He jumped and turned to see Itsuki holding him.

 

“You scared the hell out of me!” Takashi said as he hit Itsuki's arm.

 

Takashi's heart was beating so fast. He thought his heart was going to pop out of his chest.

 

“Good morning to you too.” Itsuki said as he gave Takashi a quick kiss on the lips.

 

Takashi panicked a bit and made sure that Tomo was nowhere in sight.

 

“What did I tell you last night?” Takashi asked a little annoyed.

 

“He wasn't in the room and I made sure he wasn't around. Don't worry.”

 

Takashi let out a deep breath and continued to make eggs. The pancakes were already done.

 

Whatever annoyance he felt quickly dissipated.

 

He knew he told Itsuki not to kiss him when Tomo was in the room but in this case he didn't know. He was caught off guard and he felt bad for his harsh tone.

 

“Sorry. I was just caught off guard.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi was sure that Itsuki wouldn't do anything to go against his word. After all he promised and Takashi knew Itsuki well enough to know that he doesn't break his promises.

 

“Don't worry about it. It's my fault.” Itsuki said.

 

“No, it's not. You did it when he wasn't in the room which is what I told you to do.”

 

Takashi finished the food and hugged Itsuki.

 

“I'm sorry.” Takashi said.

 

“It's okay. Don't worry about it.”

 

And just like that everything went back to normal. Itsuki was really understanding and that was what Takashi liked about him.

 

“Come on, breakfast is ready.” Takashi said as he pulled away from Itsuki to set the table.

 

As Takashi was putting the food on the table he saw a groggy Tomo.

 

“Good morning, breakfast is ready.” Takashi said.

 

“Morning.” Tomo said as he yawned before sitting at the table, across from where Takashi was sitting. Itsuki was sitting in between them.

 

Takashi headed back into the kitchen to pour Tomo a cup of coffee.

 

“Thanks.” Tomo said as he took the mug from Takashi's hands. Their hands slightly touched sending waves of heat through Tomo.

 

Takashi quickly pulled his hand away once they made contact. He slightly glanced at Itsuki but he didn't notice.

 

Tomo himself didn't pay much mind to Takashi's sudden glance towards Itsuki.

 

Takashi was first to break the awkward silence. Even though they were eating, Takashi didn't like the silence. It was awkward just hearing forks hitting the plates, cups making a _thump_ sound as they're placed on the table, and light chewing sounds.

 

“We're snowed in for the day.” Takashi said.

 

“What? How much snow actually fell?” Itsuki asked.

 

Tomo hated the news. He hated the snow. He hated knowing he was trapped in here with both Takashi and Itsuki. He didn't hate the fact that he was stuck with Takashi but he hated the idea of being stuck in the same place as Itsuki.

 

When Takashi is with Itsuki it feels like Tomo is the third wheel. Tomo always feels out if place. He felt invisible.

 

The snow also ruined Tomo's plans for the day which irritated him. Today he needed to distress after his long night last night. Tomo got too deep into his feelings that he couldn't sleep. He hated getting too deep, it made him depressed.

 

“About three feet.” Takashi said.

 

“That's so much and we're going to be stuck here all day?”

 

Tomo fought the urge to roll his eyes.

 

Itsuki is so annoying.

 

“We're going to stay in and watch movies together.” Takashi said.

 

“Scary movies, right?”

 

“No! Not scary movies again. I was so scared last time.”

 

Tomo was used to this when it was just the three if them hanging out. Tomo never wants to hang out with Itsuki but he's practically forced to when Takashi brings him along or Itsuki invites himself to whatever they're doing.

 

“Then what are we watching?” Itsuki asked Takashi.

 

“I don't know. What do you want to watch, Tomo?”

 

_Oh, so I'm not invisible right now?_

 

“I'm going to hang out in my room today.” Tomo said a little harsher than intended.

 

He was already on a bad mood but he didn't mean to take it out on Takashi. Even though his bad mood was caused by Takashi but he was more annoyed by Itsuki's presence.

 

“Don't be such a loner. Watch a movie with us.” Takashi said.

 

“No, thanks. I have things to do.”

 

Takashi was disappointed by Tomo's rejection but he tried to not let it show.

 

Maybe he had something important to do in his room.

 

Itsuki was annoyed by Tomo's tone. Takashi was just trying to be nice to him and wanted him to feel included. It wouldn't hurt him just to watch one movie with them but Itsuki doesn't really care about what Tomo does. He just wanted Takashi to be happy. He didn't want Tomo's negativity to get in the way. At least Itsuki was going to have Takashi all to himself today.

 

“Oh. Maybe another day.” Takashi said as he faked a smile before continuing to eat.

 

After that they ate in silence.

 

It wasn't like Tomo to reject a movie day with Takashi but there must be some important reason.

 

_Why else would he decline?_

 

_What if he's sick?_

 

_Or maybe he just wants to catch up on sleep._

 

_Maybe he's organizing his stuff._

 

Tomo finished his food first.

 

He quickly thanked Takashi and washed his dishes before heading to his room.

 

His phone was blinking indicating he had either a missed call or message.

 

He laid on his bed and opened his phone.

 

It was a message from Sena.

 

He was supposed to meet with Sena later on but obviously that was going to get canceled due to the snow.

 

On the days he needed to distress he meets up with Sena. On days he was bored he meets up with Sena, On days he got drunk he meets up with Sena. On days he was feeling lonely he meets up with Sena. On days when Tomo feels like hes suffocating he meets up with Sena. When he's in pain he meets up with Sena. But mostly he meets Sena on days he needs to forget about Takashi but he can never truly forget.

 

If it wasn't for Takashi he probably would've never looked at Sena twice. Even though some days they played at the same venue, Tomo never noticed him.

 

In a weird way Sena reminded him of Takashi.

 

Maybe its because they both played the guitar in a four member band and both happened to dress really feminine. However Takashi was hotter. Takashi was more innocent. More modest.

 

Sena: Hey babe. I miss you.

 

Typical Sena but he was what Tomo needed right now.

 

With Sena Tomo could lose control. Sena was there doing whatever for Tomo. Whatever he wanted to do. Whatever he needed him to do. Fulfill any need.

 

Tomo: I won't be able to come over today due to the snow.

 

The thing going on between Tomo and Sena was more of a beneficial thing. There was nothing serious going on between them. Well, it wasn't serious for Tomo but he was sure that Sena felt the same. Or at least knew that Tomo wasn't serious after all he has told him that on multiple occasions.

 

Sena: I figured but we wouldn't have this problem if you stayed with me.

 

Tomo rolled his eyes.

 

Tomo: You know why I can't stay with you.

 

It wasn't a bad idea but it wasn't a good one either. Tomo liked seeing Sena here and there. Tomo liked what they had going on. Staying with Sena and seeing him all day everyday didn't sound so nice. They were going to drive each other crazy and Tomo didn't want to end up disliking the only person who somewhat gets him.

 

Tomo felt that in some ways Sena was like him. Sena understood him even though they barely knew anything about one another. Tomo could deal with Sena's shit. Sena could deal with Tomo's shit.

 

Sena: Wow... you would rather stay with Takashi rather than me? Cool. Don't come to me when you're more fucked up.

 

And this is when Sena starts annoying the hell out of Tomo. Sena knew not to mention Takashi but he still goes ahead and does it.

 

Tomo was already fucked up but maybe he liked the pain that Takashi brings to him.

 

Who was he kidding?

 

He hated it but he couldn't stay away. It's too hard. It tears him apart when he sees Takashi hurting from his cold manner but Tomo always tells himself it's for the best.

 

Tomo: Fuck you.

 

With that Tomo was done talking with Sena.... for now. This is how it is between them. Sena at first it all sweet and stuff but before he knows it Sena is mad and saying stuff he shouldn't say but then he calms down again and they go back to being their regular selves.

 

Tomo didn't mind Sena's moodiness because Tomo was just as moody however when Tomo was in a bad mood it gets Sena into an even worse mood. Sena doesn't take shit from anyone, not even Tomo. For such a small person, he's not quite as delicate as he looks.

 

Sena: FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!

 

Tomo tossed his phone to the side.

 

He was frustrated.

 

He was frustrated with Sena. He was frustrated with himself. He was frustrated by everything. These past few days had made his situation regarding Takashi even worse. He wanted Takashi more than ever.

 

_There's no Takashi and I._

 

_There can never be a Takashi and I._

 

_You can't have him or you'll hurt him and if you hurt him, you won't be able to live with yourself._

 

He had to stop but how?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally added Sena to the mix, seems like it took forever?
> 
> Also, I tend to write/edit really late at night when I should be sleeping so sorry if somethings don't make much sense.....


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Tomo got up early and left to see Sena.

 

The snow was cleared away from the sidewalks and roads. The trains were running and everything was the way it was supposed to be.

 

Tomo didn't even tell Sena that he was coming over. He wanted to surprise him even thought he's sure that Sena is still a bit mad.

 

After their fight Tomo did a lot of thinking.

 

It was a painful decision but he was going to follow through with it.

 

Tomo ringed Sena's doorbell.

 

It was only 10am but Sena liked to sleep in when he comes back from tour.

 

Tomo pressed the doorbell about two more times because he knew how much it annoyed Sena. It was basically payback for yesterday but he didn't want to push Sena too much. Not right now when he needed something from him.

 

The door immediately opened after the third doorbell.

 

Sena looked so annoyed but Tomo simply smiled and walked in.

 

“First, you wake me up early in the morning with all that ringing and now you walk into my apartment like you own the place? Who the hell do you think you are?” Sena said annoyed.

 

He crossed his arms across his chest.

 

Technically, Tomo didn't wake him up. He's been awake for about five minutes already. He was in the middle of brushing his teeth.

 

He wasn't in the mood to see Tomo right now. Maybe he would've liked to see him if he didn't agitate him so early in the morning.

 

Tomo put his bag on the floor before walking towards Sena. He gave him a small kiss on the lips.

 

That's the only way he could get Sena to calm down a bit.

 

To Sena the kiss was short but sweet. His anger dissipated a bit but he wanted more kisses.

 

To Tomo the kiss felt like... nothing. It was just a kiss. There was no feeling behind it. It was... meh.

 

Sena wrapped his arms around Tomo's neck and pulled his head down towards him.

 

Tomo's lips were soft and cold. His breath was hot and minty. He missed his lips. It's been a long week.

 

After a while Tomo pulled away.

 

He wasn't going to let Sena get carried away. He didn't deserve it after what he said yesterday.

 

“Does this mean you're no longer mad about earlier?” Tomo asked him.

 

“No, I'm not mad about the ringing but I am mad about yesterday because fuck you.” Sena said before he flipped Tomo off and walked into his kitchen to get a drink of water.

 

Tomo followed Sena into the kitchen.

 

Here we go.

Tomo thought to himself.

 

“No, fuck you for bringing him up. You wouldn't like it if I brought up....”

 

“NO! Don't say his name! I don't want to hear it.” Sena said cutting off Tomo.

 

Tomo debated for a few minutes.

 

He wanted to hurt Sena but at the same time he didn't want to stoop to his level. Tomo knew how much Boogie meant to Sena and being on tour with him for a few weeks was really hard on him. Tomo also needed a favor from Sena. If he got him mad he might say no even though Sena wanted it to happen.

 

“Since I'm in a good mood today I won't bu don't fucking mention Takashi again.” Tomo said.

 

“I'll try not to but why didn't you tell me you were coming?”

 

“I wanted to surprise you.”

 

Sena rolled his eyes.

 

Tomo surprising him? As if. Sena didn't care as to why he was here. He knew Tomo was using him but that was okay. Tomo was filling up his empty hole... by empty hole he meant the one in his heart... and the other one.

 

Tomo pulled Sena closer to him. He placed his forehead on Sena's and looked directly into his eyes.

 

“I want to take up your offer.” Tomo said.

 

Sena felt his heart skip a beat.

 

_Am I dreaming?_

 

_If Tomo is joking it's not funny._

 

Sena was feeling warm and bubbly inside but he knew he wasn't going to let Tomo see that until he knew what he was really trying to say.

 

“My offer of finally topping?” Sena asked.

 

Tomo rolled his eyes.

 

Tomo was trying to have a serious conversation with Sena but he just had to ruin it. Like always.

 

“Of course not. Why must you always ruin such a serious moment?” Tomo asked.

 

“I didn't know it was serious. I don't even know what offer you're talking about.”

 

There were a lot of offers but Sena hoped that it was the offer he mentioned yesterday. He wanted Tomo to stay with him. Even if it's for a few days. Sena would prefer it if he at least stayed for a few months.

 

“The one about me staying here with you.” Tomo said.

 

Sena tried to fight his smile.

 

“What if I don't want you here anymore?” Sena asked him.

 

“Then I guess I'll stay with someone else. Someone who's going to appreciate my presence.”

 

Tomo let Sena go and slowly made his way out of the kitchen.

 

“You know I appreciate you. I was just joking.” Sena said as he pulled lightly Tomo's arm.

 

He didn't want him to go. He wanted him to stay. He liked the idea of Tomo staying with him. Sharing the place. Sharing the same bed. Seeing him first thing in the morning and having Tomo all for himself didn't sound like a bad idea.

 

Tomo smiled and looked back at Sena.

 

“So I can stay here?” Tomo asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

Tomo smiled and kissed Sena.

 

This time it was longer and more intense. It was his way of saying 'thank you”>

 

“Good because I brought all of my things.” Tomo said breaking the kiss.

 

Sena smiled.

 

Tomo already knew he was going to say yes to staying here.

 

“What are you going to do about your current accommodations at you know who's?” Sena asked.

 

“Don't worry about that. It's all taken care of.” Tomo said as he kissed Sena once more.

 

He didn't want Sena to talk anymore. He didn't want him to ask anymore questions. Nothing involving... _him_.

 

Tomo was going to move on. The best way to do that was to avoid Takashi when they don't need to be together.

 

Tomo simply left Takashi a note basically saying something along the lines of 'sorry for intruding your personal space. Bye.' He knew he should've at least written a thank you but that was a bit hard. He couldn't write out the words but he left the heaters and some money as a thank you.

 

Tomo's chest began to hurt so he quickly pressed Sena's body against his. Letting his hands travel down from Sena's back to his waist to his butt. He squeezed it a bit roughly. After all, Sena liked it rough.

 

It sent a shiver down Sena's spine. He felt a million goosebumps arise on his arms. It felt so good he let out a small moan against Tomo's mouth.

 

Tomo had him where he needed him to be.

 

Tomo needed to forget. Even if it's only for a few hours. He needed to get rid of the pain in his heart right now. He couldn't think about what he just did.

 

Tomo carried Sena to his room and laid his down gently without ever breaking their make out session.

 

Sena was growing impatient as the fire in his stomach began to grow. He was hungry. He needed more. He wanted to feel good.

 

“Hurry.” Sena said as he pulled off Tomo's shirt.

 

Sena was always so impatient but Tomo liked that. It meant that Sena was ready... ready to endure whatever Tomo gave to him.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

Takashi was the first one to wake up. Like always.

 

He left Itsuki sleeping in his room.

 

Takashi noticed that Tomo's door was open. He took a small peak inside just to see that Tomo wasn't in there.

 

Takashi walked in and saw an envelope.

 

It had Takashi's name written on it.

 

Takashi was confused but he opened it.

 

Inside there was a letter, money, and the spare key.

 

Takashi took out the letter.

 

_Dear Takashi,_

_I'm sorry for the past few days. I hope I wasn't much of a bother._

_Forgive me._

_Goodbye._

_Tomo_

 

Takashi was confused.

 

_All of this was so sudden. He had a million questions._

 

_Where did Tomo go?_

 

_Why didn't he tell me that he was leaving?_

 

_Why couldn't he say it to my face?_

 

_Why didn't I get a proper goodbye?_

 

Takashi was hurt.

 

Takashi pulled out his phone and called Tomo.

 

It went straight to voicemail.

 

He tried again and again but it was the same outcome.

 

_Did he turn his phone off?_

 

Takashi was mad.

 

He knew that Tomo's apartment was still getting fixed.

 

_Where could he have possibly gone?_

 

_Why didn't he want to stay with me?_

 

_Did I do something?_

 

_Did he somehow find out about Itsuki and I and it made him uncomfortable?_

 

All these questions were stressing him out. He was already a bit nervous because he didn't have any answers. He just wanted to know why.

 

He was going to attempt to call Tomo later.

 

Takashi headed to his balcony to smoke.

 

It wasn't fair that Tomo left like this. He didn't even say 'thank you” but that was the least of his problems.

 

Something was up with Tomo but he didn't know what it was. Tomo was weird but he was acting more weird than usual. Today Takashi wanted to hang out with Tomo and just Tomo since he didn't want to hang out with him and Itsuki yesterday. He literally spent the whole day in his room. Only coming out for a few snacks and for dinner that Takashi made. Even during dinner he didn't say anything.

 

_Why was Tomo acting so weird towards me?_

 

Deep down Takashi wondered if he was the problem.

 

_Maybe he hates me...._

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Contains some smut towards the end.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Wasn't really planning on writing any smut but the sinner in me made me do it.

 

A few weeks passed and Takashi still hasn't heard anything from Tomo. He kept calling but it went straight to voicemail. He sent messages but all were ignored.

 

He didn't know what to do.

 

He didn't know why this was happening.

 

It hurt him to know that Tomo was ignoring him.

 

Takashi couldn't help but to worry.

 

He must've done something really bad to get Tomo to react like this but he didn't know what he did.

 

“I'm sure he's fine.” Itsuki said as he tried to comfort his lover.

 

Itsuki hated seeing Takashi so worried. So down.

 

He hated Tomo for this.

 

_Why was he doing this to Takashi? Especially after everything Takashi did for him._

 

Itsuki knew Tomo was fucked up but he didn't think he was this fucked up.

 

“Why don't you tell Yusuke or Yoshiatsu to check up on him?” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi didn't want the other members to freak out just in case Takashi was overreacting. Maybe it was nothing. It's not like he's in danger. He's probably just mad at him.

 

_It couldn't hurt though, right?_

 

“You're right. I'm going to call Yusuke.” Takashi said as he headed outside to his balcony to smoke and talk with Yusuke.

 

He called Yusuke as he smoked his cigarette.

 

The snow finally melted away but supposedly they were getting more snow in a few weeks.

 

“Hello.” Yusuke said.

 

“Hey, Yuu. How are you?”

 

“Good. How are you?”

 

“I'm doing okay, trying my best to compose new songs.”

 

“Don't over work yourself, Taka.”

 

“I won't but by any chance have you talked to Tomo?”

 

“Yeah, I just talked to him two days ago, we went out to eat, even Yoshiatsu came.”

 

Takashi was surprised by what he was hearing.

 

He felt his heart break.

 

_So Tomo is avoiding me but why?_

 

Takashi fought back tears.

 

He didn't know if they were caused because he was sad or because he was so mad.

 

“Oh....” Was all Takashi could say.

 

“Have you talked to Tomo?”

 

“I've been so busy I haven't had the chance but maybe I'll try later.”

 

“Yeah, okay, do that.”

 

“I will. Bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Takashi had to lie to Yusuke. He didn't want him to worry about two members having a fight. If Tomo was mad at him, he'd eventually get over it but Takashi wasn't sure if he could forgive Tomo for this. Tomo actually overdid it this time and he actually hurt him. It felt like Tomo ripped out Takashi's heart, stepped on it, and fed it to some wolves.

 

You know what fuck him.

 

I'm so done with him.

 

Fuck him. Fuck him.

 

Takashi doesn't care about what Tomo does from now on. He wasn't going to worry about him anymore. He wasn't going to stress himself out anymore. Takashi tried, he tried so hard to keep up with Tomo, be his friend, make him fall in love with him but that was over.

 

Takashi was going to dedicate his time to himself, his boyfriend, his band, and fans. There was no space left for Tomo.

 

If Tomo was mad at him he should've told him. Not ignore him for the past two weeks.

 

Takashi thought everything was getting better between them. The day when Tomo was here, Takashi saw the Tomo he knew from four years ago. The caring Tomo.

 

Takashi felt like an idiot to believe that things would ever get better between them. Maybe their friendship was over. Maybe Tomo has always hated him. Maybe Tomo always stuck with him because he felt sorry for him. Who know.

 

_After four years he does this._

 

Maybe there were signs that Takashi ignored. Signs that indicated this was coming.

 

Takashi just wanted to know what he did.

 

Tears ran down his face.

 

His heart was hurting.

 

He felt so broken. So lost.

 

All he could do is ask himself _why?_

 

_Stop being such a baby._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

_Do you think Tomo is crying over this?_

 

_Don't waste any tears in him._

 

_You said there was no room for him yet here you are... crying._

 

It hurt but crying wasn't going to change anything. Crying wasn't going to make things better. It definitely wasn't going to bring them back together again.

 

Takashi wiped his eyes and stayed out to finish his cigarette.

 

He couldn't show signs that he has been crying. He didn't want Itsuki to know he was crying. He didn't want to worry him anymore than he already did.

 

He wondered how Itsuki felt, knowing that Takashi was worrying over Tomo. Spending two whole weeks worrying. Thinking only about Tomo.

 

_Maybe, Itsuki isn't like that._

 

_Maybe he understands._

 

Even thought Takashi liked Tomo they were friends. It's normal to worry about a friend, especially if you haven't talked to them in a while. Even if that friend was a complete dick and fell off the face of the earth without saying a single word to you.

 

Itsuki was a great person. He's always there for Takashi even if they're so far way from one another. Itsuki always made time for Takashi. Itsuki was always there when Takashi had trouble with Tomo. Itsuki was even the first person he ever told about his crush on Tomo. Takashi trusted Itsuki with his life.

 

Takashi was eventually going to try to make advances towards Tomo and Itsuki always rooted for him but obviously that wasn't going to happen. Not only is Tomo being an ass and ignoring Takashi but Takashi is tired of waiting. He's finally tired of chasing and never being able to keep up. He's tired of wanting Tomo because Tomo would never want him.

 

Being with Itsuki was good for Takashi. He liked Itsuki. He liked Itsuki. He understood Itsuki. They were good together but Takashi knew he was being really selfish lately. He wasn't treating Itsuki like the boyfriend he's supposed to be. Takashi has been putting Itsuki to the side and he didn't deserve that. Takashi didn't deserve him.

 

He felt so bad but Takashi was ready to change that. Now that he was done with Tomo he was going to focus more on his relationship with Itsuki. He wanted this to work out for them and Takashi was going to do his best to make sure it works out.

 

Takashi left his cigarette butt on the ashtray and headed back inside to where Itsuki was sitting. Itsuki was watching a movie. A scary movie to be precise.

 

Takashi cuddled up to Itsuki as Itsuki paused the movie.

 

“Has he talked to him?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Yeah, Yusuke talked to him two days ago and all three of them went out to eat.”

 

Takashi shrugged a bit. Acting as if he didn't care.

 

_I don't care._

 

“What? Just the three of them?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Yeah but it's whatever. If Tomo is mad let him be mad. I don't care anymore.”

 

Takashi tried to sound convincing but it hurt to actually say the words out loud.

 

Itsuki felt bad for Takashi. He knew how much he was hurting. It hurt him to know that Tomo continues to hurt Takashi and Tomo doesn't even care. Takashi is the sweetest person alive. The sweetest to Tomo, always there for him, his friend for the past few years yet Tomo just left. Itsuki hated how much of a hold Tomo had on Takashi. Everything he does effects Takashi.

 

Itsuki wrapped his arm around Takashi pulling him closer to him. Holding him tightly before kissing his head.

 

The only thing Itsuki could do right now was to comfort him. Takashi was going to be alright but he didn't know what was going to happen once Takashi' s band activities start up again.

 

Itsuki was about yo go on tour in a few days meaning he was going to have to leave Takashi alone. He didn't want to leave him but he had to be there for his band. Takashi still didn't know that he was leaving. There hasn't been a good time to tell him.

 

“Hey, I'm leaving for tour in a few days.” Itsuki said.

 

“When? For how long?”

 

“In three days, but I can only stay for tonight. I have to prep all day tomorrow and have one final rehearsal then we have to hit the road. I'm going to be gone for about two weeks.”

 

“It's almost Christmas.”

 

“I know, baby, but you know it can't be helped. I'm going to be back in the area a few days before Christmas for a live so please come see us. I'll make sure you get two guest passes just in case you want to bring someone with you.”

 

“Of course I'll go see you.”

 

Takashi was sad that they weren't going to spend their first Christmas as a coupke together. This also meant that this is the first Christmas in four years that he spends without Tomo. It was going to be lonely. Takashi already had gifts for everyone including Tomo but he wasn't sure if he was going to give it to him.

 

“I'm ready.” Takashi said.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Itsuki was confused.

 

_Ready for what?_

 

There was a lot of things he could be ready for.

 

Takashi smiled slightly before turning to face Itsuki.

 

_He is so adorable with his glasses on._

 

“I'm ready to let people know about us.” Takashi said.

 

Okay, so it took Takashi two weeks to finally decide to let everyone know about them. Maybe it was the Tomo situation that pushed him to do this but it was the right thing to do. Itsuki was Takashi's boyfriend and he was about to let the world know that. Okay maybe not the world but to the people that meant the world to them like their families, band mates, and close friends.

 

Takashi saw Itsuki smile a big smile which made Takashi feel warm inside. He was happy that he made Itsuki happy.

 

“Really?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“I love you so much.” Itsuki said before going in for a kiss.

 

Takashi was caught off guard.

 

Itsuki just told him that he loves him for the first time since they've started going out. Takashi has heard those three words when they were friends but this time it felt different. It was different.

 

“Did you just say that you loved me?” Takashi asked as he pulled away from the kiss.

 

“Yes, I love you. I've always loved you. I want you to know that I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

 

Takashi smiled and kissed him rougher than before.

 

It's like something woke up inside him.

 

He was loved.

 

He is loved.

 

Takashi never had a partner that told him they loved him and actually meant it.

 

'I love you' never meant much to Takashi. It was just something people said without having any actual meaning behind it. To Takashi it was powerful so he never threw it around meaninglessly but he also didn't say it much because he never truly loved any of his boyfriends. Takashi at first is head over heels in a relationship but after a while Takashi feels himself drifting. Everything changes and whatever feelings he had in the beginning disappear. In a way he kind of gets bored of them, which sounds really bad but he could force himself to stay in the relationship but it just takes a toll on him. He ends up miserable and in the end everything goes to shit so why wait longer to break it off?

 

Takashi only knew how to love someone as a friend unless they were family. The only exception was Tomo.

 

_Ugh._

 

Takashi loved Tomo with all his heart which is why this whole situation hurts.

 

Takashi loves him even though he shouldn't.

 

Takashi tried to push Tomo out of his mind.

 

How could he be making out with Itsuki while thinking about Tomo? It was pretty fucked up.

 

“Mmm, Takashi, we have to stop.” Itsuki said in between kisses.

 

It was getting really hot between them but Takashi needed more.

 

“I don't want to.” Takashi said as he slipped his hand up Itsuki's shirt.

 

Tonight was their last night together until Itsuki comes back from tour. Itsuki also told him that he loves him. He wanted their night to be special.

 

“Not here then.” Itsuki said as he got up and carried Takashi to his room.

 

Takashi was glad that Itsuki wasn't making him wait.

 

He wanted it just as much as him.

 

Itsuki laid Takashi on his bed, taking off his shirt as Takashi did the same.

 

He began kissing Takashi's lips and made his way down to his jaw then to his neck.

 

He heard a small gasp escape Takashi's mouth which excited him.

 

He kissed his neck for a while before he began sucking on it.

 

Takashi's breathing picked up.

 

It felt so good.

 

He was losing himself.

 

Itsuki was taking his time and was being careful.

 

It was good but Takashi wanted more. He wanted Itsuki to hurry up and basically stick it in already but it doesn't seem to be Itsuki's style. He didn't want to rush him.

 

After a while Itsuki's mouth left Takashi's neck and wandered down to his chest, sucking here and there. Leaving a few marks.

 

His lips continued down to his stomach where he felt Takashi take in a deep breath.

 

He smiled as he kissed around Takashi's belly button.

 

He felt the other man get a bit impatient but he loved torturing him a bit.

 

Itsuki unbuttoned Takashi's pants slipping them off pf him as he continued to kiss around Takashi's stomach. He made his way down but stopped just above Takashi's private area. He planted one soft kiss there.

 

Takashi was losing his mind as Itsuki got closer to his hard on. He literally stopped breathing when he felt Itsuki's cold fingertips go inside his underwear. He was waiting for Itsuki to continue but he just left his hand there as he went back to kissing him.

 

Takashi was losing his mind.

 

_Why is he doing this?_

 

Takashi lost it and pulled Itsuki's head down, crashing his lips harder onto his.

 

Takashi wrapped his legs around Itsuki's waist so both their members were somewhat touching.

 

Even though Itsuki was still wearing his jeans Takashi could somewhat feel Itsuki's dick.

 

“So impatient.” Itsuki said smiling.

 

“I can't take it anymore. Just take me already.”

 

It's been forever since Takashi has done this but he was ready.

 

He wanted to release all of his sexual desires right now.

 

All his sexual frustration he had pent up because of Tomo.

 

_Nope. Not now._

 

_Tomo who?_

 

Takashi felt Itsuki slowly enter him.

 

It felt good but he needed all of him inside.

 

“Nghh, just go. I-I can take it.” Takashi said.

 

“I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“I can take it. Don't worry.”

 

“But Taka....”

 

“I said I can take it.” Takashi said a little more stern as he cut off Itsuki.

 

Takashi felt all of Itsuki go inside of him with one thrust.

 

Takashi held in a scream and thrashed around a bit as he felt tears sting his eyes.

 

He felt a lot of pain but that was what he wanted.

 

It felt like his ass was being torn apart but it felt so good.

 

“G-good. Now, move.” Takashi said a bit hoarsed.

 

Itsuki did as told.

 

He was surprised by how demanding Takashi was but he was mostly surprised bu what a freak Takashi really was. He wanted to give Takashi whatever he wanted. He just didn't want to hurt him.

 

Takashi was moaning like a whore with each thrust Itsuki took. It was crazy because never in a million years did he think Itsuki would fuck hin. He never thought he was going to be this good.

 

He always thought that Tomo would, at least once, maybe when they both got drunk. He always fantasized Tomo being really rough with him.

 

Takashi has heard from multiple people that Tomo was good in bed which made him curious.

 

He wondered what Tomo was doing right now.

 

Maybe he was being typical Tomo and was out fucking a whore.

 

_Takashi, you have to stop thinking about him._

 

_Just let him go._

 

“G-god, Itsuki! H-H-Harder!” Takashi's voice was trembling.

 

He felt bad for his neighbors that could most likely hear him. Takashi couldn't help that he was really vocal.

 

Takashi knew that he was going to be sore in the morning but so far it's worth it. Itsuki was doing a really good job at fulfilling Takashi's desires right now. He hoped that Itsuki was also enjoying himself. After all this was kind of a goodbye gift? He was going to miss Itsuki.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Itsuki was in town for a live so obviously Takashi had to go see him. He decided to bring Yusuke with him because Yusuke liked TBS and everyone in it. He was also good company and Yoshiatsu was busy. Takashi had no idea what Tomo was up to. He could ask Yusuke what was up with Tomo but that would make it seem like he actually cares... even though he did. Takashi called him maybe two times... or five. He knew he shouldn't even try but he thought the outcome would've been different but it wasn't. Tomo still wasn't accepting his calls.

 

These past few days were rough and lonely. It sucked that he didn't have Tomo anymore, Tomo always kept him company so it was hard not having him there even if he was bad company. It also sucked that he didn't have Itsuki with him to somewhat keep him occupied from thoughts about Tomo.

 

The live was over so Takashi and Yusuke made their way to TBS' dressing room.

 

“Hey, Yuu, I have to tell you something.” Takashi said before they got to the dressing room.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Just so you know, I'm dating Itsuki.”

 

“What?!” Yusuke practically yelled.

 

“Shhhh. Don't be so loud.”

 

“Hold the hell up. Did you just say that you're dating Itsuki?” Yusuke said as he yanked on Takashi's arm to make him stop walking.

 

“Yes, we're dating.” Takashi said.

 

“Since when?”

 

“About three weeks ago.”

 

“Three weeks?!”

 

“God, Yuu, keep it down.”

 

“Sorry. Who else knows?”

 

“I think everyone in TBS knows and you.”

 

Yusuke felt honored that he was the only one from their band who knew.

 

“Are you going to tell Yoshi and Tomo?” Yusuke asked.

 

“I'll tell Yoshi eventually. Tomo, on the other hand... I don't know. Please don't tell anyone.”

 

“Don't worry. It's not my place to say anything.”

 

“Thanks. I knew I could count you. Now lets hurry and get to their room.”

 

They found their dressing room and Takashi knocked on the door.

 

“Who is it?”

He heard a voice ask.

 

Takashi couldn't make out who it was.

 

“It's me, Takashi.” Takashi said.

 

“Takashi? I don't know a Takashi.”

 

Takashi could hear a muffled voice but he couldn't hear what was being said.

 

“Takashi from Dadaroma.” Takashi said.

 

“I don't know what Dadaroma is.”

 

Takashi smiled a bit.

 

_Really?_

 

_Who didn't know Dadaroma?_

 

“We played a few lives together.” Takashi said.

 

“Doesn't ring a bell.”

 

“Rena, stop being a little shit.” He heard a voice say.

 

The door opened and there he saw Itsuki still wearing his costume.

 

“You're no fun.” A shirtless Rena said.

 

“Go away.”

 

Takashi entered the room with Yusuke right behind him.

 

“Hey, babe.” Itsuki said to Takashi before giving him quick kiss.

 

“Ewww. Don't do that in here.” Takashi heard Makoto say.

 

Takashi rolled his eyes.

 

“I thought you were leaving to get food.” Itsuki saida.

 

“If Len hurries up.”

 

“I'm done. I'm done.” Len said.

 

“Finally. Bye you guys.”

 

“Yeah, bye.”

 

“Did you guys enjoy the live?” Itsuki asked Yusuke and Takashi.

 

“Yeah, it was really fun.” Yusuke said.

 

“Yeah, it was really cool. Like always.” Takashi said.

 

“Good. Good.”

 

Takashi saw Yusuke leave the room with Rena without saying a single thing.

 

Takashi and Itsuki were by themsleves.

 

Takashi wondered where Jin was.

 

“Oh, yeah, here.” Takashi said as he took out a wrapped gift from his bag and handed it to Itsuki. “Merry Early Christmas.”

 

Itsuki smiled and took the gift from Takashi.

 

“Should I open it?” He asked.

 

“No, wait for actual Christmas.”

 

“Okay, but you're going to have to wait for your gift. I don't necessarily have it on me.”

 

“I'll be waiting. It better be good.” Takashi said jokingly.

 

“I'm sure that you'll enjoy it.”

 

Takashi liked the way that sounded.

 

“I like the way that sounds.”

 

Itsuki chuckled a bit.

 

“I missed you so much.” Itsuki said as he embraced Takashi.

 

“I missed you too. It's so lonely without you.”

 

It was lonely in general.

 

Itsuki did his best to call Takashi at least twice a day but it was difficult. If Itsuki had free time in the afternoon he would call Takashi but at times Takashi was meeting up with Yoshiatsu to talk about songs or upcoming events, or they were doing store visits or handing out flyers. Half the time Itsuki would be so tired that he ends up falling asleep in the car and doesn't call Takashi. He felt bad but Takashi understood. Being on tour was draining. Being in a band was hard work but Itsuki wouldn't trade this in for anything in the world. He loves his band. He loves to perform. This is his life.

 

“How are you doing?” Itsuki asked.

 

“I'm doing really good.” Takashi said lying.

 

He was doing pretty bad. He never felt so low in his life. He was practically crying himself to sleep every night. The whole Tomo situation is really getting to him. He was driving himself crazy with all these speculations on why he randomly stopped talking to him out of the blue.

 

“Really? That's so good to hear.” Itsuki said.

 

Itsuki didn't want Takashi to think about Tomo anymore. He was hurting before but maybe he's finally moving on. Maybe he's finally seeing Tomo for who he really is.

 

“How's tour? You haven't found someone new right?” Takashi said jokingly.

 

He really wanted to change the topic just in case he slipped up and Itsuki ends up catching him in a lie.

 

“No one else had caught my eye.”

 

Itsuki said as he let Takashi go so he could change into his regular clothes.

 

“Yet.” Takashi said.

 

“No, you're the only one for me. I love you.”

 

Takashi still hasn't told Itsuki that he loves him. He couldn't. He just wasn't feeling it inside of him. He felt bad because he wanted to say it to Itsuki but he didn't want to lie to him or it's going to be like every relationship Takashi has had prior to Itsuki and all of those went to shit. He never talked to any of his ex's and if he were to break up with Itsuki he wouldn't wan to lose him. He meant a lot to him. Takashi didn't want to lose another person who meant a lot to him. He couldn't handle more pain.

 

“We leave in five.” Takashi heard one of the staff people say.

 

“Damn. I'm really sorry that we couldn't hang out much.” Itsuki said putting on his boots. He was dressed and had all his things in his bag. It was almost time to head to the next town.

 

“No, it's fine. I know what it's like but I'm really glad I got to see you again.” Takashi said as he hugged Itsuki tightly.

 

He didn't want to let go. There was still so much to talk about.

 

“I'll be back soon though and I'm coming straight to see you.” Itsuki said.

 

“Hurry back and please be careful.”

 

“I will. I will. I'll try to call you later on,”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Don't over stress yourself and don't worry too much.”

 

Itsuki was talking about Tomo. He hoped that Takashi knew he was talking about Tomo. Takashi needed to continue to ignore Tomo. It was the only way to move on.

 

“I won't.” Takashi said.

 

Telling him not to worry is like telling him not to breath. It was a difficult thing to do.

 

“Good but I have to go. Bye.”

 

Itsuki gave Takashi a semi long kiss before he had to leave.

 

He didn't want to leave. It was too soon.

 

Takashi waved goodbye as Itsuki left.

 

Yusuke made his way to Takashi.

 

“Want to go out for drinks?” Yusuke asked him.

 

“Yes!” Takashi said a little too eagerly but drinks sounded so good right now.

 

“Lets go.”

 

They made it to a nearby bar. It was the bar that Takashi and Itsuki always went to since it was close to where Takashi lived.

 

Yusuke was worried about Takashi, he had about eight beers in a short period of time. Takashi never drinks this much, very less this fast. He knew how much of a lightweight he is.

 

“Slow down.” Yusuke said as Takashi was chugging down his ninth.

 

“Come on, Yuu, live a little.” Takashi said with slurring words.

 

Takashi was trying to fill up the whole in his heart with alcohol. He wanted to drown in alcohol right now.

 

“What's wrong?” Yusuke asked him.

 

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

 

Yusuke knew something was wrong with Takashi. He knew Takashi for a long time and knew he drinks like this when something was bothering him.

 

“Did something happen?” Yusuke asked.

 

“I...I have no idea what you're talking about.” Takashi was stumbling around with some of this words.

 

“Something's bothering you or you're upset. Don't lie to me.”

 

“I don't want to talk about it.”

 

“Takashi, I'm here for you. If you talk, maybe you'll feel better.”

 

Takashi sighed and finished his drink before he laid everything out for Yusuke.

 

He couldn't hold it back anymore.

 

“If you must know, Tomo hates me.” Takashi said.

 

“He doesn't hate you.”

 

“He really does. You see we were really close for a really long time but eventually he started being really mean to me and began pushing me away but some weeks ago he came to me for help. I...I let him stay with me and a few days later he left without saying anything. He just left me a stupid letter and some money. I call him to see whats up and there's no answer. I left him about a million messages everywhere and I called him about a million times yet nothing. Here...here I was thinking something happened to him but no. He's talking to everyone but me and...and that hurts. Why would he do that to me?”

 

Yusuke had no idea that this was going on but Tomo was always acting weird when he brought up Takashi to him.

 

Takashi felt like an idiot and felt tears run down his face.

 

_Great._

 

“Don't cry.” Yusuke said as he gave him a hug.

 

“I don't want to cry. I want to hate him but I can't. I love him so much and he's here torturing me like why? All I did was love him. All I wanted was for him to love me back but obviously that's too much to ask for.”

 

Takashi wiped away his tears.

 

Takashi didn't care that he basically told Yusuke that he likes Tomo. It didn't matter anymore.

 

“Takashi, you probably didn't do anything wrong. He's probably in one of his weird moods. You know very well how he gets.” Yusuke said.

 

Yusuke wasn't surprised when Takashi said that he likes Tomo. He always thought they kind of liked one another but he never brought it up. He was surprised by Takashi saying it out loud though. He felt bad for him but he also felt bad for Tomo. Deep down Tomo was actually really nice and Yusuke knew that he cares about Takashi. There had to be a reason behind this.

 

“We haven't talked in about three weeks.” Takashi said softly.

 

_THREE WEEKS??!?!!_

 

_Why didn't I hear about this before?_

 

It must be really serious since Yusuke was sure that they never went a day without talking at least once. Yusuke noticed that they were really close. Even if all four of them were hanging out, Tomo and Takashi were always in their own world together.

 

“If you guys aren't talking then what about the band?” Yusuke asked.

 

“For me, the band is still going to continue.”

 

There was no doubt in Takashi's mind about continuing with the band. He still has a lot planned for this band and he wasn't going to let go of it so quick just because there was a problem between him and Tomo the idiot. The band was good togther.

 

Yusuke was happy to hear that but he needed to do something.

 

“So, Christmas is in a few days, what are you doing?” Yusuke asked.

 

_Drown my heartache in alcohol and cry some more as I lay in bed and contemplate life._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Of course he wasn't going to say that out loud. It was going to worry Yusuke.

 

“Stay in and watch a movie.” Takashi said.

 

“Why don't you come over? Yoshi and I were just going to hang out.”

 

“Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

 

Takashi wanted to be alone but it wasn't a good idea. Spending Christmas alone is never fun. For that past few years he never spent Christmas alone because he had Tomo but now... he wasn't going to start having Christmas by himself again. Yusuke and Yoshiatsu also weren't bad company and it also gave him the opportunity to give them their gifts.

 

Yusuke was planning on having a small get together at his house for Christmas but he wanted everyone from his band to be there. He wanted all four of them to spend it together but of course Yusuke didn't tell Takashi that Tomo was coming, just in case he ended up declining the offer. Tomo already said that he was coming but he also said he was bringing a friend along. Which was fine, Yusuke didn't care. Takashi was probably going to hate him. Tomo was probably going to hate him too but he needed to do something. They could see each other again and realize how dumb it is to be fighting. They could work out their problems.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays even though I'm kind of late??

It was Christmas and Takashi was making his way to Yusuke's house. Takashi brought along with him two wine bottles and a pack of beer. He also had a bag of gifts.

 

Takashi rang the bell and patiently waited for someone to open the door.

 

Takashi was freezing his ass off. It was so cold out, his teeth were chattering and his fingertips felt numb.

 

The door opened.

 

It was Yoshiatsu.

 

“Let me help you with that.” Yoshiatsu said as he took the alcohol out of Takashi's hands.

 

Takashi felt relieved when the brown bag holding the wine bottles was taken out of his arms. Not only was it heavy but the bottles were pretty cold. His left arm was colder than the right.

 

“Thanks.” Takashi said as he walked into Yusuke's house. He closed the door and took off his shoes.

 

“What's in the bag?” Yusuke asked as he approached Takashi pointing at the bag full of gifts.

 

“Just presents.”

 

“Ooohh, nice. Put them under the tree with the rest.”

 

_The rest?_

 

Takashi looked towards the nicely decorated tree. There were a handful of gifts. He wondered if one belonged to him.

 

“Okay and Merry Christmas.” Takashi said as he gave Yusuke a quick hug.

 

Yusuke hugged him back tightly.

 

“Merry Christmas.” Yusuke said before letting go.

 

Takashi made his way to the tree and he started taking out the gifts from his black bag.

 

Takashi took out four gifts.

 

Damn.

 

He forgot he had Tomo's in there too.

 

Takashi saw the other gifts under the tree. Takashi saw his name on a label, it was kind of bug. He wondered who it was from. Right next to it there was a gift wrapped in black wrapping paper.

 

How festive.

Takashi thought to himself as he smiled.

 

He was sure that Yoshiatsu wrapped that.

 

The label read _To: Tomo_

 

They were probably going to give him his gifts another day.

 

Since Takashi had Tomo's gift with him, he placed it under the tree. He personally wasn't going to give it to him but he wanted him to have the gift. It was for him after all.

 

Takashi sat down next to Yusuke, taking in his surroundings.

 

The lights were dimmed but the Christmas tree was pretty bright. There were even some lights stringed on the wall. Candles were lit and it was warm. It felt really comfortable. Very homey.

 

“I like how you decorated the place.” Takashi said to Yusuke.

 

“I wanted it to feel festive so I forced Yoshi to help me decorate today. Do you know how hard it is to fine Christmas lights a few days before Christmas? We literally got all the decorations two days ago and Yoshi wanted to get black lights! Black!”

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

“At least you didn't send him by himself or he would've came back with black lights and Halloween decorations.”

 

Yusuke laughed.

 

“Instead of lights hanging on the tree it would be cobwebs and fake spiders.” Yusuke said.

 

“Hey! It would be pretty cool. It would be our thing. Why conform to society? Who said you need Christmas decorations for Christmas?” Yoshiatsu said as he joined them in the living room, carrying three beers.

 

Finally. Drinks.

 

Takashi already had a headstart on drinks but he needed more in his system. He was starting to feel the sadness again. He was sad that Itsuki hadn't call him yet to say 'hi' or wish him a Merry Christmas and he was also sad about Tomo. It felt weird not spending Christmas together.

 

Takashi opened his beer and slowly began to drink.

 

He wasn't going to rush this time. He had all the time in the world.

 

“Christmas decorations are meant for Christmas. Halloween for Halloween.” Yusuke said.

 

“Conformist. Wouldn't it have been cool to have cobwebs and spiders on the tree, Takashi”? Yoshiatsu asked.

 

“I personally like the Christmas decorations but I kinda like the idea of having the two mixed like the ornaments and spiders on the same tree or on one half the Christmas decorations and the other half Halloween ones.” Takashi said.

 

“No! Don't agree with him!” Yusuke said.

 

“Lights and cobwebs sound really cool.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“Ummm, no. The tree would just be cluttered.”

 

“Think about the aesthetic. Christmas and Halloween mashed together!”

 

“NOOO!”

 

“Come on, Yuu, don't be such a killjoy.”

 

“You're so not festive.”

 

“Ummm, what? Have you seen my sweater? It has a Christmas tree and snowflakes. It also lights up, talk about festive.”

 

Takashi looked at Yoshiatsu's sweater.

 

He couldn't believe that he didn't see it earlier.

 

The lights on his sweater were lit up and it was so cute. Takashi was amused.

 

“It's black.” Yusuke said.

 

“Still festive.”

 

“Black isn't festive.”

 

“But I look good in black.”

 

Yusuke rolled his eyes.

 

“Everyone looks good in black.” Yusuke said.

 

“I like his sweater.” Takashi said.

 

Personally, Takashi would wear it just not with the lights on out in public. If he was with friends in his house or their house, then maybe he would have the lights on.

 

“See, it's cool and totally festive.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“How do you get the lights to light up?”

 

“Oh, theres a very small switch near my waist so I just move the little switch.”

 

“That's so cool. I've never seen something like that before.”

 

Yoshiatsu smiled.

 

“I'm glad that you like it, unlike that person over there.”

 

Takashi smiled as Yusuke rolled his eyes.

 

Takashi was glad that he didn't stay at home. He was already enjoying himself.

 

The bell rand.

 

“Oh, that must be the food.” Yusuke said standing up.

 

_Food?_

 

_What?  
_

_Who delivers on Christmas?_

 

“Yoshi, get the door. Takashi, help me set the table.” Yusuke said.

 

Takashi followed Yusuke into the kitchen. He left his beer on the counter as Yusuke handed Takashi plates. There were a lot of plates but there was only three of them.

 

Takashi could hear Yoshiatsu talking to someone but he couldn't hear or see who it was.

 

Takashi laid out six plates.

 

_Is Yusuke waiting for others to show up?_

 

Takashi thought it was just going to be the three of him.

 

Yusuke laid out some silverware before he left to see who just arrived.

 

Takashi headed back into the kitchen to finish his beer and to get another one.

 

Yusuke saw that it was Sena.

 

“Hey, where's Tomo?” Yusuke asked once he got near Sena.

 

He didn't want Takashi to hear and find out that Tomo was coming.

 

“We were coming back from KFC and he told me to come straight here with the food so it didn't get cold as he went to the liquor store.” Sena said as he gave the KFC bag to Yusuke.

 

“Oh, okay. Thank you for stopping by and getting this.” Yusuke said as he took the bag.

 

“No problem. Thank you for letting me come.”

 

“Ah, don't mention it. The more the merrier.”

 

Yusuke waited for Yoshiatsu to sweep in just as they planned.

 

Yoshiatsu didn't know the reason behind any of this but he was going to follow through for Yusuke.

 

“Hey, why don't we go out to talk for a bit.” Yoshiatsu said to Sena.

 

“Alright.” Sena said as he followed Yoshiatsu outside.

 

Yusuke didn't want Sena to know that Takashi was here just in case he knew what was going on between Tomo and Takashi. He didn't want Sena to tell Tomo that Takashi was here. He had a feeling that he wouldn't come if he knew that.

 

So far everything was going smoothly.

 

Yusuke brought the KFC bag to the kitchen where Takashi was.

 

“KFC? What? They do delivery now?” Takashi asked.

 

He felt his stomach rumble in hunger as the scent of fried chicken hit him.

 

He didn't even know he was hungry.

 

Yusuke chuckled.

 

“It was a special deliver.” Yusuke said.

 

Takashi smiled.

 

“Ooohh, _special_ , I like the way that sounds. You're going to have to hook me up.” Takashi said.

 

“I don't think Itsuki would like that.”

 

“Wait. What? You know someone who works at KFC?” Takashi asked.

 

“Yes, I know someone there.”

 

“Is it a girl?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What? You just made a girl deliver you food and you didn't even invite her to stay?”

 

“She hooked me up with a deal but she didn't deliver it herself. She's also working tonight so she couldn't come.”

 

“Ehh, you tried to invite a girl over? Do you... like her?”

 

“No, I just invite every fast food worker I meet to my house everyday.” Yusuke said sarcastically.

 

“That's so cute. You like a girl, you like a girl.” Takashi said trying to contain himself from gushing.

 

It was so cute.

 

“Yeah, yeah, now shut up.” Yusuke said.

 

Yusuke wasn't lying about liking a girl who worked at KFC.

 

The doorbell rang once again.

 

“Stay here and guard the food.” Yusuke said.

 

“Yes, sir.” Takashi said as he saluted Yusuke.

 

Yusuke shook his head smiling.

 

“You're such an idiot.” He said walking out the kitchen to open the door.

 

He was glad to know that Sena was still outside with Yoshiatsu.

 

Yusuke opened the door and there stood Tomo with a huge case of beers, a huge black bag, and two full brown bags.

 

“Oh my god. Did you raid the liquor store or something?” Yusuke said as he took the brown bags from Tomo.

 

They were really heavy.

 

How did Tomo manage to carry all of this from the liquor store? The liquor store was a good distance away.

 

Tomo tried to follow Yusuke to the kitchen but Yusuke quickly stopped him.

 

“Oh, just leave the case there. I'll put it away.” Yusuke said.

 

“No, don't worry. I got it. You don't need to make two trips.”

 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 

“What's in the black bag?” Yusuke asked.

 

“Gifts.”

 

“Oh, good. Put them under the tree with the rest and take off your shoes.”

 

“Yes, mother.”

 

Yusuke walked quickly to put the brown bags in the kitchen.

 

“Please put these in the fridge.” Yusuke said to Takashi.

 

“Okay.”

 

Yusuke hurried back to Tomo to take the beer case.

 

Luckily Tomo was still taking off his shoes.

 

Yusuke brought the beer case to Takashi whose eyes lit up when he saw the case.

 

So god really does exist.

Takashi thought to himself when his eyes landed on the 36-pack of beer.

 

He wondered who brought it. He was going to have to thank that person.

 

“You know what to do with these.” Yusuke said.

 

“Drink them, got it.”

 

“No, put them in the fridge so they can stay cold.”

 

“Ugh, fine.”

 

Takashi took out the things that were in the brown bags. There was a bottle of wine, two two liters of soda, a bottle of vodka, and a six pack of flavored beer.

 

Takashi loves flavored beer. They were much better to digest since they taste better than regular beer. He didn't care that it was considered girly, especially if it was berry flavored.

 

It was berry flavored.

 

_Thank you, Jesus. It's a Christmas miracle._

 

Takashi put the sodas, some more beers, the bottle of vodka, and the flavored beers in the freezer. The rest went in the fridge which was packed with wine, beers, water, and a few soda cans. It was a packed fridge.

 

Takashi took out a cold beer from the fridge and started drinking away.

 

Takashi told himself he wasn't going to drink so much so fast but they weren't going to drink themselves.

 

_That would be cannibalism._

 

Takashi made himself laugh.

 

Yup. He was almost there.

 

He wanted to get drunk but he didn't want to become a trashy drunk. So he was going to drink but he was going to try and remain calm and hopefully happy.

 

He made his way to the trash can to throw away his empty cans but he felt his head spin.

 

Okay, okay. Now I have to take my time drinking.

 

His body felt lighter which made him happy. He felt really good.

 

He was really hungry though.

 

“Hey, Yuuuu. When....” Takashi was saying as he mad his way to the living room but stopped mid-sentence when he made eye contact with _him_... Tomo.

 

Takashi stopped breathing for a bit.

 

He felt something in his throat. He felt sick all of a sudden.

 

_No. It can't be._

 

Takashi ran to the bathroom and lock himself in there.

 

_It can't be him._

 

_It wasn't him._

 

_You're tripping. Remember, alcohol isn't your friend._

 

Takashi splashed cold water on his face.

 

Takashi tried to convince himself that it wasn't Tomo but he knew it was him. When they locked eyes Takashi knew. He knew by the way his heart started beating really fast, by the way his stomach fluttered, how warm he felt inside.

 

_Pull yourself together._

 

_Remember, fuck him._

 

_Get yourself together and go out there._

 

_Show him that you're fine without him._

 

_That you don't care._

 

_But I do care._

 

_He doesn't know that, now be strong._

 

Takashi took in a deep breath and exhaled.

 

He flushed the toilet and headed back to where Yusuke was.

 

Takashi tripped slightly but didn't fall.

 

Takashi laughed a bit and so did Yusuke.

 

“Sorry about that. I drank a little too much and I felt it coming up.” Takashi said obviously lying but Tomo was still here, looking directly at him but Takashi didn't dare look at him. He was trying not to get flustered but it didn't work. He felt his face heat up. His insides were turning to mush as he felt his gaze on him.

 

_Fuck you, alcohol. I have more self control than this._

 

“I told you earlier to calm down on your drinking.” Yusuke said as he made his way to Takashi.

 

“I know and it didn't help that I had drinks earlier.”

 

“Takashi!”

 

“I know. I know. I'll slow down.” Takashi said cutting off Yusuke before he could lecture him.

 

Tomo was surprised that Takashi was here. He didn't know that he was going to be here. Why didn't Yusuke tell him? If he knew he was here he wouldn't have come.

 

When he first saw Takashi his chest tightened up. He hasn't seen him in forever. A month to be exact. But the Takashi in front of him wasn't the Takashi he knew. He looked... different. He was paler than usual, his eyes were bloodshot red, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked thinner than usual. He looked like a zombie.

 

 _What's going on with him?_  
  
Takashi didn't even look his way which hurt more. It was like he was invisible but he deserved it. He knew he was a complete dick to him.

 

He was worried though. Especially hearing how much Takashi was drinking. Takashi wasn't much of a drinker and if he did drink it was at night and he would only have four beers.

 

“When are we going to eat? I'm hungry.” Takashi said.

 

“We can eat now. I'm getting Yoshi.” Yusuke said before he headed out leaving Takashi alone with Tomo.

 

Takashi didn't look at Tomo or said anything as he turned and walked back to the kitchen to get a soda.

 

He still felt a bit dizzy but his heart was hurting so much right now.

 

Takashi knew Yusuke did this on purpose. He was a bit mad but he knew Yusuke meant no harm. He probably thought that they were going to patch things up.

 

Takashi drank his soda as he looked at the table.

 

There were six plates but only four of them.

 

Why did Yusuke make him set six plates? Maybe there was no reason behind it, he probably just wanted to set the whole table so they could sit wherever they wanted.

 

Yusuke cam into the kitchen and behind him Takashi could see someone with pink hair. He couldn't see who it was because they were walking directly behind Yusuke.

 

Yusuke moved to the side and that's when Takashi saw Sena.

 

Takashi smiled.

 

“Hey, Takashi.” Sena said as he gave Takashi a hug.

 

“Sena, it's been a while.” Takashi said hugging him back.

 

He let him go after a while.

 

Takashi was good friends with Sena and they occasionally hang out.

 

“I know but we've both been so busy.” Sena said.

 

“I know but lets hang out soon>”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“Alright, come eat.” Yusuke said.

 

So Sena was the fifth person.

 

Takashi made his way to the table and sat next to Yoshiatsu. Tomo sat directly in front of Takashi and Sena sat down right next to him.

 

_Great. Now if I look up I'm going to see him._

 

Yusuke sat across from Yoshiatsu at the other end of the able, leaving the seat next to Takshi empty.

 

They all silently began passing around the food.

 

Takashi felt his appetite go away but he was going to force himself to eat. Even if its just a little nit. He didn't want to be rude.

 

“What do you guys want to drink? There's soda, beer, and water.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“Beer.” Takashi said.

 

_Just one more...._

 

Takashi felt Yusuke looking at him but he was going to be fine. It was just one more.

 

“Beer.” Tomo said.

 

“Water.” Sena said.

 

“Beer.” Yusuke said.

 

Yoshiatsu headed to the kitchen.

 

They all sat there with food on their plates waiting for Yoshiatsu to come back so they could eat together.

 

Yoshiatsu came back with the drinks and everyone began to eat.

 

It was really quiet and awkward.

 

“I'm really glad that we could spend Christmas together as a band.” Yusuke said breaking the silence.

 

“Want to join our band, Sena?” Yoshiatsu asked.

 

Takashi smiled and looked over at Sena who was smiling.

 

“Twin guitars would be cool.” Yusuke said.

 

:But who would be lead?” Tomo asked.

 

Takashi didn't pay any mind to Tomo. He was trying his best to eat.

 

“As much as I like you guys, I wouldn't leave Jiluka.” Sena said. “Plus, there's too many five member bands out there. I like being in a four member band.”

 

“You don't want to share your limelight with another guitarist, I get it.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Sena chuckled a bit.

 

“No, it's not that.” Sena said.

 

“It's because we don't have a guitar solo in every song.” Tomo said.

 

“Oh shit.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Sena scoffed.

 

“Ummm, no. If I were to join then I would compose songs and if they happen to have a solo then they do.” Sena said.

 

“They would contain a solo, they always do.” Tomo said.

 

“I like the solos.” Yusuke said.

 

Takashi also likes the solos. Sena was good at shredding but Takashi himself wasn't much of one. They had solos but not a lot of them, not like Jiluka.

 

“Our bands are different and I like the concept we do.” Sena said.

 

“He means to say that we're too soft for his liking.” Tomo said.

 

“Shut up, that's now what I mean. I just like the metal sound we have but I still enjoy your music. Takashi is so good at composing such diverse songs.”

 

“Thank you. You're really good yourself, especially since you compose the music and lyrics all by yourself. That's a lot of work.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi only has to worry about composing the music. Yoshiatsu does the lyrics.

 

“It's nothing really. I do the composing but the rest of the band does their part. We all know what we want to do with the band so we're doing everything to try and achieve that.”

 

“That's great. Even though we've played a few shows together, we barely have any time to talk. It's always such a crazy day so I don't know what the other members are like.” Yusuke said.

 

“Well, our drummer Zyean, he looks pretty intimidating but he's really nice and cool. Ricko, our vocalist, is also really nice too, he's such a passionate guy and he knows how to have fun. The bassist, Boogie... well, Boogie is really fun to hang around with, he has such a charming personality and it just a really good person.”

 

Takashi knew about Sena's feelings for Boogie. Sena is a really smart guy, he know what he wants and does whatever to get it but when it comes to Boogie, he doesn't even try.

 

Once he knew he liked Boogie he told himself not to cross that line and he hasn't. Sena wanted to be professional so that meant don't date someone in your band. Sena was scared that if they somehow ended up dating but broke up, their band was going to end up breaking up and Sena didn't want that. Jiluka was his band. He put so much time, blood, sweat, and tears into the band, he wasn't going to throw all of that away for one guy, for some dumb emotions.

 

“Ugh, I don't know about you guys but I am stuffed.” Tomo said trying to change the subject since he felt Sena's demeanor change.

 

He knew it hurt Sena to talk about Boogie. Tomo just didn't want to him to get all sentimental right now and start crying or whatever. He didn't want to deal with a crying Sena. He was already having to deal with Takashi's presence which was driving him insane.

 

Everyone finished eating, including Taksahi.

 

“Yeah, I don't think I can eat anymoe.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Takashi nodded in agreement.

 

“I'll pick up here, why don't you guys go to the living room.” Yusuke said.

 

“I'll help you.” Takashi said as everyone else made their way to the living room.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Takashi gathered the plates and dumped whatever trash was on in into the bin. He began washing plates as Yusuke wiped the table.

 

Once Takashi was done he stayed in the kitchen to finish his beer.

 

Yusuke entered the kitchen.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Yusuke asked him.

 

“I'm fine.”

 

“Please don't be mad at me.”

 

Takashi sighed.

 

“I;m not mad. Do I like that he's here? No. But it was going to happen eventually. I'm just not going to talk to him.” Takashi said.

 

“But, Takashi, you guys have to work this out. You're friends.”

 

“Were friends. As in the past. I don't care for him anymore now please excuse me. I'm going outside for a smoke.”

 

Takashi grabbed three nice cold beers from the fridge and he went to grab his shoes from the front entrance before heading out to Yusuke's backyard.

 

Takashi went outside, closed the sliding door behind him and put on his shoes.

 

It was really cold outside but it felt better being outside. Inside he felt like he was suffocating.

 

Takashi sat in a chair outside. The chair made his butt really cold.

 

Takashi opened his beer and lit a cigarette.

 

Yusuke's backyard was spacious and it was really quiet outside. The sky was darker than usual, it was hard to see the stars.

 

It was such a nice scene.

 

Takashi chugged half of his beer before he sucked on his cigarette some more.

 

His hands were trembling from the cold but he had no intention on going in anytime soon. He would rather freeze than go inside and see Tomo's ugly face.

 

_Okay, his face isn't ugly._

 

_He's still pretty hot...._

 

Takashi was still mad at him though.

 

Takashi finished his beer and opened another one.

 

He took out his phone and called Itsuki.

 

He was really worried.

 

The line just rang and rang. He hung up once he heard the voicemail lady's voice.

 

He tried two more times but it was the same thing.

 

“Fuck!” Takashi said.

 

He was annoyed but he wasn't trying to stress himself out some more.

 

Takashi took in some deep breaths as he felt his eyes sting.

 

_Don't cry._

 

_Don't cry._

 

Takashi opened his third beer.

 

It began to snow.

 

Takashi smiled as he remembered the day Itsuki confessed. He remembered how happy he was. How beautiful the snow fell around them as they first kissed. The warmth of Itsuki's hand.

 

Takashi couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

 

He was crying because he felt lonely right now and Tomo being here made things worse. Everyone else was inside enjoying themselves as Takashi was outside crying pathetic tears.

 

Takashi wiped his eyes and smoked another cigarette.

 

After drinking three beers and smoking about six cigarettes, Takashi felt better. His body however was numb from the cold. The floor was covered in snow but it wasn't a lot. It was probably an inch of snow but it was still snowing.

 

Takashi heard the sliding door open but he didn't turn around to see who it was.

 

“Hey, Taksahi, come inside.” Takashi heard Yusuke say.

 

“I'll be there in a bit.”

 

“Right now. It's really important.”

 

Takashi groaned and got up.

 

His legs were completely numb and everything around him was spinning.

 

Takashi was able to balance himself as he held onto the table.

 

“Whoa, are you okay?” Yusuke asked him.

 

“Yeah, just slipped on some snow.”

 

“Oh my god, it's snowing!”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Yusuke made his way to Takashi to help him get inside.

 

Takashi reeked of alcohol and smoke.

 

“Why were you sitting out here in the snow?” Yusuke asked.

 

“I was smoking.”

 

Yusuke hoped that Takashi was okay. He had a surprise for him right now. He hoped his surprise could cheer him up.

 

Before going inside they took off their shoes.

 

Takashi's feet hurt as he took off his boots. He also had to steady himself with Yusuke's arm. At least Yusuke was strong enough to hold him up.

 

They made their way inside. It was so warm but Takashi was stumbling around.

 

Takashi saw Yoshiatsu, Sena, and Tomo sitting on the couch but Takashi quickly looked away from them.

 

Takashi put his boots down by the entrance and he felt someone hug him from behind. The sudden hug startled him. He jumped and quickly spun around to see a certain black haired, glasses wearing guitarist.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update!

“Itsuki!” Takashi said practically jumping into Itsuki's arms.

 

Takashi was crying but they were happy tears.

 

Takashi was so happy to see him.

 

_Why didn't he answer my calls?_

 

Takashi kissed Itsuki.

 

He didn't care that his fellow bandmates and Sena were in the same room.

 

Itsuki kissed him back just as fiercely.

 

Tomo was watching as Itsuki snuck up behind Takashi.

 

_Why was he here?_

 

_Last time I checked he isn't in the band._

 

Sena wasn't in the band but Tomo brought him along as an extra guest. Tomo didn't hear anything about Itsuki bring a guest.

 

It hurt Tomo seeing Takashi get that happy seeing Itsuki. But what hurt the most it what happened next... He saw Takashi kiss Itsuki.

 

Tomo felt his stomach drop.

 

He felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

 

He couldn't believe that this was happening. Itsuki, that little shit actually made a move. He actually won over Takashi.

 

Tomo was pissed off.

 

Out of all people it just had to be Itsuki.

 

He wasn't that surprised that Itsuki swooped in when he finally left Takashi alone. He was surprised that Takashi let him swoop him away.

 

It made him wonder.

 

Did Takashi always like Itsuki?

 

Tomo never heard Takashi mention it. He actually never heard Takashi say anything about liking someone.

 

_He looks so happy._

 

_Was I always standing in the way of his happiness?_

 

“Babe, why are you crying?” Itsuki asked as he pulled away from the kiss.

 

Takashi's lips were salty but he tasted like beer and cigarettes.

 

“I missed you and I was calling you but you weren't picking up which was making me worry.” Takashi said wiping his tears away.

 

_And this whole Tomo thing has me stressed._

 

But of course Takashi didn't say that out loud and he was never going to tell Itsuki that. After all Takashi told him that he stopped caring about Tomo and wasn't worrying about him anymore or thinking about him.

 

“I'm sorry. I was trying to surprise you since I know how down you've been because you were alone.” Itsuki said.

 

“I thought you were still on tour.”

 

“Yesterday was the final day. I arrived back in town today.”

 

“I should really start paying attention to your tour schedule.”

 

“I'm glad you didn't but now I feel shitty for doing this. I didn't mean to worry you.”

 

“It was a good surprise but next time answer the damn phone.” Takashi said as he playfully pushed Itsuki away from him.

 

“Wait. Am I the only one confused by this?” Yoshiatsu asked.

 

Takashi looked over to see everyone but Tomo looking at them.

 

Sena was surprised by what he saw.

 

He wondered if Tomo knew about them. If so was that the reason why Tomo stopped talking to Takashi?

 

“Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that we're dating.” Takashi said.

 

“What? Since when?”

 

Takashi was doing the math in his head when he realized they've been together for a month.

 

Takashi wasn't big on monthly anniversaries very less first month ones, it seemed pretty dumb to him. Now if they were together for at least half a year then maybe he would do something special. Takashi didn't know Itsuki's view on anniversaries.

 

“It's been about a month.” Takashi said.

 

“It has, hasn't it?” Itsuki said.

 

He honestly had no idea that it's already been a month. Time was flying by too fast and Itsuki was too busy to keep up with dates.

 

“Ehh?? A month?! And you're now just telling me!” Yoshiatsu said.

 

_Wow, a month already._

Tomo thought to himself.

 

It's been a month since he stopped talking to Takashi. So Itsuki literally swooped in once he realized he was out of the picture.

 

_Smart._

 

Tomo wondered what Takashi felt when he disappeared out of the blue.

 

He admits that was a pretty dick move but it was the only way.

 

Itsuki probably comforted him like always. Probably cuddled up with him and gave him kisses.

 

Tomo was making himself sick thinking about that.

 

“I'm sorry. I forgot. We didn't tell anyone right away though. We waited about two weeks.” Taksahi said.

 

“Two weeks? What the hell?”

 

“I wanted to keep it private for a bit.”

 

More like he wasn't ready to tell anyone.

 

“Who did you tell first out of all of us?” Yoshiatsu asked.

 

“Yusuke.”

 

“What? Yusuke? Why? Is it because you guys were in a previous band together?”

 

“No. I had to tell him because we went to one of TBS' lives.”

 

“That's the only reason why you told me first? Wow.” Yusuke said.

 

“You guys are reading into this way too much. I was going to tell you guys when I was ready. I wasn't going to keep it a secret forever.”

 

“You're right, it was bound to come out sooner or later since you suck with secrets.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

“I don't. I'm really good at keep secrets. Especially my own.” Takashi said.

 

“I would like to hear some Takashi secrets.”

 

“I'm not telling you.”

 

“Come on, you tell me one and I'll tell you one.”

 

Takashi thought about it for a while.

 

Takashi personally didn't have any good secrets but Yoshiatsu was bound to have at least one good one.

 

“Maybe another day.” Takashi said.

 

“Lets have cake.” Yusuke said.

 

Christmas cake sounded so good right now.

 

When Takashi was in the kitchen earlier he didn't see a Christmas cake so he was surprised to find out they had one.

 

Takashi walked to the dining room with Itsuki who was holding his hand.

 

Takashi felt comfortable that he could do this in front of his friends.

 

The cake was white, had small chunks of chocolate, strawberries, and a small thing that said 'Merry Christmas'.

 

It looked really good.

 

Yusuke cut six pieces and placed them on plates.

 

Takashi was glad to have Itsuki sitting next to him because the space wasn't empty anymore.

 

“Thank you, Itsuki, for bringing the cake.” Yusuke said before he took a bite.

 

“No problem.” Itsuki said.

 

_So Itsuki brought the cake with him._

 

Takashi took a bite.

 

It tasted so good.

 

It wasn't too sweet and the cake practically melted in Takashi's mouth.

 

“This cake is so good.” Sena said.

 

“Mhmm. It really is.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“Who knew you were so good at picking cakes.” Takashi said to Itsuki smiling.

 

Itsuki leaned in a bit closer to Takashi.

 

“I'm good at a lot of things.” Itsuki said as he gave Takashi a small wink.

 

Takashi looked at Itsuki surprised. His cheeks began to heat up.

 

_He did not just say that in front of everyone._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Yoshiatsu choked on his drink causing him to cough.

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

“Itsuki, I can't believe you just said that.” Takashi said.

 

Yoshiatsu drank some of his beer and calmed down.

 

“You almost killed our vocalist.” Yusuke said.

 

“I didn't think I said it that loud. I'm really sorry.” Itsuki said.

 

Tomo wasn't amused by what Itsuki said. Very less that flirty wink he gave Takashi. It made his blood boil thinking about what he meant.

 

He knew what he meant and that didn't sit well with him. He felt sick knowing that Itsuki has his dirty hands all over Takashi.

 

“I'm kind of intrigued now.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“Don't be intrigued. That's weird.” Takashi said.

 

“I can't help it. I'm really curious now, I've known you for a while now and I've never seen with someone so it just makes me wonder, have you ever been with someone else?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Female? Male?”

 

“I mostly had boyfriends but I did have a girlfriend once years ago but after that I just stuck with guys.” Takashi said as he slightly shrugged.

 

He never talked about his previous relationships but there wasn't a reason for him to bring them up. Takashi didn't mind talking about it.

 

“When you say it like that it sounds as if you've had a lot.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Takashi smiled slightly and slowly drank his soda.

 

_Uh oh._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

No one, not even Tomo knew how many people he's dated. Takashi never talked to Tomo about previous relationships. Very less that he liked guys. There was no shame behind it but he just didn't want anyone to know. Takashi didn't really care about the dating scene anymore so there was no point in talking about it.

 

“Damn, Takashi, I didn't think you were like that.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

Takashi smiled a bit more.

 

“It's not _that_ much.” Takashi said.

 

Throughout his lifetime he's only had about... ten boyfriends. Itsuki was his tenth.

 

_Ten is not a lot._

 

“So you've... you know... it.” Yoshiatsu said a little to curious now.

 

Tomo shook his head.

 

He didn't want to hear this anymore.

 

“And now I'm going outside.” Tomo said as he stood up and headed outside to smoke a cigarette.

 

Tomo didn't want to hear about Takashi's love life. Very less his sex life.

 

In Tomo's eyes Takashi is pure but hearing this put him in a different perspective.

 

Maybe Takashi isn't as innocent as he thought but he didn't like the thought of other men touching his precious Takashi.

 

Tomo heard the sliding door open and he looked over to see Sena coming towards him.

 

“Look at all the beautiful snow.” Sena said.

 

“I hate the snow.”

 

_No wonder today has been such a bad day._

 

_It's snowing._

 

To Tomo the snow was like a bad omen. He's always hated the snow because when it snows something shitty always happens so he's grown to hate it.

 

“How are you feeling?” Sena asked him obviously talking about the Takashi situation.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Don't lie to me.” Sena said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“Well, if you know how I fucking feel then why are you asking?”

 

“Don't be an asshole right now. You knew what was going to happen when you finally let him be. Don't like it? Fucking deal with it. You did this to yourself.”

 

Sena was right... in a way. Even though he did bring up this upon himself he was still mad. Sad.

 

A few days after he wrote that letter to Takashi and purposely fell out of contact with him, he regretted it. It was killing him inside to know that Takashi was trying to get in contact with him but he had blocked Takashi from his phone because he knew he would cave and would end up answering a call or text from him. Maybe it wasn't the correct way to handle things but Tomo convinced himself that it was the only way.

 

Even though this is what he wanted, he didn't want it anymore. He never really did but it proved a point. It proved that Takashi was going to fine without him. That he is fine without him. After all he has Itsuki now....

 

It still didn't sit well with him that Itsuki was going to be there for Takashi from now on. It's never going to sit right with him.

 

_Why couldn't he pick some random stranger?_

 

Tomo didn't want anyone with Takashi but a random stranger that he knew nothing about sounded better than someone he knew and disliked. With Itsuki their paths constantly cross, with a stranger that Takashi dates he wouldn't have to see him unless Takashi brought him to a show or some get-together which would be hardly ever.

 

“Why are you even here?” Tomo asked Sena who was quietly standing beside him, just staring at him.

 

“Just repaying the favor about the whole... Boogie thing.”

 

It was hard for Sena to say Boogie's name out loud.

 

“I just didn't want to deal with your crying.” Tomo said.

 

“And I don't want to deal with your crying. It's not hot when you cry.”

 

“I don't cry.”

 

“You're such a fucking liar. When you get drunk and start thinking about Takashi you cry.”

 

“I. Don't. Cry.” Tomo said sternly.

 

Tomo didn't appreciate Sena exposing him like this even though that only happened like once.

 

“Whatever you say crybaby.” Sena said before he gave Tomo a kiss on the cheek.

 

Sena really likes Tomo. He's a really good guy under his rough appearance.

 

At first Sena felt bad when Tomo made advances towards him because he knew how much Takashi liked him but then Sena became selfish. He saw how Tomo really was and even though they fight every now and then Tomo was still there for him as support. Now, seeing that Takashi was with Itsuki, whatever guilt he felt was gone. Takashi moved on so now Tomo can belong to him.

 

“I'm going inside. I'm freezing.” Sena said as he began taking off his boots so he could go back in.

 

“I'll be there in a bit just let me finish my cigarette.”

 

“I'll be waiting.”

 

Sena left Tomo outside with his thoughts.

 

_If I say 'hi' to Takashi would he say it back?_

 

_Or would he act as if I don't exist?_

 

_Knowing him he would probably say it back with a smile._

 

_Just to torture me some more._

 

_To let me know that he's fine._

 

_That he doesn't care about what I did or what I'm going to do._

 

_Would Takashi care if I kiss Sena right in front of him?_

 

_Would it hurt him to know that he left him for Sena?_

 

Tomo wanted Takashi to know what he was feeling. He wanted him to fell his pain.

 

Tomo put out his cigarette in the ash tray and headed inside.

 

He put his shoes by the entrance and made his way to Sena who was standing by the Christmas tree drinking a beer.

 

“Isn't the tree beautiful?” Sena asked him.

 

“It is.”

 

With that Tomo held Sena's face with both hands and kissed him.

 

Sena froze for a bit.

 

Confused.

 

Shocked.

 

Was Tomo really kissing him in front of everyone?

 

Sena didn't think twice and wrapped his arms around Tomo's neck and pulled him even closer to him.

 

Takashi saw as Tomo entered and made his way to Sena.

 

Takashi was acting as if he wasn't watching.

 

He still couldn't believe that he was here.

 

Takashi saw Tomo kiss Sena.

 

Takashi felt all the oxygen in his body escape.

 

_Tomo and Sena?_

 

_What?_

 

_How?_

 

_Why?_

 

Takashi was hurt. Hurt because he thought Sena was his friend. Why would Sena do something like this to him? Sena knew how he felt about Tomo. Takashi felt so betrayed. It also hurt to see Tomo kiss someone he knew. Someone he called his friend.

 

Takashi quickly looked away and looked at Itsuki who was talking about something. Takashi couldn't hear the words coming out of his mouth. He couldn't hear anything.

 

He just wanted to die.

 

“What the hell is going on?” Yoshiatsu asked.

 

Tomo pulled away from Sena.

 

“Why'd you do that?” Sena asked Tomo in a low voice.

 

“Felt like it.” Tomo said back also in a low voice.

 

Tomo cleared his throat.

 

“Well....” Tomo started ti say which grabbed Takashi's attention.

 

“I've been seeing Sena for the past six months.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi felt sick to his stomach.

 

_This has been going on for half a year already._

 

Takashi felt like an idiot waiting for Tomo.

 

Takashi felt more like an idiot because Sena was with him and Sena never mentioned anything.

 

He was so mad.

 

Takashi confided in Sena and he does _this_.

 

_Unbelievable._

 

“Six months? That's such a long time.” Yoshiatsu siad.

 

_It must be really serious between them._

 

Takashi didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't hear anymore so he headed into the kitchen to grab a drink. Water to be exact.

 

Takashi was a beer away from tears. He had enough alcohol in his system and it was fucking with him. Adding more would make things worse. He could end up breaking down in front of everyone. Or he could end up getting in a fight with Tomo or Sena or both. He might slip up and actually tell Itsuki that he still likes Tomo and how he spent the last few weeks crying over him.

 

Takashi saw Itsuki enter the kitchen after a while.

 

“Are you okay?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just really tired.”

 

“How are you feeling about you know?”

 

Takashi gulped down his water.

 

His throat was dry.

 

“I'm happy for them.” Takashi said trying to sound as sincere as possible. “Tomo deserves to be happy.”

 

Even though Takashi is mad at Tomo, he did believe that Tomo deserves happiness. Everyone does.

 

Takashi was happy so why couldn't Tomo?

 

Maybe they weren't meant to be.

 

Maybe they were just meant to be friends. That is if Tomo even wants to be friends with him.

 

Itsuki smiled and pulled Takashi in for a kiss.

 

He was happy to hear Takashi say that.

 

_Takashi is seriously such a great person._

 

If Itsuki was in Takashi's shoes he didn't think he could ever get over what Tomo did to him. Very less wish him a happy life. He didn't know how Takashi could smile and stay positive after what happened. Itsuki wanted to be like him.

 

“I love you so much.” Itsuki said breathlessly as he caught a breather before going back to his make out session with Takashi.

 

Itsuki missed him so much. He couldn't wait to go back to Takashi's to show him how much he missed him.

 

_Maybe I should give him a small preview._

 

Itsuki had his hand on Takashi's ass and gave it a rough squeeze.

 

Takashi let out a small gasp against Itsuki's mouth.

 

Itsuki smiled loving the reaction he got.

 

Itsuki moved his mouth down to Takashi's neck sucking softly on his smooth white skin as he squeezed his ass again a little harder than before.

 

Takashi tried to hold back his moan but it came out like a throaty whimper.

 

He had goosebumps.

 

His neck was his most sensitive spot.

 

Someone clear their throat.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *CONTAINS SMUT SOMEWHERE IN THE BEGINNING-MIDDLE*

Takashi jumped away from Itsuki. His heart was racing.

 

He felt so embarrassed that someone caught them making out.

 

Takashi couldn't look at who it was.

 

His face was heating up

 

“Sorry to interrupt you... moment but I need to get something from the fridge.”

 

Takashi realized that it was Tomo's voice.

 

_Oh god. Tomo just walked in on us making out._

 

His face heated up some more.

 

Takashi wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

 

Tomo wasn't sorry that he interrupted them. H couldn't stand the scene that was going on in front of him. He didn't like the way Itsuki was touching Takashi's body. He loved the sinful noises that were leaving Takashi's mouth. It was hot but he didn't like how Itsuki was the reason behind the sinful noises.

 

Tomo was just trying to get a drink from the fridge but stopped and stayed out of eyesight when he heard Itsuki say 'I love you' to Takashi.

 

Tomo rolled his eyes and wanted to throw up when Itsuki said that.

 

Tomo waited for Takashi to say something but he never did.

 

He wondered if they knew he was there.

 

After a while he headed inside to see Itsuki's hand groping Takashi's ass and he heard Takashi moan. The moan was hot. The groping was not.

 

He wanted to throw up at the sight.

 

“Sorry.” Takashi said as he moved away from the fridge so Tomo could get whatever he wanted.

 

That was the first word Takashi said to Tomo in a month.

 

“Don't worry about it.” Tomo said feeling his heartstrings getting pulled.

 

He was surprised that Takashi spoke to him.

 

All Tomo wanted to do was to hug Takashi tightly and apologize for everything. He wanted to tell him why he did it.

 

Tomo took out a beer.

 

Takashi was literally a few inches away from him. If he extended his hand slightly he would be touching Takashi's arm.

 

“Oh, do you guys want a beer?” Tomo asked trying to be nice.

 

“I'm good. I'll be back.” Itsuki said before leaving the kitchen.

 

Takashi wanted to kill himself when Itsuki let him alone with Tomo.

 

“What about you?” Tomo asked as he turned to look at Takashi who was looking at the ground.

 

“I've had too many already.” Takashi said.

 

“What's one more?” Tomo said jokingly.

 

Takashi smiled a bit and looked up at Tomo who was smiling.

 

Takashi felt his heart flutter seeing Tomo smile.

 

_God, I miss him so much._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“My liver probably wouldn't be able to handle it.” Takashi said.

 

“Drinking a lot lately?”

 

“Ehh....”

 

_Yes._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi has literally spent weeks drinking non-stop. Takashi was a wreck and alcohol helped numb the pain but it made him more of a wreck.

 

Tomo was actually worried by Takashi's response but it would explain why Takashi looked like shit.

 

“You look like shit.” Tomo said.

 

“Yeah, I know I look like shit. I haven't slept much.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Was Tomo seriously asking this question?

 

He didn't know whether Tomo was acting dumb or if he was actually really dumb.

 

_Probably both._

 

Takashi however wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he affected him.

 

“What can I say, I can't live without Itsuki.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo was mad hearing those words leave Takashi's mouth.

 

_Is Takashi seriously into that idiot?_

 

_Takashi couldn't like without Itsuki._

 

That stung a lot.

 

“Right. You and Itsuki, I never would have imagined.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi was so out of Itsuki's lead. He honestly wondered if Takashi was going out with him because he felt bad. Or maybe he was desperate.

 

“I've always liked him and he's always been there for me so it was only a matter of time.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo fought so hard to not roll his eyes or scoff.

 

_Itsuki has always been there for him?_

 

_What's that supposed to mean?_

 

Last time Tomo checked he's always been there for Takashi. Itsuki has been there recently but that's about it.

 

_Even thought Takashi knew Itsuki for about three years. He has always liked him?_

 

_How come Takashi has never mentioned that before?_

 

How is he just hearing about this now?

 

_It was only a matter of time? As if._

 

The only reason they were together was because Tomo backed off and Itsuki took the opportunity.

 

“That's nice. Glad you finally found someone.” Tomo said.

 

“Thank you. I'm such in a better place now.”

 

The atmosphere around them started to feel really tense.

 

The longer they talked the more agitated Takashi got.

 

How could Tomo talk to him like nothing happened? Was he even going to explain what happened?

 

Takashi had to bite his tongue.

 

He wanted to know why Tomo did what he did.

 

But no. He was going to save it for another day.

 

He was going to enjoy himself tonight. Which meant he needed to find Itsuki and go back to the apartment.

 

Takashi headed to the living room without saying another word to Tomo.

 

Takashi could see Itsuki standing outside, leaning against the sliding door.

 

He was most likely smoking.

 

Takashi grabbed his boots to join him.

 

It was colder than before and a lot of snow fell and continued to fall.

 

“Damn, how are we supposed to make it back to my place?” Takashi asked as he lit his own cigarette.

 

He was running short on cigarettes but he did go overboard today. He was so close to finishing a whole pack in a day.

 

“I don't think we're going to be able to. We might end up staying for the night.” Itsuki said.

 

“That's such a shame. I was really looking forward ti spending some one-on-one time with you.”

 

“Same. I was trying to finish what we started earlier in the kitchen.”

 

Takashi was starting to get turned on as he remembered Itsuki's hot mouth on his neck and the way Itsuki was squeezing his ass. Takashi wanted more.

 

“Who said we can't?” Takashi said with a smirk.

 

Itsuki liked the way that sounded.

 

“But how? We're in a house fell of other people.” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi put out his cigarette and took Itsuki's hand in his.

 

“Come with me.” Takashi said seductively.

 

_God he's so hot when he's horny._

Itsuki thought to himself.

 

Itsuki finished what was left of his cigarette and let Takashi lead him.

 

_Leave it up to Takashi to find a way._

 

Takashi led Itsuki to a tree that was to the side of Yusuke's house. It was a few feet away from the actual house near a stone wall.

 

The side of the house was a much safer bet because they could see if someone was coming their way and they had a really small chance of being seen.

 

“We have to be quick.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki pinned Takashi against the tree and began going after his neck.

 

That was the fastest way to get Takashi aroused.

 

Takashi began rubbing Itsuki through his jeans.

 

“Fuck.” Itsuki hissed.

 

Takashi wasn't here to play.

 

Takashi felt Itsuki getting erect.

 

He needed Itsuki inside of him.

 

Takashi unbuttoned Itsuki's pants and pulled it down to his butt.

 

“I need you.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki spun Takashi around so his rear was facing him and he pulled his pants down.

 

Takashi gasped in joy. He was getting really excited. Takashi felt heat in his stomach and he couldn't wait any longer.

 

He loved how dominate and rough Itsuki was being with him right now. He had a completely different attitude this time around.

 

Itsuki began teasing Takashi slightly as he barely stuck his fingers in him.

 

“Hurry up and just do it.” Takashi said impatiently.

 

“First we have to prep.”

 

“No, just do it.”

 

“I don't want to hurt you like last time.”

 

“I can handle it.”

 

“Let's just do it my way this time.”

 

Takashi groaned.

 

“Fine but hurry.” Takashi said.

 

It was just for today after all.

 

Takashi felt Itsuki stick a finger in his hole.

 

_This is going to take a while._

 

“Stick another one in.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki complied and stuck two in.

 

He was really tight.

 

Takashi moaned as he felt Itsuki move his fingers in and out.

 

Sure it hurt if they didn't prep but Takashi liked the way it stung. He loved how it felt like he was being ripped apart. He loved being on the verge of tears. It was his kind of thing but Itsuki didn't seem to be into that kind of thing.

 

The first time they slept together, Itsuki was really careful and caring. Takashi tried to get him to be a bit rougher and he was... at first but then he went back to being his careful and caring self once he began seeing Takashi tear up. Takashi wanted him to continue the abuse but Itsuki didn't like that. He didn't want to make Takashi cry when he's supposed ti be having the time of his life.

 

“Are you ready?” Itsuki asked him.

 

“Always.”

 

Itsuki pulled out his fingers and slowly entered Takashi. He felt Takashi stretch around him.

 

Takashi tried so hard to not pull Itsuki right into him.

 

Itsuki began thrusting in and out of Takashi who began moaning like crazy.

 

“Shhhh. They're going to hear you.” Itsuki said as he put his free hand over Takashi's mouth to muffle his moans.

 

Takashi moved his mouth away from Itsuki's hand so he could talk.

 

“Harder. Faster.” Takashi said through groans.

 

Itsuki picked up his speed and thrust even deeper.

 

Itsuki groaned feeling Takashi tighten.

 

Takashi had to tightly grip the tree or he was going to slip. His legs felt like noodles.

 

_It still feels good... even without the pain._

 

Takashi had to bite his bottom lip to keep in his moans.

 

Itsuki pulled out of him for a bit so he could turn him around. He wanted to see his face.

 

Itsuki picked him up and entered him once again. Picking up where he left off.

 

The tree was rubbing against Takashi's back and it hurt. A lot. He was sure that he was going to have some cuts. The pain and pleasure was too much. A loud moan escaped from his mouth.

 

“F-fuck. I m-m-missed you so much.” Takashi said as he held onto Itsuki's neck pulling his body closer to him. His mouth was right next to Itsuki's ear. Moaning and groaning directly into it.

 

Takashi's member kept rubbing against Itsuki's stomach. Sending him in a state of ecstasy.

 

“I missed you too.” Itsuki said with a strain voice.

 

He was close.

 

“Itsuki... Itsuki... Nghh... It feels so good.” Takashi said into Itsuki's ear.

 

Hearing Takashi moan his name sent him over the edge.

 

He was about to come.

 

Itsuki put Takashi back down and he almost lost his footing but Itsuki caught him.

 

“Are you okay?” Itsuki asked him.

 

“I'm good. Continue.”

 

Takashi's back was turned to Itsuki again and Itsuki entered him once more. Takashi held onto the tree as Itsuki plowed into him even harder than before.

 

Itsuki jerked Takashi off at the same time.

 

Takashi bit his own arm as he felt an orgasm roll right through him.

 

“Ohhh.... Fuck... I'm close.” Takashi said.

 

“Mmm, so am I.”

 

Takashi felt another orgasm rip through him and he came all over Itsuki's hand.

 

It wasn't long until he felt Itsuki come inside him. He could feel some of the warm cum leak out of him.

 

They were both panting.

 

_It was so good._

 

Takashi felt better and was much happier.

 

He turned around and kissed Itsuki fiercely.

 

He wanted more. He needed more. He was ready for a second round but he knew they had to go in before the others go suspicious.

 

Who knew how long they've been out here.

 

“We have to go back in.” Takashi said once he pulled away from Itsuki.

 

Takashi pulled up his pants as Itsuki did the same.

 

Takashi really needed to go to the bathroom to clean himself up.

 

Takashi saw Itsuki wipe his hand with the snow.

 

Takashi smiled and shook his head.

 

He straightened out his clothes and rand his hand through his hair.

 

“How do I look?” Takashi asked Itsuki.

 

“You missed a spot.” Itsuki said as he walked closer to Takashi.

 

“Where?”

 

“Right here.”

 

Itsuki planted a soft kiss on Takashi's lips as he dropped some snow down Takashi's shirt.

 

Takashi let out a small yelp.

 

Takashi flinched from the sudden coldness that ran down his back. It was really wet.

 

“Itsuki! You're such an ass!” Takashi said as he tried to get rid of the snow.

 

Itsuki was laughing really hard.

 

Takashi picked up some snow and threw it towards Itsuki but the snow was still very soft so it flew everywhere. Nowhere close to hitting Itsuki.

 

It made Itsuki laugh even harder.

 

“I hate you.” Takashi said before he turned around and began walking back towards Yusuke's.

 

_So Itsuki wants to play dirty._

 

_I can play dirty._

 

“Takashi. Takashi, babe. Babe.”

Takashi heard Itsuki say but Takashi continued to walk away. He could heard Itsuki behind him.

 

“Are you mad?” Itsuki asked.

 

No response.

 

Takashi pretended to tie his boot but he quickly shoved snow into his pocket. Hoping that it wouldn't melt too fast. His hand was really cold and it hurt to grab handfuls of snow but he was going to get revenge.

 

Takashi made sure to walk slower so Itsuki could catch up with him.

 

Eventually he did after what seemed like an eternity.

 

Takashi had both his hands in his pockets. There was still snow inside.

 

Itsuki grabbed Takashi's arm to stop him from walking away.

 

“Babe, I'm sorry. Forgive me.” Itsuki said.

 

“Give me a kiss and I'll think about it.”

 

Itsuki smiled and pulled Takashi in for his kiss.

 

Takashi took out his hand from his pocket that didn't have snow in it and placed that hand up Itsuki's shirt feeling around. He felt Itsuki flinch from his touch but he didn't move away.

 

Takashi slid his hand down to the top part of Itsuki's jeans. Barely sticking his hand inside.

 

“Takashi.” Itsuki said with a warning tone as he removed Takashi's hand.

 

“I'm not going to do anything.” Takashi said as he took out what was left of the snow from his pocket.

 

Takashi stood on his toes and kissed Itsuki before sticking his cold hand back into Itsuki's jeans.

 

He heard Itsuki suck in some air as his cold hand came in contact.

 

Takashi pulled out his hand slightly before dropping the snow.

 

“Oh, fuck!! Takashi!!” Itsuki said as he pulled away from Takashi and wiggled his leg to get the cold snow out. It just made things worse since the snow traveled farther down. He felt himself shrink.

 

Takashi laughed.

 

“Now, I forgive you.” He said.

 

“You just had to put snow down there. I'm frozen down there now.”

 

“Don't worry. I'll heat it up later.” Takashi said before giving Itsuki a small wink.

 

Itsuki felt himself get excited.

 

He was hoping that Takashi keeps his word.

 

“You better.” Itsuki said.

 

“I will. I will.”

 

Takashi took off his boots and Itsuki did the same before they headed back inside.

 

Takashi saw Sena sitting on the couch with Yusuke and Yoshiatsu but there was no Tomo in sight.

 

_Did he leave?_

 

It's not like Takashi cares.

 

“I'll be back.” Takashi said to Itsuki before he headed to the bathroom to clean himself up.

 

By this point, Takashi felt as if all the effects of alcohol has worn off. He was just exhausted. Whatever energy he had disappeared in an instant. He felt weak. He had a headache. His eyes hurt. He just wanted sleep.

 

For a few weeks he was deprived of sleep so he felt that it was catching up with him. However, Takashi didn't want to sleep. Not yet. He wasn't going to be the first out of all of them to sleep.

 

Once Takashi was done cleaning himself up, he washed his hands and splashed a bit of cold water on his face. The water made his eyes sting a bit.

 

His red eyes had deep black bags under them. He looked diseased the way they looked against his really pale face. He looked like a zombie.

 

He felt like one too.

 

Takashi was walking out of the bathroom when he suddenly tripped over air. He stumbled into someone.

 

Takashi let out an _oomf_ sound.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

_Great._

 

_Just who I needed to see._

 

_Tomo._

 

Takashi was physically and mentally weak already. He didn't have time to deal with him. He didn't have the mentality to deal with him.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.” Takashi said as he held his head.

 

He tried to walk away but he felt his arm getting grabbed. Forcing him to stop.

 

It sent warmth to shoot through his entire body.

 

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” Tomo said.

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

“Hey, I need to talk to you.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi gathered what small energy he had to pull his arm out of Tomo's grasp.

 

_Oh, so now he wants to talk._

 

_I don't think so._

 

_I've been wanting to talk for the last last and where was he? No where._

 

“There's nothing to talk about.” Takashi said before he walked away.

 

Tomo let Takashi walk away. He didn't want to force him to stay and listen to him if he didn't want to.

 

_Damn, I really fucked up, didn't I?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Takashi didn't even look at him.

 

Takashi was definitely mad at him but Tomo didn't blame him. He would be mad too. He was mad.

 

He was mad mostly because his plan wasn't working out like he thought it would. Things were much worse for him. He thought he was going to get over him. Not completely but he hoped that a majority of his feelings would go away.

 

During the whole entire month Tomo couldn't get Takashi out of his mind. He was worried about him and he knew he shouldn't be. After all Tomo put himself and Takashi in this predicament.

 

When he was with Sena sometimes he would slip up and talk about Takashi. Or he would accidentally call Sena Takashi. He was a disaster.

 

The only thing that came out of all of this is that Takashi didn't care anymore. Tomo could feel that he didn't care. His whole demeanor changed.

 

Takashi was no longer wrapped in a small world with him anymore. He was now replaced. Replaced by Itsuki.

 

Tomo felt his heart break a little more.

 

There was nothing he could do. All of this was his fault. He deserved to suffer after all he is such a bad person.

 

There was only so much pain that Takashi could endure from him and he pushed him over that limit.

 

If Tomo could, he would apologize to Takashi but he didn't work like that. He was bound to say the wrong thing and make things even worse. He wasn't great with his words or expressing himself as he would like.

 

_I better just leave him alone._

 

_He looks... happy._

 

All Tomo wanted was to see Takashi happy. So why couldn't he be happy?

 

Why is Takashi's happiness at the expense of Tomo's?

 

Why can't he be happy too?

 

Tomo just wanted to be happy for once in his life.

 

When Tomo thinks about happiness, he thinks about Takashi. He thinks about their memories together. He thinks about his smile and warm laugh. The way his heart warms up when he sees him.

 

If Tomo wasn't such a weak coward then maybe, just maybe he could be happy right now. But no. Tomo just liked to make himself suffer. He just had to make his life a little harder.

 

“What are you doing?” Sena asked pulling Tomo out of his deep thoughts.

 

“Nothing.” Tomo said as he headed into the kitchen.

 

Sena wasn't going to push him into telling him. He didn't want to get on his bad side again.

 

“I just came to tell you that Yusuke offered us a room for the night considering how much snow has fallen.” Sena said.

 

_Great._

 

Tomo really hated the snow.

 

It never brought any good.

 

“Okay.” Tomo said.

 

“Everyone's really tired so they're all heading to bed.”

 

“We're all old as fuck so I'm not surprised that everyone's heading to bed so early.”

 

“Speak for yourself. I'm still really young and I'm wide awake but Takashi looks like he's on the brink of death.”

 

He really did and Tomo was worried about him. Takashi was really different, he almost didn't recognize him. The Takashi he saw today looked fragile and weak. He didn't smile as brightly. He was drinking more than usual. He wasn't his normal chatty self but deep down he was still Takashi.

 

The second Tomo stepped into Yusuke's house he knew something was up by the way all the hairs on his body stood up. It felt electric and he wasn't sure on what was causing him to feel like that until he saw Takashi. That's when he knew. It all made sense. His body always reacts like that when Takashi is around.

 

“Let's go to bed.” Tomo said to Sena.

 

“Okay.”

 

Sena smiled.

 

_Hopefully this is heading somewhere and knowing Tomo it is._

Sena thought to himself.

 

Everyone followed Yusuke up the stairs to the second floor where the rooms were.

 

“Takashi, you and Itsuki can stay in this room. Tomo, you and Sena can stay in the room right next to them. Yoshi, you already know what room you can stay in.” Yusuke said as he handed everyone spare blankets.

 

“Thank you.” Everyone said in unison.

 

Everyone went to their rooms.

 

Takashi felt weird staying in a room with Itsuki that was right next to the room Tomo was staying in with Sena.

 

The bed was already made and it was really clean.

 

Takashi watched as Itsuki stripped down to his boxers.

 

_Itsuki truly has a great build._

 

Takashi looked away and did the same so he could lay down next to Itsuki.

 

Takashi turned off the light and got in bed with Itsuki.

 

Whatever tiredness he felt left as he felt lust build up inside him.

 

Takashi crawled on top of Itsuki, straddling his waist.

 

“What are you doing?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Just doing what I said I was going to do.”

 

Takashi said as he leaned down and kissed Itsuki.

 

Takashi was never fully satisfied. He always wanted more but Itsuki is always too tired for another round.

 

Takashi began to move his hips up and down. Side to side.

 

He felt as Itsuki's bulge grew.

 

Takashi continued to rub himself against Itsuki.

 

He felt Itsuki suck in a breath.

 

Takashi smiled and licked Itsuki's bottom lip for entrance.

 

Itsuki's lips parted, letting Takashi slip his tongue inside. Their tongues dancing around.

 

It was getting hotter between them.

 

Right now, Takashi wasn't going to be selfish. He was going to fulfill Itsuki's needs. Takashi just didn't feel comfortable getting fucked on Yusuke's clean guest bed, in Yusuke's house, with Tomo in the next room, and Yusuke and Yoshiatsu in the room across. He didn't want to risk having them hear him.

 

Takashi pulled away from Itsuki.

 

He let Itsuki's hard member spring out and took it in his mouth.

 

He heard Itsuki let out a small groan as he gave him a small lick before he began bobbing his head up and down.

 

It's been a while since Takashi has done this so he hoped he wasn't too rusty.

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

_What the fuck?_

 

Takashi was still sucking off Itsuki, wondering what that sound was.

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

_Thump._

 

Takashi could hear small groans and moans.

 

_Oh shit._

 

Takashi felt his heart drop to his stomach.

 

_Is that Tomo and Sena?_

 

_Thump thump thump._

 

_The sound is definitely coming from next door._

 

The lust he felt earlier disappeared.

 

It's not like he didn't know they were sleeping together. After all they've been together for half a year. He just didn't want to hear it with his own ears.

 

Takashi quickened up his pace and took all of Itsuki in his mouth.

 

Takashi felt his eyes tear up as he felt Itsuki poking the back of his throat.

 

_Yup. It's been too long._

 

Takashi felt Itsuki's fingers in his hair. Holding his head as he thrusts into Takashi's mouth.

 

This time Itsuki wasn't as gentle.

 

With each thrust Itsuki shoved all of himself into Takashi's mouth.

 

Takashi's jaw and throat began to hurt but he was taking it. Trying to drown himself in the pain to block out the sounds coming from next door.

 

Was it weird that Takashi always wondered what Tomo was like in bed?

 

He's always heard a few things here and there about people's experience with Tomo.

 

They always said he was good. Always careful.

 

But that didn't sound like the Tomo he knew but he could be wrong. Takashi never had the opportunity to try it out for himself.

 

He was surprised knowing that Tomo has been with Sena for half a year.

 

Tomo never seemed like one to settle down for a long time. Maybe Sena fulfilled needs that no one else could before.

 

After a while Itsuki released Takashi's head.

 

Takashi went back to sucking him off.

 

His speed matching the fast tempo if the thumping noise coming from next door.

 

His own hand slipped into his underwear.

 

Takashi was getting off at the thought of Tomo.

 

Takashi imagined himself on the other side of the wall. Under Tomo as he drills himself inside him. Tomo's hard dick ripping right through him. Takashi withering in pain, clutching the bed sheets. Moaning for more and Tomo would give him more. He would give it to him harder as he pushed himself even farther and faster, sending Takashi into a painful state, on the verge of tears but Tomo would be there to kiss them away.

 

Takashi wasn't suppose to like it but he did.

 

He came all over his hand at the thought of his fantasy.

 

It was so twisted.

 

So fucked up.

 

He felt guilty fantasizing about Tomo while Itsuki was right here, getting a blowjob from him.

 

Itsuki came in his mouth and Takashi swallowed the whole thing. He licked Itsuki clean before he got out of bed and pulled on his shirt.

 

He no longer heard the thumping.

 

He really needed to wash his hand and get something to drink.

 

“Do you want something to drink?” Takashi asked.

 

“Water.” Itsuki said catching his breath.

 

Takashi headed out the room and across the hallways to a spare bathroom to wash his hands.

 

Takashi didn't even bother to turn on the light.

 

Takashi slowly and quietly made his way downstairs to the kitchen.

 

Takashi turned on the lights and almost felt his heart jump out of his chest as he let out a small gasping sound.

 

Tomo was there leaning against the counter drinking a beer in his underwear. _Just_ his underwear.

 

Takashi put his hand over his heart. Feeling it beat rapidly.

 

“Fuck. Next time turn on the damn lights.” Takashi said.

 

“Sorry. I didn't think anyone was going to come down but you didn't make any noise coming down>”

 

“I didn't want to wake anyone.” Takashi said as he headed to the fridge to take out a beer and two waters.

 

He could feel Tomo's eyes on him.

 

He suddenly felt embarrassed as he remembered what he just did a few minutes ago.

 

Takashi's face heated up.

 

He moved away from the fridge and opened his beer. Slowly drinking it.

 

“What are you doing awake?” Tomo asked him.

 

Takashi saw Tomo's eyes scan him from head to toe.

 

That made Takashi's face heat up some more.

 

He regretted coming down in just a shirt and his underwear. But at least he wasn't like Tomo who was _just_ in his underwear.

 

Takashi felt himself getting hotter as he noticed Tomo's package.

 

_Nope. Eye's up._

Takashi told himself mentally.

 

“Couldn't sleep.” Takashi said as he looked down at the can of beer in his hand.

 

Takashi wasn't even tired anymore.

 

“Why are you awake?” Takashi asked him.

 

“The same reason why you're not. I couldn't sleep.”

 

Takashi knew why Tomo wasn't asleep. He was too busy banging Sena. But of course Tomo didn't know that Takashi knew that.

 

Tomo however was right about them both being awake for the same reason.

 

His face got hot once again remembering.

 

He's never going to be able to look at Tomo the same way as before.

 

Takashi drank the rest of his beer before drinking another.

 

Tomo watched as Takashi continued to drink.

 

He didn't know him.

 

_Would Itsuki be mad if he came down and saw us both hanging out in the kitchen, drinking with very minimal clothes on?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Sena couldn't say anything to Tomo because:

  1. They weren't together.

  2. Tomo could do whatever he wants, whenever he wants

  3. They weren't together.




 

Reason 1 and 3 were the most important reasons.

 

“I'm worried about you.” Tomo said as he watched Takashi chug down a beer.

 

“Don't worry about me.” Takashi said a bit harsher than intended.

 

He didn't want Tomo to worry about him but it made him mad hearing Tomo say that.

 

_Now he decides to worry?_

 

_Why didn't he worry about me when he randomly left?_

 

“I can't help but to care.” Tomo said annoyed.

 

Takashi laughed.

 

_Okay._

 

“Yeah, you care so much.” Takashi said before he threw away his cans and headed back upstairs.

 

He wasn't going to start with Tomo.

 

He wanted to act strong. He wanted to be strong around Tomo but he couldn't. He slipped. He let Tomo get to him.

 

It hurt him to hear Tomo say that he cared about him because he knew that wasn't true.

 

Takashi laughed bitterly.

 

Tomo really does think he's a fool.

 

He is a fool.

 

Tomo was confused by what just happened. He was also mad.

 

Tomo literally told him that he cares about him and Takashi completely shut him out. Takashi just brushed his feelings to the side. He literally laughed in his face.

 

What hurt the most was that Takashi didn't believe him.

 

Takashi should know him well enough to know that what he said was the truth. He really does feel like that.

 

_I guess he never really knew me._

 

He's never heard Takashi sound so rude. Act so cold towards him.

 

It made him wonder if he's always been like that. If his negative and bitter side was just hidden this while time.

 

_I guess I never really knew him...._

 


	14. Chapter 14

A few days after Christmas Takashi and the rest of the band had to visit music shops to promote their upcoming release.

 

This time around during photos Takashi stood on the far left next to Yusuke. Far away from Tomo.

 

They have barely talked since Christmas.

 

Takashi was still annoyed with him.

 

Takashi was going to head straight home right after they were done going to every store they needed to stop by but Yusuke insisted on having drinks with the whole band.

 

Takashi didn't want to spend anymore time with Tomo than he needed to but he was going to hang out with them because Yusuke practically begged him to. Takashi also kind of didn't want to head home because he was having a mini fight with Itsuki.

 

It wasn't a major fight. It was honestly over something really stupid.

 

Takashi wanted to get a roommate since he had a spare room but he didn't want Itsuki to move in with him. They've only been going out for a little over a month so he didn't think it was a good idea. Itsuki obviously got annoyed which made Takashi get mad and he might've called Itsuki childish. Which resulted into a fight because Itsuki said Takashi wouldn't have a problem letting Tomo live with him if they've been dating for a month.

 

Takashi didn't understand why he had to bring him up.

 

It was dumb and wasn't helping him get his point across.

 

“Takashi!”

 

It was Yusuke interrupting Takashi's thoughts.

 

“Huh. What?” Takashi asked.

 

“Weren't you listening?”

 

“No. Sorry. I was thinking about something.” Takashi said before he drank his now warm beer.

 

He could feel Tomo's eyes on him. Studying his every move.

 

“Are you okay?” Yusuke asked him.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. What were you saying?”

 

“I was just seeing how you were doing since you're not talking much.”

 

“I'm doing pretty good.”

 

Takashi was lying.

 

He felt like shit. He's been feeling really shitty lately. The sadness he feels inside was consuming him. It felt like there was a part of his heart that was missing. He was alive but he wasn't living. He was just getting by.

 

Alcohol was his only escape. It drowned out the pain he feels.

 

“That's good to hear. How's Itsuki?” Yusuke asked.

 

“Busy like always.”

 

It sounded like Takashi was complaining but he wasn't.

 

Itsuki was busy but it wasn't affecting Takashi.

 

Takashi knew he was slipping away from Itsuki but he couldn't stop. He didn't want another failed relationship, so he was trying his best to keep it going. Everything was going so bad for them though.

 

Takashi felt like it was his fault.

 

Everyone always leaves him.

 

_Is something wrong with me?_

 

_Why am I like this?_

 

The pain came back.

 

He was glad that Yoshiatsu finally came back with his shots and beer.

 

Yusuke continued to talk and Takashi continued to block everything out as he threw back three shorts of tequila. His throat burned for a while but it felt good compared to the pain he felt inside.

 

Takashi already had about five beers but they weren't doing anything to him. Tequila was the fastest way for him to get drunk.

 

The third shot made him feel a bit dizzy but he shook it off.

 

He began to drink his beer slowly since he didn't want to catch the other member's attention but he was feeling good inside.

 

He was smiling.

 

His body felt light.

 

Everything felt lighter.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

“It's getting late, I should get home.” Yusuke said.

 

“Me too.” Yoshiatsu said.

 

“Bye. Be safe.” Takashi said, his words slurring slightly.

 

“Shouldn't you get home, Takashi?” Yusuke asked a bit concerned.

 

“Nah. I'll stay a little longer. Don't worry about me.”

 

“Don't worry. I'll make sure he gets home.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi rolled his eyes.

 

He didn't need a babysitter.

 

He was fine.

 

“Alright. Be good, Takashi. Don't give Tomo a hard time.” Yusuke said as he gave Takashi a tight hug.

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

“Tell him that. He's always giving me a hard time.” Takashi said.

 

Yusuke smiled and released Takashi to give Tomo a hug.

 

After a while they were gone.

 

Leaving Takashi alone with Tomo.

 

It was really awkward and silent between them.

 

Takashi threw back another shot and drank some of his beer.

 

“I liked the gift.” Tomo said breaking the silence.

 

“What gift?”

 

“The Christmas gift you got for me.”

 

“Oh. That. I'm glad that you like it.”

 

Takashi forgot what he gave Tomo.

 

“Did you open mine?” Tomo asked.

 

Takashi had the gift that Tomo got him in his closet. Still unopened. He couldn't bring himself to open it.

 

“Yeah. Thank you.” Takashi said as he gave Tomo a small smile before he drank more of his beer.

 

“What was it then?” Tomo asked.

 

_Fuck._

 

_What could Tomo possibly get me as a gift?_

 

_Does Tomo even know what I like?_

 

Nothing came to mind.

 

He was embarrassed that he was just caught in a lie.

 

“I lied. I'm sorry. I haven't gotten around to opening it.” Takashi said as he lowered his head in shame.

 

Tomo felt bad seeing Takashi like this.

 

It was just a gift after all. Nothing too special.

 

“Hey, it's okay.” Tomo said.

 

“I'll open it as soon as possible.”

 

Tomo nodded.

 

“On a serious note, how are you? Please don't lie to me.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi didn't want to open up to Tomo. He didn't want him to know what was going on with him.

 

“I'll be back. I'm getting another beer.” Takashi said as he got up.

 

Takashi stumbled as he tried to walk away but he was able to hold onto the table before he could fall.

 

_That would've been a disaster._

 

Tomo quickly shot up and helped Takashi sit down.

 

“No more. I'm cutting you off.” Tomo said sternly.

 

Takashi flinched slightly at the sudden aggression in Tomo's voice.

 

“But I'm not drunk.” Takashi said.

 

“You don't need to get drunk.”

 

“I want to though.”

 

“No, Takashi.”

 

“I didn't ask for permission. Why don't you just leave?”

 

Takashi was getting annoyed but so was Tomo.

 

“We're leaving.” Tomo said as he slipped on his coat.

 

“Bye. I'm staying.”

 

“No, you're not. I told Yusuke I was going to get you home.”

 

“I don't need a babysitter. I'm not a child.”

 

“You're acting like one.” Tomo said as he stood up and gave Takashi his coat.

 

“I'm not going anywhere.”

 

“Stop acting childish and put on the damn coat before I drag you out of here.”

 

Takashi stared at Tomo for a long time.

 

Takashi was getting really annoyed but he could tell that Tomo wasn't playing around.

 

He would rather leave with his dignity thank forcefully being taken out.

 

Takashi groaned and took the coat from Tomo's hands.

 

As he got up the room began to spin.

 

Tomo grabbed his arm to steady him.

 

_Damn. I got up too fast._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Tomo linked arms with Takashi and helped him outside.

 

Takashi's heart was racing.

 

_Damn alcohol._

 

Tomo was so close to him he could feel heat radiating off his body.

 

“Hey, um, could we not go to my house yet?” Takashi asked.

 

“Uh, sure. Where do you want to go?”

 

“Anywhere.”

 

Tomo was worried.

 

_Why doesn't Takashi want to go home?_

 

_Isn't Itsuki there?_

 

_Did Itsuki do something?_

 

“You never answered my question.” Tomo said

 

“What question?”

 

“I asked how you were doing but I don't want any lies.”

 

“Tomo, I don't want to talk about it.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“It's nothing, okay?”

 

“Takashi.”

 

“Tomo.”

 

Tomo sighed.

 

“Tell me, Takashi. I want to know how you're doing.” Tomo said trying not to get agitated.

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

“I don't know why you want to know.” Takashi said

 

“Because I care.”

 

“No, you don't.” Takashi said as he pulled his arm out of Tomo's. He tried to walk away but the floor kept moving.

 

He was struggling but he didn't want to hold onto Tomo.

 

“But I do care.” Tomo said as he caught up with Takashi.

 

“No. Just stop.”

 

Tomo grabbed Takashi's arm. Pulling him to a stop.

 

Heat rippled through Takashi's body.

 

“Let go.” Takashi said.

 

“No. I've been trying to talk to you but you keep shutting me out!”

 

“You deserve to be shut out. Now you know how I felt!”

 

Takashi couldn't hold back his tears anymore. After a month of choking them back, they all finally came out.

 

Takashi was a mess.

 

His heart was hurting. His head was hurting. His whole body hurt.

 

Tomo felt his heart break seeing Takashi break down like this.

 

_I did this._

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo hugged Takashi tightly which caused Takashi to cry some more.

 

“This whole time I went on thinking about what I did to you to make you leave like that. I thought it was my fault. You didn't talk to me for a month and then I randomly see you at Yusuke's with Sena and you were acting like everything was okay.” Takashi said as he cried some more.

 

“It wasn't your fault. I did this. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

 

“But you did! You fucking did! I wanted to hate you but I couldn't. I can't.”

 

“I'm really sorry. I didn't think it was going to hurt you this much.”

 

“It did thought you asshole. Why'd you do it?”

 

“It was for the best. Or so I thought.”

 

Takashi wiped his eyes.

 

He was trying to stop the tears but they just kept coming.

 

“For the best?”

 

_What does that even mean?_

 

“I can't tell you.” Tomo said.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I just. I can't.”

 

“Tell me. Please.”

 

“Takashi, I can't. I really can't.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don't want it to change things between us.”

 

Takashi laughed bitterly.

 

“Things have already changed!” Takashi said as he pushed Tomo away and tried to walk away but Tomo grabbed his arm again. Takashi tried to pull his arm away but Tomo had a tight grip on him.

 

“I wanted you to find happiness. You couldn't do that with me there. That's why I was really cold towards you for months and you got closer to Itsuki by doing that. Now that I've fully let you go you're with him.” Tomo said.

 

“You're an idiot. I was already with him before you decided to abandon me.”

 

“I didn't know that. I didn't even know you liked him.”

 

Takashi was really close friend with Itsuki but after a while those feelings turned to something else. He no longer saw him as just a friend. He started to see him differently. He began noticing things he never noticed before like how hot he looks when he plays the guitar. The way Takashi's heart flutters when he hugs him or smiles at him but his crush for Itsuki didn't compete at the same level as Takashi's crush for Tomo.

 

It was more than a crush. Takashi loved Tomo. Loves Tomo. Even after everything.

 

“I couldn't tell you right away.” Takashi said.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I didn't want to make you uncomfortable and a part of me didn't want to say anything because....” Takashi took in a deep breath before he continued.

 

_It's now or never._

 

“I love you and I never imagined myself with anyone else so telling you that I was with Itsuki was basically saying I have to get over you but I wasn't ready. I'm not ready.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo was shocked.

 

_He loves me._

 

Something washed over Tomo and he crashed his lips onto Takashi's.

 

Takashi quickly responded by wrapping his arms around Tomo's neck, pulling him even closer to him.

 

Takashi cried so more.

 

They were happy tears this time.

 

He waited to long for this.

 

Tomo's lips felt even better than what he had imagined.

 

Everything felt so right.

 

Tomo had to gather a lot of inner strength to pull away from Takashi or he was going to lose control.

 

Tomo realized that Takashi was crying.

 

“What's wrong?” Tomo asked.

 

_Did I do something wrong?_

 

_Should I have not done that?_

 

“I'm just happy. I've loved you for a while now and I thought that you hated me.” Takashi said wiping his eyes.

 

“I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I love you too. I've had for a while but I'm not good. I've treated you like shit.”

 

Takashi felt his heart flutter when he heard the words 'I love you' come out of Tomo's mouth.

 

_He loves me._

 

“You're good. You're a good guy. I've known you for a while now and I wouldn't love you if you weren't.” Takashi said.

 

“But I was awful to you.”

 

“That's the past, okay? I want to move on from that.”

 

“But....”

 

“Lets not worry about that. I forgive you.”

 

“I don't deserve it.”

 

He didn't deserve Takashi's love after everything. He was seriously too good for Tomo.

 

He literally broke Takashi but he forgave him.

 

_How?_

 

_Why?_

 

“I still forgive you.” Takashi said.

 

“So easily?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't forgive so easily.”

 

“Well, thankfully you aren't.”

 

Tomo smiled.

 

He too was glad that he wasn't.

 

Tomo saw Takashi shiver as strong wind picked up.

 

“Do you want to come over?” Tomo asked.

 

“I don't think Sena would enjoy seeing me.”

 

“Sena's on tour.”

 

“I don't know. I don't want to come in between you guys.”

 

Tomo was confused.

 

_Come in between?_

 

“What are you talking about?” Tomo asked as he took Takashi's hand in his. Leading him towards his place.

 

“You said you've been seeing Sena for half a year. That's really long.” Takashi said as he pulled his hand out of Tomo's.

 

Takashi put his hand in his pocket.

 

He felt guilty kissing Tomo while Takashi was still with Itsuki and while Tomo was still with Sena.

 

Takashi felt like a homewrecker.

 

A whore.

 

Tomo laughed slightly.

 

_He has officially lost his mind._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“You thought I meant... No. I've been seeing him as in it's nothing serious. I only said that because you were with Itsuki.” Tomo said.

 

“Oh.”

 

_So it was a casual thing._

 

“Six months seeing the same person though?” Takashi said.

 

“Yeah, I'm not talking about that with you.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It's weird.”

 

“No, it's not. I basically heard....”

 

Takashi stopped himself mid-sentence.

 

_Fuck._

 

He was about to tell him how he heard them fucking in the next room from where Takashi was with Itsuki.

 

Takashi felt his face heat up as he remembered that night.

 

That night he got off to Tomo.

 

“Heard what?” Tomo asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Takashi.”

 

“It's nothing. I got a bit confused. The alcohol is messing with me.”

 

“Takashi, don't lie.”

 

“Tomo, it's nothing.”

 

“If you tell me, I'll tell you about Sena.”

 

“Maybe one day.”

 

_Not right now._

 

A lot was happening and Takashi didn't want to add any awkwardness to it.

 

Takashi was really happy. He was smiling and he felt alive. Everything felt better and his heart didn't hurt or feel empty.

 

If he said something earlier, they would've figured all of this out.

 

Takashi was walking when he suddenly slipped. He tried to catch himself but he fell to the side.

 

“Are you okay?” Tomo asked as he rushed to Takashi's side.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Takashi's hand was throbbing. There was some broken skin but no blood.

 

Tomo pulled Takashi up.

 

Takashi stood up but he winced in pain. He was limping every time he took a step and a ton of pain would shoot up. He tried to deal with the pain in his ankle but it was too much.

 

Tomo noticed how much Takashi was struggling.

 

“I'll give you a piggyback ride. We're not that far from my apartment.” Tomo said as he bend his legs so Takashi could get on.

 

“I'm fine.” Takashi said.

 

“Don't fight me on this. You don't want to hurt your leg some more.”

 

Takashi sighed and wrapped his arms around Tomo's neck. Tomo picked him up and began to walk. He was being really careful just in case there was more ice.

 

Tomo smelled like cologne and cigarettes. He smelled so good and he felt so warm.

 

Takashi melted against him. He wanted to be this close to him everyday.

 

Takashi had no intention on letting him go. However he had no idea what was in store for the future. Takashi was with Itsuki but knowing that Tomo loves him back complicated things.

 

He felt like this was his only chance to see if they would ever work out. If it didn't end up working out between them, at least Takashi could say that he tried. That he fought for what he wanted. For what he has always wanted.

 

_But Itsuki...._

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been leaving comments! They truly mean a lot to me. ^^

Tomo gently placed Takashi on the couch.

 

“Let me see your leg.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi tried to roll up his jeans but they only went up to his ankle.

 

“Just take them off.”

 

“You would like that, wouldn't you?” Takashi said teasing him.

 

Tomo cracked a smile.

 

It's not like it was the first time he's ever seen him in his underwear. Takashi however was still a bit self conscious.

 

“Of course but first I have to check that leg.” Tomo said.

 

_Whoa. What?_

 

_First?_

 

Takashi began to panic.

 

Takashi figured that he was showing how panicked he was because Tomo began to laugh at him.

 

“You talk a lot of game but you can't back it up.” Tomo said.

 

“Shut up. You don't know what I'm capable of.” Takashi said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“You don't know what I'm capable of.”

 

The way Tomo said that with such husk sent a chill of excitement through Takashi. He had goosebumps.

 

Oh, he had an idea on what Tomo was capable of.

 

Takashi tried his best to not think about anything sinful since he was about to remove his pants.

 

“Can I get a beer?” Takashi joked.

 

“No. You can have a water.” Tomo said as he headed to his kitchen.

 

“I wasn't done drinking at the bar! I'm safe here!”

 

“I'm cutting you off. For a few days.” Tomo said as he returned with a glass of water.

 

“Days?” Takashi said before drinking some of the water. It was nice and cold.

 

“Yes, days. I know you've been drinking a lot lately.”

 

Takashi has but he wasn't going to admit it.

 

“Only a few drinks here and there.” Takashi said.

 

“More than a few drinks. Have you looked at yourself lately?”

 

“There's nothing wrong with me.”

 

“You've lost weight, you're even paler than usual, and your eyes... you look like you're dead.”

 

“I'm fine. I just haven't gotten much sleep.”

 

“I wonder why.”

 

“You know why but I don't want to talk about this anymore. Hold this.” Takashi said as he handed Tomo his glass of water.

 

Takashi unbuttoned his pants as he tried to remove his pants with one hand as the other hand held up his body so he could slip them off. He wanted to avoid putting any pressure on his foot just in case it's actually really hurt.

 

Takashi struggled a bit but he was able to get them off. He placed his pants on his lap and took his water from Tomo.

 

Tomo examined his leg.

 

“I only see a few cuts. There's no swelling so I don't think anything major happened. I'm sure you just twisted it.” Tomo said.

 

“Thank you, doctor.”

 

Tomo smiled.

 

“I'll get you some ice.”

 

It didn't take long for him to come back with an ice pack.

 

Takashi placed it around his ankle.

 

Takashi flinched at the coldness.

 

“Now, let's talk about payment.” Tomo said.

 

“Payment?”

 

“For your treatment. I'm only accepting kisses at this time.”

 

Takashi smiled.

 

_He's such an idiot._

 

Takashi put his glass of water on the table next to him.

 

“Come here then.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo bend down enough for Takashi to kiss him.

 

Takashi's heart fluttered.

 

Takashi ran his hand through Tomo's hair as he slipped his tongue inside of Tomo's mouth.

 

Their tongues wrestling. Creating sloppy wet noises.

 

Bliss was taking over Takashi.

 

He forgot about everything that was going on.

 

Takashi pulled away before he could get carried away.

 

“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” Takashi said.

 

“I'm not done taking care of you.”

 

Takashi smiled.

 

“May I get a blanket?” Takashi asked.

 

“Of course.”

 

Takashi wished he could put on his jeans but knew it would be impossible to do that by himself. Or maybe he could.

 

Takashi tried to get his foot through his pants but it hurt as he tried to get his ankle through. It was too tight.

 

Takashi cursed under his breath before taking them off.

 

Tomo came back and handed Takashi a purple fleece blanket.

 

Takashi laid it over his legs.

 

He didn't want to be exposed for too long.

 

Tomo sat down next to him.

 

“Tell me about Sena.” Takashi said.

 

“Tell me what you were going to say.”

 

“No.”

 

“Then no.”

 

“But, Tomo....”

 

“No buts.” Tomo said cutting him off.

 

Takashi sighed.

 

He was going to try again.

 

“Are you still seeing Sena?” Takashi asked.

 

“Not lately. He's on tour.”

 

'Do you call him when he's on tour?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not”

 

“It's not like we're dating. We don't have to talk to each other everyday.”

 

“Wouldn't you want to talk to him everyday? Even if it's just to see how he's doing”

 

Tomo thought about what to say for a while.

 

He wanted to make sure he had the correct words without spilling too much information about the casual thing he had going on with Sena.

 

“Without letting you know too much, no.” Tomo said.

 

It was a simple response but that's all Takashi needed to know.

 

Takashi shook his head not liking the response.

 

“Why do you make it sound as if you don't care about him?” Takashi asked.

 

“I do care.”

 

“Doesn't sound like it.”

 

“It's different.”

 

“How”?

  
“Why does it matter”

 

“I just want to understand. I don't think I could be with someone for half a year and not feel something towards them.” Takashi said as he slightly shrugged.

 

Tomo sighed.

 

He didn't understand why Takashi wanted to talk about this.

 

In reality it wasn't anything serious.

 

“You've been with Itsuki for how long?” Tomo asked.

 

“A month.”

 

“But you don't love him. Or do you?”

 

“I care about him but it's still too early to tell him that I love him like a boyfriend.”

 

“Say five more months go by and you're still together, how do you think you're going to feel?”

 

_Five more months together with Itsuki?_

 

Lately they've been going through a rough patch and having such hectic schedules made things worse so who knew what could happen. Takashi really wanted to make this work but adding Tomo to the equation made things even more difficult. He wanted a chance to be with him.

 

“I don't know. Maybe I'll love him. Maybe I'll hate him. Who knows.” Takashi said.

 

“For us it's different because you and I are completely different but I don't want to talk about this anymore.”

 

“I just want to know.”

 

“Isn't it weird?”

 

“No, I've heard weirder things. I just want to know how you think.”

 

Tomo turned his head to look at Takashi.

 

“Doesn't it make you feel... weird?” Tomo asked.

 

Tomo didn't know what word to use.

 

Tomo wouldn't want to hear about Takashi's relationship with Itsuki. He didn't want to know the exact details. He knew he wasn't going to like it but there was nothing he could do about it. Whatever happened happened.

 

“I am weird.” Takashi said smiling.

 

“I know you are but I don't know.” Tomo paused for a second. “Do you really want to know?/ What went on between us was just for one reason and one reason only.”

 

Tomo said it wasn't anything serious. Which meant it was casual. Takashi had an idea on what it was. After all he knew Tomo. He knew the stories that revolved around him and they were all about one thing... sex.

 

“I already know.” Takashi said as his face began to heat up.

 

“Know what?”

 

“I know what you're trying to say.”

 

“What am I trying to say?”

 

“That... you know... have done things.”

 

Takashi wanted to die right then and there.

 

All he kept thinking about was what happened on Christmas that night at Yusuke's.

 

He should've fallen asleep but no.

 

He should've blocked them out but no.

 

He just had to be weird and listen in like some pervert.

 

“Which is completely normal by the way.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo laughed at how awkward and flustered he was acting.

 

“I told you it was weird.” Tomo said.

 

It wasn't a weird thing to do but it was really weird and awkward to say out loud.

 

_So, Takashi knows thus side of me._

 

_Interesting._

 

“It's weird hearing you actually admit it.” Takashi said.

 

“Now you know what it was about. It's nothing serious and never has been.”

 

“Half a year though?”

 

It was going to get weird again.

 

_Why does he have to ask so many questions?_

 

“Sena... is convenient.” Tomo said.'

 

“In what sense?”

 

“You're really nosy.”

 

“I know but I'm curious.”

 

“Do you want to know every detail of what we did?”

 

Takashi began to freak out.

 

He didn't want to hear the specifics. He didn't want to know that much. He didn't want to know what Sena did to him that made him stay.

 

Who in their right mind would want to hear the specifics

 

No one would. Especially if it was coming out of the mouth of someone they liked.

 

“No! I have a pretty good idea but I don't want to hear any specifics. I just want to know why he's convenient!”

 

Takashi wanted to die some more when he realized he slipped. He really fucked up this time.

 

“You have a good idea?” Tomo said.

 

“Oh. Huh. What?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“Takashi, stop acting dumb.”

 

_Maybe I am dumb._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“What time is it?” Takashi asked.

 

It was time for him to go home.

 

He needed to get home.

 

“It's one in the morning.” Tomo said.

 

_One?_

 

_It's really late._

 

_Itsuki is going to be mad._

 

“I have to get home.” Takashi said.

 

“You're not going home like that.”

 

“I have to go.”

 

“Just tell Itsuki that you're staying with Yusuke or something.”

 

“He's leaving for tour tomorrow.”

 

Takashi didn't plan to stay out for long. Sure he was mad at Itsuki but he was going to smooth things over before he left. He only has tonight.

 

“Damn. I don't know how you're going to make it back then. You can't stand on that leg. I could take you to your place but....”

 

“No! I have to call him.” Takashi said as he got up. He winced in pain when he put too much pressure on his right foot.

 

He wrapped the blanket around him.

 

“Where are you going”? Tomo asked him as he stood up to help him gain balance. Tomo didn't need him to fall over and injure himself some more.

 

“Outside. I need a smoke and I have to call him.” Takashi said.

 

He knew Itsuki was going to get even more mad. He didn't blame him. He wanted to be there to smooth things out. To wish him luck on his tour first thing in the morning. He wanted to give him a hug and tell him not to worry about anything. To tell him to do his best. Give him a kiss goodbye... maybe something a little extra.

 

Tomo picked up Takashi bridal style and took him outside. He sat him down on a chair.

 

“Thanks.” Takashi said a little embarrassed.

 

He wrapped the blanket around his stomach since he needed both of his hands.

 

“No problem.”

 

Tomo headed back inside closing the sliding door so Takashi could have some privacy.

 

Takashi lit up his cigarette and dialed Itsuki's number.

 

It rung for a while until Itsuki finally decided to pick up.

 

“Hello?” Itsuki said.

 

“Hey.”

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Ummm, I'm not going to be home tonight.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“There was... an accident.”

 

“What kind of accident?”

 

“I hurt my leg. Well, ankle.”

 

“Where are you Are you at the hospital?”

 

“No, I'm not at the hospital. It's not broke, I just sprained it. It's hard to walk.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“With Yusuke.”

 

Takashi had to lie. He couldn't tell him that he was with Tomo. That would upset him and Takashi didn't want to upset him some more.

 

He was going to have to call Yusuke and tell him to cover for him just in case Itsuki calls to make sure.

 

“You know I leave for tour in the morning.” Itsuki said.

 

“I know, I know. I'm sorry but it isn't my fault. It just happened.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Takashi rolled his eyes.

 

“Don't whatever me. I would be there if I could! I swear sometimes you're such an ass.” Takashi said annoyed.

 

“Then come here.”

 

“I can't fucking walk! I was just calling to let you know and apologize. You don't need to act like a dick.”

 

“I'm not being a dick.”

 

“Yes, you are! I'm here injured and you haven't even asked how I am. Like I'm in fucking pain. I can't fucking walk. I'm here thinking about how I can't be there and tell you goodbye or anything. All you said was 'whatever' like what Is that all you have to say?”

 

“What do you want me to say? 'Oh, it's okay, Takashi. It's fine that we can't spend a final night together until I leave. After all I won't see you for a week and a half. It's just a week and a half.' How do you expect me to react?”

 

“A bit nicer. I wanted to be there, I really did. I didn't want to fight with you but whatever. Good luck on tour, do your best, and be careful.”

 

Takashi hung up right after.

 

He was tired of fighting.

 

He knew Itsuki wasn't going to be happy about it but there was nothing he could do. He didn't except him to be that rude.

 

Takashi called Yusuke who picked up right away.

 

“Hey, Takashi.” He said.

 

“Hey, Yuu. Sorry to bother you but I need you to do me a favor.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“If Itsuki calls you and he asks if I'm there, tell him that I am.”

 

“Where are you”

 

“I'm at Tomo's.”

 

“Oh. Okay. I'll cover for you.”

 

“Thanks, Yuu. I owe you.”

 

“Just don't get into a fight with Tomo.”

 

“No, everything's good between us.”

 

“So you guys finally made up?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“I'm so happy! I was worried.”

 

“Sorry to make you worry. Everything's better though.”

 

“I'm glad.”

 

“Yeah. So am I. Have a good night, Yuu.”

 

“You too.”

 

Takashi smiled as he hanged up.

 

_Yusuke is such a good friend._

 

Takashi sat there and lit up another cigarette.

 

_My life is a disaster._

 

_Why do I do this to myself?_

 

Takashi was just in a fight with Tomo and Itsuki was there for him. Now that Tomo and him made him, he's kissing Tomo behind Itsuki's back when he's his boyfriend.

 

_I'm such a whore._

 

Takashi's stomach hurt as he thought about how this was going to hurt Itsuki. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to hurt him. Especially after everything he's done for him but Takashi loves Tomo. He wants Tomo. Always has. Always will. Everything he has felt for Tomo just came out all at once and he couldn't stop it. Every part of him yearns for Tomo.

 

He was going to have to figure out what he was going to do before he ends up hurting Itsuki or himself.

 

Was he going to tell Itsuki about Tomo? Maybe.

 

It's the correct thing to do.

 

Did he want to? No.

 

Does he want Tomo? Yes.

 

Does he want Itsuki? Yes.

 

Could he have both? Probably not.

 

Takashi wrapped the blanket completely around him. Wrapping himself like a burrito.

 

He was freezing and tired.

 

His head hurts. His eyes hurt. His foot fucking hurts.

 

He just needed sleep.

 

Takashi held onto his chair as he stood up on one leg.

 

_Good. Keep going._

He told himself.

 

He hoped on one leg until he got to the sliding door. He opened the door.

 

He could hop his way to the couch but the people downstairs are probably sleep and he didn't want them to start banging on their ceiling or for them to come up and start banging on the door.

 

Tomo entered the living room and saw him.

 

“You should've told me to come get you.” He said as he picked up Takashi.

 

“I'm not disabled.”

 

Instead of putting Takashi on the couch Tomo took him to his room.

 

Tomo only had one room in his apartment since the place was just for him. He never had people over except for Takashi a few times but he never stayed over since his place was only a few blocks away.

 

“Technically you are. For now. You'll feel better when you wake up.” Tomo said as he put him on his bed.

 

Tomo gave Takashi a plain white shirt and some sweatpants that were probably going to be too big for him but he was sure that Takashi wasn't going to mind. After all he doesn't have any pants on.

 

“I'll let you change. Unless you need help.” Tomo said jokingly.

 

_Okay, maybe it wasn't a joke._

 

“No, I got it.” Takashi said.

 

_What a shame._

 

Tomo nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

Tomo made sure all the doors and windows were locked. He got Takashi a glass of water just in case he gets thirsty sometime through the night. He turned off the lights and headed to his room.

 

He knocked to see if Takashi was done changing.

 

“Come in.” Takashi said and Tomo did.

 

Takashi was changed and still sitting at the edge of the bed.

 

Tomo put the glass of water on the nightstand next to where Takashi was going to be sleeping.

 

“Why aren't you laying down?” Tomo asked him.

 

“I'm staying here?”

 

“Well, yeah. Where else are you going to sleep?”

 

“On the couch.”

 

“It's too small, there isn't enough room and I don't need you to injure that leg some more.”

 

“Where are you staying?”

 

“Here. This is _my_ room and I'm here to help if you need something.”

 

Takashi began to freak out internally.

 

He was used to sharing a room with Tomo. They almost always do when on tour. The only difference is that there's _always_ two beds. _Two._

 

“Can you take me to the bathroom?” Takashi felt a bit embarrassed but he really needed to pee.

 

“Yeah.” Tomo said as he carried Takashi to the bathroom that was near the entrance.

 

“Are you going to be okay in there?” Tomo asked him.

 

“Yes.”

 

He has to be. He wasn't going to have Tomo in there as he takes a leak.

 

Takashi headed inside and closed the door behind him.

 

_This is probably going to take a while._

Takashi thought to himself as he tried to figure out how he was going to get to the toilet.

 

_At least I don't have to sit down as I pee or I would have a real problem._

 

Tomo picked up Takashi's pant from the floor and headed into his room where he neatly folded Takashi's clothes and placed them on the nightstand next to his water.

 

Tomo himself changed into some shorts and grabbed an extra blanket for himself since he knew that Takashi likes to hog the blanket at night especially if he's cold. Tomo knew that he was going to get cold because Tomo couldn't sleep in a hot room.

 

Tomo turned off the heater and headed back to where Takashi was.

 

When he got there Takashi was opening the door.

 

“Was it hard?” Tomo asked as he picked him up once more and took him to his room.

 

“Not really. It's all about balance.”

 

“Balance?”

 

“Yeah, I tried to put my foot down so I would pee without wobbling but it hurt too much so I had to balance myself on one foot while grabbing onto the counter or it would've been a disaster.”

 

Tomo smiled and laid Takashi down on the bed. He pulled the blanket over Takashi before turning off the lamp and headed to his side of the bed.

 

“That's... interesting.” Tomo said as he turned on his side to face Takashi.

 

With the small light that was coming in from the window, he saw the outline of Takashi.

 

Takashi yawned.

 

“Good night, Tomo.” Takashi said.

 

“Good night, Takashi. Sweet dreams.”

 

Tomo gave Takashi a kiss on the cheek and turned around on his side so his back was facing Takashi.

 

If he didn't do that he might end up staying up all night staring at Takashi.

 

He was happy that they made up.

 

Everything felt better even though it was difficult for him to open up to Takashi about how he really feels. He didn't regret it though. He did end up finding out that Takashi also likes him but it made him think about what was in store for them.

 

It made him wonder what Takashi wanted to do.

 

Tomo wanted to be with him but he didn't know what Takashi was going to do about Itsuki.

 

_Whatever happens happens._

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Takashi was walking back to his place with Tomo.

 

His ankle was feeling better, thankfully.

 

Tomo was holding his hand as a “safety precaution” just in case he slipped again then Tom would be there to catch him.

 

Takashi didn't want him to hold his hand. He didn't want anyone to see them.

 

He was happy even though he shouldn't be.

 

He liked the way Tomo's hand felt in his. So warm.

 

Takashi unlocked his door.

 

_At least Itsuki didn't forget to lock it._

 

“Sorry if there's a mess. Itsuki gets really messy when he has to prepare for an event or tour.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi entered his apartment to see a few of Itsuki's belongings here and there but it wasn't a disaster. He was scared to go to his room though.

 

“Doesn't he have his own place?” Tomo asked when he noticed a lot of Itsuki's stuff.

 

“He does but he's always here with me.”

 

“Don't you get annoyed?”

 

Tomo never had a “serious” relationship so he didn't know what it was like to spend everyday with someone he loved but he felt that he wouldn't enjoy it. He's really independent and a lone wolf type of person who enjoyed his personal space, he wouldn't want someone to interfere with that.

 

Tomo stayed with Sena for about two weeks and it drove him crazy. So it's basically the same thing Takashi is going through.

 

Takashi hung all of Itsuki's coats that were laid out on the couch.

 

“Not really. I enjoy his company but sometimes I do like my personal space. Especially if we have fights.” Takashi said.

 

When they fight he's forced to see Itsuki since they were in the same place. There was no escaping him. But he enjoys having him over. There is obviously really good moments like when they just lay around and talk for hours on end about anything and everything. He loves all the attention he gets from him. He especially likes how it wasn't just him alone in the apartment. There's more noise and a lot of joy. He didn't feel lonely anymore.

 

“So you guys do fight.” Tomo said.

 

“Well, yeah but it doesn't last long. One of us always cave, mostly him. I only apologize if I know I fucked up.”

 

Takashi stays mad after the fight but after a while he completely forgets his anger and he's fine. At first he's there completely mad, cussing out Itsuki mentally, swearing that he'll never forgive him, etc., and after an hour he's all better, happy, and ready to love Itsuki but then he remembers he still has to act mad so he ignores Itsuki until he apologizes.

 

“I wouldn't be able to do that. Even if it's my fault I still can't apologize. It's hard for me to do that.” Tomo said.

 

Tomo and Sena constantly fight but it was because they didn't want to deal with the other persons shit. They never actually apologize to one another. Sena sometimes does if he wants to which is rare but aside from that it rarely happens. They'll be mad at one another but then they both get over it and move on without acknowledging the problem. They go back to being their regular selves and continue doing whatever.

 

“You apologized to me.” Takashi said.

 

“Only because I really _really_ fucked up and I wanted to make things better between us but it was hard. You deserved an apology though. Still do.”

 

Tomo didn't think he deserved Takashi to forgive him so easily. After what he did Takashi shouldn't even talk to him. Tomo could never make up for what he did. Never make up for how he almost destroyed Takashi.

 

“It's okay. You don't need to apologize.” Takashi.

 

“I do. I still don't get how you're so cool about this.”

 

“I don't want to fight anymore. I want to move on and have you back in my life.”

 

“In what kind of way?”

 

Takashi knew what Tomo was trying to say.

 

He wanted to know if Takashi wanted him back as a friend or something more.

 

Even though Takashi wanted more it wouldn't be fair to Itsuki, Tomo, or even himself.

 

 

It wouldn't be fair Itsuki because they were still new to this relationship thing and it would hurt Itsuki to know that Takashi was leaving him for Tomo. Tomo who broke his heart into a million pieces and left Itsuki to pick it all up and put it back together. Takashi felt that he could never repay him for what he has done for him. Takashi also happened to really like him a lot still.

 

It wouldn't be fair for Tomo because Takashi still likes Itsuki a lot. Even though he loves Tomo, Itsuki still had a part of his heart too, maybe not as big but it was a pretty decent size.

 

It wouldn't be fair for himself because Takashi saw what Tomo was capable of doing to him. It broke him and he's trying to heal. Even though he told Tomo that he forgives him, he could never forget. It's only fair for him to full heal and rebuild his friendship with Tomo. It hurts him to know that he has to keep Tomo as just a friend until he decides that he actually still wants to pursue something else with him.

 

“As a friend... for now. Unless I decide I want more.” Takashi said without looking at Tomo.

 

He couldn't look at him. He didn't want to see his reaction just in case it was bad.

 

It hurt Tomo to know that Takashi didn't want more right now but a part of him understood. Takashi was nice enough to still want to be his friend. Personally Tomo wouldn't want anything to do with himself if he was in Takashi's shoes.

 

If all Takashi wants from Tomo is to be his friend then he's going to be the best damn friend ever. He was going to try to make it up to him. It was going to be hard to see Takashi with Itsuki but he deserves it. He deserves to feel more pain.

 

“Are you still going to stay with Itsuki?” Tomo asked.

 

“Yes. I can't give up so easily just because we're fighting. I want to give him an actual chance because he deserves it.”

 

Takashi was going to have to call Itsuki in a bit and apologize for yelling and cursing at him over the phone.

 

“Even though I personally don't like him... he's not _that_ bad. He probably hates me for what I've done to you.” Tomo said.

 

“I never let him see how much you affected me recently. It would probably make him hate you some more.”

 

“Which is understandable. I hate myself too. Hes probably going to hate me some more knowing that you've forgiven me.”

 

Tomo could care less if Itsuki hated him. He knows Itsuki hates him but he didn't want to cause Takashi any trouble with him.

 

“He'll get over it.” Takashi said as he gave Tomo a reassuring smile.

 

Takashi knew that he was going to be pissed but he didn't care. Tomo means so much to him and he couldn't just let him go. There were personal reasons behind forgiving him but also business reasons. After all they are in the same band and they couldn't any any tension if they wanted the band to work out.

 

“Are you going to tell him about the kiss?” Tomo asked.

 

_More like kisses._

 

Tomo couldn't help himself. He knew he shouldn't have kissed Takashi but Tomo didn't care. He wanted Takashi and he normally always gets what he wants. He couldn't deny himself Takashi's lips when they were right there ready for him. However, he knew he couldn't be selfish anymore. He needed to think about Takashi too. He couldn't risk losing Takashi again. What if he ends up never talking to him again? Tomo couldn't live with that.

 

“I don't want to but I might have to. I want to be completely honest with him, he deserves the honesty. Not the shitty boyfriend that I am.” Takashi said.

 

“I doubt you're a shitty boyfriend.”

 

“I am. This whole time I've been with him, I've always been thinking about you. I kissed you behind his back. I'm a whore.”

 

“You're not a whore. It was just a kiss. A spare of the moment kiss. We were running on emotions we've kept locked inside for who knows how long. It's not like it lead to something else.”

 

Takashi was glad that it didn't lead to more even though he kinda wanted it to. He wanted Tomo. He wanted to feel his body against his.

 

_Stop that._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“It was a shitty thing to do but I was being selfish, it can't happen again.” Takashi said sternly.

 

“We were both selfish but I promise I won't kiss you again. Unless you ask me to but even then I might not. You might have to beg.” Tomo said with a smirk.

 

Takashi couldn't hide the smile that appeared on his face.

 

_God that's so hot._

 

_He's hot._

 

“You're twisted.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo shrugged and sat on the couch as Takashi finished picking up Itsuki's things.

 

“I'm going outside for a bit. Stay here and then we can go out.” Takashi said.

 

“Okay.”

 

Takashi headed outside to smoke and call Itsuki.

 

Itsuki picked up after a few rings.

 

“Hey.” Itsuki said.

 

Takashi's heart was beating so fast.

 

“Hey, are you busy?” Takashi asked.

 

“No. I'm getting ready to go get some food with the guys, is something wrong?”

 

“Do you have time to talk?”

 

“Why does this sound bad?”

 

“It's not. Do you have time?”

 

“Yeah, I have time. What happened? What's wrong?”

 

“Nothings wrong. I just. I wanted to apologize.”

 

“For what?”

 

“About earlier. I didn't mean to yell or cuss at you. I just got really mad because you were acting like that even though I knew it was going to upset you.”

 

Itsuki sighed.

 

“Baby, it's okay. I was a bit mad but I'm over it. I didn't mean to act like that. How are you? How's your leg?” Itsuki asked.

 

Takashi wanted to cry.

 

He felt relieved that Itsuki wasn't mad anymore.

 

They were okay.

 

“It's better now. I can actually walk again.” Takashi said as he smiled slightly.

 

“I'm so happy to hear that. Where are you?”

 

“I'm home.”

 

“So early?”

 

“Yeah, I woke up pretty early.”

 

“That's a first.”

 

“I know but I was too anxious to sleep. I kept thinking about my ankle. I thought I fractured it or something.”

 

“How did you even hurt it?”

 

“I was walking and slipped on some ice.”

 

“Oww, at least you didn't seriously hurt yourself.”

 

“I know, I'm so glad. My legs are the money makers, I can't afford to break one of them.”

 

Itsuki laughed a bit which caused Takashi to smile.

 

“I'll still love you with broken legs.” Itsuki said.

 

“You better.”

 

There was a pause before Itsuki spoke again.

 

“Does this mean we're good?????”

 

“Why wouldn't we be?”

 

“Lately things have been.... different.”

 

Takashi sighed.

 

_So he noticed too._

 

Takashi didn't want Itsuki to worry about any of that stuff right now. His head should only be focusing on the mini tour right now. When he comes back then they'll talk about everything. Takashi wanted to make things work so he was going to try. Actually try this time.

 

“I know but we're good. Don't worry about anything.” Takashi said.

 

“If anything is bothering you, you would tell me, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You know you can tell me anything.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Okay, so let me ask again. Is anything wrong?”

 

“Nothing's wrong. Don't worry about anything involving us, we're good. I'm good. Just focus on your lives, okay? Do your best.”

 

“I will. Look, I have to go but I'll call you later.”

 

“Alright, be careful.”

 

“Always. I love you.”

 

“I know, bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Itsuki hung up.

 

Takashi wanted to tell Itsuki that he loves him but the words couldn't come out. He didn't want to force the words out if he didn't actually mean them. That doesn't mean that he'll never love him. Maybe he will later on. Itsuki understood though. Well, he says that he understands but Takashi knew that Itsuki wanted him to tell him that he loves him back. After all it's hard to love someone who might not love you back....

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Takashi woke up around nine in the morning so he could get himself ready for when Itsuki comes back from tour. He was also going to finish cleaning and making sure that there was no evidence of Tomo being here. Tomo has been coming over everyday ever since Itsuki left. He and Takashi were basically trying to catch up on everything and trying to rebuild their friendship. Nothing more than friendly affection happened between them this whole week and at night Tomo would always leave to his own place. Takashi sometimes wanted him to stay over since it would be really late when Tomo decides to leave and because it was lonely at night but at the same time having Tomo stay overnight was kind of weird. It made Takashi feel weird sharing his house with another man that wasn't Itsuki.

 

As Tomo and him caught up on things, Tomo never talked about Sena even though Takashi wanted him to. He always avoided questions regarding him.

Tomo also never asked about Itsuki. The only way he ever talked about him was if Takashi randomly brings him up but even then Tomo was mostly silent and just listened to Takashi rant on about Itsuki. He didn't particularly care for the other guitarist but he wasn't going to tell Takashi that. He already wants all three of them to hang out one day but Tomo wasn't ready for that. During Christmas he was forced to see them together and it just broke him inside. He couldn't bare to see Takashi all over someone else. It still hurts him inside to know that Takashi still wanted to be with Itsuki even though he told Takashi that he loves him and Takashi also happened to love him back. A part of him was confused by that but after he heard Takashi explain it to him he kind of understood. Even though he forgave him for abandoning him and basically breaking him, Tomo was still going to have to rebuild their trust and he was going to make sure that everything goes back to normal. He needed to prove to Takashi that was wasn't going to hurt him like that ever again. That he wasn't going to leave him ever again. Tomo wasn't ever going to leave.

 

Takashi was going to tell Itsuki about how Tomo and him made up. He was scared to tell him. Scared to know hoe he was going to react but he needed to tell him. He knew Itsuki wasn't going to be happy about it. Maybe it isn't best to tell him the day he comes back from tour but he needed him to know as soon as possible.

 

Takashi was so nervous. He was outside smoking trying to calm down.

 

He was thinking about how he should tell him. He was debating if he should ever bring up the kiss. He could act like it never happened but Takashi wanted to start over. He wanted to actually give all of himself to Itsuki. It was going to be a difficult conversation but he needed to say what he needed to say. It needed to be done. Even if Itsuki ends up hating him, at least he told him the truth. The guilt was eating Takashi alive and he couldn't handle keeping it from him any longer. He couldn't have another sleepless night thinking about what he has done which is why he definitely needed to come clean.

 

Takashi felt a pair of arms embrace him.

 

He jumped and let out a small scream.His heart was pounding so hard in his chest.

 

He spun around to see Itsuki.

 

"I hate it when you sneak up on me!" Takashi exclaimed as he playfully hit Itsuki's arm.

 

"I was trying to surprise you, not scare you."

 

Itsuki gave him a tight hug and a kiss.

 

He missed Takashi a lot. It was hard for him to leave him behind but he had to. He only had a few days with him since Takashi was going away for a week due to some lives and at the same time Itsuki had some meetings he needed to attend.

 

"Why don't we go inside, it's cold." Takashi said as he put out his cigarette and headed inside with Itsuki following right behind.

 

Takashi sat on the couch and Itsuki sat down next to him.

 

Itsuki could tell that Takashi was nervous about something and it scared him.

 

"We need to talk. I have to tell you something." Takashi said as he looked down at his hands.

 

Itsuki felt his heart drop to his stomach. He felt like throwing up.

 

_I can't do this._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

_'We need to talk', that's never good._

Itsuki thought to himself.

 

"What's wrong?" Itsuki asked scared of the response.

 

A million thoughts were running through his head and none of them were good. He was trying to mentally prepare himself for the worst.

 

Takashi took in a deep breath before letting it out.

 

"Tomo and I made up." Takashi said.

 

Itsuki already didn't like where this was heading. He hoped that this was the only thing Takashi needed to tell him but he knew there was more. He knew something happened by the way Takashi was acting.

 

"What do you mean?" Itsuki asked.

 

Nothing was making sense to him right now. When he left Takashi to go on tour Takashi and Tomo weren't on speaking terms.

 

_What happened?_

 

"We're trying to be friends again." Takashi said.

 

_Friends._

Itsuki thought to himself.

 

He couldn't believe that Takashi still wanted to be friends with Tomo after everything that happened. Actually he wasn't that surprised. He knew that sooner or later Tomo was going to wiggle his way back into Takashi's life and Takashi can't ever say 'no' to him.

 

Itsuki was annoyed.

 

He didn't need Tomo to come back and ruin Takashi some more.

 

"Even after everything that happened?" Itsuki said trying to sound as calm as possible.

 

He didn't want to explode.

 

"What happened was fucked up but we couldn't go on forever not talking to one another. We're in the same band and we've been friends for a long time. All of it was just a misunderstanding." Takashi said.

 

"How was it a misunderstanding?"

 

"He thought he was holding me back."

 

"He is."

 

"No, he's not."

 

Itsuki scoffed.

 

"You're so blind when it comes to him." Itsuki said. "You were better off without him."

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

He was annoyed hearing Itsuki act to negative.

 

"No, I wasn't. Without him I was... broken." Takashi said.

 

"Because of him you were broken."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes.

 

"You don't get it." Takashi said softly.

 

"Of course I don't. I don't understand how you want to be friends with someone who left you out of nowhere. Someone who completely abandoned you without an explanation and treated you like shit. He wasn't there to witness all the hurt and you forgave him so easily. It's unbelievable."

 

"He's not completely forgiven. I just want us to be friends again but we have to work at it."

 

"I'm not even surprised honestly, I just didn't think you were going to back to him so easily."

 

"I would do the same if you were in his situation." 

 

"I wouldn't be in his situation because unlike him I actually care about you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you cry. I love you. He doesn't love you, you're just blind from your own love towards him. You can't tell me that you don't love him. Tell me you don't still love him."

 

Takashi felt his own heart break at Itsuki's tone. There was so much pain and he could hear the need in his voice. Itsuki needed him to tell him that he no longer loves Tomo but he couldn't tell him he doesn't love Tomo. He would be lying if he did.

 

Takashi knew that Itsuki didn't understand why he loves Tomo. He would never understand. It was difficult to explain but Takashi knew the good that was in Tomo and that itself outweighed all the bad and hurt he brought to him.

 

"You know I love him." Takashi said as his voice began to break. He couldn't look at Itsuki. He felt ashamed. 

 

"Then what are we doing?" Itsuki asked in a low soft voice.

 

Itsuki felt his own heart sink as he asked that question.

 

He didn't want to ask it but he needed to. He could go on torturing himself. He didn't want Takashi to leave him. He loves him too much to let him go but if it was what Takashi needed, what he wanted then he would oblige. Even if it killed him inside. 

 

Takashi began to cry.

 

He couldn't hold in the tears.

 

He didn't want to hurt Itsuki anymore but Takashi really cares for him which is why he needs to clear the air. He still wants Itsuki.

 

"I've been a really shitty boyfriend and I know things have gotten difficult anf things are different but I still want to be with you. Tomo is just a friend. I want this to work out for us which is why I need to get everything off my chest and I also need you to know that we kissed but it never went beyond a kiss. It was dumb, I was dumb but I was running on emotions that I kept buried inside and I'm so sorry. I just want to be with you." Takashi said as more tears ran down his face.

 

He was too scared to look at Itsuki. He didn't want to see any disappointment on his face or any hurt.

 

Itsuki felt his own heart break.

 

Everything around him began crashing down.

 

He felt himself suffocating.

 

He needed air.

 

Itsuki got up without saying anything and headed outside. 

 

His mind was trying to process everything that just happened.

 

Takashi kissed Tomo but he still wanted ti be with him?

 

It made no sense.

 

_I love Takashi and I would never intentionally hurt him so why did he just hurt me?_

 

_I would never kiss someone who wasn't Takashi so why did he kiss Tomo?_

 

_Does he not care about me?_

 

_Does Tomo still have him wrapped around his finger?_

 

_How am I going to be sure that Takashi won't do it again?_

 

_If Tomo just stayed away none of this would be happening._

 

_He just couldn't let Takashi be happy._

 

_He just had to come back and get his claws back into Takashi._

 

_If Tomo isn't happy, he wasn't going to let anyone else be happy._

 

Takashi stayed inside still crying.

 

He knew he shouldn't be crying because he caused all of this. He hurt Itsuki which was never his intention. He just wanted to love him as much as he loves him.

 

Takashi knew he needed his space for now. To let him think about everything. It Itsuki wasn't going to forgive him then Takashi was going to have to live with it. He was going to have to live with his mistake. He knew he shouldn't have kissed Tomo but he couldn't help himself and he hated himself for that.

 

Takashi headed to his room and flopped down on the bed.

 

_Why am I such an idiot?_

He thought to himself.

 

Takashi didn't regret letting Tomo back in his life. He belonged in his life but so did Itsuki.

 

Takashi just hopes that he didn't ruin everything he has with Itsuki. He wan't ready to let him go. He's one of the only people he's ever really cared about which is why all of this hurts so much.

 

If it was anyone else who was his boyfriend he wouldn't care but he just hurt Itsuki. His best friend of years. The one person who has literally always been there for him. The one guy who was really patient to wait for Takashi. The one guy who actually loves him and would do whatever to make him happy.

 

Takashi was so selfish.

 

He told himself a while ago that hew as going to stop being selfish when it came to Itsuki but he never did and look what it got him. A broken heart. A broken relationship.

 

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥

 

Sena had invited Tomo to come over.

 

Tomo hasn't seen Sena in a while so it only felt fair to accept his invitation. Only this time there was no motive behind seeing Sena. All he wanted was for them to be strictly friends. That is if Sena even wanted to be friends. He didn't want anything else to do with Sena. He was going to tell Sena about Takashi.

 

Tomo rang the doorbell and it didn't take long for Sena to open it.

 

Tomo entered and Sena leaned in to give him a kiss on the lips but Tomo moved his head to the side so Sena ended up kissing his cheek.

 

Tomo closed the door behind him before turning his attention back to Sena who was confused.

 

"What's wrong?" Sena asked concerned.

 

"Let's talk." Tomo said as he made his was to the couch and sat down.

 

Sena was even more confused.

 

_'Lets talk?' that sounds nothing like Tomo._

 

Sena didn't recognize the man in front of him. He knew something was up when Tomo didn't try to jump at his bones when he first saw him.

 

_Did I do something wrong?_

Sena thought to himself.

 

_Did I somehow get him mad?_

 

"About?" Sena asked.

 

"Sit down next to me."

 

"I don't want to sit down. Now tell me that you want to talk about." Sena said as he crossed his arms over his chest and moved a bit closer to Tomo, continuing to stand.

 

"Takashi and I made up." Tomo said.

 

Sena let out a bitter laugh.

 

"Really? He forgave you? You let yourself go back to him?" Sena asked.

 

"I hurt him pretty bad. He didn't deserve it."

 

"You're such an idiot. I knew you couldn't stay away. Now you're going to get hurt again. What was the point of doing all of that if you knew you were going to cave?"

 

Sena was mad.

 

_Why does Takashi even want him back in his life?_

 

_Why does Tomo want to be back in his life?_

 

_Isn't Takashi with Itsuki?_

 

Sena knew Tomo could never fully let go but he didn't think he would cave so soon. He was trying to help Tomo but obviously it didn't work. Now Takashi is going to fuck with him some more. He was more mad because Takashi didn't know what he was capable of doing to Tomo. He was so oblivious about his hold over Tomo.

 

"I love him and I would rather hurt myself than hurt him. He never deserved it. I hurt him so bad and I'll never be able to make it up to him." Tomo said.

 

Sena rolled his eyes.

 

The good Tomo was here right now and Sena didn't want to deal with him right now. Good Tomo is an idiot.

 

"Love him all you want but he's with Itsuki and you know that." Sena said.

 

He felt sorry for Tomo.

 

He had no idea what he's doing to himself.

 

"I know he is but he told me that he loves me so I don't know. I have hope." Tomo said.

 

Sena scoffed.

 

_Hope._

 

_How pathetic._

 

He gives Takashi credit though. He finally said it. Good for him. Bad for Tomo.

 

Takashi was going to crush Tomo. He probably already is.

 

"You have no idea on how stupid you sound. He's already messing with your head. You don't even know if he's going to still want you. Itsuki probably satisfies him. He's not going to want someone who broke him." Sena said.

 

"I still want to be his friend. Even if he never leaves Itsuki, I'll deal with it."

 

"Yeah because you've been handling it so well lately."

 

"I don't enjoy your negativity right now."

 

"I don't enjoy your stupidity right now."

 

"You don't understand how much harder everything has been without him."

 

"No one ever said it was going to be easy and you knew that. Do you really want to go back to that place? The reason you did what you did was because you liked him and you didn't think you were good enough if he liked you back. Now that you know he likes you back, do you honestly think you're good enough?"

 

Tomo sighed.

 

If he thought he wasn't good enough before, he's even worse now. Tomo still wasn't good enough. He would never be good enough considering all the pain he has caused.

 

"No." Tomo said.

 

"Exactly."

 

Sena didn't want to be an asshole about it but he didn't want to deal with an even more broken Tomo, especially now that he knows Takashi likes him.

 

Sena knows that Takashi isn't going to give Tomo a chance, especially after seeing how he acts with Itsuki. Takashi wouldn't risk someone as safe as Itsuki for someone like Tomo who's so unpredictable. Takashi is someone who's too scared to get his heart broken which is why he dates all these guys who are safe bets and leaves them before they break his heart. Takashi also falls out of love really fast because he never actually dedicates much time into the relationship because if you don't put any time and effort into something is won't hurt once it's gone.

 

"I'm still going to be his friend." Tomo said.

 

"Don't come to me when you realize that it's not going to work out."

 

"I won't but that reminds me, you and I can only be friends from now on. Whatever we have going on, I'm ending it."

 

Sena rolled his eyes.

 

"We can't be friends." Sena said.

 

"Why not?"

 

"It's just not possible after everything."

 

"It can work."

 

"No, if you really want to stop what we're doing then fine. I don't care but I'm not going to wait for you if you change your mind."

 

"Don't. It's completely over."

 

"Fine, I hope you do well with whatever you're trying to do with Takashi."

 

_What a waste._

Sena thought to himself.

 

He was still going to wait though.

 

_He'll be back._

 

"I hope you work things out with Boogie." Tomo said.

 

"Whatever."

 

Tomo tried to give Sena a small goodbye hug but Sena stopped him.

 

"I'll see you around." Tomo said before he left.

 

Sena didn't say anything when he left.

 

_If Sena wants to be like that, fine._

 

Tomo was just trying to be nice. He didn't have to be but he felt like he owed something to Sena after everything. Tomo might not care for him romantically but he cared, he's grown to care after all it's been a long six months. Whatever happened in those six months will forever be with Tomo. They shared multiple private moments together and Tomo would never forget them. He's learned things and has grown with Sena's help and he's forever grateful for that.

 

He just hopes that Sena has also learned something from him and decided to take a leap for something he really wants... Boogie.

 

_Sena's a good guy and deserves happiness. He doesn't deserve being used for someone's personal release..._

 

Tomo was going to be there for him if he needed him for whatever reason.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really curious to know which ship you prefer more, Takashi and Tomo or Takashi and Itsuki?? I'm torn between the two right now so please tell me your thoughts~


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, finally got my internet back so I could update, lol. I wrote multiple chapters the whole time since I had nothing better to do.

***CONTAINS SMUT***

 

After taking a long walk outside Itsuki headed back to his home with Takashi. He made up his mind on what he was going to do.

 

Takashi wasn't in the living room.

 

_He didn't leave, did he?_

Itsuki thought to himself.

 

Itsuki walked to Takashi's room.

 

There he was laying on his bed sound asleep.

 

Itsuki laid down next to Takashi and turned on his side to face him. He began to stroke his hair.

 

"Takashi." Itsuki said.

 

He didn't want to wake him up but they needed to talk.

 

"Takashi." Itsuki said as he slightly nudged Takashi.

 

Takashi opened his eyes to see Itsuki laying down next to him.

 

Takashi smiled but that smile quickly disappeared once he remembered what happened earlier.

 

Takashi's eyes were really red and puffy.

 

Itsuki knew that Takashi had been crying a lot.

 

"Hey." Takashi said.

 

He didn't know what to say.

 

He didn't know why Itsuki was still here. He thought he would've left by now.

 

"So, after a long time of thinking.... I decided to give this another shot. I'm not ready to let you go and I actually really do love you." Itsuki said.

 

He felt so relived. 

 

Takashi felt tears stream down his face.

 

He didn't know how he was still able to cry. He was sure that he didn't have any more tears left in him.

 

He was happy that Itsuki gave him another chance.

 

Deep down he didn't think he was going to get another chance.

 

"I'm so sorry for everything." Takashi said. 

 

"Don't cry." Itsuki said as he wrapped his arms around Takashi.

 

"I just feel really bad but I'm so happy. I swear I won't ever do something like that ever again." Takashi said as he wiped away his tears.

 

Itsuki kissed Takashi's forehead.

 

Even thought Itsuki was hurting inside he couldn't bare to see Takashi cry. He didn't want him to cry anymore.

 

"I understand you want to rebuild your friendship with Tomo and even though I don't like him, I get that you want your friend back and have the band go back to being how it was but you cannot go around kissing him or anything like that." Itsuki said.

 

"It was a spur of the moment type kiss, I won't kiss him again, I promise. I just want you. I want this to work." 

 

"What if there's another spur of the moment?"

 

"There won't be. I won't let him kiss me and I won't kiss him. I don't want to kiss him. I just want him to be my friend. I only want to kiss you."

 

Itsuki hugged Takashi even tighter.

 

He was scared that if he let go of Takashi, he would disappear. Forever. 

 

"I only want to kiss you too but if it happens again... no matter how much it hurts me I won't give you another chance." Itsuki said.

 

Itsuki didn't want to get his heart broken again.

 

He wasn't going to get his heart broken again.

 

This is the first and only time he'll allow it. Normally Itsuki isn't one to give second chances because if you fuck up then you fuck up and it's over. Itsuki didn't like cheaters and their typical 'I made a mistake' response. If you truly love someone you wouldn't kiss or do whatever with someone else.

 

Takashi is going to be his only exception because Itsuki really loves him and he doesn't want anyone else but him. He also doesn't blame Takashi for everything after all he was really fragile and madly in love with Tomo and Itsuki was sure that Tomo made the first move. It's not like Takashi to make the first move. 

 

"I won;t need another chance because it'll never happen again. Not with Tomo, not with anyone else. I really am sorry." Takashi said.

 

"I want you to be honest with me.... Do you really still love him?" 

 

Takashi didn't look up at Itsuki.

 

_Why is he asking this again?_

 

_Why does he want to know?_

 

_It doesn't matter anymore._

 

Takashi knew that Tomo loves him but it could never work. It would take forever for Takashi to fully trust him again.

 

"I'll always love him but we can never be. Together we'll just end up destroying one another." Takashi said.

 

They're both self destructive in their own way. You can't add a self destructive person with another self destructive person and get a perfect relationship in the end. They both have their own problems to deal with and Takashi just isn't willing to get hurt some more. Takashi loves Tomo so much but he just can't trust him. Tomo had his heart and he broke it. Tomo was too unpredictable for Takashi. Tomo needed to work on himself and Takashi needed to do the same.

 

If Takashi somehow managed to get into a relationship with Tomo and Tomo get another crazy stupid thought... Tomo might end up leaving him again and this time it's going to be longer than a month. Maybe it would be forever. Takashi wouldn't be able to live like that. 

 

Itsuki knew that it was going to take more than a month for Takashi to get over Tomo but he still didn't like the thought of Takashi loving Tomo.

 

_How can he say he loves Tomo without any hesitation yet he can't say it to me?_

 

Itsuki knew he shouldn't think about those things but it can't be helped. Itsuki is tired of being second in Takashi's life. Always behind Tomo. To him it feels as if he'll never be good enough. That he'll never be enough for Takashi and it upsets him. He tries so hard and it he goes unnoticed but all Tomo has to do is breath and Takashi is there bending backwards for him doing whatever he wishes. It makes Itsuki wonder if Takashi even likes him. It makes him wonder if he actually wants to be with him. He loves Takashi with all his heart but he feels that Takashi doesn't feel the same. It breaks his heart to think that but he needed to know. He didn't want to be the only one who in the relationship that actually feels something for the other person.

 

"Are you sure you want to be with me? I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me...."

 

"I want to be with you. I need you. I know I haven't shown it since I was being selfish but I truly want this to work. I honestly want you." Takashi said cutting off Itsuki.

 

Takashi didn't want him to doubt his feelings even though he has every right. Takashi knew he was being shitty to Itsuki and he doesn't deserve it. All Itsuki has done for him is show him true love, every small thing Itsuki does for him is full of love. All Takashi has done us act selfish and think about another man.

 

"I want us to work out too but I want you to be one hundred percent sure that you really want this. I'm in all the way and I want you to do the same. I don't want you to give up half way because of Tomo or...."

 

"Do you remember the day you asked me out?" Takashi asked Itsuki cutting him off before he finished talking.

 

Itsuki would never forget that day. That day was on his top five most memorable days. It's forever engraved in his head. He could never forget how happy he was and how he was bursting with confidence.

 

He smiled as he remembered.

 

Everyday after that day meant so much to him because he was able to spend them with Takashi. All he ever wanted was to be with him and it came true.

 

"Of course." Itsuki said.

 

"That day I agreed to go out with you. That day I was thinking about myself. Not Tomo. Even though he was in my life I wanted to be with you. I still want to be with you. I'm 1000% percent sure that I want to be with you. I was a mess before but I promise I won't be that much of a mess anymore. I'm honestly so sorry. I don't think I can ever make up for my mistake but I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll show you how much I really care."

 

Itsuki smiled slightly and gave Takashi a kiss.

 

All Itsuki wants is for him to be sure. If he didn't want him anymore... Itsuki is willing to let him go no matter how much it kills him inside. All he wants is Takashi's happiness. He deserves happiness. He wants to be the one who brings him happiness.

 

Takashi kissed Itsuki more passionately than ever before.

 

He knew he didn't deserve Itsuki. He was going to do whatever to make up for something really stupid that he did. He never wanted to hurt Itsuki. He never wanted to hurt himself. Deep down he knew things could only get better. He had his friend back in his life and he has a caring boyfriend who really loves him but it could only get better if he didn't mess up again.

 

Itsuki forced himself to pull away from the kiss.

 

He still needed to talk to Takashi but it was so hard to when lust was radiating off the both of them.

 

"I want to know how the kiss happened." Itsuki said.

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"Do you really want to know?" Takashi asked.

 

Takashi was in position to deny anything to Itsuki right now.

 

No, Itsuki didn't really want to know but he had to know.

 

"Tell me everything, please." Itsuki said.

 

"I was a bit drunk, we got into a fight which led to him telling me about why he left and I told him that I love him then he kissed me."

 

Itsuki knew that Tomo was the one who kissed him first.

 

Itsuki officially hated Tomo more than ever.

 

_How dare he kiss Takashi knowing that we're together._

 

He was more mad at Tomo than Takashi.

 

Takashi was drunk and fragile and Tomo took advantage of the situation. Took advantage of Takashi.

 

Itsuki sighed.

 

"Just be honest with me from now on about anything. I'm still the same Itsuki who was your friend at first." Itsuki said.

 

"You're still my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

 

"Good. You're still my best friend. I love you so much."

 

"Don't ever stop loving me. Please."

 

"I don't think I can ever stop. I don't ever want to stop. I only want to love you. There's no one else for me."

 

Takashi kissed Itsuki fiercely.

 

_There is no one else for Itsuki._

 

Takashi wanted to feel that. He wanted to know that there was no one else for him except for Itsuki. He wanted to love Itsuki as much as he loves him. He wanted to know that someone as great as Itsuki was meant for him. He wanted to feel his love forever. Takashi didn't want to look around anymore. He didn't want to spend more time on idiots and useless relationships. He didn't want to fall out of love again. He wanted something stable. Needs something stable and stable meant Itsuki. Takashi could spend all eternity with Itsuki without a problem. He could learn to love him.

 

"How 

much do you love me?” Takashi asked him as he struggled to take off Itsuki's pants.

  
  


Takashi could never figure out how Itsuki was so good and fast at taking off Takashi's clothes while Takashi struggled to take off Itsuki's.

  
  


Itsuki smiled and helped out Takashi.

  
  


“I love you a lot. There's no number that exists or way to pinpoint how much I love you.” Itsuki said.

  
  


Takashi couldn't help but to smile.

  
  


_He's so lame._

Takashi thought to himself.

  
  


But he liked that about Itsuki.

  
  


It made him feel warm inside.

  
  


“When did you find out that you actually liked me?” Takashi asked.

  
  


He knew he should shut up and enjoy the moment but he had so many questions. Sure he could save them for later but now felt good.

  
  


Itsuki inserted two fingers into Takashi.

  
  


He felt Takashi tense up.

  
  


“When I saw you for the first time. Not only were you attractive but I could feel your passion as you played. I remember thinking how cool you were and how I wanted to know more about you.” He began to move his fingers. “It didn't take long for me to like you some more.”

  
  


“You waited a long time to tell me.” Takashi's voice was strained.

  
  


He felt so good right now.

  
  


“I've wanted to tell you for a long time but I could never find the correct moment. There was always something stopping me.” Itsuki said.

  
  


“What was it?”

  
  


“Tomo.”

  
  


“Oh. I'll shut up now.”

  
  


“No, it's fine. Continue with your questions.”

  
  


“Do you really want me to? We're kind of in the middle of something.”

  
  


“Just don't let them be about him.”

  
  


Takashi nodded slightly.

  
  


“Would you ever leave me?” Takashi asked as he felt Itsuki take out his fingers.

  
  


He knew what was next and it made him feel hot inside.

  
  


It's been a week and a half since he's been with Itsuki. He was sexually deprived and it was driving him insane.

  
  


“Never. Unless you push me away,” Itsuki said as he slightly teased Takashi.

  
  


Takashi gasped as he could feel Itsuki's tip entering him slightly but before he knew it he was no longer there.

  
  


Takashi hated when Itsuki gets him all worked up and starts teasing him. He always made him more impatient.

  
  


“I know I can be a lot to handle but I don't want you to leave me.” Takashi said.

  
  


Itsuki slowly entered inside him.

  
  


Takashi let out a moan.

  
  


Itsuki slightly picked up his pace.

  
  


“I never want you to leave me.” Takashi gasped out.

  
  


Itsuki always feels so good inside of him.

  
  


Takashi could spend forever with Itsuki. Not only was his personality great but he made Takashi feel good in every way possible. He could never get enough of Itsuki.

  
  


_Itsuki would never leave me._

  
  


_He would never intentionally hurt me._

  
  


_He would always love me._

  
  


“I love you.” Takashi said.

  
  


The words finally managed to escape his mouth.

  
  


It felt... normal.

  
  


Casual.

  
  


As if he's been saying it forever.

  
  


Technically he has but he thought it would feel a bit different considering they went from friends to boyfriends. It's not like much has changed between them so maybe it wasn't supposed to feel different.

  
  


Itsuki stopped.

  
  


“What?” Itsuki said completely shocked.

  
  


“I love you. Don't stop.”

  
  


The words Itsuki has been waiting forever to hear were finally said and it made him feel complete.

  
  


His heart warmed up.

  
  


Everything felt better.

  
  


“I love you too.” Itsuki said he he brought his head down to kiss Takashi before he went back to thrusting into Takashi.

  
  


Itsuki's mouth couldn't leave Takashi's.

  
  


He swallowed all of Takashi's moans.

  
  


The love between them was growing and Itsuki didn't want to let go.

  
  


Their tongues and bodies were making lewd, squeaky, wet noises.

  
  


Takashi was losing himself with every thrust Itsuki took. He was savoring the moment letting Itsuki do whatever he wanted with his body.

  
  


He loved Itsuki.

  
  


He wanted to finally let Itsuki have his way with him. Let him do whatever he wants.

  
  


Takashi was moaning like crazy.

  
  


His body was full of ecstasy.

  
  


He couldn't contain himself anymore. Grasping the sheets weren't helping. He tried to grasp onto Itsuki but he knew he was just scratching him up.

  
  


He's never lost himself this much.

  
  


He needed more.

  
  


“Itsuki... I... love you... so much.” Takashi said.

  
  


Itsuki couldn't talk.

  
  


He just kissed Takashi even fiercely and pounded into him even harder.

  
  


_Yeah, I can get used to this._

Takashi thought to himself.

  
  


Itsuki was a different person today.

  
  


If Takashi knew that telling Itsuki that he loves him turned him into such a beast he would've told him a long time ago.

  
  


Takashi couldn't think straight. The only thing on his mind was Itsuki. The way it should be. The way it's going to be from now on.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Tomo was at his apartment hanging out with Takashi. It's been a few weeks since he properly hanged out with Takashi. Takashi has been spending all his time with Itsuki. Not that he blamed him after all they were dating.

  
  


_Ugh. Dating._

Tomo thought to himself.

  
  


He still wasn't okay with the thought of them dating but Tomo noticed how happy Takashi has been lately. It hurt him to see him so happy. It only hurt because he knew he wasn't the one making him happy. They were still trying to rebuild their friendship.

  
  


“How are things with Sena?” Takashi asked Tomo his words slurring a bit.

  
  


“We haven't talked much.”

  
  


“Why not?”

  
  


“He's kind of mad at me.”

  
  


“What did you do?”

  
  


“I didn't want to continue our whatever we had going on thing.”

  
  


“I thought you liked him.”

  
  


“Like a friend. Kind of. He's not a bad person, I'm just not looking right now.”

  
  


If he was going to look for something serious he wasn't going to go to Sena. Sena isn't a bad guy but he just wasn't what Tomo was looking for. He wasn't what he wanted. What he wanted was already taken. Sadly.

  
  


“I still don't get how you were able to be with him for half a year and not like him like that.” Takashi said as he drank some more beer.

  
  


Tomo finally let him drink.

  
  


He knew Tomo meant he could drink about three beers but Takashi was on his ninth and Tomo hasn't said anything.

  
  


“He didn't see each other everyday and if he did it was for... you know.” Tomo said.

  
  


“No, I don't know.”

  
  


“Sex.”

  
  


Takashi choked on his beer.

  
  


_Oh god. He actually said the word._

  
  


Takashi knew what he meant. He was just teasing him.

  
  


“But sex with the same person for that long? Isn't that more than just a hook up?” Takashi asked.

  
  


He was curious but at the same time he didn't really want to know.

  
  


“No. It was just easier to go to him than to go out and find actual people.” Tomo said.

  
  


He didn't expect Takashi to get it. He was too pure, innocent, and modest for such things. Takashi doesn't seem like one to randomly hook up with people.

  
  


“Before, if you ever wanted to hook up I would've been available.” Takashi said before finishing his beer.

  
  


“Okay. No more for you.” Tomo said as he took the new beer that Takashi just grabbed out of his hands.

  
  


“It's the truth.” Takashi said.

  
  


“Why don't we change topics? I'm sure sober you wouldn't like you saying such things.”

  
  


“Sober me is just too scared to say things but now you know.”

  
  


Takashi tried to reach for the bottle in Tomo's hand but he moved it away from his reach. However that did not stop Takashi from trying again.

  
  


“Sober you has a reason to not say those kind of things.” Tomo said.

  
  


Takashi rolled his eyes and managed to get the bottle out of Tomo's hands.

  
  


“There's no reason, I'm just scared. If it wasn't for the alcohol that night... we would still be fighting right now and probably forever.” Takashi said.

  
  


“I would've caved eventually.”

  
  


“Honestly, would you really have caved? It could've taken you years to finally mention it but by then it probably would've been too late.”

  
  


“It's already too late.”

  
  


Tomo would've caved eventually. He knows himself too well when it comes to Takashi. As much as he would want to stay away, he couldn't. It's too difficult especially when he's around. It's like every part of his body is a magnet and every time Takashi is near his body is pulling him right to him.

  
  


“Yeah because you're a fucking idiot.” Takashi said annoyed.

  
  


Tomo smiled slightly.

  
  


Angry Takashi is cute.

  
  


He deserved being called an idiot. He was an idiot. He is an idiot. He knew he fucked up and isn't ever going to be able to live it down.

  
  


“It's not like you helped the situation.” Tomo said.

  
  


“Yeah because you made it so easy to read you. After all treating me like shit was a clear sign that you liked me.”

  
  


“Either way you still chose Itsuki over me so whatever is done is done.”

  
  


It was the same thing every time. They always mention what happened but neither of them could change the past. If Tomo could he would but that's not the way it works. The only thing they could do is move on. He wanted to move on.

  
  


“You chose Sena over me.” Takashi said.

  
  


“We're not even dating. It wasn't anything serious.”

  
  


“You still preferred him over me.”

  
  


“Sorry that I can't bring myself to treat you the way I treat Sena.”

  
  


“Obviously you don't treat him that bad since he keeps coming back for more.”

  
  


Tomo clenched his jaw.

  
  


Takashi has no idea what he's talking about. He has no idea what goes on between him and Sena.

  
  


“I respect you too much to do what I did to Sena.” Tomo said.

  
  


“Whatever. I don't care. I'm going home.” Takashi said as he stood up.

  
  


The room was spinning.

  
  


_Fuck._

  
  


Takashi stumbled his way to the doorway to put on his shoes and coat.

  
  


_Where did I leave my bag?  
_   
  


“I'll take you home.” Tomo said as he stood by Takashi with Takashi's bag in his hand.

  
  


“I don't need you to take me anywhere.” Takashi said as he held onto Tomo to put on his boots.

  
  


“I can't let you walk home like that. I need to make sure you get there safely.” Tomo said as he put on his own shoes and coat.

  
  


“I'll be fine.”

  
  


“I'm walking with you so deal with it.” Tomo said as he locked arms with Takashi.

  
  


He didn't want Takashi to fall again and possibly break an ankle this time.

  
  


Takashi stayed silent as they made their way to Takashi's.

  
  


He would've been fine. It's not the first time he has made it home drunk.

  
  


“Just so you know Itsuki is home.” Takashi said.

  
  


Tomo didn't like how Takashi said 'home'. It made it seem like they now lived together. That Takashi's place now belongs to the both of them.

  
  


Tomo wondered how serious it is between them.

  
  


Tomo could care less that Itsuki was at Takashi's right now. Takashi spent the whole night at his place but he wondered how Itsuki was going to react seeing him bring Takashi back.

  
  


_Does Itsuki even know that Takashi is with me?_

  
  


_Is he okay with that?_

  
  


Tomo wouldn't be okay with letting Takashi get drunk and spend hours with someone he loves but isn't with.

  
  


“Don't you ever want to date someone?” Takashi asked Tomo.

  
  


“Not right now. I'm not looking.”

  
  


_The only person I want is you but you're already taken._

Tomo thought to himself.

  
  


He could try to get with Takashi but he didn't want to cause him any trouble. He wanted Takashi to take his time and make his way to him at his own will. Tomo is willing to wait and by then he hoped to get his shit together and be the one Takashi needs and deserves.

  
  


“It's a good thing you know. It shows you what kind of person you are.” Takashi said.

  
  


“I know what kind of person I am.”

  
  


“A nice guy?”

  
  


“No, a shitty guy who's selfish and doesn't care for anyone else.”

  
  


“No, that part of you is the idiot Tomo. The Tomo I know is really sweet, caring and has a brain.”

  
  


Takashi slightly tripped but Tomo was there to make sure he didn't fall flat on his face.

  
  


Takashi was glad that he was there to catch him.

  
  


“I love the sweet side of you.” Takashi said when Tomo didn't reply.

  
  


“You talk too much when you're drunk.”

  
  


Tomo acted like he didn't hear what Takashi said.

  
  


Drunk Takashi is too open. He says things he shouldn't. He told the truth but there's a reason why he never says it when he's sober.

  
  


“I talk too much either way.” Takashi said smiling.

  
  


Sometimes he can't shut up and he wonders how Itsuki could handle him on a daily basis.

  
  


_Maybe he's happy when he's on tour or a few days since he doesn't have to listen to my annoying voice._

Takashi thought to himself.

  
  


“You're too open right now.” Tomo said.

  
  


“Who doesn't want to hear the truth?”

  
  


“I would rather hear the truth come out of a sober mouth.”

  
  


“My sober mouth can do a lot of things but the truth involving you isn't one of them.”

  
  


Tomo didn't know why Takashi would word it like that. He ignored the first part. He wasn't trying to read into it.

  
  


“What could you possibly tell me drunk that you can't tell me when you're sober?” Tomo asked.

  
  


They made it to the apartment complex but they had a decent amount of stairs to go through. Tomo was just glad that he could still spend some time with Takashi before he has to let him go back to Itsuki.

  
  


“A lot of things but you wouldn't want to hear them because they're not coming out of a sober mouth.” Takashi said.

  
  


Takashi had a point. He did say that but now he was curious. However was he really going to take advantage of Takashi's truthfulness right now?

  
  


Takashi kept tripping as they went up a few flight of stairs. Takashi was getting annoyed.

  
  


“Carry me.” Takashi said whining.

  
  


Tomo happily picked Takashi up and continued to walk up.

  
  


Takashi had his arms wrapped around Tomo's neck and he couldn't take his eyes off his beautiful face.

  
  


“I love you is one thing I can't tell you sober.” Takashi said.

  
  


“You're going to regret saying that when you wake up tomorrow.”

  
  


“That's if I even remember but I regret not saying it sooner.”

  
  


Tomo sighed.

  
  


“You have to move past that. We both didn't say it but we're in a good place right now.” Tomo said.

  
  


They can't keep on regretting. It's not doing either of them any good.

  
  


“Are we really though? Are you actually happy?” Takashi asked.

  
  


“We're in a good place right now. We're trying to work things through. I'm doing well. I'm sure you're in a really good place right now with Itsuki so why mess that up?”

  
  


Takashi didn't say more. He was tired of talking and he was tired. He also didn't know how to reply. A very small part of him was upset by Tomo's response. It sounded like he didn't want to be with him. That he was doing really well without him. That he didn't want him anymore.

  
  


Tomo pressed Takashi's doorbell and put Takashi back on the floor where he slightly lost his balance but Tomo still had a good hold on him.

  
  


Tomo could've been an asshole and could've continued to carry Takashi for Itsuki to see but he didn't want to cause any problems for Takashi. He didn't want to mess up his happiness and he was sure that it would make Takashi mad at him. Itsuki would probably also tell Takashi to never see Tomo again and Takashi would most likely comply. Why would he give up someone who's bringing him happiness for someone who's still trying to figure things out? For someone who's trying to mend their relationship.

  
  


Itsuki opened the door. He was surprised to see Tomo. He saw that Tomo was holding onto Takashi's arm and Itsuki didn't like hoe he was holding Takashi.

  
  


_What is he doing here?_

  
  


He knew that Takashi was with him but he didn't expect to see him here.

  
  


“Thanks for bringing me home.” Takashi said to Tomo as he pulled his arm away from him and tried to make his way into his place.

  
  


He stumbled and both Itsuki and Tomo reached out to grab him.

  
  


“Babe, I told you not to drink too much.” Itsuki said as he helped Takashi in. Pulling him out of Tomo's grasp.

  
  


Tomo rolled his eyes.

  
  


He felt sick hearing Itsuki call him 'babe'.

  
  


“Night, Takashi. I'll call you tomorrow. Technically later.” Tomo said.

  
  


“Alright. Good night, Tomo. Thanks for everything.”

  
  


Tomo left without saying a word to Itsuki.

  
  


Itsuki shut the door and helped Takashi take off his coat and shoes.

  
  


“Did you have fun?” Itsuki asked.

  
  


“A bit, yeah.”

  
  


“What did you do?”

  
  


“Just hang out and drink a little.”

  
  


“Obviously it was more than a little.”

  
  


“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drink much.”

  
  


“No, it's okay but I would've gone to get you.”

  
  


Itsuki helped Takashi get to their room.

  
  


“Tomo offered and was kind enough to bring me all the way.” Takashi said before he headed to the bathroom.

  
  


_Even though he wouldn't take no for an answer._

  
  


Itsuki didn't need to know that.

  
  


“So things went well between you two?” Itsuki asked once Takashi came back from the bathroom.

  
  


Itsuki handed Takashi his pajamas and watched as he undressed.

  
  


“Yeah, we got into a small argument but everything went well. We're still working on it.” Takashi said as he laid down next to Itsuki.

  
  


Takashi gave him a quick kiss and cuddled up next to him.

  
  


“Thank you for being okay with it. It means a lot.” Takashi said.

  
  


Itsuki wasn't okay with it but he wanted Takashi to be happy again. He knew how much he wanted Tomo back in his life so who was he to deny him that? It would only make Takashi resent him and he would probably do it behind his back. Who knows.

  
  


“I love you.” Itsuki said.

  
  


Takashi yawned.

  
  


“I love you too.”

  
  


Itsuki smiled and turned off the lights.

  
  


He held Takashi even tighter against him.

  
  


Tomo was back in Takashi's life but he couldn't replace Itsuki. Itsuki knew that Takashi wasn't going to give him up for Tomo. Takashi was happy now and things have gotten better between them. Things could only get better and no one, especially not Tomo was going to stop their happiness.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Takashi was over at Yusuke's at some dinner that Yusuke planned out. He wanted the whole hand to hang out before the mini tour that was happening in two days.

  
  


Everyone was sitting at the table in the same seats they sat in during Christmas. It was a strange sense of déjà vu only this time Itsuki wasn't with Takashi and Sena wasn't here with Tomo.

  
  


“Isn't it cool that you get to be on the same tour as your boyfriend?” Yusuke said.

  
  


“We have toured together before, remember?”

  
  


“Yeah but wouldn't it feel different since you're together? Like the experience is going to be different”?

  
  


“I don't know. I think it might feel the same, I'm used to seeing him everyday but if it's any different I'll tell you.”

  
  


Their upcoming tour involved The Black Swan and JILUKA. Takashi knew it was going to be a fun and energetic tour. He was really looking forward to it especially because this time he was going to have Itsuki with him instead of them being in separate towns not being able to talk to one another often.

  
  


“It's going to be weird for Tomo since he has to see Sena.” Yoshiatsu said.

  
  


“No, it's not.” Tomo said.

  
  


“You probably broke his heart.”

  
  


“No, I didn't. We're fine. If I really wanted to talk to him then I would.”

  
  


“Why don't you then?”

  
  


“I'm giving him space. If he really wants to contact me he will.”

  
  


“Sometimes you have to make the first move.” Yusuke said.

  
  


Takashi drank his wine.

  
  


Even though the whole Sena and Tomo thing happened, Takashi held no ill feelings towards Sena. He liked Sena and even though Sena knew that he liked Tomo yet still went after him, Takashi was over it. It happened and it can't be unchanged. Takashi didn't care if Tomo actually likes him and wants to be with him. He could do that. He just wants him to be happy just how Takashi us happy with Itsuki.

  
  


Takashi was the only one who knew about what actually went on between Tomo and Sena. Yoshiatsu and Yusuke thought that they had an actual relationship. Well, even Takashi thought the same thing at first until Tomo said something. Tomo did tell them that he was seeing Sena but he literally was just seeing him. They weren't dating. He saw him when he wanted to see him. It was just a hook up.

  
  


“Or he will contact me when he feels like it.” Tomo said.

  
  


Tomo wanted to give him his space but he was still okay with Sena. He still cares for him.

  
  


Sena hasn't tried to contact him but he knew he wasn't going to contact him anytime soon. Sena specifically told him they couldn't be friends.

  
  


“Are you just going to avoid him?” Yoshiatsu asked.

  
  


“If I see him and have tome then I'll say hi or something.”

  
  


It wasn't going to be awkward between them. He had no problem saying hi or having small talk with Sena.

  
  


Takashi drank another glass of wine.

  
  


He had no comment.

  
  


Takashi knew that Tomo was okay with Sena. He knew that Tomo still see's Sena the same way he always has. Sena on the other hand probably wasn't okay with Tomo. Takashi had no idea because he hasn't had the time to contact Sena and talk to him. He felt awkward thinking about Sena. All he could think about was him being with Tomo and also Christmas night at Yusuke's... now that's something he will never be able to forget no matter how hard he tries.

  
  


After dinner they all sat in the living room and just talked and talked. It felt nice to have a such calm and relaxing night with the other members. Takashi was happy having everyone around him and the wine was also making him a bit happier.

  
  


“Why don't you guys spend the night?” Yusuke suggested.

  
  


Takashi knew it was getting late and Takashi wasn't in good shape to make it all the way home.

  
  


“I don't want to bother you.” Takashi said.

  
  


“No, you're definitely staying. You're not leaving this house until you're sober so you better go call Itsuki and tell him you're not coming home tonight.”

  
  


“Okay, mother.” Takashi said as he carefully stood up and made his way outside. He didn't even get drunk. He was just a bit tipsy and by a bit he meant a bit.

  
  


Takashi lit up a cigarette and called Itsuki.

  
  


“I was just about to call you.” Itsuki said.

  
  


“Looks like I beat you to it but I'm just calling to let you know I'm staying over at Yusuke's for the night.”

  
  


“That's fine. I was just going to let you know that I wasn't coming home either. I'm going to spend the night at Makoto's.”

 

“Makoto's, huh. Should I be worried?” Takashi asked jokingly.

 

Takashi always thought that Itsuki had a thing for Makoto but Itsuki made it clear that it wasn't like that.

 

“No, you shouldn't worry. He's a friend, you know that.” Itsuki said.

 

“Tell him that he should worry, I could steal you away.” Takashi could hear Makoto say.

 

Takashi smiled.

 

He knew Makoto was just messing around.

 

“Tell him that he's a side hoe that needs to learn his place.” Takashi said.

 

Itsuki began to laugh.

 

“I heard that! You're lucky that I like you or I would take him.” Makoto said.

 

“Okay, Makoto, you can go away now. I have to talk to Takashi.” Itsuki said.

 

“Bye, Takashi. See you soon.”

 

“Bye, Makoto. Take care of Itsuki for me.”

 

“Will do.”

 

Takashi smiled.

 

“You do know that I don't need to be taken care of.” Itsuki said.

 

“I know but it's just a precaution. I can't have anything happen to you.”

 

“There's a higher rate of something happening to you rather than me considering how much you drink.”

 

“That's why someone is always watching over me... but I know I have to slow down and I have.”

 

Takashi realized that he's been taken care of a lot recently and it made him feel bad. He didn't want to cause the others trouble because of him. Today however he didn't drink much, he was a bit tipsy but nowhere near drunk. He wasn't planning on getting drunk.

 

“I know you have cut back and I'm proud of you for doing that but I don't know.... Drunk Takashi isn't the Takashi I know which is why you have to be careful.” Itsuki said.

 

Itsuki had to be careful with his words. He didn't want to rub Takashi the wrong way and end up making him hate him. He didn't want to start a fight especially right now before they both head off to tour together in a few days.

 

Takashi let out a small yawn.

 

Takashi was too tired to ask what he meant.

 

“We'll talk about this another day, I'm too tired.” Takashi said.

 

“Okay, well, go to bed then. Good night. I love you.”

 

Itsuki was glad that he was tired. Knowing Takashi he probably would've gotten defensive and would've started a whole argument.

 

“Good night. I love you too.” Takashi said before he hung up.

 

The words 'I love you' roll off his tongue like it's nothing and he still didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He was too tired to think about that right now.

 

Takashi headed inside to find Yusuke sitting by himself on the couch.

 

“Where's everyone?” Takashi asked as he took off his boots.

 

“They're already in bed. I was waiting for you.” Yusuke said.

 

_Did I really take that long?_

 

“I would've found my way to a bed eventually.” Takashi said as he put his boots by the entrance.

 

“You probably would've fallen asleep on the couch but come on.”

 

Takashi followed behind Yusuke.

 

_Oh no._

Takashi thought to himself as Yusuke took him to the guest room. It was the room Sena and Tomo stayed in on Christmas. Everything from that night began to flood his mind. He wanted to die just looking at the bed.

 

“Good night, Takashi.” Yusuke said as he gave him a quick small hug before he started walking out of the room.  
  


“Night.” Takashi said.

 

The door behind him closed.

 

Takashi stood there for minutes just staring at the bed. Remembering the sounds he heard. His mind visioning what was happening. Remembering what he did. He knew he couldn't stay up all night. He needed his rest or he was going to hate himself in the morning.

 

Takashi headed downstairs to the kitchen to grab a drink before he sucks it up and just lays in the bed so he could fall asleep.

 

Everything was dark. He stumbled around trying to make his way to the kitchen without making much noise.

 

Suddenly the lights turned on before he could enter the kitchen. He got a bit scared but saw that Tomo was there.

 

_Déjà vu._

  
  


“You weren't ninja-like this time.” Tomo said.

  
  


Takashi grabbed a water.

  
  


At least Takashi was still fully clothed. Tomo was just shirtless.

  
  


Takashi did his best to advert his eyes. He could not be caught staring but damn was Tomo really tempting right now.

  
  


“I'm too tired for that but you have to stop standing in the dark like that. It's weird.” Takashi said.

  
  


_And scary._

  
  


“I can't scare anyone if the lights are on.” Tomo said smiling.

  
  


Takashi rolled his eyes.

  
  


_So he's doing this on purpose._

  
  


_How evil._

  
  


“How many victims so far?” Takashi asked.

  
  


“Just one. You. It's always just you.”

  
  


Tomo sounded a bit disappointed.

  
  


“Why do you sound so disappointed?” Takashi asked.

  
  


Was he not a good enough victim?

  
  


“I don't.” Tomo said.

  
  


“You do. I'm going to stop coming down at night when you're around.”

  
  


“If you do that who's going to keep me company when I can't sleep?”

  
  


Takashi himself couldn't sleep which is why he was down here right now. Whenever he can't sleep he always wanders off to the kitchen or outside and normally every time Tomo is already there scaring the hell out of him. Despite all the times it happens Takashi has yet to get accustom. It's like a horror movie, you know something scary is about to happen but you still get scared if you don't advert your eyes.

  
  


“What do you do at your place when you're alone and can't sleep?” Takashi asked.

  
  


“Sit in the dark and think about life.”

  
  


“Then you can do that.”

  
  


“But I don't like to think about life. When you're alone in the dark you only have your thoughts and I get so deep into them that I end up in a bad mood.”

  
  


Normally deep thinking makes him really sad and/or mad because he thinks about everything he's done with his life. Everything he's done in general and it just feels like he's lost a lot of precious time doing really idiotic things and realizing he's lost some pretty decent people along the way because he wanted to be selfish. All the sad moments rush to him making him even more sad. He starts to doubt everything and regret a lot of things even though he knows he shouldn't. The past can't be changed and he knows he can't spend a lot of time reminiscing on the past the only thing eh can do is use his experience to move forwards and prevent it from happening again but he never learns. He will never learn. This time he got really lucky with Takashi or Takashi would be on that long list of people who Tomo pushed away and never came back.

  
  


Tomo was scared. Scared that one day he'll slip and unintentionally push Takashi away again and this time he won't come back. He couldn't afford to lose him some more, Takashi is already at the halfway point. Even if Takashi doesn't want to admit it things between them aren't the same. Takashi's guard is up 60% of the time and he has yet to completely open up. Tomo is trying hard to fully regain his trust but it's been difficult. Their words are more careful and thought out, as if their words are a minefield and with one wrong word everything will blow up. Tomo also feels that Takashi doesn't really like to spend a lot of time alone with him. They sometimes hang out at Tomo's for a couple of hours having a great time and then Takashi suddenly has to leave and Tomo can never figure out if it's because of something he said or has done or if it's because of Itsuki, either way Tomo was used to spending the whole day with Takashi doing nothing so him coming over for only two hours having small talk and some silent moments just wasn't what he was used to.

  
  


However there are some good moments where Tomo feels like he's made some sort of breakthrough like when Takashi goes to his normal talkative side and teases him or when Takashi gives him a hug. Sometimes they'll have a really deep moment and they see where they're at with one another, which rarely happens but it makes Tomo happy to hear it even if the conversation is too serious and doesn't have much good news but it allows him to know what Takashi is actually thinking.

  
  


He still very much loves Takashi but they haven't been able to talk about that. Tomo couldn't bring up that he wanted to be with him. He couldn't risk it. Tomo wasn't sure where Takashi stand right now and it made him scared. He didn't want to hear that Takashi had a change of hearts and doesn't love him anymore. That there's no chance for them. That there will never be a Tomo and Takashi. That all Takashi wants and needs is Itsuki.

  
  


Tomo wanted to continue to believe that they still had a chance. The possibility of that small chance is what was helping him continue forwards and stops him from giving up when he wonders if there was no point in repairing what was damaged between them. It stops him from doubting himself. Stops him from comparing himself to Itsuki.

  
  


Tomo could never be like Itsuki. Itsuki is too understanding, forgiving, and gives Takashi too much space. Tomo wouldn't be able to give Takashi that much space. Tomo always wants to be next to Takashi, if they're apart for even an hour it drives Tomo crazy, he's always thinking about him. If they were together Tomo would definitely be suffocating him and too overprotective. He doesn't want to be like that because he knows its going to drive him away but he just wants to spend every waking moment with him. He doesn't want anyone else to make their way into Takashi's life which is really selfish but he only wants him for himself. He doesn't know how Itsuki does it.

  
  


“Why are you awake?” Takashi asked.

  
  


“Couldn't sleep.”

  
  


“Why?”

  
  


Obviously he couldn't sleep that's why he's awake but Takashi wanted to know the specific reason. There was obviously a reason behind it.

  
  


“Why can't you sleep?” Tomo asked.

  
  


“I asked you first.”

  
  


“Tell me and I'll tell you.”

  
  


Takashi couldn't tell him the _exact_ reason but he could tell him a part of it that is still considered the truth.

  
  


“I kept thinking about things from the last time we were here.” Takashi said.

  
  


“Same.”

  
  


Things have changed between him and Takashi and it felt weird being back, It brought back too many things he wishes he could forget like how he saw Takashi for the first time in months and he saw how much he changed. How a lot of things changed. This place only brought Tomo heartache.

  
  


“What were you thinking about?” Tomo asked.

  
  


“I should really get to bed, I have to wake up early to get home. Good night.”

  
  


Before Tomo could reply Takashi was already leaving.

  
  


All Tomo wanted was for Takashi to open up. He wanted him to talk some more. He wanted to know what he was thinking about.

  
  


_What could it be?_

  
  


_Why can't he just tell me?_

  
  


_Why doesn't he want to tell me?_

  
  


_Why doesn't he ever want to talk?_   
  
  


_Does he not trust me?_

  
  


_Why can't things go back to how they were?_

  
  


_Why did I have to mess up?_

  
  


 


	21. Chapter 21

Takashi was currently walking home with Tomo. Takashi wasn't planning on heading home with Tomo but earlier this morning Tomo knocked on Takashi's door wondering if he was ready to head home. Takashi needed to head home so he went ahead and left with him but now Tomo wants to walk him home even though he had no problem heading home by himself. He could make it to his house in one piece and he made that clear to Tomo but Tomo “wanted to make sure that nothing happens”. Takashi didn't want to argue so early in the morning so he let him come as long as he didn't walk him all the way to his door and Tomo agreed.

  
  


“Are you already packed?” Tomo asked Takashi who was too silent this morning.

  
  


“I still need to pack some things but it's just a few things. I'm mostly done. What about you?”

  
  


“Same, I only need to add a few things. Did you manage to sleep last night?”

  
  


“I was really tired so it was pretty easy to fall asleep. You?”

  
  


It actually took Takashi a good half hour to fall asleep. For some reason he just couldn't get comfortable in the bed and he knew it wasn't the beds fault. He was just uncomfortable.

  
  


“I was up for a bit.” Tomo said,

  
  


_For a few hours._

  
  


Tomo couldn't sleep when all he could do it think about Takashi.

  
  


“Sorry to hear that.”

  
  


They made it to Takashi's apartment complex.

  
  


“Thanks for walking me home even though you didn't need to but thank you. I'll see you in a few hours.” Takashi said before he headed towards the stairs.

  
  


Takashi once again left before Tomo could say anything.

  
  


At first Tomo thought he was going crazy thinking that Takashi couldn't possibly be avoiding him but Takashi keeps running away from him like this. He's always in a rush to get away from him as soon as possible.

  
  


_Is my effort of getting close once again not working?_

  
  


_Am I not trying hard enough?_

  
  


Tomo sighed and headed to his place to finish packing.

  
  


If it were up to him he would go see what's up with Takashi but he didn't want to bother him right now especially since he specifically told him not to walk him up to his door. Maybe he was in a rush to get everything together. Maybe Itsuki was there and didn't want Itsuki to see him? Who knows. Takashi is being too weird lately.

  
  


Tomo had no idea how these next few days were going to play out. He had high hopes that they were going to get even closer but now that Itsuki was going to be there.... Tomo doubts he'll be able to have much alone time with Takashi. But whatever alone time Tomo thought he was going to have with Takashi might've been meaningless when all Takashi wants to do is run away from him after a while.

  
  


He had no idea on how to get Takashi to open up to him. He had no idea how he was able to do it before. All he wanted to do is be straightforward with Takashi and tell him how things are but he couldn't afford to push him away some more if Takashi didn't like what he hears. He wanted Takashi to be straightforward with him but he couldn't force him. There isn't a way for him to get Takashi to tell him what he wants to hear. There isn't a way to get Takashi to do anything.

  
  


Before if Tomo told him to stay he would stay but now he leaves. If Tomo told him to be truthful about something he would even if it was shameful but now he avoids the subject and runs away. Before Takashi would follow Tomo around but now he's never around.

  
  


Tomo was sure he was still being punished but he felt that he's been punished long enough. He's been punished for years but these past few weeks have been hell and he's had enough. He couldn't handle anymore. He was breaking inside.

  
  


_Who knew having the person you love the most treat you like you're nothing hurt this much...._

  
  


Sometimes Tomo wishes that he knew beforehand that this would happen

Sometimes he wishes that he never caved.

Sometimes he wishes that he never did that to Takashi.

And sometimes he wishes that he never met him.

  
  


But then he imagines a life without Takashi. A life without Takashi is a life he never wants to live. It's miserable, bleak, and full of heartache. In that life he's lost and he tries to search for something that completes him but he never finds it. He never knows what true love feels like. He never learns how to love. He never knows what the warmth of another person feels like. He never knows how it feels to be accepted and loved for who he is. He never knows how much joy one person could bring. He never feels the warmth that floods over you when you see the one person you love. In that life he dies with a piece of him still missing.

  
  


It was making him sad just thinking about it.

  
  


He never wants to make that a reality which is why he's being so careful. He wants to have Takashi in his life in whatever way possible but that doesn't matter if Takashi isn't happy. All he really wants is for Takashi to be happy... but he wants him to be happy with him. Tomo didn't want to be selfish but he couldn't help it. He wants what he wants and normally he always gets what he wants which is why everything as driving crazy because he wasn't getting what he wants.

  
  


He was working hard and doing his best to win over Takashi so he only hopes that one day Takashi will allow himself to be won over.

  
  


♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

Takashi finished packing earlier than what he expected so he was just laying in bed waiting for Yusuke to come by for him. It was really silent and Itsuki still hasn't arrived. He hasn't even called yet. It was still pretty early so Takashi summed it up to him still sleeping and his phone was probably also dead. He had no reason to worry since Itsuki was at Makoto's so nothing could happen to him.

 

Maybe Itsuki headed back to his apartment to grab a few thing s before he came by Takashi's to where a majority of his things were. Even though Itsuki spends a majority of his days at Takashi's he occasionally goes to his own place, which was _really_ rare. Itsuki practically lives at Takashi's and calls Takashi's place him but to Takashi Itsuki didn't live here, he just stays multiple nights. Saying that he lives here would make things seem to real. Too serious.

 

Takashi wasn't ready for something that serious. Takashi was already giving all of himself to just Itsuki. He was giving him everything, including his time. Takashi has separate himself from a lot of people just to give Itsuki more attention and for him to trust him once again. Slowly but surely he was gaining his trust once again. Itsuki however sill doesn't trust Tomo.

 

Itsuki hasn't seen Tomo since he brought Takashi home but that whole night was a blur to Takashi so he has no idea what actually went on. He didn't ask Tomo if he did or said anything embarrassing but Tomo hasn't brought up anything about that night either which made Takashi sure that he didn't do anything embarrassing.

 

_If I did Tomo would mention something, right?_

 

Either way Takashi was too scared to ask.

 

Since that night Takashi has been cutting back on drinking with Tomo. He didn't want him to walk him all the way back to his place where Itsuki always is at. He didn't want Itsuki to feel uncomfortable or feel any other type of way. He also didn't want to end up doing something stupid because the last time he drank and was alone with Tomo they kissed... more than once. Takashi couldn't let that happen again. He still doesn't fully trust himself around Tomo. He's still very weak when it comes to Tomo.

 

The doorbell rang and Takashi quickly got up to open it.

 

There stood Tomo.

 

“Are you ready to go”? Tomo asked him.

 

“Is Yusuke already here?”

 

Takashi didn't even get to see Itsuki.

 

“Yeah. I cam up to see if you needed any help.” Tomo said.

 

Takashi could carry both his bags but since Tomo was already here he can carry everything.

 

“Come in.” Takashi said as he moved to the side to let Tomo in.

 

Takashi went to grab both his bags from his room and brought it out to Tomo.

 

“Take both of these, please.” Takashi said as he put on hos coat and shoes.

 

Takashi locked the door and headed down with Tomo.

 

“Did Itsuki already leave?” Tomo asked after a while.

 

He didn't see or hear Itsuki at Takashi's.

 

“He spent the night with Makoto and hasn't returned yet.” Takashi said.

 

Tomo didn't think much about it. There was nothing to think about. He doesn't care for Itsuki or what he does. He was just glad that eh didn't run into Itsuki anytime soon. He already has to see him for a few days, an extra day was pushing it. He hasn't seen him yet and he's already had enough of him.

 

“It's still early, he has plenty of time to arrive over there.” Tomo said.

 

The show was tomorrow so it didn't matter if he came late at night as long as they were there before the live starts.

 

“Yeah, I know. I'm not really worried though. He probably just overslept or something.” Takashi said.

 

“So you haven't talked to him?”

 

“Not since last night but his phone is probably dead but he'll call soon.”

 

_He always calls._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

They made it inside the car where Yusuke and Yoshiatsu were at.

 

Takashi had to sit in the back with Tomo.

 

_Great._

 

Takashi felt a bit nervous sitting next to Tomo. Even though there was a decent amount of space between them he could feel Tomo's body heat radiating off of him.

 

Takashi tried to calm himself down and tried to get his mind to think about something other than how long he was going to have to sit next to Tomo and how to avoid their personal spaces from clashing.

 

_It's going to be a long rise...._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡

 

Takashi was in his hotel room with Tomo. He didn't know how he got stuck with Tomo. He thought he was getting Yusuke this time but obviously that didn't happen.

 

“Are you still full?” Tomo asked him.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Takashi was busy checking his phone every now and then waiting for Itsuki to show signs of life. It was getting really late and he hasn't called him or anything. He was starting to get really worried.

 

“I'm sure he's fine. He'll contact you soon.” Tomo said as he looked over at Takashi who was sitting on his bed staring at his phone.

 

Tomo knew he was worrying over Itsuki. He's been like this for a few hours already and Tomo has tried to get him to do something else but nothing was working. He was even trying to talk to him but all of Takashi's responses were short and going nowhere.

 

“Yeah, I know but he should've done it by now. He could've sent something simple like... I don't know just something.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi has so far only sent Itsuki two messages. He didn't want to send anymore because he didn't want to come off as too clingy or annoying especially since there was a very high possibility that Itsuki was with his band. He didn't want everyone from TBS to think that Takashi was really clingy when it comes to Itsuki. That's the only reason why he hasn't called Makoto.

 

If anything bad happened he would've known by now.

 

“I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation like maybe he's driving. You wouldn't want him to text and drive, right?” Tomo said.

 

Takashi sighed and put his phone down.

 

Tomo had a point. A really good one.

 

If he was driving then that would explain why he hasn't written back or at least call him.

 

Takashi suddenly felt better.

 

“You're right. Thanks.” Takashi said as he gave Tomo a small smile.

 

He was glad to have Tomo right now even though Takashi himself was really bad company this whole time. He didn't mean to trouble Tomo with his problems.

 

“Sorry.” Takashi said as he looked down at his hands.

 

“Why are you apologizing?”

 

“I didn't mean to trouble you.”

 

“I just wanted to help you out after all we are friends and that's what friends are for.”

 

Takashi was glad to have Tomo as his friend but Takashi was being a really shitty friend lately but he wasn't going to admit that to Tomo.

 

Lately he's been having a lot of trouble trusting Tomo. There's always this voice in the back of his mind reminding him of what Tomo has done and even though that's in the past he can't seem to move on even though he said he could get over it but it was easier said than done. He's always wondering what Tomo is thinking and of he has done something that going to cause Tomo to leave again. It's almost as if he's readying himself just in case he does leave again. He didn't want to feel that pain again.

 

Takashi opened his mouth to say something but his phone began to ring.

 

It was Itsuki.

 

“Is it him?” Tomo asked.

 

“Yeah.” Takashi said.

 

He was really happy but he didn't want to talk to Itsuki while Tomo was in the same room.

 

“Oh. Well, I'm going to the store around the corner to get something, do you want anything”? Tomo asked as he put on his shoes.

 

“Just a soda.”

 

Tomo nodded and left.

 

Takashi quickly answered his phone.

 

“Hey.” Takashi said.

 

“Hey, I'm so sorry that I didn't call sooner. My phone was dead and it was my turn to drive so I couldn't talk to you. I hope I didn't make you worry.”

 

Takashi smiled.

 

“No. I didn't even realize.” Takashi said lying.

 

He didn't want Itsuki to know that he made him worry or he was going to end up feeling bad, even though it couldn't be helped. Takashi was just relieved that he got to talk to him before he goes to sleep.

 

“Really?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Okay, I did realize but I knew there was a logical explanation which is why I didn't panic and end up calling Makoto or anyone else from your band.”

 

“I was surprised that you didn't call Makoto or anyone else. I was sure that you were.”

 

“No. I didn't want to bother them. Deep down I knew you were okay but are you already here?”

 

“Not yet. We just stopped by some restaurant to get something to eat which is why I'm able to call you right now but we're still a bit far.”

 

“You guys left pretty late then.”

 

“There was some trouble but we're obviously going to be there in a few hours so don't worry. I'll definitely see you tomorrow but how are you? I hope you weren't getting ready to go to sleep.”

 

“I'm doing good but you're lucky I wasn't. I'm probably going to head to bed in about an hour. You know how I like to rest the day before a show.”

 

“Yeah, I know, I know. Did you get stuck with anyone this time?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Who?”

 

Takashi chewed his lip.

 

“Tomo but he's not even here. He's been gone for a while.” Takashi said.

 

Technically he has only been gone for about maybe ten minutes but Itsuki didn't have to know that. He hoped that by saying that he caused Itsuki to not worry about him being alone in a room with Tomo for the night.

 

That's when it hit Takashi that he was going to be spending the night with Tomo in the same room. Their beds were only a few feet away from one another. It's been forever since they've slept in the same room together.

 

“Oh.” Was all Itsuki could say but what could he say? Have fun? Good for you? Don't fall for Tomo's smooth words? Make sure he stays in his own bed? Even if Tomo isn't there right now, he was going to show up soon and who knows how many more timed they were going to share a room during this whole tour.

 

He didn't like the thought of them being alone. He trusts Takashi but Tomo was a different story. Tomo is slimy and completely capable of manipulating Takashi. Takashi is sadly still very soft when it comes to Tomo and Takashi will deny that but Itsuki knew. He wasn't blind. Sure he isn't as soft as before but he's still soft. Takashi is forgiving him way too easily, now if Itsuki did something remotely close to what Tomo did, Takashi would never forgive him. He wouldn't look at him twice. Whatever love Takashi feels for him would die right then and there and Takashi would go on with his life like nothing happened between them. It wasn't fair but Itsuki didn't have time to act like a jealous boyfriend. He didn't have time to feel any sort of jealousy and he didn't want to feel jealous because of Tomo. He would rather die than be jealous of Tomo. Tomo is the one who's supposed to be jealous after all he let Takashi slip through his fingers and now Itsuki is the one who has him. He has part of Takashi that Tomo has never had and never will.

 

“Just don't stay up too late with him. I don't need a moody and tired Takashi tomorrow or he's going to have to deal with you and he's not going to like that.” Itsuki said trying to lighten the mood when he realized how silent Takashi was.

 

Takashi smiled and let out a deep breath. He didn't realize he was holding in his breath.

 

For a second he got really scared that Itsuki was uncomfortable with the Tomo situation.

 

“I'm probably going to be sleeping before he comes back and he knows not to wake me when I'm sleeping.”

 

“I'm sure everyone knows not to wake you. I had to learn the hard way.”

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

“Everyone learned the hard way but you're the only one who has to deal with it on a daily basis.” Takashi said.

 

Takashi knows how moody he gets when he's woken up but who isn't? Especially if someone wakes you up from a nice deep sleep. The only reason why he gets even more annoyed is because once he gets woken up he can't fall back asleep which is why he's such a monster when someone disrupts his sleep. Sadly Itsuki at times is forced to wake up Takashi and he has to deal with the consequences but Takashi calms down after a while and apologizes for the way he acts even though it can't be helped.

 

“You're cute when you're mad but I have to get going. I'll see you tomorrow.” Itsuki said when he saw Makoto making his way to him.

 

“Okay, be safe. I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

With that Itsuki hanged up.

 

Takashi was ready for tomorrow to come. He went a whole day without a kiss and he was already missing Itsuki's touch. Normally before tour, before they're separated, Takashi accustoms himself so when Itsuki leaves for weeks he isn't dying from deprivation. They always have intense sessions so Takashi could survive for a few weeks until they meet up again and have more intense sessions to make up for their separated time. These past few weeks however were so packed that they haven't had much alone time together. Normally Takashi would be dying from the lack of sex in his life but he's been too busy to think about that. He was honestly okay with a few kisses and just one intense make out, nothing more. For now.

 

Takashi got up and headed to the bathroom to change. He didn't want to risk having Tomo walk in on him as he changes into his pajamas even though Tomo has seen him in his underwear countless times but that's in the dressing room with a handful of other people at times. Takashi has seen all the other members in just their underwear but it was different when it came to Tomo, especially now since they would be alone. Takashi felt as if it was a bit more intimate in a way, it's almost like when he watches Itsuki change it's okay but he wouldn't want Itsuki to be changing in a room and Makoto walks in on him or watches him change.

 

Takashi crawled into his bed.

 

He wasn't going to sleep yet since he was waiting for his soda. He was tired but he really wanted that soda. Maybe he shouldn't have soda before he falls asleep but he was going to do it.

 

_Where's the harm?_

 

He also told Tomo to bring it to him so why make him go through all the trouble if he wasn't going to drink it?

 

Takashi yawned and fought to stay awake.

 

_Where is he?_

 

_He better hurry up._

 


	22. Chapter 22

Takashi was finished getting ready. Now it was up to him to not ruin his makeup or hair, very less his dress.

 

He was out roaming around with his guitar in his hand hoping to see Itsuki but he was nowhere in sight.

 

_He's probably still getting his makeup done or something._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi stopped walking once he saw Sena sitting on a chair playing some chords on his guitar. He didn't know whether he should go say hi or if he should turn around and let him continue with his playing.

 

Takashi decided he was going to be nice and at least say hi.

 

Takashi got closer to Sena and realized how short Sena's costume really was. It seems like his costumes get smaller each time while Takashi's tend to get longer. It suit Sena's body though. Takashi would be lying if he said Sena isn't a good looking guy. Sena has nice thighs, a flat stomach, smooth skin, nicely toned legs and arms, even his face was cute. No wonder Tomo took an interest in him.

 

“Hey.” Takashi said.

 

Sena glanced up at Takashi. He was taken aback. This was the first time they have talked since Christmas.

 

“Hey.” Sena said.

 

“How are you?”

 

Takashi didn't know what to say and it made him feel really dumb for deciding to talk to him without having some sort of plan.

 

“I'm doing well. How about you?” Sena asked.

 

“I'm doing pretty good myself.”

 

It was awkward between them.

 

“Umm, thank you for inviting out band on this tour.” Sena said after a while.

 

Sena liked Takashi and they were friends before this whole mess happened so Sena didn't hold anything against Takashi. He wasn't mad at Takashi. He however is kind of mad at Tomo.

 

“Ah, don't mention it. I really like your costume by the way.” Takashi said which caused Sena to smile slightly.

 

“Thanks but I'm seriously dying of coldness.” Sena said.

 

“Sometimes you have to suffer when it comes to beauty.”

 

“That's true but I only wanted to wear this to try to get Boogie's attention but it never works.”

 

“I'm sure he notices. I'm sure everyone notices.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“We're okay, right?” Sena asked.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Is everything okay between us regarding you know...”

 

“Oh, yeah. Definitely. No ill feelings.”

 

Sena let out a small sigh of relief.

 

He was happy. He didn't want Takashi to hate him.

 

“If I hurt you, that wasn't my intention. I felt really bad about it but I liked him.” Sena said.

 

Takashi was hurt. In the beginning. He felt betrayed because Sena was his friend and he knew how he felt about Tomo but later on Takashi realized how stupid he was. Tomo could be with whoever he wants and after all it doesn't matter anymore because Takashi is with Itsuki.

 

It felt weird hearing Sena say that he liked Tomo while Takashi knew that Tomo felt differently. That Tomo didn't see Sena that way. That he didn't like him like _that_.

 

_Or maybe somewhere deep down inside he probably does like him_.

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi didn't blame Sena for falling for him. Tomo is pretty irresistible and under the act that he pts up, he's actually a very amazing man but Sena already knows that. Sena knows things about him that Takashi never will.

 

“You don't need to explain, it's not like he's mine. He was never mine. You were and still are free to go after him. It's not my place.” Takashi said.

 

_So Tomo wasn't able to get with Takashi._

 

_What an idiot._

 

_I would've thought that by now he would've made his move and capture Takashi._

 

_He's obviously slacking._

 

Sena had no idea what was going on with Tomo. He was mad at him for a very long time. Mad at him for being such an idiot and going back on his word. He was mad that Tomo didn't want him anymore. He was actually heartbroken but Sena blames himself for letting his heart get broken like that. After all he fell for someone who was only meant to be a flight. A fill-in.

 

“So you're still with Itsuki?” Sena asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh....”

 

Takashi didn't like the way that 'oh' sounded. To Takashi the 'oh' sounded doubtful.

 

_Oh what?_

 

_What was oh about it?_

Takashi thought to himself.

 

“What?” Takashi asked.

 

“After everything that happened... it's not my place to say anything.”

 

“Come on, Sena, we were friends. I like to think that we're still friends but I want to know what you're trying to say.”

 

Like Takashi said, he held no ill feelings towards Sena and Takashi would like to be his friend. Takashi wasn't a mean guy. He tends to give seconds chances and the friendship he had with Sena meant a lot to him because they were close despite not seeing each other or talking daily. Takashi trusted him with almost everything.

 

“Well, I'm just kind of surprised that you're still with him. Tomo told me what happened between you two and I don't know I just thought....” Sena didn't continue what he was saying. He felt really nosy.

 

“Thought that I would leave Itsuki once I knew how Tomo really feels about me?” Takashi said.

 

“Well, yeah. You specifically told me how much you love Tomo. That he's the love of your life.”

 

“Was. Was the love of my life. I love Itsuki and Itsuki is now the love of my life.”

 

“So you love him more than Tomo?”

 

“Yes. It would be messed up if I loved Tomo more than my own boyfriend.”

 

“You can't help who you fall in love with but as long as you're happy then....”

 

Sena stopped talking once he saw Tomo appear next to Takashi.

 

His stomach was doing really weird flips and his heart was beating really fast.

 

Once Takashi saw Tomo he figured it was time for him to leave them alone. They probably didn't want to be alone but Takashi figured that they had things to talk about but he knew how stubborn they both are so he decided t give them a small push. After all he is such a good friends and hates it when his friends fight.

 

"I have to go find Itsuki, we'll talk later." Takashi said to Sena before he left to go find Itsuki.

 

Sena looked over at Tomo, rolled his eyes and then went back to strumming.

 

He didn't want to see Tomo.

 

He wasn't ready to see Tomo.

 

Tomo scoffed.

 

"Wow, hi to you too." Tomo said.

 

"You don't deserve a hi from me."

 

"Ahh, so you're still mad at me."

 

"Actually, it's not anger. It's hate."

 

It wasn't anger or hate that Sena feels. It was sadness and hurt.

 

Sena expresses his hurt through being mean and saying hateful things since he couldn't show how he actually feels. Tomo would probably laugh in his face if he told him how hurt he was. How much he is hurting inside.

 

"It wouldn't be the first time I made you hate me." Tomo said.

 

"I never hated you as much as I hate you now so leave. I don't want to see you."

 

"Well, you're going to have to get over it. Whether you like it or not we're going to have to see each other for a whole week so you have to learn how to co-exist with me."

 

"Or you can stay out of my way so we never have to see each other."

 

"I don't understand why you're being like this. I said I wanted to be friends."

 

"I don't want to be your friend!" Sena practically shouted as he looked over at Tomo and met his gaze.

 

Sena instantly regretted looking at him.

 

His heart skipped a beat or two as he felt himself melt as he looked directly into his beautiful brown eyes.

His eyes reminding him of all the times Tomo would look at him. The way his eyes would smile at him. He remembers all the time he would stare into them as they would cuddle and talk. How secure, warm, and at-home they made him feel.

 

"Hey, Sena." An all so familiar voice broke Sena out of his trance.

 

Sena looked over to see Boogie and he wondered how long he's been there. He wondered if he heard anything.

 

"Yeah?" Sena said feeling his heart skip some more.

 

Being between both Boogie and Tomo is too much for him.

 

"Ricko wanted me to get you." Boogie said.

 

"Oh. Okay." Sena said as he got up.

He glared at Tomo before he followed behind Boogie without saying another word to Tomo.

 

Sena felt relived not being in between the both of them. He felt relieved that he didn't have to talk to Tomo but knowing Tomo, he was going to be back with more to say.

 

Boogie brought Sena into their empty dressing room.

 

"So, where's Ricko?" Sena asked.

 

"Oh, I just made that up."

 

"Why?"

 

Sena's mind began to flood with a million responses. A million responses he has always wished Boogie would say but never would.  Never will.

 

"You were getting pretty heated out there." Boogie said.

 

"Oh, you heard that?" Sena said as he felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

 

Sena felt a bit embarrassed that Boogie witnessed that side of him.

 

_How much did he hear?_  
  
Sena thought to himself.

 

He wanted to die.

 

"Who didn't?" Boogie said.

 

Sena groaned and slumped down on the couch.

 

"What was all of that about?" Boogie asked as he sat down next to Sena.

 

Boogie had no idea that Sena talked to Tomo. The way that Sena was snapping at him made it clear that they knew each other well enough. Sena isn't one to act that way towards everyone, he's only like that if he actually knows the person and feels comfortable yelling at them.

 

"It's nothing." Sena said.

 

"Obviously it is something. You don't normally lash out like that and I also happened to hear you tell Tomo that you didn't want to be his friend."

 

_Why wouldn't Sena want to be his friend?_

 

He wondered what Tomo did to Sena to make him act like that. Boogie has never seen Sena that angry. Sena is normally really chill and never yells, except for when he's stressed and his frustration takes over but even then he automatically apologizes. 

 

"I just don't want to be friends with him. I don't have to be friends with everyone." Sena said.

 

Sena didn't want Boogie to know about him and Tomo. About what they had and what went on between them. It was too personal and he wanted to keep that private. Whatever Sena does with his persoanl time was just his business, no one else's. Especially not Boogies.

 

"I don't see why not. He doesn't seem like a bad person." Boogie said.

 

Sena knows that Tomo isn't a bad person. He's seen the sweet side of Tomo. He's seen the real Tomo under the cold hard facade he puts on.

 

"You're not one to act so rudely so I know something happened between you two." Boogie said.

 

Sena remained silent.

 

He couldn't tell Boogie.

 

He didn't want to tell Boogie.

 

He wasn't going to tell Boogie.

 

_Why can't I be mad at someone without explaining it to someone else_

Sena thought to himself.

 

"But if you don't want to talk about it then that's okay." Boogie said when Sena didn't say anything.

 

Boogie just wanted to be there for Sena. If Sena wants to rant then Boogie would be there with a listening ear. If Sena wants to cry then Boogie would be there with a shoulder to cry on and some tissues along with some soothing words. He wanted to be there if Sena ever needed a friend.

 

"You know I'm always here for you." Boogie said.

 

Sena didn't look at Boogie and he didn't say anything.

 

He couldn't look at Boogie.

 

He couldn't say anything.

 

When Boogie starts saying stuff like this is makes it much harder for Sena to be around him. He wants to say something but he never can.

 

_Why does he have to be so nice?_

Sena asked himself.

 

"I'll let you be." Boogie said before he left the room so Sena could be by himself.

 

He always understood that Sena is the kind of person who likes his space. The kind of person who needs their space and alone time. Sena is really independent but Boogie also understood that sometimes it's good to have someone else to talk to. Sure Sena could figure things out by himself but sometimes it's goof to just have someone there to lean on and depend on. Sena likes to have control and Boogie would never take that away from him.

 

Sena was glad to be alone. He was so frustrated and emotionally drained. Seeing Tomo so soon took so much out of him. His heart was hurting but it was good to see that he hasn't changed.

 

Deep down he was really glad that him and Takashi weren't together because that means that he still has a chance with him. That there's a possibility for things to go back to how they were.

 


	23. Chapter 23

After the show was over Takashi was changing out of his stage outfit and into his casual clothing so he could go find Itsuki since they haven't had the chance to spend any alone time together.

 

Takashi was able to see him play but he wasn't able to see the end of their set since he had to go back to where all the together members were so they could get some final touches done before they headed out onto the stage for their set.

 

Takashi was in such a good mood. He couldn't wait to see Itsuki.

 

Takashi felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him. He jumped at the sudden embraces and spun around to see Itsuki.

 

Takashi smiled and hugged him.

 

"Hey, great job out there. You were amazing as always." Itsuki said.

 

"Thank you. You weren't that bad yourself."

 

Itsuki smiled and kissed Takashi.

 

Takashi was glad to feel Itsuki's lips against his once again. He almost went two full days without a kiss and he was going through withdrawal. 

 

"Hey, Takashi, oh...."

 

Takashi smiled and pulled away from Itsuki.

 

Once again Tomo walking in on them making out.

 

"Yeah?" Takashi said.

 

"Yusuke was wondering if you wanted to go have some drinks." Tomo said.

 

"Do you want to come with us?" Takashi asked Itsuki.

 

"I can't. I have to leave soon with the rest of the band." Itsuki said.

 

"You guys are heading straight to the next town?"

 

"Yeah. It's not far so they decided to crash over there."

 

"That sucks. I really wanted to spend more time with you."

 

"We will. Until then why don't you go hang out with your friends?"

 

"When are you leaving?"

 

Takashi wanted to spend the night with Itsuki or at least have some hours alone with him. Was that too much to ask for?

 

"In maybe an hour maybe." Itsuki said.

 

"Then I'll hang out with you for an hour."

 

"I have to go do some stuff with Makoto which is why I wanted to stop by real fast and see you. Go hang out with Yusuke."

 

Takashi sighed a bit disappointed.

 

All he wanted was to hang out with Itsuki especially since he's in such a good mood and he was a bit horny.

 

"I'll be there in a bit." Takashi said to Tomo who nodded and left.

 

"You should go before it gets too late." Itsuki said to Takashi.

 

"I just want to spend a little more time with you. I haven't been able to see you as much as I would like."

 

Itsuki embraces Takashi. Holding him tightly against him.

 

"I know but we both know how crazy tour gets. Once it's over everything is going to go back to how it normally is. We'll go back to the apartment and talk like we always do." Itsuki said.

 

"I wanted to at least spend an hour together and talk or whatever."

 

"We're talking now."

 

"But you're going to have to leave soon."

 

"I know but I'm going to see you tomorrow and we'll talk. I promise."

 

"Fine. You better keep that promise or I'm going to be mad."

 

Itsuki smiled slightly.

 

"You can't stay mad at me." Itsuki said.

 

"I so can. You don't want to test me. I won't talk to you for a whole week."

 

"You won't talk to me for a whole week? That actually doesn't sound that bad."

 

Takashi pushed Itsuki away from him and playfully hit him on the arm.

 

"You're mean. I can't help it that I talk a lot." Takashi said.

 

"I like it though. It's never quiet and that's also how I know if you're mad at me."

 

"I only get mad if you do something really stupid."

 

"I always do something stupid."

 

"Yeah, 'cause you're stupid but I love you so I guess that means I'm kind of stupid too, right?"

 

Itsuki smiled.

 

"Obviously you are since you love me and I still don't know how that's possible." Itsuki said.

 

"You don't give yourself enough credit, you know. You're actually really great. I'm the mess so I don't know how you're able to keep up with me."

 

"Because I love you. Like I really really love you."

 

Takashi smiled and kissed Itsuki.

 

He was glad to have him in his life and he was glad that things were getting better between them. In the beginning there were a few setbacks but they were able to move forwards together. Overall Takashi was just really glad that he didn't give up like he wanted to. He fought for their relationship and so far everything was good. He was finally moving on from Tomo.

 

"Sorry to break up the love fest that's going on here but I need Itsuki."

 

Itsuki groaned and pulled away from Takashi.

 

"Why doesn't anyone ever knock?" Itsuki asked as he turned to face Makoto.

 

"Who said I didn't knock?"

 

"You didn't knock. I can hear."

 

"I knocked. You're just too busy sucking face to notice."

 

"Sorry about this. I have to go." Itsuki said to Takashi.

 

"It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"Bye." Itsuki gave Takashi a quick kiss before leaving with Makoto.

 

_Why is it so hard to get some quality time with Itsuki?_

 

Takashi met up with Tomo who was alone.

 

"Where's Yusuke?" Takashi asked.

 

"He went ahead with Yoshiatsu."

 

"Oh, okay."

 

"Are you ready to go?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"So, how'd it go with Sena?" Takashi asked after a while of silence.

 

"Horrible. Why did you leave me alone with him?"

 

Takashi didn't think that things were going to go horrible between them. He thought they were going to make up and whatnot. 

 

"What happened?" Takashi asked.

 

"He hates me."

 

"I doubt he hates you."

 

"He said it straight to my face."

 

"Doesn't mean that he means it. He probably just mad."

 

Takashi knew all to well about what it's like to be really mad and hurt. All that anger and pain causing him to say things that he doesn't really mean.

 

"I don't even know why he's mad. I told him we could be friends." Tomo said.

 

Takashi knew that Sena liked Tomo, maybe he still does but Takashi isn't the kind of person to out someone like that. If Sena didn't tell Tomo that he likes him then there's probably a good reason behind it.

 

"Maybe it's just weird for him." Takashi said.

 

"In what sense?"

 

"I don't know what he thinks but personally, for me I think it would be weird to be friends with someone I used to hook up with just for fun. I can't even be friends with ex's its just strange."

 

"It's not like he didn't agree to the hookup. We both agreed that it was just something casual, nothing more."

 

Takashi needed to stop talking before he said something he shouldn't.

 

"Like I said, that's what I personally think for me."

 

"Yeah because you're not like that."

 

"Not like what."

 

"The kind of person to just randomly hook up with people. You're too innocent."

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

It's true that he's never hooked up with someone just for the sake of hooking up but he didn't like how Tomo said he was innocent. Takashi was far from innocent, he just dind't like to give himself to someone just to satisfy some sexual need that probably isn't going to last long or even fulfill it.

 

"You don't know what kind of person I am." Takashi said.

 

"Okay, then tell me what kind of person you are."

 

"You don't know what kind of person I am." Takashi said.

 

"Okay, then tell me what kind of person you are."

 

"You don't need to know that."

 

"Okay, then I'm sticking wit innocent, modest, and almost prude-like."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes even though Tomo couldn't see that.

 

_If only he knew how wrong he is._

 

_Tomo could go ahead and ask Itsuki but that would be weird._

 

_I don't need Tomo to know that part of me._

 

That part of Takashi is a secret and only people he's been with know what he's truly like and he would like to keep it that way.

 

"I'm not a prude. I'm just not what you're used to." Takashi said.

 

"Which is?"

 

"Easy people. No offense to Sena."

 

"You mean people who know how to have fun."

 

"I don't need to have meaningless sex to have fun but I'm done talking about this."

 

"You just don't want to talk anymore because you know I'm right."

 

"Um, no. I actually don't want to talk about it because I don't want to talk about this with you and it's getting too personal for my liking."

 

Takashi was glad that they finally made it to the bar. It meant that they didn't have to talk about this anymore.

 

Takashi went ahead and walked in before Tomo could say anything else.

 

"I'm glad that you guys finally made it." Yusuke said.

 

"Sorry about that, I was talking to Itsuki for a while." Takashi said as he sat down next to Yusuke. Tomo sat down next to him.

 

"Yeah, sure, talking." Yoshiatsu said.

 

"Yes, talking."

 

_And some kissing._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

"Why are we sitting at such a huge table?" Tomo asked.

 

"We're waiting on the others." Yusuke said.

 

"What others?"

 

"Well, I invited everyone from the other bands to join us in celebration."

 

"I don't think that anyone from TBS is going to come, supposedly they're leaving for the next town." Takashi said.

 

"Rena said they were going to come so I don't know."

 

Takashi was confused as to why Itsuki said that he couldn't join him.

 

_Why wold Rena say they were going to come when Itsuki said differently?_

 

_Was there a last minute change of plans?_

 

_Did Itsuki lie to him to try to surprise him or something?_

 

Takashi wasn't going to jump into conclusions. He was going to wait and see.

 

"Is everyone from JILUKA coming?" Tomo asked.

 

"I think you meant 'is Sena coming?'" Yoshiatsu said.

 

Tomo ignored him.

 

"Yes, they're all coming." Yusuke said.

 

Tomo had no problem seeing Sena or being near him. He just didn't want Sena to explode like he did earlier.

 

"Don't you want to see Sena?" Yoshiatsu asked Tomo.

 

"Don't you mind your own business?"

 

"I see, things went bad between you guys."

 

"If you must know, he's mad."

 

"Like I said, you broke his heart."

 

"I didn't break anything but don't say anything to him about it."

 

Sena was already in a bad mood and Tomo didn't want Yoshiatsu to make things worse.

 

Tomo knows that Sena never mentions anything about his personal life to the other members so Tomo didn't want them to catch wind of them once being "something". He especially didn't want Boogie to find out. Tomo knows how much Boogie means to Sena so he didn't want Boogie to think any differently of Sena if he found out about them.

 

Even if Sena does hate him, Tomo would never do anything to hurt him. He could never. Sena was there for him and whatever they shared at that time is forever going to be just between the both of them. Unless one of them says otherwise.

 

"He's coming. Don't mention anything about me or us, okay?" Tomo said as he saw Sena enter with the rest of his band.

 

"Okay, fine, I won't." Yoshiatsu said.

 

Tomo looked away from Sena and turned his attention to Takashi who was silently sitting beside him.

 

"Why are you so quiet?" Tomo asked him.

 

"I'm just not in the mood to talk."

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Nothings wrong. I'm just tired."

 

Takashi was too busy overthinking even though he told himself not to.

 

Tomo didn't pester Takashi into telling him or Takashi was going to end up annoyed and would probably end up ignoring him throughout the night.

 

"Hey, I'm so glad you could join us." Yusuke said.

 

Tomo noticed that Sena sat on the other side across from Takashi and Boogie sat down next to him across from where Tomo was sitting.

 

"Thank you for inviting us." Sena said.

 

Tomo didn't pay any attention to what was being said. He was too busy paying attention to Takashi who would occasionally look up at the door.

 

_Does he want to leave?_

Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo leaned in even closer to Takashi.

 

"Are you okay? Do you want to go to the room?" Tomo asked him.

 

Takashi turned his head to look at Tomo. Takashi got scared noticing how close he was.

 

_Why is he so close?_

Takashi thought to himself.

 

"I'm okay." Takashi said as he looked directly at the table.

 

If he turned to face him their faces would be inches away.

 

"You keep looking at the door." Tomo said.

 

_Why is he paying attention to my every move?_

 

_Does he have nothing better to do?_

 

_Why doesn't he try to make up with Sena?_

 

"Was I? Huh, I didn't even notice." Takashi said.

 

Takashi was waiting to see if Itsuki was going to walk in through that door.

 

Tomo could hear the sarcasm in Takashi's voice.

 

_Obviously he isn't in the mood to talk._

Tomo thought to himself.

 

_But I know how to get him to open up._

 

"Do you want a beer?" Tomo asked him.

 

"Yes, please." Takashi said a little too enthusiastic.

 

Takashi reached in his coat for his wallet.

 

"It's on me." Tomo said.

 

 

Takashi looked at Tomo and smiled.

 

"Thanks." 

 

"Yoshiatsu, come with me." Tomo said as he got up.

 

Sena watched as Tomo left. He's been watching him ever since he saw him. Low-key obviously. He couldn't let him or anyone else catch him.

 

Like always Tomo is too busy conversing with Takashi to realize anyone else around him. Even though Sena was "mad" at him, he still wanted Tomo to try and talk to him. Even a simple "hello" or "great job on stage" was okay with him. It was better than nothing which was what he's receiving right now. With everyone around Tomo isn't going to talk to him. Especially since Takashi is here.

 

Tomo and Yoshiatsu came back with a whole ton of beers. One for every person at the table.

 

"Since no one was drinking, I decided to start us off." Tomo said.

 

Everyone was thanking Tomo and so on.

 

Sena was just happy to finally have a beer. Especially a free one.

 

"Well, cheers I guess." Tomo said.

 

"Cheers."

 

Tomo glanced over at Takashi who was already looking at him smiling.

 

"You're in a nice mood today." Takashi said.

 

This was the Tomo he knew. The real Tomo. Not the fake Tomo with the rude facade.

 

"I'm just really happy. It was a good first day and it can only get better." Tomo said.

 

"It was a good first day."

 

"But you don't seem as happy as earlier."

 

"I am happy. I'm just drained."

 

"You were going crazy on stage."

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

"No, I wasn't." Takashi said before he drank some of his beer.

 

He didn't realize how hot he was until he felt the refreshing cold cold liquid go down his throat. It felt so good but Takashi was overheating.

 

He took off his coat.

 

"You were with all that spinning and weird moves." Tomo said.

 

Takashi scoffed but he was smiling.

 

"Weird? I don't do weird moves." Takashi said.

 

"Yeah, you do. You do this weird swaying that makes you look like a penguin."

 

"I do not look like a penguin."

 

"You do but luckily for you I like penguins."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes and drank some of his beer to hide his smile.

 

"How is that lucky for me" Takashi asked.

 

Tomo leaned in even closer so no one else could hear.

 

"Because I like you." Tomo said sending a chill down Takashi's body as his hot breath tickled his ear.

 

_So he still likes me._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

It made him happy to know that.

 

He was sure that whatever Tomo felt for him before was long gone but it was nice knowing that he was wrong. Even though it made him happy, he wished that Tomo didn't say that. He wished that he didn't feel that way because Takashi wasn't going to be able to share those feelings with him. Not anytime soon. Takashi had no plans on leaving Itsuki. No plans on being with Tomo.

 

_Tomo should be out there doing his thing._

 

_Not revolving everything around me._

 

_He shouldn't be waiting for me because I'm not waiting for him._

 

_He shouldn't be able to tell me that he likes me because I can't do the same._

 

Takashi didn't want to feel like he was stringing him along just in case what he has going on with Itsuki fails. He didn't want to feel like he's leading him on. Leading him to believe in a possibility that might never happen. What if one day Takashi wakes up and realizes that what he feels for Tomo was just a stupid crush? Realizes that Itsuki is all he needs and wants? It would mean that Tomo lost all this time to find something/someone other than Takashi. That somewhere along the way he lost the chance of actually finding actual love or happiness. Takashi didn't want Tomo to give up on things or people just because he's waiting for him. 

 

Takashi was about to say something but he stopped before he could say anything because he heard an all too familiar voice.

 

"Sorry we're late to the party."

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been forever since I updated. Sorry to keep you guys waiting! I've been having a bit of writers block.

 

"Sorry we're late to the party."

 

Takashi quickly looked up to see everyone from TBS except for Itsuki and Makoto.

 

_Why isn't he here with them?_

_Where is he?_ Takashi thought to himself.

 

"Missing two members aren't you?" Yoshiatsu said.

 

"Yeah, they're out doing whatever like always." Rena said as he slightly looked over at Takashi.

 

Takashi din't read into what Rena said or why he looked at him as if what he said was going to annoy him.

 

He knew that Itsuki spent a lot of time with Makoto but they were friends. What friend doesn't spend time with their friend?

Takashi however was disappointed that Itsuki wasn't here. Even if they couldn't have private conversations, he would've liked to sit next to him, hug him, hold hands under the table, and drink while they have small talk with everyone else.

 

_Maybe he's going to come later once he and Makoto are done doing whatever they're doing._

Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi glanced up at the door before turning his attention to his half empty beer.

 

He needed a new one but he was feeling too lazy to get up and no one else around him was drinking. He didn't want to be the only one drinking.

However he kind of understood why everyone else was taking it so easy. They did have a live tomorrow which meant they had to get up early.

 

Takashi was going to try and take it easy.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡

 

Midnight came bur Itsuki never did.

 

A majority of the group left, leaving only Takashi, Tomo, Sena, Boogie, and Yusuke but Yusuke was just about to leave.

Takashi knew he should leave too to get some rest but he wasn't tired.

 

Yusuke said his goodbyes and left.

 

"So who wants another drink?" Boogie asked.

 

"I'll have another." Sena said.

 

"Me too." Takashi said.

 

"I'll come with you." Tomo said as he got up and left with Boogie leaving Takashi alone with Sena.

 

Takashi was a bit tipsy but he was nowhere near drunk.

This was going to be his last beer before he heads back to his room.

 

"You should really give Tomo a chance." Takashi said.

 

"At what?"

 

"Being your friend."

 

"I can't be his friend."

 

"Why not?"

 

"It's not easy to explain. I just can't though."

 

"Do you... like him?" It was hard for Takashi to ask.

 

Sena thought about answering Takashi.

 

_Should I tell him?_

 

_Is he going to tell Tomo?_

 

_Why does he want to know?_

 

Sena looked around to make sure that neither Boogie nor Tomo were around.

 

"Yeah but I know he doesn't feel the same which is why he can't ever find out." Sena said.

 

"How can you be so sure that he doesn't?"

 

"Well he has said it directly to me and even if he did... I could never amount to you. No one can."

 

"But someone has to."

 

Sena was going to ask Takashi what he meant by that but Sena saw that Boogie and Tomo were making their way towards them.

 

"Okay, this is my last beer then I'm going to my room." Takashi said before taking a sip of his beer.

 

"I'm obviously coming with you, I don't need you to break an ankle or something." Tomo said.

 

"I'm not drunk."

 

"Boogie and I are going to our room too." Sena said. 

 

"Yeah but we should definitely do this on the last day of tour." Boogie suggested.

 

"Only if everyone gets drunk off their faces." Takashi said smiling.

 

"Maybe I won't get drunk but Sena probably would." Boogie said giving Sena a teasing smile.

 

"I don't get drunk." Sena said.

 

"That's because you barely drink." Tomo said.

 

"You don't drink."

 

"I do drink just not when I have to watch you-know-who." Tomo said as he nodded his head towards Takashi.

 

Takashi scoffed as he noticed Tomo doing that.

 

"I don't need you to watch me. I can handle myself." Takashi said.

 

"I understand what Tomo means." Boogie said.

 

Sena rolled his eyes.

 

"No one told you you had to watch me." Sena said.

 

"I know but I feel obligated to make sure that the most important member doesn't get hurt."

 

"That important member being Ricko."

 

"Vocalists are important but guitarists are just as important."

 

"Anyone could fill in for a guitarist."

 

"Not for you. Some of your work is crazy complicated and all those solos? Good luck learning every single one in a day."

 

Boogie had a point.

 

"Well luckily I'm really careful so we don't have to worry about that." Sena said.

 

"As long as I don't break an arm, I'll be fine." Takashi said.

 

"Or your pretty face." Tomo said.

 

Takashi felt hid face flush and he fought the urge to hit Tomo.

 

Takashi drank his beer to cool and calm him down.

 

_Why did he have to say that in front of Sena and Boogie?_

 

_Why couldn't he just say face?_

 

"Especially the face." Boogie said. "That't the money maker."

 

"I thought the body was the money maker." Sena said.

 

"That too but the face is a little more important."

 

"But luckily for you you have both so." Tomo said as he gave a small shrug.

 

Sena bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.

 

_What's with all the compliments?_

_Why is he saying this in front of both Boogie and Takashi?_

Sena thought to himself.

 

Sena looked over at Boogie who was nodding in agreement.

 

He was happy to know that Boogie though he had a nice face and good body. It meant that he really does look at him.

 

 

_Does Tomo have no shame?_

Takashi asked himself mentally.

  
Takashi felt a bit jealous when Tomo said that Sena had a nice body and face.

 

All Tomo said was that he had a pretty face.

Was his body not as good?

 

Takashi knew he was reading into it a little too much and that he was just overreacting but he like such compliments too. Especially if they were coming out of the mouth of someone other than Itsuki. Just not in front of others.

 

Suddenly Takashi wasn't in a talkative mood.

 

Takashi finished his beer in silence as the others carried on with their conversation.

 

Tomo noticed Takashi put on his coast and Tomo did the same.

 

"We should go now." Tomo said.

 

"We're leaving too." Boogie said as he handed Sena his coat.

 

Tomo was glad that he was able to have some time to talk to Sena who wasn't as bitchy as earlier. Buying him drinks and complimenting him was the easiest way to get him to open up. Tomo was also sure that by Boogie being there made Sena calm down a bit since he wouldn't want to act all psycho and irrational in front of Boogie.

 

Tomo helped Takashi outside who kept trying to free his arm from his hold.

 

'We'll see you tomorrow, Have a good night. Or morning." Boogie said.

 

"Same. Night. Bye, Sena." Tomo said and with that Takashi and him went their way while Boogie and Sena went the opposite direction together.

 

Tomo looked over at Takashi who hasn't said anything in a while. Takashi was in  a bad mood earlier but Tomo was able to fix that but it's clear that the bad mood was back.

 

"What's wrong?" Tomo asked him.

 

"It's nothing."

 

"It's clearly something since it seems to be bugging you."

 

Several things were bugging Takashi but it wasn't the time or place to talk about it.

 

"I don't want to talk about it." Takashi said.

 

"You never want to talk about it."

 

"Wow, sorry that I don't want to share every thought I have." Takashi said annoyed.

 

Takashi pulled away from Tomo and continued to walk.

 

He needed to calm down before all this agitation he feels makes him snap and he ends up doing or saying something really stupid.

 

"You used to." Tomo said following right behind Takashi.

 

"Well time changes things."

 

"Are you seriously still mad about that?"

 

"When will I not be mad at that?"

 

"When will I not be mad at that?"

 

"You know you can't hold that over my head forever."

 

"No one said I was."

 

"You are and you know how bad I feel about it! You don't have to keep reminding me because I remind myself everyday, every time I see you!" Tomo said as he pulled Takashi to a stop. Forcing Takashi  to look at him.

 

Takashi was agitated but it wasn't completely Tomo's fault. Sure he was pressing some buttons but it wasn't enough to make him snap like that. It's all the agitation he has felt throughout the night and he was taking it out on Tomo.

 

"Every time I see you I see the mistake I made. I have to live with that and I know getting over it isn't easy as you said it was going to be but honestly you're not even trying anymore. I still love you but...."

 

"Don't love me anymore." Takashi said cutting him off as he looked directly into his eyes.

 

He tried his best to sound strong.

To sound believable. 

He needed Tomo to believe what he was saying.

Takashi needed to believe it himself.

 

"You've had too many drinks. You don't know what you're saying." Tomo said.

 

"We can be friends but we can _never_   be together so just move on. I have."

 

Takashi knew this wasn't the time or place for this but it was too late to take things back. Even though parts of it are true, it hurt him to say it but it needed to be said. He couldn't continue to keep Tomo as a rebound just in case Itsuki comes to his senses and leaves him. Tomo needed to move on and get himself out there. Takashi didn't want to be the reason why Tomo never finds happiness or love.

 

Tomo ignored what Takashi was saying. He knew it was the alcohol talking and later on when Takashi wakes up he wasn't going to remember. It was a cycle and in the end they go back to being their regular selves. Tomo also didn't want to believe that what Takashi was saying is true.

 

Tomo was okay with being friends... for right now but he wanted more. He needed more. Takashi couldn't be his friends for the rest of his life. Tomo needed him by his side which is why he was doing his best to improve himself. He was doing his best to prove to Takashi that he really loves him and no one could ever love him as much as he does. He wanted ti prove that he could be the person Takashi wants and needs.

 

Tomo didn't think that life was going to treat him this badly forever. He always thought that somewhere along the way he was finally going to get the break he's been waiting for and truly needs. The chance to actually be happy and get what he's been needing for a while. Takashi.

 

"Look, it's snowing." Takashi said.

 

"Let's head back." Tomo said completely disregarding the snow. He didn't have tome to think about his superstition right now.

 

All he wanted to do was to go to his room with Takashi. , fall asleep, and wake up later on so this incident can be over and done with.

 

He needed all of this to be a lie. A mistake.

 

He couldn't get his heart broken again by Takashi. He couldn't get it broken some more.

 

Everything was already too much but he was coping. However hearing Takashi tell him not to love him anymore was a low-blow. It crushed a part of him because how could Takashi say something like that? If it wasn't for Takashi Tomo would've went on with his life thinking he wasn't capable of such feelings. Takashi was, is the only person Tomo has ever loved this much so hearing him tell him not to was the hardest thing ever. To Tomo it was impossible and it was painful. How could the only person you have ever truly loved tell you not to love them?

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

Sena was waiting for Takashi to meet with him. Earlier in the day Takashi came up to him and told him to meet him right after they were done getting ready.

 

Sena didn't know why Takashi wanted to meet up with him since he never elaborated but he figured it was something important considering Takashi's tone of voice.

Ever since he told him to meet him a million thoughts have gone through Sena's mind as he tried to figure out what he wanted to talk about. Sena figured that Takashi was going to come to him for advice or something involving Tomo. After all what else could they talk about? The weather?

 

"Hey, have you been waiting a while?" Takashi asked as he sat down next to Sena.

 

"Not long."

 

"So, I need your help."

 

"With?"

 

"Well, you know Tomo pretty well, don't you?"

 

_Of course it's something involving Tomo._

 

_Does he need my help picking out a gift or something?_

Sena wondered.

 

"I'm pretty sure you know him better than I do." Sena said.

 

"Not that Tomo you know and you kind of know him a little more."

 

After all he and Tomo shared a lot of intimate moments and Takashi was sure that Tomo opened up to him in those months that they were together.

 

Sena doubted that he knew Tomo more than Takashi. He probably knows parts of him that Takashi doesn't but Takashi knows how he really is. Who he really is.

 

"Well, what do you need help with?" Sena asked.

 

"When you guys were together did he ever mention if he liked someone?"

 

"Like you?"

 

"No, someone aside from me."

 

"No, he never mentioned liking someone else."

 

"Did you ever notice him taking an interest in someone?"

 

"No. You know how he is, he doesn't look at people twice."

 

Now that Sena thinks about it it's pretty weird that he never caught Tomo's eyes wandering. Even Sena's eyes would wander every now and then. When it was just Tomo and him, it was just them. Except if Takashi was around then Tomo's attention would be on Takashi instead of Sena.

 

"Yet he looked at you twice and perused something with you." Takashi said.

 

_Okay, where is he going with this?_

Sena thought to himself.

 

_Is Takashi seriously questioning why Tomo wanted something to do with me?_

 

_If so he's not going to like the answer._

 

"Yeah and?" Sena said.

 

"And that's why I think he might like you."

 

Sena laughed a bit and shook his head.

 

"No. I already told you he doesn't look at me like that. What we had wasn't real. It wasn't anything." Sena said.

 

"Half a year with someone and it was nothing? I don't think so. You just don't waste half a year on nothing. Tomo wouldn't waste his time like that."

 

"It was just to have fun and mess around. No attachments."

 

"Somewhere along the way it must've gotten deep."

 

"Well, we did spend a lot of time together so we talked but we talked like we were friends. We were friends. It wasn't serious and the only difference is that somewhere along the way I fell for him but he didn't fall for me because you're always on his mind."

 

"But I shouldn't be. I already have someone."

 

"You're taking the whole Itsuki thing really serious aren't you?"

 

"Well, yeah. I love him."

 

_Wow. He loves him._

Sena thought to himself.

 

Never in a million years did Sena think he would hear Takashi say that about someone who wasn't Tomo.

 

"Wow. I don't... wow." Sena said. He was beyond speechless. He couldn't believe that Takashi said that.

 

Maybe he was overreacting but he's spent a whole year listening to Takashi ramble on about Tomo and how much he loves him yet he never heard anything about him liking Itsuki. He was so shocked to find out they were dating but he's more shocked hearing Takashi say that he loves him, even after this small amount of time. However hearing Takashi say that gave Sena hope on having Tomo back.

 

"Are you really serious about him?" Sena asked.

 

"Yes, I've never been this serious before. I actually want this to work out between us and I don't know. I can see myself with him for quite a long time."

 

"Wow. What about Tomo? I thought you loved him."

 

"I do love him but it wouldn't work. You like him, don't you?"

 

"Yeah, I like him."

 

"Would you ever love him?"

 

"Probably."

 

Deep down Takashi knew that Sena would love him. Who wouldn't? 

 

Tomo is such a sweet guy with a really good heart. He may do stupid stuff and does things he doesn't mean but aside from that he does whatever possible to make you happy. He's not as selfish as he claims. 

 

"I need you to be there for him." Takashi said.

 

"I'll always be there for him."

 

Sena was done with his anger towards Tomo. He was never truly that mad but being around him yesterday made him miss him.

 

"I want you to be with him because I can't. I'm seriously about to break his heart and I need you to be there for him. He needs to realize that there's more than just me. He's just too oblivious and blinded by me that he can't see past me."

 

It hurt Takashi to say that but it needed to be done. They both realized that being together could never be reality. That it was never going to be reality. They can only be friends and nothing more.

 

Takashi believed that Sena was the safest bet. He knew Tomo well enough and was sure that Tomo trusted him. Sena isn't a bad guy and Tomo needs someone he could trust. Sena just needs patience with it comes to Tomo because Tomo doesn't know what he truly wants. He doesn't know how to fully communicate his wants. He's a man of many mistakes but he always means well.

 

"What do you mean by break his heart?" Sena asked.

 

"I'm going to be straightforward with him and tell him that we're never going to be together."

 

"Isn't that just going to push him away?"

 

"It might but maybe we both need some space."

 

Takashi's own heart was breaking think about what he was going to say and do. His heart was breaking at the thought of breaking Tomo's heart but things were getting too complicated between them and he needed to work on his own relationship with Itsuki and he can't do that with Tomo there always trying to stray him away.

 

"You might push him away forever. Are you sure you want to do that?" Sena asked.

 

"I'm ready to accept the consequences."

 

"After all the repairing you guys have done, you're just ready to throw all of that away?"

 

"Sadly yes. I don't want him to shut down on me but I need to lay it down on him clearly. It's going to crush him but we can't continue like this. I found happiness while he's still waiting on me and I'm not sure I'll ever be his."

 

Sena wasn't going to stop Takashi. Sena was happy with hopefully getting a second chance with Tomo. Sena however didn't understand why both Tomo and Takashi have to make each other lives so difficult. It's almost as if they can't go a single day without hurting one another. It's almost like they live off knowing how much the other person is hurting because of them.

 

"Please just care for him more than I would."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow two chapters in a day? 
> 
> I'm sure the end of this fic is near. It's gone on way longer than I intended.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay an update. I'm trying really hard to update constantly but I procrastinate a little too much, sorry.   
> Thank you to everyone who's still reading this ^^

 

Takashi was sitting on his bed waiting for Tomo to come out of the shower.

 

After the show they both came back to the room and as Takashi took a shower first he was thinking about how he was going to go about this. Maybe he should wait after the tour but he needed to end everything right now. He couldn't continue thinking how he thinks.

 

Takashi was nervous and scared. He felt like throwing up.

 

Tomo eventually made his way to his own bed.

 

"Hey, Tomo." Takashi said.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Have you ever liked someone who wasn't me?"

 

"Why?"

 

"Just answer the question."

 

"No, not really."

 

"Why did you decide to pursue Sena?"

 

"What's with all the questions?"

 

"Please just answer them."

 

 _What's going on with him?_ Tomo thought to himself.

 

"I thought he was cute and he could also keep you out of my thoughts." Tomo said.

 

"Would you ever date him?"

 

"I don't know"

 

_Why does he want to know this?_

_Why does he keep talking about Sena?_

 

"I need you to focus in someone other than me." Takashi said.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You know that we can't be together. You need to get out there before it's too late."

 

"Don't say that. It can happen."

 

"Not with everything that's going on."

 

"Just because you're with Itsuki, it doesn't mean you're going to be with him forever. Just watch."

 

"Tomo, I love him, okay?"

 

Tomo didn't want to hear anymore.

 

His stomach dropped to the ground hearing Takashi say that he loves Itsuki.

 

_That's impossible._

_He can't love Itsuki._

_He loves me._

 

"I'm going to bed now." Tomo said as he turned on his side.

 

He was going to pretend that they never had this conversation.

 

"No, Tomo. We have to talk." Takashi said.

 

"I don't want to talk anymore."

 

"Tomo...."

 

"Stop, Takashi. Go to bed."

 

"I... don't love you anymore."

 

Takashi struggled to get those words to come out of his mouth.

 

Tomo turned off the lights and closed his eyes.

 

He did not just hear Takashi say that. He didn't hear what Takashi said. He didn't want to hear.

 

Takashi turned on the lights and sat down on Tomo's bed.

 

'Tomo, I'm trying to talk to you." Takashi said trying not to get agitated.

 

"How come every time you want to talk its something bad? Why can't you ever give me good news?"

 

Tomo didn't even turn around to face Takashi. He didn't even bother to open his eyes. At least then he could wake up and think all of this was just one big nightmare.

 

"It's not bad. I'm not saying that I want you out of my life. I just want you to focus on other things. Get to know other people rather than me because what if we never get to be? I don't want you to waste all your time on me because I don't know if I'll ever leave Itsuki." Takashi said.

 

"But there's still a slight possibility for us, right?"

 

"I don't know. You don't need to worry about that." 

 

"You know that I only want you. I only love you."

 

"Stop. You can't keep saying stuff like that."

 

"What do you want from me then?" Tomo asked as he turned on his side to face Takashi.

 

"Don't waste all your time and energy in me. Go back to being the Tomo you were. You don't have to change for me. Go back to Sena."

 

"I never wanted Sena."

 

"He's not a bad guy. Give him a chance for me."

 

Tomo thought about it for a bit.

 

_Why does he want me to be with Sena?_

_Does Sena have something to do with this?_

 

"Okay. I'll give him a chance if you tell me the truth on whether you still love me or not and remember I'll know if you're lying."

 

Takashi groaned.

 

"That's not fair." Takashi said.

 

He can't continue to tell Tomo that he loved him. He's trying to get Tomo to focus on other things and not still wrapped over him.

 

"Do you love me or not?" Tomo asked.

 

"Yes, I still love you."

 

Tomo smiled and Takashi hated himself for giving in so easily.

 

Tomo felt better knowing that what Takashi said about not loving him was a lie. It meant that there's still hope. A chance that they could be together.

 

"Can I get a kiss?" Tomo asked jokingly. 

 

"No. Itsuki would murder the both of us."

 

"At least we would die together."

 

"Shut up. In all seriousness though, actually give Sena a chance."

 

"I don't know why you want me to date Sena."

 

"He's a good guy and I think he would be good for you."

 

"But you know he likes Boogie."

 

"Yeah but he's not going to pursue something with him."

 

Takashi had a point but still. Tomo didn't like Sena like that and he never will. Tomo was okay with the both of them just using each other but whatever they have could never go beyond a friend with benefits kind of thing.

 

"I'm only doing this for you." Tomo said. "So don't get mad if you don't like the results."

 

"I'll be okay."

 

"You better. I don't need you getting all jealous."

 

Takashi scoffed.

 

"I don't get jealous, I have my own boyfriend I need to deal with." Takashi said.

 

"The same boyfriend you're fighting with?"

 

"Hey, I just wanted to know why he didn't show up yesterday. He's the one who got all defensive."

 

"I thought he was with Makoto."

 

"He was but they both could've come. What were they doing that was so important that they couldn't even join the rest of us?"

 

"I don't know. What do you think?"

 

"I have no idea that's why I asked him but he didn't say."

 

"You didn't go all psycho jealous boyfriend did you?"

 

"I'm not jealous of Makoto. Or jealous of what they have going on since they're just friends. Only friends."

 

Takashi didn't have to worry about Makoto. He knew that Itsuki didn't like him like that. They are simply friends who like to hang out constantly. Takashi isn't as clingy so he didn't mind being away from Itsuki for a few hours.

 

"So you don't care that they've been spending a lot of time together?" Tomo asked.

 

"No."

 

"Yet he cares that you spend so much time with me."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes.

 

_It's not like that._

 

"That's different. You see with us I ended up betraying his trust by kissing you. He on the other hand hasn't betrayed my trust and I'm sure he's not going around kissing Makoto or anyone else."

 

"It only happened on one occasion and that was a long time ago. He has to get over it."

 

"So if you and I were dating and I kissed Itsuki, you would be okay with it? You could get over it?"

 

"No, but...."

 

"No buts. I rest my case." Takashi said cutting him off.

 

"But if you were with me you wouldn't want to kiss anyone else. There would be no need for anyone else because I'll give you everything you need and more."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes but smiled. His stomach had butterflies and he felt his face flush slightly.

 

It might've been the lamest thing Tomo could ever say but it made Takashi's heart flutter. Tomo could be the most wonderful boyfriend in the world if you give him a chance. If someone gives him a chance. If he lets himself get a chance.

 

"Is that your way of trying to win me over?" Takashi asked.

 

"Maybe it's a part of it."

 

"You know you could actually make someone really happy if you tried."

 

"I only want to make you happy."

 

"Tomo..."

 

"I know, I know, Sena, but it's the truth and you need to know it. I need you to still hold on to the possibility if us even if you are with Itsuki but I know it's not going to last between you guys." Tomo said cutting him off before Takashi could lecture him some more and possibly end up saying more dumb stuff that are lies.

 

He doesn't understand why Takashi feels the need to lie to himself.

 

_Why is he always lying to himself?_

_Why is he still with Itsuki?_

_Why dies he want me to be with Sena?_

_Why must he hurt me?_

Tomo doesn't want to be with Sena but he was going to "get himself out there" just for Takashi's sake. Just to get him to shut up and leave him alone with all that. Honestly Tomo was perfectly fine being friends with Takashi as he waits for him to come to his senses and realizes how wrong he and Itsuki are for one another.

 

"You don't know that. Anything could happen." Takashi said.

 

 _Last time I checked you weren't a psychic. You can't see the future._ Takashi thought to himself.

 

So things didn't go as planned but at least Takashi got what he wanted which was for Tomo to focus on someone else than just Takashi.

 

"Trust me I know. It might not happen today or tomorrow, maybe not even months from now but it's going to happen and I'll be here waiting for you. I'll wait for all eternity." Tomo said.

 

"Shut up. Go to bed." Takashi said as he headed to his bed and turned off the lights.

 

_What's with him today?_

_Why does he keep saying stuff like that?_

_How can he say stuff like that so easily?_

_Why do I actually believe everything that's coming out of his mouth?_

_Why am I falling for this?_

_Why do I still love him?_

_What do I have to do to stop him from feeling like this?_

_What do I have to do to stop myself from feeling like this?_

_Isn't Itsuki enough?_


	27. Chapter 27

 

Takashi was hanging out with Sena once again when Tomo magically appeared.

 

"Oh, I have to go find Itsuki." Takashi said.

 

"So you can fight some more?" Tomo said.

 

"Umm, no. It's been a whole day and I think I should let him apologize."

 

Sena chuckled a bit.

 

"Did you really not let him apologize?" Sena asked.

 

"Okay, so maybe he didn't attempt to apologize but I deserve an apology so I'm going to go get one."

 

Sena shook his head.

 

"Good luck on getting one." 

 

With that Takashi headed off to go find Itsuki.

 

"I kind of feel bad for Itsuki." Sena said as he went back to strumming his guitar.

 

"Takashi is a little crazy."

 

Sena always hated how Tomo's voice always sounds so dreamy when he talks about Takashi.

 

Tomo cleared his throat.

 

"So I take that you're no longer mad at me?" Tomo said.

 

"No, I'm not mad. I'm not going to waste anymore time being mad."

 

"Good, being mad makes you die younger."

 

"Maybe I do want to die."

 

"Don't say that. Boogie might hear that and you're not going to win him over like that."

 

Sena smiled a bit.

 

He didn't actually want to die.

 

"I'm still not trying to win him over." Sena said.

 

"You should've tried or at least mentioned something."

 

"Even if I did there wouldn't be a point to it. I don't want to pursue anything right now."

 

"With Boogie or in general?"

 

"I'm still not looking for anything serious."

 

"Good because neither am I."

 

"How is that good?"

 

Sena was getting all confused.

 

He stopped messing around with his guitar and actually looked up at Tomo who was standing right in front of him. Staring at him.

 

"Well, I was thinking that things could go back to how they were between us." Tomo said.

 

He didn't know how to correctly put in without sounding desperate or completely uninterested. Even though he could care less about being with Sena, he was just going to try for Takashi. Sure having sex everyday didn't sound like a bad idea but Tomo felt weird thinking about it. He hasn't done it in a while which has surprised him but he didn't feel the need to. Well, it was more like he didn't feel like doing it with just anyone. He wants to do it but the person he wants to do it with was taken and it's probably going to take that person a while to actually consider it.

 

"What if I don't want to?" Sena said.

 

He really wanted to but he didn't want to come off as eager.

 

"So you don't want me anymore?" Tomo asked.

 

"Who said I ever wanted you?"

 

Tomo smiled.

 

_Now this is the Sena I know._

_Always playing hard to get._

_Always acting like he could care less._

 

But Tomo knows how to deal with Sena when he's like this.

 

Tomo leaned down in front of Sena who was sitting on a chair. Their faces only inches apart from one another.

 

Sena did his best to stand his ground. He knew he couldn't flinch, look away, move, or Tomo would win.

 

Having him so close made Sena nervous and all he wanted to do was kiss those beautiful soft lips that he hasn't touched him in months.

 

"I know you do. I know your body misses me." Tomo said into Sena's ear.

 

 _It does._ Sena thought to himself/

 

"Is that why you came to me? For free sex?" Sena asked.

 

Sena was okay with being used but he wanted Tomo to be straightforward with him. He wasn't a child and Tomo knew not to tiptoe around him.

 

"Just tell me how it is." Sena said.

 

"I'm not here for the sex. I really want things to go back to how they were with or without the sex."

 

'Why? Didn't you say you were never going to come back?"

 

"I changed my mind."

 

"You don't just change your mind."

 

"Well, I did. So do you want to or not?"

 

Sena pretended to think about it for a while.

 

"Eh, I guess so. I'm too lazy to go find someone else." Sena said.

 

Tomo smiled and gave Sena a quick kiss before anyone could see.

 

Sena freaked out and pushed Tomo away to put some distance between them.

 

"You can't be doing that in public." Sena said.

 

"I know, sorry but no one was around."

 

"You never know. Look, we'll talk later, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

Sena got up and left leaving Tomo alone by himself.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡

 

Takashi found Itsuki talking with Makoto outside of their dressing room.

 

Itsuki's back was turned to Takashi so he didn't see him. Makoto however stopped talking when he saw Takashi. Makoto signaled for Itsuki to look behind him and Itsuki did. He turned around to see Takashi. Itsuki said something to Makoto but Takashi couldn't hear what it was.

 

Makoto gave Takashi a small smile before heading inside the dressing room.

 

Neither Itsuki or Takashi said anything. They just stood there staring at one another in silence. Takashi was waiting for Itsuki to say something. He didn't come to him with any sort of dialogue planned out. He thought Itsuki was going to start off by saying something like he always does.

 

"Can I help you?" Itsuki asked annoyed.

 

Judging by Itsuki's tone of voice Takashi knew they weren't making up anytime soon. Takashi was annoyed by his tone of voice.

 

_Why is he mad?_

_I didn't do anything._

_I should be mad._

"Yeah, I need help finding my boyfriend because I can't seem to find him." Takashi said.

 

"He's actually mad at you right now, maybe try again later."

 

"Why are you mad? I should be mad!"

 

"Why should you be mad? I had plans to do things with you yesterday but that didn't work out because you decided to go all crazy and ignore me all day yesterday and now you come find me?"

 

'I was simply asking you a question when you got all defensive like it was just a question. You don't need to flip out on me which is why I got mad and I did ignore you because I didn't want to continue to fight while others are around."

 

Takashi liked to keep his problems private so he didn't enjoy airing them out when others were around. Especially not when fellow band members were around. It's not like they were back at Takashi's fighting. At least at Takashi's they could fight in peace. Here there was no privacy. Takashi had to share a room with Tomo so there was no chance he could talk to Itsuki there. Itsuki is also sharing a room with Makoto so Takashi couldn't randomly show up at his door to talk. He could but he didn't want to run Makoto out of his room.

 

"Like I told you, I was hanging out with Makoto." Itsuki said.

 

"Doing what though? I just want to know why you couldn't join the rest of us at the bar."

 

"We were just hanging out, eating, and talking. That's it. Also I didn't know everyone else from the band was going to be there, it was a last minute thing and neither Makoto or I got the memo. Happy?"

 

"You could've just said that."

 

"Well sorry that I actually have friends. Sorry that I decided to spend one evening with Makoto instead of you. After all it's not like you ditch me to hang out with Tomo."

 

"I'm only mad because you got defensive and started freaking out on me but you're mad for a lot of reasons obviously."

 

Itsuki scoffed.

 

"I'm only mad because you decided to ignore me for a whole day without explanation. Instead of being an adult about it and talking to me, you shut down and shut me out." Itsuki said.

 

_Is he calling me a child?_

_Is he saying that I'm childish?_

_I'm not a child or childish._

_I would rather ignore him than fight._

_Nothing comes from fighting except for some badly worded things and thing we can't take back._

_I don't want to fight._

_It's too early to fight._

_I'm too tired to fight._

_I'm so tired of fighting._

 

"Well sorry. I only avoided you because I was trying to avoid all of this." Takashi said as he looked down at the floor.

 

_Looks like I'm not getting my apology._

 

Takashi knew he had to be the bigger person this time. Itsuki didn't look like he was going to cave anytime soon.

 

"Avoiding isn't good, you know that. If you don't talk about things it's all going to build up until one day you explode and there's no way you're going to be able to come back from that." Itsuki said as he made his way towards Takashi. He embraces him into a tight hug.

 

"You're going to mess up my makeup and hair." Takashi said.

 

Itsuki slightly let go of his hold on Takashi but still kept him in his arms.

 

Itsuki wasn't angry. He wasn't even that angry to begin with. He just knew that by acting like that he was going to get Takashi to listen to him even if he did get him mad.

 

Itsuki knew that something was up with Takashi and despite him talking a lot, he wasn't big on sharing his feelings. If something was bothering him he figures it out by himself or he just keeps it to himself.

 

"Is something bothering you?" Itsuki asked him.

 

A lot of things were bothering Takashi but he couldn't share them with Itsuki. Mostly because all his problems involve Tomo.  Now that Itsuki and him were dating, Takashi can't share the same things he did when they were just friends. When they were friends Takashi would talk to him about mostly everything, which was Tomo because at that time all Takashi thought about was Tomo. Now Takashi's thoughts involve both Itsuki and Tomo aside from other things but those were minimal and didn't stress him out as much as his current love life.

 

_I can't go 'Hey, Itsuki, why can't I stop loving Tomo?' or 'How do I get myself to stop feeling this way about him?'_

 

Itsuki wouldn't appreciate hearing those kind of things or hearing about everything Tomo says to him that makes his heart flutter. All the things Tomo says to confess his love and how Takashi believes every word of it. Takashi thought that with time everything was going to sort out and there would be no complications but that wasn't happening. With times things were getting much more difficult and confusing. What he wanted in the beginning.... he wasn't so sure that he wanted that now. In reality he doesn't know what he wants.

 

"Nothing is bothering me. Everything is sorted out and things are fine." Takashi said.

 

"Just fine?"

 

"Things are fine for now. They can only get better."

 

"As long as you actually try to talk to me."

 

"I do talk to you."

 

"Not lately."

 

"Because we haven't had time."

 

Being on tour is long and difficult. They both have their own things to do and at the end of the day all you want to do is go to your bed and fall asleep. It was rare for them to run into one another and actually have time to hang out. Itsuki has also been hanging around Makoto this whole time.

 

"Then we'll make time. Why don't I come over tonight? We can talk then." Itsuki said.

 

Takashi wanted to spend time with Itsuki but it was going to be difficult having him over in his room while Tomo is there. All three of them haven't had the chance to properly sit down and hang out with one another but neither Tomo or Itsuki want to see one another more than they already need to.

 

"I'll let you know after the show, okay?" Takashi said.

 

"Okay." 

 

Takashi needed yo see if Tomo was okay with leaving them alone for a bit. If he wasn't then they were going to need to find somewhere else. If they couldn't find anywhere else then they're probably going to have to postpone it until they have a free day which was two days from now. Two days was too long for Takashi so he hopes Tomo would be okay with leaving for a bit.


	28. Chapter 28

 

Takashi was laying on his bed watching Tomo as he moved around the room. Tomo was getting ready to leave for the night so he could meet up with Sena.

 

Takashi was glad that Tomo did as he said but a part of Takashi was scared. He didn't know what could happen between them. Deep down he was scared that Tomo was going to end up liking Sena more than him and even though that's what Takashi wants, he didn't really want that. It was selfish of Takashi to feel like that.

 

Since Tomo was leaving for a few hours Takashi invited Itsuki over so they could talk and hang out.

 

"So what are you guys going to do?" Takashi asked.

 

"Just hang out."

 

"Where?"

 

"At whatever food place is open. I'm starving."

 

Takashi's stomach growled a bit at the mention of food. He too was hungry. He knew he should've gone out to eat but his legs hurt too much and all he wanted to do was lie on his bed and relax. Maybe he should've planned to meet Itsuki somewhere they could eat. They could still go out but Takashi was feeling too tired and lazy. He was hungry but right now his body was in pain. The pain he felt outweighed his hunger.

 

"How romantic." Takashi said sarcastically.

 

"It's not supposed to be romantic. We're just two guys just doing guy things which involves going out to eat and talk."

 

"I thought you were pursuing something romantic."

 

"Not exactly. I'm just seeing where we end up."

 

 _In bed._ Takashi thought to himself.

 

_But which bed?_

_I'm sure I'm going to be here all night and Tomo wouldn't dare to bring Sena here for the night._

_They wouldn't go to Sena's since Boogie is there..._

_Would they rent another room for a few hours?_

 

Takashi didn't want to think about it anymore. He was weirding himself out. He felt creepy for thinking about such things.

 

"Well, I better get going before your company shows up." Tomo said as he put on his coat.

 

Tomo and Itsuki were avoiding each other like the plague. If they happen to be in the same room together they never look at one another, very less talk. It's like they didn't exist to one another.

 

"Please make sure to knock before you walk in." Takashi said.

 

Tomo shot Takashi a look.

 

_Really?_

_Is he being serious right now?_

 

Whatever good mood he was in was completely gone now. 

 

He didn't want to know what they could be up to. Tomo knew he was going to have to be careful but he didn't want Takashi to confirm that.

 

"Not on me bed, please." Tomo said.

 

_More like don't do it in the room we share._

_The room I happen sleep in._

 

Takashi was somewhat teasing Tomo but it could happen if Takashi was up to it. Normally he always is but his body today was in no condition to be manhandled by Itsuki.

 

"I won't. Good luck with Sena though." Takashi said trying to sound as sincere as possible.

 

He wanted everything to go well but at the same time he wanted everything to crash and burn between them.

 

_Why am I like this?_

_I want him to be happy so why can't I just accept it/_

_I can't have both Itsuki and Tomo._

 

"Bye, Takashi. I'll see you soon." Tomo said before leaving the room.

 

_The things I do for Takashi._

 

The only reason why he agreed to this whole thing is because he didn't want to lose Takashi. Hearing Takashi lie to him, telling him he doesn't love him anymore and that there was no chance for them broke Tomo. He never wanted those words to escape from Takashi's mouth ever again. The fact that Takashi was willing to lie to him, to push him away scared Tomo. He didn't want to lose him again. He didn't want Takashi to break his heart when they're both still healing. Tomo figured that Takashi was still wanted more space to figure out what he wants which is why he was saying all these things. Tomo was willing to comply for Takashi's sake. 

 

He didn't get why he wanted him to be with Sena but Tomo was going to do it if it was somehow going to help Takashi or maybe prove something to him.

 

Maybe spending time with Sena could help Tomo himself figure out some things too. Maybe it would help him from breathing down Takashi's neck all the time. Maybe he too needs space from Takashi. He didn't want space from Takashi but he wanted space fro Takashi who was with Itsuki if that makes any sense. It made Tomo sick always seeing them together. Always walking in on them kissing and whatnot. All of it was taking a toll on Tomo. Taking a toll on his heart and he didn't know how much more he could take before his heart completely breaks. With every day that passes and they're still not together, a part of his hope dies along with a piece of his soul.

 

Tomo doesn't know what he has to do to get Takashi to open his eyes. He tries to hard to get him to realize how much he actually loves him but Takashi never seems to notice. He didn't know whether it was because Tomo wasn't conveying it properly or if Takashi was purposely ignoring his feelings. Either way Tomo wasn't going to stop no matter how many times Takashi tells him to stop. He couldn't stop now that some of his feelings easily convert into words and how they easily roll off his tongue. It was much easier to tell Takashi that he loves him. He still has some trouble conveying certain feelings but he's a work-in-progress.

 

Takashi was scrolling through his phone when there was a knock on his door.

 

Takashi got out of bed and peaked out the peephole to see Itsuki.

Takashi smiled and opened the door. Itsuki was standing there with a bag in his hand. The scent of food hit Takashi causing his stomach to growl.

 

Itsuki smiled and headed inside. 

 

"You brought food. Ugh, I love you so much." Takashi said as he took the bag out of Itsuki's hands.

 

There was Chinese food, a drink, and some candy.

 

"I figured you were hungry. They were the only place close to here that was still open so I hope you don't mind." Itsuki said.

 

"No, it's fine. Honestly I'm so hungry I could eat whatever. Did you already eat?"

 

"Yeah. I ate before coming here so all of that is yours."

 

Takashi smiled and took out the containers holding the food and he began to eat as he sat on his bed. Takashi was in heaven right now and he was sure that he probably looked like a pig eating but he was starving.

 

Itsuki smiled as he watched Takashi eat. 

 

His eyes began to wander around the room. 

 

_So this is Takashi and Tomo's room._

_Both beds look slept in._

_Tomo's side is messier than Takashi's._

 

Itsuki didn't like that they had to share a room but he couldn't say anything because Takashi would most definitely flip put and take things out of context causing another fight. He just didn't trust Tomo with Takashi. Takashi also doesn't tell him anything so he has no idea what goes on in here. For all he knows Tomo is probably always trying to get with Takashi. However Itsuki knew that nothing has happened because he would know. Not only would Takashi tell him but Takashi and guilt don't mix. It's easy to tell when somethings eating at Takashi just by his tone of voice and facial expression. Itsuki also knew Takashi well enough to know when he's hiding something. Takashi in general is bad at hiding things and secrets.

 

_Where is Tomo?_

 

He didn't really care for him but he wanted to know how long he has with Takashi until he get kicked out by Takashi himself.

 

"Tomo's not going to be coming back anytime soon, right?" Itsuki asked.

 

"No, he's going to be gone for a few hours."

 

"Good. So, how is it sharing a room with him?"

 

"Okay, I guess. There's nothing different."

 

Takashi didn't bother to look up from his food. He was halfway done and he was starting to feel full. He was probably going to hate himself later for eating so fast.

 

"How is it sharing a room with Makoto? I bet you guys have little nerd offs." Takashi said.

 

Itsuki smiled.

 

"Hey, we do not have nerd offs. It always fun in our room." Itsuki said.

 

_After all they enjoy one another's company._

 

Takashi finished his food and put the trash in the empty bag before he had some of his soda and laid down.

 

Takashi looked over at Itsuki who was sitting on the floor near Tomo's bed.

 

"Why are you all the way over there?" Takashi asked as he patted the empty spot next to him. He wanted Itsuki to lay down next to him.

 

Itsuki laid down next to Takashi and turned on his side to face him.

 

Takashi softly kissed Itsuki.

 

"I forgot to do that when you first came." Takashi said.

 

Itsuki smiled brightly.

 

"Obviously you love food a little more than me." He said jokingly. 

 

"I was starving."

 

Takashi planted more kisses on Itsuki's lips, cheek, jawline, and around his mouth.

 

Itsuki smiled some more.

 

Takashi tasted a lot like the coke he just drank.

 

Itsuki held onto Takashi's head and kissed him. 

 

As much as he wanted Takashi, Itsuki had no energy in his body to fulfill Takashi's every need.

 

"Mmm, not tonight. I'm tired." Takashi said as he felt Itsuki's hands roam all over his body.

 

"That's a first but I'm kind of glad. I'm tired too." Itsuki said after he gave him one more kiss and held him in his arms.

 

"Well, since we're not doing it tonight, I guess that means we have to talk about out feelings and stuff." Takashi said.

 

"You mean you have to talk about your feelings. I just listen like always."

 

"I'm an open book. I don't need to talk about my feelings because you already know how I feel."

 

"You are not an open book. I have to pry you open first but even then you're still too stubborn to talk about things."

 

"Well some things just aren't important enough to talk about."

 

"Whether you think they're important or not, I would still like it if you talked to me about it. You always leave me in the dark and I never know if something is wrong until you randomly ignore me for a whole day or so." 

 

Earlier Itsuki did mention that he wanted to talk with Takashi but Takashi thought he would've forgotten by now. Or at least hoped that he was too tired but clearly that's not the case. He thought this talk was over with since he apologized, in a way, and they made up. 

 

Takashi however knew that Itsuki wasn't trying to fight. He just wanted answers and no matter how much Takashi didn't want to talk, he was going to give Itsuki some answers. After all he deserves it and Takashi also happens to feel bad about ignoring him for a whole day without much explanation and making him mad.

 

"I don't mean to keep you in the dark. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about it." Takashi said.

 

"You never want to talk and I never know why. You used to tell me everything."

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"Because I never want to make you mad or upset you with certain things that go through my mind because they even make me mad at times." Takashi said.

 

When they were just friends Takashi had no problem telling him anything and everything but now that they're dating Takashi couldn't do that. If Takashi talks about the things he used to talk about to Itsuki, it would rub him the wrong way. Mostly because everything was about Tomo and Takashi was a thousand percent sure that Itsuki wouldn't like him talking about Tomo, very less another man. Takashi wouldn't like it if Itsuki did that to him or randomly came up to him talking about possibly having some interest in another man while they're dating. If he did Takashi would definitely get mad and he would probably have to ignore Itsuki for a whole week. Maybe more since he couldn't break up with him over something as small as that.

 

"Like what?" Itsuki asked.

 

"In all honesty you don't want to know but if you must know something that's going on with me lately, I might've forced Tomo into being with Sena."

 

"Did he agree to it?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"You probably didn't force him to then. He probably wanted to be with him but probably wanted your approval first for some unknown reason after all you can't force someone to be with someone they don't want to be with."

 

Takashi thought about it for a while.

 

For some reason that made sense and it made him think about things.

 

Takashi didn't have to argue much about it with him and he agreed quite quickly. He even looked a bit eager to go meet with Sena and the fact that he set up a date that fast made Takashi wonder.

 

"But why would he need my approval?" Takashi asked.

 

Tomo was free to do whatever and Takashi has made that clear on multiple occasions.

 

"I don't know why. I have no idea on how he thinks but we both know what kind of person he is." Itsuki said.

 

"Which is?"

 

"He likes to get around."

 

"There's nothing wrong with that. He's free to do whatever he likes with whoever he wants."

 

"Which happens to be everyone."

 

"Not everyone. He's not that easy and even if he does get around that doesn't say anything on the kind of person he is."

 

After all Takashi knows the kind of person Tomo really is. Itsuki on the other hand doesn't know because he's never given him the time of day.

 

_If only he knew him the way I know him._

 

"Hey, I'm just telling you how it is." Itsuki said.

 

Takashi was coming off as defensive but he didn't like how Itsuki was talking about him. To Takashi it seemed like he was talking down on Tomo. Making Tomo seem like he was a bad person in a way. Tomo was still his friend either way and he wasn't going to let anyone talk about him like that.

 

Takashi didn't like it when this side of Itsuki comes out. Even though Itsuki is really sweet, sometimes he says really hateful things about Tomo and that always annoyed Takashi. He never understood why he was so caught up with him and always talks bad about him. Sure he doesn't like Tomo and Tomo doesn't like him but Tomo never goes out of his way to talk bad about Itsuki in some way, very less never to Takashi. Tomo was vocal about not liking Itsuki but it never went farther than that.

 

"I don't need you to tell me how it is. I know him well enough to come up with my own opinions about him." Takashi said as he sat up.

 

"I will never understand why you protect him as much as you do. If you love him that much then why don't you just be with him?" Itsuki said before he stormed out the room slamming the door behind him.

 

Takashi flinched at the loud slam.

 

Takashi automatically regretted bringing up Tomo. He should've known better. They always end up fighting over Tomo.

 

Takashi was just sticking up for his friend and he would've done the same if it was Tomo talking bad about Itsuki. It's not because he loved Tomo so much that no one could say one bad thing about it. He just wasn't around to stick up for himself and Itsuki was making him come off as some sex-crazed person which was far from the truth. Sure he did hook up with people but it was never just a random person he met on a corner. He had to see if they were somewhat "worthy". He just wasn't going to throw himself at just anybody. He's not that kind of person. 

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡

 

Tomo was at some cafe with Sena.

 

It was pretty quiet between them which was unusual but neither of them knew how to start off the conversation.

 

"So did you only change your mind because of Takashi?" Sena asked.

 

Sena wasn't up to tiptoeing around when he wanted answers. He didn't have time to waste. He wanted the truth. If Tomo lies to him Sena would know. He knew Takashi said something because he told him that he was going to break Tomo's heart so he must've done it already since he's here. Sena didn't mind. He likes a broken Tomo because Tomo begins to rely on him a little more than usual and he has a much higher chance of possibly winning him over.

 

"What do you mean?" Tomo asked.

 

"You wouldn't be here unless something happened between the two of you or did you just run out of that hope you were talking about when you first called all of this off?"

 

Tomo understood that Sena was probably still bitter and upset from what happened. It was perfectly reasonable but Tomo knew that Sena couldn't stay mad for long. Tomo knows all the correct things to say.

 

"There still is some hope but he's not leaving Itsuki anytime soon so why shouldn't I enjoy myself for now?" Tomo said.

 

Takashi did tell him to give Sena a chance but Tomo didn't have to listen. It's not like Takashi held a knife to his throat and told him he had to but Takashi wanted him to so he complied. He didn't want to make Takashi mad or make him do something completely stupid and say something really dumb that's going to crush him but Sena didn't need to know that. It would only make him mad and technically Tomo wasn't looking for anything from Sena but it didn't hurt to receive anything from him.

 

"So I'm the first person you go to?" Sena asked.

 

"I don't want to go through all the trouble of getting to know others only for them to get attached, with you you know how it's going to be and you accept that and I also kind of trust you. I don't mind you."

 

Sena looked down at his drink smiling slightly. His heart warmed up when Tomo told him that he trust him. That he doesn't mind him, which in Tomo's terms means that he likes him. As a person. Even if Tomo is only here to use him, Sena was okay with that. He was glad that Tomo came to him and no one else. Maybe those six months did somewhat mean something to Tomo. It was enough to build some trust between them. Maybe spending more time together could build something else.

 

Sena looked up at Tomo. He rolled his eyes but he was smiling the whole time.

 

"You've gone soft on me." Sena said.

 

It was the nicest thing Tomo has ever said to him before. However Sena couldn't act like he was swoon. It would make his actual feelings obvious and Tomo couldn't know. What Tomo liked about his casual thing with Sena was that it was casual and he was sure that there was going to be no feelings attached but Sena made a mistake somewhere along the way and fell for him.

 

"Not soft. Nicer." Tomo said.

 

"I don't know if I'm going to like a nicer you but I'll give it a try. However the same rules of before still apply."

 

Ever since Tomo has gotten closer to Takashi and they told each other how they really felt, Tomo began to feel happiness which resulted in him becoming nicer. He wasn't as bitter and angry as before but he still had his moments where he does feel that anger and sadness but when he's with Takashi for a while all of that disappears. The old Tomo was almost gone and he didn't know if it was going to be a good thing or not. The facade he put up was only to protect himself and now that it's disappearing it was making him vulnerable. He already got a small taste of what Takashi was capable of doing and it hurt him even though in the end he found out it was a lie. It was proof that Takashi was capable of pushing him away and Tomo couldn't let that happen again.

 

 

 

"I know you would like to keep it just between us but Takashi is going to find out." Tomo said.

 

"Takashi isn't going to say anything. I'm more worried about my band finding out."

 

"You mean Boogie but none of them will find out. We're good at this. Watch another six more months go by without them knowing."

 

Sena's heart was melting.

 

Tomo was already thinking about this being long-term. Even though its not a serious relationship or even a relationship it still meant a lot to Sena to know that someone wanted to be with him. Sena was never good at the dating scene but with Tomo things were different. He didn't feel forced around him and he could be himself. Tomo also wasn't as needy which was a plus because Sena never has free time to dedicate to someone. All of his time was focused around music and himself and Tomo understood that. Tomo understood him in a lot of ways which made Sena comfortable. Sena likes to think that they have a deep connection. Sometimes Sena knows how Tomo feels without him having to say anything and Sena was sure that Tomo felt the same.

 

"Well, since they're not around why don't we go somewhere?" Sena said before he chewed on his lip.

 

Sena was missing Tomo and having him across from him saying all these things that were driving his feelings crazy was torture. His body felt like it was on fire around him and he was burning up right now.

 

Tomo smiled and nodded knowing where this was going.

 

He knew that Sena couldn't resist him for long. He could see the lust burning in his eyes. He could feel it radiating off Sena's body.

 

It was hot but in the back of Tomo's mind all he could think about was Takashi and how he could end up finding out about this which was really stupid. Tomo knew that Takashi knew what was going to happen once he told Tomo to pursue Sena. Tomo shouldn't even care because Takashi shouldn't care. Takashi doesn't care. If he cared he wouldn't tell him to be with someone else. He wouldn't have tried to lie to him and tell him that he doesn't love him.

 

Tomo figured it was about time he began to think about himself too. He knew he couldn't wait forever when Takashi wasn't sure about what he wants. Tomo still loves him very much but it was getting even more difficult waiting for Takashi to some to his senses when it feels like every day that passes by Takashi gets even more blind by Itsuki and this so called "love" he feels for him.

 

Tomo was still going to wait but he wasn't sure on how long he was going to be able to wait.

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 3 new chapters?? I'm on a roll today.

 

Takashi was in his hotel room with Yusuke. It was their day off before the final day of tour.

 

Takashi hasn't talked to Itsuki for a whole day but he figured Itsuki was really mad at him still since Takashi tried to talk to him yesterday but Itsuki ignored him and walked away with Makoto. It made Takashi mad so he didn't try to chase after him or talk to him.

 

"Tomorrow is the final day of tour, you have to talk to him before that or are you guys going back home still fighting?" Yusuke said as he laid on his side facing Takashi. They were both currently on Takashi's bed eating some snacks while trying to watch a movie but the movie was done with since neither were paying attention.

 

"I tried to talk to him but he ignored me. Earlier I even called him to see if he wanted to have breakfast with me but he sent me straight to voicemail. He must be really mad but all I did was stick up for Tomo."

 

Takashi is always the one doing all the ignoring. Itsuki never ignores him on purpose, even if he's mad he'll be there waiting to hear whatever Takashi says, never shutting him out. For Itsuki to ignore him for a whole day meant things are really bad between them but Takashi had no idea why. All he did was stick up for Tomo. If Takashi was saying things about Makoto Itsuki would definitely stick up for him so he didn't see why he was so mad.

 

"Maybe its more than that." Yusuke said.

 

Yusuke had no idea that they were fighting until he noticed that something was wrong with Takashi and he ended up telling him what was going on. Yusuke was surprised to also hear that they were also previously fighting. Yusuke had no idea that they fought often. He never caught wind and Takashi never mentions it to him but surely he knew that Tomo knew. Their friendship ran deeper than Takashi's friendship with Yusuke.

 

"Its my fault because I had to mention Tomo. If I didn't we would be fine right now and we would've ended up going home on a good note but I messed it up. Like always." Takashi said before he groaned into his pillow. He was so frustrated with himself. With everything. Tomo wasn't even around for Takashi to say something or get any advice. He has barely seen Tomo which meant that things were obviously going really well for him and Sena. Even though Tomo hasn't personally said anything to Takashi about Sena or about how things went, Takashi knew. Takashi missed Tomo right now but Takashi was glad that Yusuke was here to keep him company. If it wasn't for Yusuke Takashi was sure that he would drive himself crazy and end up crying out of frustration after Itsuki sends him straight to voicemail after the tenth attempt.

 

"All you did was stick up for him. Nothing else, he's the one who took it the wrong way." Yusuke said.

 

Yusuke wasn't choosing sides since he considers both Takashi and Itsuki his friend. He was just telling it how he sees it.

 

"I know but I still should've avoided bringing him up. I'm so tired of this." Takashi said.

 

Takashi felt like giving up but his heart began to hurt at the thought. He didn't want to give up but everything was becoming difficult and Takashi felt like he was on a minefield when he talks to Itsuki. Just one small accidental mention of Tomo and everything blows up.

 

"You have to talk to Itsuki about it, even if he doesn't want to hear it. Just don't give up." Yusuke said as he tried to be positive. 

 

"Things were better in the beginning. Everything's going to shit."

 

"In the beginning where you weren't talking to Tomo and all the pain was eating you alive?"

 

"Okay, maybe things were never fully good but all of this is my fault. If I wasn't so weak at the time I wouldn't have kissed Tomo and I wouldn't have messed up things between Itsuki and I."

 

Takashi knew that Itsuki wasn't over the mistake that Takashi made. He knew he was never going to forget about it because Takashi went behind his back and broke his trust. Takashi knew that Itsuki doesn't fully trust him even if he says that its water under the bridge but he knew differently. Every time Takashi goes to hang out with Tomo and comes back Itsuki is in a bad mood and begins his interrogation. When Itsuki is mad he brings up the incident and it just makes Takashi feel even more bad about it. He knew he messed up and he didn't need Itsuki to keep rubbing it in his face. He didn't need Itsuki to hold it over his head forever but Takashi didn't know what he had to do to get Itsuki to forget about it and move on. It only happened once and its never going to happen again. Sometimes Takashi thinks Itsuki probably needs to kiss someone else and then they'll be even but at the same time Itsuki wouldn't agree to it and even though it seems like a good idea at the time, Takashi wasn't sure how he would feel if it really happened. Maybe he wouldn't care if it was a total stranger but If its someone that Itsuki has feelings for, the same feelings Takashi has for Tomo, then he would probably have a problem with it. If Takashi tells him to do it then he shouldn't have a problem but if Itsuki randomly came up to him one day and told him that he kissed someone it would probably bother him. Takashi wasn't sure and isn't trying to figure out if its going to bother him or not. All he knew was if Itsuki told him that he loves someone else he wasn't going to like it. It would definitely break his heart.

 

 _Maybe his heart breaks every time I tell him that I still love Tomo._   
Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi began to feel even more worse thinking about how he's probably hurting him without really realizing how much hes hurting him.

 

He knew he shouldn't say it and he never wants to but Takashi couldn't help his feelings so he tries to hide them but he can't hide them from Itsuki. Itsuki always drags it out of him. He never knows why he wants to know. He knew it was only going to hurt him so why would he want to know?

 

"The both of you were running on suppressed emotions. You might regret it now but it must've meant something to you since you guys kissed twice." Yusuke said.

 

Takashi didn't tell him too much about what happened but he did tell him they kissed more than once. Takashi didn't tell him how he really felt at the time or what he thought and he didn't really ask so only Takashi and Tomo know how they felt. Yusuke figured that Takashi might've felt some happiness.

 

"I was a little drunk but I knew what was going on and both times I didn't initiate it. That was all Tomo." Takashi said in his defense.

 

He was weak and he let Tomo do that. It wasn't his idea. He didn't plan to kiss him or forgive him that day. It just happened.

 

"Did you tell him to stop? Did you push him away right away?" Yusuke asked.

 

Takashi thought about it for a while.

 

Even though Tomo definitely initiated it the first time, the second time Tomo was basically asking for a kiss and Takashi could've said no but he didn't want to. He wanted to kiss him just as much and it felt so good to him despite all the guilt.

 

Takashi felt bad for admitting it and maybe its his selfish desires speaking but sometimes he doesnt regret kissing Tomo. Sometimes he dreams about their lips touching again just to see if it'll feel just as hungry as it did the first time or if it just felt like that because they were both simply running on supressed emotions and now that they've had a taste of one another it'll feel like nothing. It made Takashi wonder if he loves Tomo because he actually still loves him or if he only loves him because its the only thing he knows. He wanted to know if it was true love and not the "love" he felt in all his previous failed relationships where he thought he loved them but he didn't.

 

 _But surely I truly love him because if I don't then I don't truly love Itsuki._  
Takashi thought to himself.

 

To Takashi Itsuki and Tomo were both almost equal in his heart so if this so called love he feels for Tomo isn't real then his love for Itsuki isn't real.

 

Takashi didn't try to think about it anymore. He didn't want to doubt his feelings any longer because he knew he loves them.

 

"Maybe I didn't push him away or say no but I didn't tell him to do it." Takashi said.

 

"But you didn't tell him not to. Sometimes things happen just because they can. You can't help how you feel at times but you can't let those feelings interrupt your relationship with Itsuki. I'm not some relationship guru or anything like that but you guys seriously have to sit down and actually talk it out. Actually talk and don't try to chalk it up to something that isn't true, the truth hurts but the truth is always the way to go. I would rather hear the painful truth than to believe a lie that's going to hurt even worse, wouldn't you?"

 

Yusuke had a point. Takashi still wants to be with Itsuki but all of their fighting is taking a toll on him and it makes him wonder if its worth all the headache, all the heartache but he wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for Itsuki. Itsuki was there when he went through hell and it was only fair for him to do the same and Itsuki is so good to him. Itsuki actually loves him and even though they do fight Itsuki never really means any harm and sometimes along the way they say things they don't mean but they're both human and make mistakes.

 

"He's not going to talk to me anytime soon. He's so mad." Takashi said.

 

"Make him listen to you then. Go to his room and talk to him face to face."

 

"He's probably going to slam the door in my face or not even open the door as he pretends I'm not there."

 

"He's not that mean. Just show him, tell him how you really feel. Don't hold anything back and don't try to get so mad. Try to see where he comes from because after all its not easy for your significant other to tell you that he loves someone else, especially if they love this someone else more than their significant other."

 

Takashi let out a small groan.

 

He knew that Yusuke was right, he was right on so many levels and Takashi hated that. He hated being in the wrong but he knew he had to man up and fix things between him and Itsuki.

 

"I'm so scared though. What if I really messed up everything?" Takashi asked.

 

"There's still hope, trust me. He's just mad but he loves you a lot and I know he'll get over it. Just be truthful with him. Talk to him today." Yusuke said before he got off the bed and gathered his things.

 

Takashi bit his lip and nodded.

 

"I'll leave you to it then. Just don't contemplate. Just do it." Yusuke said as he gave Takashi a hug before heading out.

 

Takashi laid on his bed thinking about what he should say. When he should say it but then he could hear Yusuke telling him to "just do it".

 

Takashi called Itsuki to simply see where he is but it only rung once before he got sent to voicemail.

 

Thankfully for Takashi he didn't need Itsuki to tell him where he was because he knew Makoto would know.

 

Takashi called Makoto who picked up.

 

"Hey, Takashi." Makoto said.

 

"Hey, sorry to bother you and stuff but I was wondering where Itsuki is." Takashi said getting straight to the point.

 

"He's in the room."

 

"Are you there now?"

 

"Yeah but he just left to get something but he'll be back in less than five minutes."

 

"I really need to talk to him so I'll be there soon. Just don't tell him that I'm coming please."

 

"He's going to hate me for this."

 

"He adores you, he can't hate you but please I'm begging you."

 

"Is it really that bad?"

 

"It's pretty serious."

 

Takashi knew that Makoto knew something but was sure that Itsuki didn't go too in depth with him. They were friends but Itsuki didn't like to annoy him with relationship problems.

 

"Okay, okay. I'll try." Makoto said.

 

"Thank you. I owe you big."

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

"I'll be there soon."

With that Takashi hung up and put on his coat and shoes before heading out.

 

The hotel Itsuki was staying in was a few minutes away from where Takashi was staying so it was a pretty decent walk but Takashi could feel himself get even more nervous when he realized how close he was getting. He wanted to turn around and head back but he couldn't when all the words he wants to say to Itsuki are building up inside him waiting to be released.

 

Takashi got to Itsuki's door but before he could knock the door opened and Makoto was there walking out.

 

"Good, you're here. I'm going out for a bit so I'll leave you guys alone." Makoto said as he held the door open and motioned for Takashi to enter.

 

"Thank you." Takashi said before he entered the room. The door closed behind him and he slowly walked in. Once he took a few steps he could see Itsuki laying on his bed.

 

"I thought you left...." Itsuki stopped talking once he saw Takashi.

 

"What are you doing here?" Itsuki asked him as he sat up.

 

"I need to talk to you."

 

"I don't want to talk."

 

"Don't talk then. Just listen."

 

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

 

"Even if you don't want to, I'm still going to talk." Takashi took in a deep breath before letting it out. "I love you and I'm sorry. I never want to hurt you but sometimes you want to know things that are going to hurt you. I know the whole Tomo situation is a bit difficult but if I really want to be with him I could but am I? No because I want to be with you. I love you a lot and I'm tired of fighting so I'm here for us to talk. I want you to tell me what I have to do to make everything better since it seems like I'm always messing up."

 

"I'm not going to tell you anything because you should already know."

 

"With you I never know. It feels like everything I do wrong."

 

"Maybe because you always say the wrong things and always do the wrong thing."

 

"Okay, yeah, maybe I do say the wrong things and I try not to but you always drag things out of me I never want to say."

 

"So its my fault?"

 

"You're always asking me if I love him and even though you know the answer you want me to say it."

 

"Maybe I'm waiting for the day you say you don't but maybe that day will never come."

 

"One day it will but don't ask questions you won't like the answer to. I'm not sorry about it because I can't help how I feel but I don't want to hurt you."

 

"It's too late for that."

 

"I know but I'll try not to anymore."

 

"Okay."

 

Okay? Is that all he has to say?

 

Takashi knew they still had more to talk about but they were off to a good start.

 

"Are you still really mad?" Takashi asked.

 

"Of course I'm still mad but I'm about to make you really upset."

 

"What are you talking about?" Takashi's chest tightened up. He was scared. He didn't know where Itsuki was heading with this and by his tone it wasn't good.

 

Itsuki was quiet for a long time.

 

The silence and anticipation was killing Takashi. With each second that past the worse Takashi felt. He was certain that this time he fucked up and Itsuki was finally over his shit and didn't want anything else to do with him.

 

He wouldn't be surprised considering his luck.

 

"I love you and I never ever want to hurt you and I'm not trying to hurt you but when this tour is over I'm going to go back to my place for a bit. I'm not breaking up with you but I think we both need some space. I think we rushed things when we first got together and I didn't give you any time to get over Tomo or whatever but its just for a bit. Unless we both come to the conclusion that it should be permanent." Itsuki said.

 

"No. No, we don't need a break." Takashi's heart was breaking.

 

He came here with the invention to patch everything up so they could go back home and have everything go back to how it was. This was simply a small bump in the road they could go over and continue forward. He didn't want things to end here. Even though Itsuki says its only break, breaks tend to lead to breakups. Takashi was sure that throughout the break he's going to miss Itsuki more than ever and he's going to be miserable while Itsuki figures out that he's better off without him and he ends up leaving him and ends up finding someone else while Takashi dies of a broken heart because he has lost both Itsuki and Tomo.

 

"I don't like the idea but we both have some thinking to do. Like I said its not a break up. I love you but I don't think you love me." Itsuki said.

 

"Don't say that. I do love you. I love you. I love you so much."

 

Takashi wrapped his arms around Itsuki's neck and pressed his whole body against him.

 

He didn't like Itsuki saying that. He didn't want him to feel like that. It broke his heart some more knowing that he made Itsuki doubt his love.

 

"Takashi...."

 

"No. I love you so much. Give me a chance and ill prove it. I swear. We don't need a break." Takashi said with a breaking voice. Tears already streaming down his face. Takashi was desperate.

 

He felt everything around him fall apart and he couldn't let go of Itsuki. He was comfortable with him and the thought of losing him scared him. He was going to lose the only thing, the only person that has ever made him feel safe, comfortable.

 

"I've already made up my mind. You're not the only one hurting but its for the best. I love you." Itsuki said as he tightly hugged Takashi.

 

Itsuki didn't want to but he needed space from Takashi. Takashi needed space from him. Itsuki wanted Takashi but he was sure that Takashi didn't feel the same. Maybe he's going to regret coming to this decision but he didn't want to continue being in a relationship where he's going to be the only one who gets hurt. Maybe things become even better between them once Takashi realizes that he doesn't need Tomo. Maybe Takashi will realize that he needs Itsuki just as much as Itsuki needs him.

 

Takashi looked up at Itsuki.

 

"I'm sorry if I hurt you but i promise I wont do it again, just don't...."

 

"Takashi, I already made up my mind. We're going through with this. Things will work out in the end. I promise." Itsuki said before he gave Takashi a small reassuring smile.

 

Itsuki wasn't sure what the future holds but he wanted Takashi to calm down. He needed him to believe that everything was going to work out because if he didn't believe then Takashi wasn't going to try and everything is going to end up how its going now.

 

"I'm scared." Takashi said.

 

"Why?"

 

"You're going to realize you're better off without me."

 

"I won't. All of this is for you. I love you."

 

"I love you too." Takashi said before he kissed Itsuki.

 

 

 

He didn't want this to be the last time he gets to kiss him until who knows when. Maybe its the final kiss they'll ever share but Takashi wanted to make it last.

 

Takashi had a bad feeling about all of this but he knew that Itsuki wasn't going to change his mind. He's so set on his break and Takashi knew theres no way to change his mind once he's set on something. Itsuki is just too stubborn but that's what he loves about him.

 

Itsuki brought Takashi down onto the bed with him and let his hands travel all over Takashi's body.

 

Takashi was glad that Itsuki was going to give him a parting gift bit he was still upset. He just wasn't going to cry right now and ruin the mood. He was going to cry once he gets to his room, as long as Tomo wasn't there.

 

Takashi kept all of Itsuki's positivity in his head as he began to dread the future. He was sure that once he left the break would begin. He wondered if he could just sleep through it but knew he couldn't sleep for that long. He knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep.

 

 _Itsuki, I hope you're right._  
Takashi thought to himself before he drowned himself in the lust that was spreading in the room.

 

He wasn't going to think about anything right now except about Itsuki and him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no what have I done??   
> Sorry to all the people who like Takashi and Itsuki together.


	30. Chapter 30

 

A few days after tour Takashi found himself in his house alone. Itsuki has been gone for three days already but today felt even more lonely than usual. Takashi was just glad that he stopped with his crying. The first two days were really hard on him because he didn't see or hear from Itsuki. He spent three months with Itsuki seeing him almost everyday and hearing from him everyday to nothing. It was hard to get accustom to the emptiness again but he was able to do it but just because he got accustomed to it didn't mean that he likes it. Sadness was consuming him and all he has done is lay in bed. He hasn't talked to anyone and as much as he would like to, Tomo was no where. Well, technically he's with Sena and Takashi didn't want to interrupt that. He was just happy to see Tomo enjoying himself. He was sure that he was happy. At least something he wanted that he didn't really want was going right.

 

♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡♡♥♡♡♡

 

Tomo was out walking about with Sena as Sena ranted on about whatever this time. Tomo tuned him out already knowing he was just complaining about something or talking about himself. He knew that Sena knew he wasn't paying attention but that didn't stop him from talking. It just encouraged him to talk some more and Tomo didn't have the energy to tell him to shut up. If he did tell him to shut up it would just annoy Sena and Sena would just end up pestering him on saying something instead of leaving the conversation up to him, blaming his never-ending talking on him since he didn't want interact with him. To avoid all that Tomo just walked silently tuning him out. Maybe if Sena had something interesting to talk about then maybe Tomo would have something to say but he was too busy keeping Sena from getting killed or injured because once he gets in his talkative mood he doesn't pay attention to where he's walking or to the things around him.

 

"Do you want to get some ice cream?" Tomo asked.

 

"It's February."

 

"So?"

 

He just needed some silence even for a bit.

 

"You're crazy." Sena said shaking his head. Tomo simply smiled and gave him a small shrug.

 

He knew he was but there was nothing wrong with having an ice cream sometime in the winter. Sure it was cold and he was about to make himself even colder but it was fun and it tasted good.

 

"Suit yourself." Tomo said as he made his way to the ice cream shop with Sena following right behind him.

 

Tomo was about to arrive at the ice cream shop when he spotted Itsuki with someone who definitely wasn't Takashi. It was Makoto and Tomo would've paid no mind to it but then he saw something he wished he never saw but at the same time he was glad he did because once he saw them kiss he fought the urge to hit him and then run to Takashi to tell him but he couldn't let Itsuki see him.

 

"I changed my mind. It's pretty cold and I can't get sick." Tomo said as he looked over at Sena.

 

"Well, there's a cafe right here so why don't we get some drinks and sit inside."

 

"Sounds good."

 

Tomo let Sena take his hand and lead the way but every now and then Tomo would look back at where Itsuki was just to make sure that it is him and his eyes weren't playing tricks on him and every time he looked back it definitely was Itsuki.

 

Tomo couldn't believe what was going on and he didn't know what to do. well he knew he had to tell Takashi, it was his duty as his friend and he could break it to him right away but he didn't want to see Takashi cry or anything like that. He knew he was going to be devastated. Tomo has never been in this kind of situation so he was lost.

 

Tomo was so mad. He didn't understand why Itsuki would do something like this to Takashi. All Takashi has done is love him, he has done whatever Itsuki wanted him to do and he has remained faithful and this is how Itsuki repays him. Tomo knew Itsuki was scum but he didn't think he could he this scummy. He just felt so bad for Takashi because he knew how much he cares for Itsuki.

 

It made Itsuki wonder how long this has gone on for. Probably for a while and definitely throughout the tour. It made Tomo sick.

 

Sena eventually made his way back to Tomo with his coffee.

 

"They said its going to snow." Sena said.

 

Tomo knew it. Such events always lead to snow. The snow always brings him some sort of bad luck except this time it wasn't directed towards him, it was for Takashi and this is the inky time he wishes it was for him and not Takashi.

 

"I have to go back home." Tomo said.

 

"This isn't some weird snow superstition thing again right? You're crazy to believe that snow is some bad omen."

 

"It is a bad omen and I just have to get back."

 

"Fine. We'll go home. It's just snow."

 

Tomo knew that Sena wouldn't understand. No one would understand but Tomo has learn to dread the snow. Nothing good ever came from the snow. It's simply a sign telling him that something bad was going to happen yet there's nothing he could do to change it.

 

"I'm going back to my place. You're going to yours." Tomo said.

 

"What? Why?"

 

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you soon."

 

Sena groaned and Tomo gave him one small kiss on forehead before leaving.

 

He wasn't going back to his place. First he needed to talk to Takashi before Itsuki could make his way back to him and continue to play him a fool.

 

Takashi heard the doorbell ring and he quickly shot out of bed. He hoped that it was Itsuki at the door right now but he still had his key so Takashi had no idea why he would be ringing the bell. Unless he forgot it.

 

Takashi ran his fingers through his hair before he opened the door.

 

He was a bit disappointed to see that it wasn't Itsuki but he was really happy to see Tomo. Especially since Tomo brought food.

 

Takashi let Tomo enter.

 

"I'm so glad you're home." Tomo said.

 

"You could've called."

 

"Maybe I wanted to surprise you."

 

Takashi smiled slightly.

 

"Well, consider me surprised."

 

Tomo was the last person Takashi expected to show up at his doorstep. He's surprised that Tomo even remembered him considering all he's done is spend time with Sena. Takashi wondered why he was here.

 

Tomo walked to the table and put down the pizza he brought.

 

Tomo didn't know how to break it to him so he figured why not break the news over some food. Pizza to be exact. At least then Takashi could cry and eat at the same time.

 

"I need to tell you something." Tomo said as he pulled out a chair for Takashi to sit down.

 

Takashi reluctantly sat down.

 

Why was he not surprised?

 

Tomo has neglected him for a few days and now he shows up with what Takashi expects as bad news. With Tomo it was rare to hear any good news. At least Tomo has learned how to break news gently since he brought food instead of just laying it on him.

 

Takashi figured that the news was about him and Sena. He was positive that Tomo wanted something to do with Sena and he was here to tell Takashi that.

 

"Is it bad?" Takashi asked before he grabbed a slice of pizza. He wasn't that hungry but he hasn't eaten all day. He's been sleeping all day but he didn't plan on it. Somewhere along the way he just doze off.

 

"Yes." Tomo said.

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"How bad?" He asked.

 

"I believe its going to be very bad but I kind of hope it isn't."

 

Takashi felt his appetite diminish.

 

_Very bad?_

 

He dreaded this.

 

"Okay, just tell me." Takashi said.

 

There was no way to prepare for this but things are already really bad for him. It's not like there's anything else out there that could crush him some more. He's already hurting over Itsuki. Nothing could compare to that pain right now.

 

"Earlier I was out and I saw Itsuki but he wasn't alone, he was with Makoto and I didn't really pay any mind to it but then I saw them kiss." Tomo said.

 

Tomo was watching Takashi the whole time and he could see him start to get upset. Whatever small smile he had completely disappeared.

 

Takashi felt sick hearing Tomo say that.

 

He couldn't believe it.

 

"Are you sure it was him?" Takashi asked.

 

"It definitely was him and it definitely was Makoto. I'm sorry."

 

Takashi didn't know how to respond. How to act. His heart completely shattered and he felt numb. He didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't believe it.

 

_If he wanted to be with Makoto why didn't he break things off?_

_Why did he say he wants a break?_

_Why hold onto me?_

_Is it even considered cheating?_

 

They were on a break but Takashi didn't know how a break worked. Were they both single but still in a relationship? Itsuki didn't mention anything about seeing another people.

 

_Why Makoto out of all people?_

 

Tomo waited for Takashi to say something but he remained silent as he looked at his pizza.

 

Takashi's head began to hurt along with his stomach and chest.

 

He got up and headed into his room to lay down.

 

He couldn't believe what was going on.

 

He never saw this happening.

 

Itsuki always told him that he loves him and that he was the one for him, no one else and he goes and does something like this. It made Takashi sick thinking about how long its been going on. He felt so stupid to believe in happily ever after. Both Makoto and Itsuki must've looked at him like he was an idiot and he was.

 

Even if it isn't considered cheating right now it still ruined the chances of them getting back together and continue their relationship. Takashi never wanted this break but he was now sure that Itsuki had other motives behind it.

 

Takashi felt some tears run down his face.

 

He felt dumb for crying but he was hurting inside. Everything was starting to make sense. He never thought much about them spending time together but now it was clear why. He felt dumb for believing that Itsuki didn't like Makoto like that. He felt dumb because he was. There must've been countless times where Makoto looked at him and thought how pathetic he must be for not realizing any time sooner. Both Itsuki and Makoto played him.

 

Takashi only wanted to make things better in his relationship with Itsuki but that was over with. Takashi didn't want anything else to do with Itsuki but Takashi couldn't help but to feel that this was somehow karma. Is this somehow karma catching up with him? Is this happening to make him feel how Itsuki felt when he kissed Tomo?

 

Tomo entered Takashi's room and he hugged Takashi as Takashi quietly cried into his chest.

 

Tomo was hurting seeing Takashi like this.

 

He wanted to hurt Itsuki.

 

Tomo figured he was probably overstepping right now but he needed to comfort Takashi. Before Tomo didn't care about comforting but he's learned how to and Takashi deserved it. He would be a shitty friend if he didn't come to his aid.

 

"I don't even know why I'm crying this much." Takashi said after a while as he wiped his eyes but he still kept his face buried into Tomo. He felt so warm and comfortable right now.

 

"Its okay to cry. It's not everyday you learn your boyfriend is an actual piece of shit." Tomo said.

 

"Technically he's not even my boyfriend. I think. We're on a break and I don't even think what he did is considered cheating."

 

"You guys are on a break? Since when?"

 

"It's been about four days."

 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"You're never around and I shouldn't bother you with it."

 

"But I'm your friend. You could've told me. Is that why you've been so down lately?"

 

"A bit, yeah."

 

Tomo shook his head.

 

He couldn't believe that Takashi didn't tell him but at the same time Tomo didn't see him as much as he would like to. He's been too busy trying to grant Takashis wish and it was coming true but Tomo still didn't want anything to do with Sena that wasn't strictly friend stuff. Even though lately they were beyond strictly friend stuff but still there was no actual feelings behind anything. He never wanted anything to do with Sena again but he just had to go ahead and listen to Takashi.

 

'Well the bad news is that its not considered cheating so he could continue doing what he's doing." Tomo said.

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"I don't get why he wanted a break if he was simply going to get together with Makoto and we never end up getting back together. He should've broken up with me. At least then I wouldn't be hurting so much." Takashi said.

 

Even if it isn't considered cheating it still felt like he was cheated on. Takashi had this high expectation that Itsuki was going to come back to him in a few days and they would work past their problems but now Takashi wasn't sure that they're ever getting back together. To Takashi it felt like things were over forever.

 

"Maybe its nothing serious." Tomo said.

 

He just wanted Takashi to feel better even if that meant saying things that Takashi would like to hear even though its probably not the truth.

 

"What if it is serious?" Takashi asked.

 

"Would it be so bad?"

 

"I love him."

 

Tomo didn't want to hear that right now but he asked.

 

Tomo sighed slightly.

 

"But you could live without him." Tomo said.

 

"I-I don't know."

 

Takashi tried to imagine not having Itsuki in his life. Takashi didn't know if it was possible to not have him by his side. Having Itsuki by his side as he went through everything meant a lot to him and Itsuki gave him the strength to continue forward while life was hitting him like a freight train. Itsuki was there to hold his hand and show him the way and he wasn't ready to let go of him so easily.

 

Tomo couldn't believe what he was hearing. He tried so hard not to scoff since he didn't want to offend Takashi even though he was sounding like an idiot but Tomo knew he was too sensitive for that right now.

 

"Even if he doesn't come back. I know you'll be okay. You have friends. You have me." Tomo said.

 

"Not when you're spending all your time with Sena."

 

"Then I won't spend any time with him. I only did that for you but...."

 

"You didn't do it for me. You did it for you too. You can't tell me that things aren't good between the two of you."

 

"They are good...."

 

"Then don't worry about me. Just because Itsuki and I might not work out, its not certain that it isn't but you should continue with Sena."

 

"You know I only love you."

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"Can we not talk about that right now?" Takashi asked as he pulled away from Tomo's arms.

 

All of a sudden everything felt awkward to Takashi. He didn't like being that close to Tomo.

 

Tomo felt mad that Takashi was shutting him out but he wasn't going to fight him on it. He figured he was already going through a tough time and he didn't want to make things worse.

 

"Well just be glad he did it when you guys are on a break and not five months from now behind your back." Tomo said trying to make Takashi feel better but he didn't think he was doing any good. Maybe he shouldn't have said that but Tomo didn't know what to say or do. he's never had to do something like this before.

 

"If he did do it behind my back but told me I wouldn't break up." Takashi said.

 

"Are you serious right now? Are you okay?"

 

Tomo didn't know why Takashi was saying all these stupid unreasonable things. He couldn't believe that Takashi actually thinks like that.

 

_Is he desperate?_

_Does he really need Itsuki this much?_

 

"All I'm saying is that if he was able to give me another chance then I could do the same." Takashi said.

 

"Even if whatever they have going on has been going on for a while?"

 

Tomo had no idea how long they could've been seeing one another and maybe it was recent but he wasn't so sure. He had a bad feeling about everything and he couldn't help but to feel that they've been together behind Takashi's back but Takashi is here acting like everything is okay when thugs clearly aren't. Tomo just summed it all up to him hurting and not thinking clearly because of that.

 

"We're not sure about that and I just want to keep an open mind. Maybe they were just curious and since we're not together they decided to give it a chance and maybe they'll realize they're better off as friends and Itsuki will come back to me and we can work things through." Takashi said.

 

"Wow. You sound so crazy right now."

 

"I'm not crazy."

 

"Okay, you're not crazy. You're just stupid."

 

"You know what? I'm tired. Why don't you just leave."

 

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you stupid...."

 

"But you did." Takashi said angrily as he cut Tomo off.

 

Takashi didn't want Tomo here if he was only going to insult him right now. Tomo didn't know what it was like to get broken up with and have your expectations crushed. He didn't know what it was like to have your heart broken by someone you love. Takashi didn't have time to hear his opinions when he himself has never gone through something like this. No one has broken Tomo's heart because Tomo does all the heart breaking around here.

 

Even though Tomo did mean it, he meant to keep it in his head since he didn't want to make him mad or have Takashi push him away right now. Tomo wanted to prove that he too could be supportive and be there for Takashi in his time of need.

 

"I did and I'm sorry. I don't want to fight and I'm here for you but I know you're hurting and you're saying things you probably don't mean and you'll be okay. You don't need Itsuki. Or anyone else." Tomo said.

 

"You don't know what I need. You don't know anything." Takashi said.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

Tomo didn't know why Takashi was so mad at him. He didn't do anything but he figured maybe nothing was his fault. He figured that Takashi was mad at Itsuki and since Itsuki isn't here Tomo is taking all the heat. He tried not to keep whatever Takashi is saying st heart but it was hard not to. He was trying his best with Takashi but it didn't seem like it was enough or even working.

 

"Why don't you just go back to Sena? I'm really tired and I just want to be alone." Takashi said as turned around on his side facing away from Tomo.

 

Takashi's eyes felt heavy and his head was hurting and he didn't know how to feel right now. A million emotions were running through him and he was feeling drained. All of this was too much for him.

 

"Fine. If you need anything I'm here for you. Just call me, okay?" Tomo said.

 

Tomo waited for Takashi to say something but he never did. He just remained silent. Never looking at him again.

 

"Well, I'm going now. Good night. Sleep well and don't overthink anything." Tomo said before he left Takashi's room and made his way to the front door.

 

Tomo made sure to lock the door behind him.

 

He felt bad that he couldn't help Takashi some more and he felt that he just made things worse. He left things on a bad note with Takashi but he was going to try again. He figured that he just needed to give Takashi space to process everything. Once Takashi is ready he was sure that he was going to come to him and they'll talk through it. 


	31. Chapter 31

 

 

Tomo hasn't talked to Takashi in days ever since he told him about Itsuki and Tomo was beginning to get worried. Sena told him not to worry but he couldn't help it when he learned that Yusuke also hadn't heard anything from Takashi. Tomo didn't pay much mind when Takashi didn't contact him but he figured it was because he needed space still but for Takashi to not talk to Yusuke meant that something was up.

 

Tomo went to Takashi's place and rang the doorbell but no one ever answered and he was beginning to freak out so he tried calling him but of course he didn't answer. Tomo was losing his mind and he was thinking of places he could be at if he wasn't home but it was late at night so half the places were no good.

 

Tomo kept trying Takashi's phone as he made his way to the bar closest to where he lives.

 

Tomo was going to go to all the bars he knows Takashi goes to and he's going to hope that he's at least in one of them. If he's not then Tomo doesn't know what he's going to do.

 

Tomo decided to send Itsuki a quick message when Takashi wasn't in the second bar he went to. He figured that if Takashi wasn't at a bar then he could be with Itsuki.

 

**Tomo: Is Takashi with you by any chance?**

 

Tomo hated having to talk to Itsuki and even though he wasn't hearing his voice he still hated it but hating Itsuki was the least thing he was going to worry about. Even though he hated the idea of Takashi possibly being with him, Tomo would feel better knowing he was there rather than somewhere else, possibly missing.

 

**Itsuki: No, why?**

 

Tomo debated if he should tell Itsuki but he figured that Takashi just wanted some alone time away from everyone which is why he hasn't talked to anyone so he figured it was best to not freak people out. He was sure that Takashi was okay.

 

**Tomo: Just wondering.**

 

With that Tomo continued on to the next bar.

 

Tomo eventually found Takashi in a bar but there was some stranger leaning way too close to Takashi and that wasn't sitting well with Tomo. Tomo was already mad at Takashi so this angered him some more but he was happy to see that Takashi was alive.

 

Tomo approached Takashi who didn't even notice him.

 

"Come on, Takashi, we're going home." Tomo said.

 

"Oh, hey, Tomo." Takashi said without moving.

 

"Let's go." Tomo said sternly. He wasn't in the mood to deal with this.

 

"Why don't you come with me?" The stranger all over Takashi suggested to Takashi.

 

"He's not going anywhere with you." Tomo said as he stood even closer to Takashi.

 

He grabbed Takashi's coat and helped him out of his seat.

 

"Sorry." Takashi said to the stranger before Tomo pulled him away. "You didn't have to be so rude." Takashi said as he pulled his arm out of Tomo's grip and snatched his coat out of his hand.

 

"You don't have to be a complete ass." Tomo said.

 

Takashi scoffed putting on his coat as the cold winter air hit him.

 

"How am I an ass? I was here enjoying myself and you come by ordering me around like you own me or something but I don't belong to you. I don't belong to anyone." Takashi said.

 

"If you answered your damn phone I wouldn't be here."

 

"Right because you would be too busy with Sena."

 

"Not really but what would be the problem? You told me to give him a chance or whatever and you told me you weren't going to get mad."

 

"I'm not mad."

 

"Obviously you are."

 

"Fine, I am mad, happy?"

 

"Why?"

 

Takashi was so mad right now but he didn't want to flip out in public. He knew he needed to calm down so he continued to walk towards his apartment in silence. He didn't want to see Tomo right now very less talk to him.

 

Tomo was surprised by how far and fast Takashi was walking, he was having trouble keeping up with him, he was practically jogging so he could keep up.

 

"Takashi, hold up." Tomo said but Takashi just ignored him.

 

Tomo didn't understand why he was so mad. Tomo is the one who's supposed to be really mad. He spent a good amount of time searching for him everywhere. Takashi stressed him out today and Tomo was sure that he was going to die from all the worry.

 

"Takashi!" Tomo said a little louder, completely annoyed.

 

Once again he was ignored.

 

_What's his problem?_

 

Tomo grabbed Takashi's arm to stop him from walking away.

 

"Leave me alone." Takashi said sternly as he forcefully pulled his arm out of Tomo's grip.

 

"Why are you upset? I should be upset!" Tomo said as he stopped Takashi once again.

 

"Why should you be upset?"

 

"Maybe not upset but I will admit that I was a bit mad but only because I was worried about you."

 

"Well, don't worry about me anymore. I'm not your problem." Takashi said before he once again escaped from Tomo's grip and continued to make his way home.

 

"I care about you so I worry. You have no idea how scared I was when no one has heard from you and you wouldn't pick up the phone. I was so worried that I even contacted Itsuki. Itsuki!" Tomo said as he tried to walk beside Takashi since there was no point I'm getting him to stop and talk.

 

Takashi tried to ignore the pain he felt in his chest when Tomo mentioned Itsuki's name.

 

"Well, you didn't die." Takashi said.

 

"Thankfully but you don't seem to understand how worried I was."

 

"It's not my fault."

 

"It is your fault. I didn't know what happened to you, I didn't know how you were feeling after I told you about Itsuki. I didn't know what was running through your mind so I didn't know what to think when you didn't answer."

 

"You would know how I felt if you called me the next day but you don't care enough for that. You don't care anymore now that you have someone. No one cares."

 

Tomo scoffed.

 

That was one of the most dumbest things he heard and he was hurt that Takashi thought that way about him.

 

"When you didn't call I thought you wanted your space to think or whatever. I don't know what you want! I'm always there for you but you push me away and the one time I think I'm doing the correct thing, I'm not. You wanted me to give Sena a chance and I kind of did but now you're mad about that. I didn't even want him. I still don't want him." Tomo said.

 

"If you didn't want him you wouldn't spend all your nights with him doing whatever."

 

"I don't spend all my nights with him. I hardly do. We're only friends, honestly."

 

"With benefits."

 

"Only in the beginning. We're only friends and he knows that. I haven't slept with him in weeks and I'm not planning to."

 

Takashi didn't know what to say. He felt a bit embarrassed. He didn't mean to flip out like that but lately he didn't know what to think. Everything felt like it was a lie. He was so hurt and is still hurting because of Itsuki. He knew he shouldn't have taken it out on Tomo but he didn't want to be played a fool again.

 

He didn't know what Tomo wanted and what his intentions are. Takashi didn't want to get hurt again. He didn't want to be vulnerable anymore. He just had his heart played by someone who he thought loved him. Tomo told him he loves him but whats the difference between his love towards him and Itsuki's love towards him?

 

Itsuki told him countless times that he loves him and would never leave him. Even when Itsuki wanted a break he told him he wasn't going to find anyone else but that was a lie since he's out in public kissing Makoto and who knows what else. It didn't even take him long to move on which gets to Takashi.

 

_Am I really that replaceable?_  
Takashi thought to himself.

 

Takashi felt tears well up in his eyes.

 

He hated this. He couldn't stop the tears and they always come randomly. Sometimes he'll be out walking by himself getting something to eat and some memory he has with Itsuki will pop up in his head and he'll start to cry but he'll cry for a while as he forces himself to stop and he'll eventually stop but not even ten minutes and he's crying again.

 

This is the second time he's ever felt this kind of heartache. The first was with Tomo and he told himself he never wanted to feel it again so he spent so much time trying to avoid it from happening again but clearly he was focusing on the wrong person.

 

Deep down he knew Itsuki was going to get fed up but he believed every word that came out of Itsuki's mouth so he was sure that it was never going to happen.

 

Takashi began to wonder if Itsuki even truly loved him. He began to wonder if everything he ever said was a lie. He began to wonder if he only got with him to get his mind off Tomo.

 

Takashi secretly wiped his eyes before they made it to his apartment complex.

 

_Okay, stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him._  
Takashi though to himself the whole way to his door.

 

He couldn't cry over Itsuki in front of Tomo. He didn't want Tomo to see him so weak. So broken. He tried to be strong but it was so hard. His heart is aching and the only thing he feels is pain and sadness.

 

Takashi entered into his apartment and waited for Tomo to do the same but he just stood outside awkwardly.

 

"Are you coming in or not?" Takashi asked Tomo.

 

"Do you want company?"

 

Takashi shrugged.

 

"It doesn't matter but you're already here so why not." Takashi said.

 

Tomo smiled slightly before he entered, closing the door behind him.

 

He was sure that this was Takashi's way of saying stay. If Takashi didn't want him here right now he had no problem telling him to go away. Takashi has turned him away multiple times.

 

Tomo took off his boots that were wet of snow before he sat down on Takashi's couch.

 

Tomo sat in silence as Takashi disappeared to somewhere in his apartment.

 

It was painfully silent and there was a sense of dread in the air. It felt uncomfortable.

 

From what Tomo could see it also didn't look the same. Normally there's clutter from all of Itsuki's things but it wad really clean with nothing in sight. As if no one has been sitting here.

 

After a while Takashi joined him on the couch. He changed into some pajama bottoms and a random shirt.

 

"I was starting to think you ditched me." Tomo said as he smiled slightly.

 

"I was going to but I was bored."

 

Tomo could see Takashi smile but Tomo could see the sadness in his glassy eyes. Tomo knew hes been crying.

 

"How are you?" Tomo asked.

 

"Fine."

 

"No. How are you, honestly?"

 

Tomo needed to know how Takashi was truly feeling. He knew something was wrong but he didn't know what.

 

"I feel like shit honestly. Everything sucks." Takashi said.

 

And all I want to do is cry.

 

"Because of Itsuki?" Tomo asked.

 

"Because of Itsuki. Because of you."

 

"Me? Why me? What did I do?"

 

Tomo didn't know how he made Takashi feel like this. All of this should be because of Itsuki ans only Itsuki. Tomo never did anything to hurt his feelings or make him feel a certain way. Tomo was a bit upset that Takashi said he was feeling a certain way because of him but Tomo wanted to know why. He wanted to understand so he could avoid it in the future because he didn't want him to feel shitty.

 

"You should've called." Takashi said softly. His voice threatening to break. He didn't want to cry but he couldn't help it. He was feeling sad and heartbroken and the tears just randomly come and it was hard to stop them.

 

'I didn't call because I thought you wanted space. I thought that if you wanted to talk or needed someone to talk to then you would've called me. I told you to call me if you needed anything." Tomo said.

 

"You still could've called or something."

 

"You were angry with me so I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

 

"You're the one who made me angry."

 

"You were the one being dumb but I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you mad."

 

Takashi sighed.

 

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have taken out my anger on you." He said.

 

Takashi felt better knowing that Tomo wasn't intentionally ignoring him.

 

"It's fine, honestly. I'm still trying to get better at this whole being a caring friend thing and I know it wasn't wasn't easy hearing about Itsuki." Tomo said.

 

Takashi's heart tightened hearing Itsuki's name. 

 

Takashi let out a soft sigh. Feeling his eyes well up with tears.

 

He avoided eye contact with Tomo.

 

"It still isn't but let's not talk about him. Please." Takashi said.

 

"Okay. So what's up with that guy at the bar?"

 

"Just talking."

 

"Well, it seems like he wanted to do more than talk. You could've at least gone for someone around your age. Not someone who could basically be your grandfather."

 

Takashi rolled his eyes but cracked a small smiled.

 

"Shut up. He wasn't _that_ old." Takashi said.

 

"I swear I saw some wrinkles and grey hair."

 

"Stop lying!"

 

"I swear. I did you a huge favor saving you from that guy."

 

Takashi laughed a bit.

 

"Well, thank you and I'm sorry for all the trouble." Takashi said as he looked over at Tomo who was already watching him.

 

Tomo gave him a small smile. He wasn't angry anymore. He was just relieved that Takashi was okay and talking to him.

 

"The only thing I ask from you is to never do that again. Oh and to call Yusuke when you get the chance." Tomo said.

 

"He's going to yell at me."

 

"You deserve it."

 

"Thanks a lot." Takashi said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

 

Takashi was in a better mood. He was glad to have Tomo here with him right now and he really missed having company.

 

Takashi didn't mean to push everyone away but he hasn't been in the mood to talk to anyone. He's mostly spent his days crying, sleeping, or trying to compose music but it was hard to concentrate when all he could think about was Itsuki and how much his heart hurts.

 

"It's getting late though and I'm sure Sena wants you back." Takashi said.

 

"Like I said before Sena and I are only friends, honestly."

 

"What happened?"

 

Tomo shrugged slightly.

 

"I don't know. I guess we just figured we're better off as friends." Tomo said.

 

Tomo and Sena both came to the conclusion that they are better off as friends since Sena noticed that Tomo was still occupied with Takashi. It wasn't fair to Sena but Sena understood that there was nothing he could do to make him feel differently. Tomo know how Sena truly feels about him and he does feel bad that he couldn't return the same feelings but Sena deserves better than him because Sena is a great guy and he deserves love. Sadly Tomo can't be that one to give him that because all his love is meant for Takashi and only Takashi. He wishes he could return those same feelings because he doesn't want to hurt Sena but there's no way he could change how he feels. He has never thought of Sena as a longtime partner or even thought of something long term with him and it sucks that he had to crush Sena's hope of being with him but Tomo knew Sena would be okay. He is okay. Sena would soon realize that Tomo isn't the guy he wants or needs.

 

"The both of you or just you?" Takashi asked.

 

"It was a mutual decision."

 

"Huh, I thought it was going to work out between the both of you."

 

Takashi thought things were going great but lately he hasn't kept tabs on them since he's been wrapped up with his sadness.

 

"I've always known that Sena wasn't going to be more than my friend but now you have to stop trying to set me up with others. I'm content with being alone for now." Tomo said.

 

Tomo has always been content with being alone and he would rather be alone than be with someone who wasn't Takashi.

 

"Okay, I won't play matchmaker anymore." Takashi said.

 

_Especially since I can't even pick out the right guys for myself._ Takashi thought to himself.

 

"Good. You really suck at it." Tomo said.

 

"Hey, I tried my best. It's not my fault you're so difficult and picky."

 

"I'm not desperate so I have standards."

 

"With your standards no one is good enough then.:

 

_Except for you._ Tomo thought to himself but of course he wasn't going to say that to Takashi. He didn't want to shamelessly flirt with a broken Takashi right now. It didn't seem right.

 

"Well, then I guess I'm going to be alone forever." Tomo said.

 

"Is that what you really want?"

 

"If it happens it happens and I would be okay with that. I've always been alone so I'm used to it. I also doubt I'm missing out on much."

 

Takashi felt a bit sad on the inside. He was really use to Tomo proclaiming his love for him but lately he hasn't heard it as much as he used to. Hearing Tomo speak like that hurt a bit. He wondered if Tomo has finally had enough of him and didn't want a relationship with him anymore. Takashi didn't even know why he was thinking about relationships right now when he's dealing with a broken heart. Relationships should be the last thing on his mind. He never wants to go through this again. Takashi honestly thought all of this was karma. Karma for all the hearts he has broken once he got bored of them. Maybe he had this coming and suddenly he felt bad for being so cruel to the others.

 

He didn't want to deal with love anymore.

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

Tomo was wide awake laying on Takashi's bed as Takashi laid next to him still sleeping. Last night they retreated into Takashi's room to watch a movie but they both ignored it and simply talked. They talked about a lot of things and along the way Takashi would cry. When he cried he would laugh and say that he doesn't know why he's crying. Tomo honestly thought Takashi was going crazy but he figured he was probably crying because of Itsuki. Tomo knew what it was like to have your heart crushed but it didn't seem to come close to how Takashi was feeling. Tomo didn't know how much Takashi was hurting until he cried and laughed for the 5th time that night at just random things. In all honesty Takashi was a complete wreck. Tomo didn't like to see him like that and he wished he could take all his pain away but all he could do was hug him until he stopped crying.

 

Tomo was watching Takashi sleep so peacefully and he wondered how Takashi could hold all that sadness inside. Who knows how sad he really is. It made Tomo sad to think about how sad he might actually really be and he felt even more bad for not talking to Takashi for days. Maybe there was something he could've done before it got like this.

 

Tomo heard the front door close. He didn't know who could have the keys to Takashi's apartment.

 

Does he have some roommate I don't know about? Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo silently got out of bed and went to see who it was but once he made it out of Takashi's room he ran into Itsuki.

 

He has some never coming here. Tomo thought to himself.

 

Tomo was surprised but confused as to why he was there and why he still had the keys to Takashi's place.

 

Itsuki was just as surprised as Tomo. Itsuki wondered why Tomo was there and why he was coming out of Takashi's room and he didn't like where his mind was heading.

 

Both Itsuki and Tomo stood there just staring at one another in silence.

 

"What are you doing here?" Tomo asked him after a while.

 

Tomo needed answers and he didn't want Itsuki to go anywhere near Takashi.

 

"I came to see Takashi." Itsuki said as he tried to make his way around Tomo but Tomo blocked his way. Itsuki was getting annoyed.

 

"I don't think he wants to see you." Tomo said.

 

"He can tell me himself if he doesn't want to see me now get out of my way."

 

Tomo held his ground.

 

_Who does he think he is?_ Tomo thought to himself.

 

"He's sleeping so you should leave." Tomo said.

 

"I'll wait for him to wake up."

 

"Suit yourself." With that being said Tomo headed back into Takashi's room, closed the door behind him, and laid back down next to Takashi.

 

 

Itsuki wasn't going to take any shit from Tomo so Itsuki opened the door.

 

"What are you doing? Get out!" Tomo yelled.

 

Takashi stirred.

 

Tomo didn't want Takashi to wake up but maybe it was best for him to get up and tell Itsuki to leave. Tomo didn't want to get in a fight with Itsuki but if it came down to it then he would.

 

"Why the hell are you...." Takashi's voice trailed off and he felt himself stop breathing when he saw Itsuki standing at his doorway.

 

Takashi didn't know whether Itsuki got hotter or he just didn't realize how hot he was before.

 

Takashi quickly sat up and ran his hand through his hair hoping he didn't look ugly.

 

_Stop. You don't want him anymore._ Takashi thought to himself.

_But I do._

_No, you don't. He doesn't deserve you._

 

"What are you doing here?" Takashi asked a bit harshly.

 

"I came to see you. I needed to know if you were okay. Tomo messaging me last night asking about you made me worry." Itsuki said.

 

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm not your problem anymore."

 

Itsuki looked at Tomo then back at Takashi. He didn't want to talk to Takashi in front of Tomo because it was private but if he wasn't going to leave then he had no problem saying what he needs to say.

 

"Can we talk alone? Just you and I?" Itsuki asked Takashi.

 

Takashi thought about it for a bit before letting out a sigh and turned his attention to Tomo who was looking at him worriedly.

 

"Can you give us like ten minutes, please?" Takashi said to Tomo.

 

Tomo was hesitant but he agreed. He gave Takashi a small smile before he left and he shot Itsuki a look as he headed out the door.

 

Tomo just hoped that Takashi was going to be okay. That he was going to have the strength to push Itsuki away. Itsuki doesn't deserve him and he hoped that Takashi knew that.

 

Itsuki sat down on the edge of the bed giving some distance between Takashi and him.

 

"So you and Tomo?" Itsuki said.

 

"So you and Makoto?"

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"I'm not dumb so don't treat me like I am. I know all about you and Makoto."

 

"What about Makoto and I?"

 

"You guys are together. I know you've kissed and I know that we broke up or whatever but I now feel that it's probably been going on for a while."

 

"We didn't break up it was a break."

 

"It's literally the same thing since we're not together."

 

"I like to think that we still are but obviously you move on fast."

 

"But we're not and if you actually thought like that you wouldn't be kissing Makoto!"

 

"I didn't kiss him. He kissed me."

 

"You probably enjoyed it."

 

"He doesn't taste the same way as you do. I love you and I came here to see if we could fix things but from the looks of things I doubt that's happening."

 

"From the looks of what?"

 

"Tomo's here and you guys were here alone together."

 

Takashi sighed.

 

_I guess with even some time apart nothing has truly changed._ Takashi thought to himself.

 

"It's not like that. He kept me company last night because I was wreck." Takashi said.

 

"What happened? Are you okay?"

 

"No, I'm not okay. It really hurt knowing you and Makoto kissed and who knows what else."

 

"Now you know how I felt when you told me you and Tomo kissed."

 

"Did you like it though?"

 

Itsuki was silent for a bit and the silence was enough to assure him that yes he did enjoy it.

 

"A bit, yes." Itsuki said after a while.

 

Takashi was breaking some more inside but he was a bit glad that Itsuki was being truthful.

 

"Do you like him... more than just a friend?" Takashi's voice was getting caught up in his throat so it came out like a soft whisper.

 

"Yeah... a bit." Itsuki said after what seemed like an eternity.

 

"What do you want to do then?" Takashi asked him.

 

Takashi didn't know how to feel. Sure he was heartbroken but he didn't want to hold Itsuki back.

 

_What if Makoto is good for him?_

_What if we were only meant to be friends?_

_I don't want to hold him back and he deserves someone who will truly love him and only him._

 

Sure Takashi loves him but he could never give his all to Itsuki. As much as he hates to admit it, his heart still belongs to Tomo and he doubts that would ever change.

 

"Despite everything I still love you so much and I know we have a lot of problems but we can fix that. We're good together, just give us another chance. An actual chance." Itsuki said his voice pleading for Takashi to understand and hopefully take him back.

 

"Itsuki, you know I love you but I don't think we should be together...."

 

"Is this because of the Makoto thing? I never wanted to hurt you." Itsuki said cutting Takashi off.

 

"Lets say that that never happened, I could never love you the same way you love me. I love you but I can't give you all of me and that's not fair. You could have something really real with someone else."

 

"So it's because of him?"

 

"If you're talking about Tomo then yes. As much as we would like to deny it it's always been him and I will forever be grateful for all you've done but I think it's best for us to go our separate ways."

 

Takashi began to tear up a bit. He felt pathetic because he was the one doing the official breaking up. He shouldn't be allowed to cry but he's been through some stuff with Itsuki that made them powerful. They did have something that was real and sincere and he was just sad that it didn't work out like they both planned. Takashi had hopes that he could get over Tomo and love Itsuki who has been with him through everything. Itsuki was his best friend and definitely one of the best boyfriends he's ever had and he just couldn't get over Tomo.

 

 

Itsuki sighed.

 

"I see. You're my first true love so I will always love you. I hope he treats you well." With that Itsuki gave Takashi a small kiss on his cheek before he left.

 

Itsuki's heart completely shattered.

 

He loves someone who loves someone else and it was the worst feeling ever. He was stupid to ever believe that Takashi could love him more than Tomo. All he ever did was give Takashi his all and it wasn't good enough.

 

Itsuki left the spare key on the table and headed out the door without ever looking over at Tomo.

 

Itsuki wasn't a bad guy so deep down he actually hoped that things could work out for Takashi and Tomo. He still hated Tomo but Takashi loves him so he was willing to not hate him as much. He only wants Takashi to be happy. That's all he ever wanted.

 

_Maybe in another life we could be happy together...._

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow 4 new chapters?? This is the final chapter!!! Hopefully you enjoy it. It kind of short.

 

A year has passed and Takashi and Tomo were still only friends. Takashi was tired of them just being friends but it was best if they had a stable friendship before jumping into something serious. Or maybe it was because they were both too scared to just jump it. With every month that passes Takashi grows a bit more impatient but he knew Tomo needed to be ready. Takashi couldn't be selfish but he wished Tomo would just hurry up. They haven't even kissed since that one time they were at Takashi's while Takashi was dating Itsuki.

 

Itsuki was back to being Takashi's friend. It was a bit weird seeing him around at first but after a while they both came to the conclusion that they couldn't avoid one another forever and once upon a time they actually had a decent friendship that wasn't worth destroying. They both are really mature about the situation and like the great friend Itsuki is he keeps encouraging him to not give up on Tomo. Not yet anyways.

 

It was snowing and Takashi and Tomo were currently walking back to Takashi's place hand-in-hand.

 

"Did I ever tell you why I dislike the snow so much?" Tomo asked Takashi out of the blue.

 

"No."

 

Takashi has always wondered but he figured it was because of something difficult so he's never forced it out of him.

 

Tomo has this weird superstition when it comes to snow. He always says something bad is going to happen and supposedly it always does.

 

"One wintry day, a long time ago when I was about 10 I sneaked off to meet a friend of mine at a park. He was grounded at the time but I forced him to come. I waited for him for hours until it got really late and I just assumed that he stood me up until the next day I was told that he actually died. I blamed myself because if it wasn't for me he would've never left his house. The weird thing was that around the time he died it began to snow and I had a bad feeling but I ignored it. Ever since then when it snows and I get a bad feelings I feel like it's him giving me a warning."

 

Takashi hugged Tomo tightly and he held back tears. He never knew this and it broke his heart hearing something to sad. He felt bad for ever thinking Tomo was crazy for having a superstition.

 

"I'm so sorry." Takashi said.

 

Tomo held him really close.

 

"I don't beat myself up about it as much as I used to but I still miss him. After all he was my first friend." Tomo said.

 

"I can only imagine what you're feeling but even then I doubt it comes close."

 

Takashi looked up at Tomo.

 

"The only reason I brought that up right now is because it's snowing and I have no idea what I'm feeling inside right now but it made me think about how short life is. Anything could happen and I don't want to regret anything. I've messed up in the past when it comes to you but I don't want to mess up anymore because I love you. I've always loved you therefore I'm ready. I want you to be my boyfriend, if you still want to be."

 

Takashi felt his heart skip a few beat and tried his best to not break into tears but he was really happy.

 

Takashi stood on his toes and gave Tomo a kiss.

 

"Yes, I still want to be your boyfriend." Takashi said before he went back to kissing him.

 

Tomo was glad that Takashi said yes so quickly. He knew Takashi has been waiting for a while but Tomo needed to be beyond sure. He didn't know how he would handle losing someone that meant so much to him again.

 

"I love you, Takashi."

 

"I love you too, Tomo. I always have and always will."

 

Tomo smiled and kissed Takashi fiercely once again.

 

Maybe the snow isn't that and after all...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's the end. It took me forever to finish but I did it. Wow, it's been crazy and hopefully you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing. Sorry for such a lame title though, I had plans for this fic when I first began to write but along the way I got side-tracked lol but thank you so much for reading!!


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